Stupid things non-musicians say to us

[thalberg]

This topic is for all those who go to parties and family gatherings and are faced with really stupid questions and comments from non-musicians.  It's not intended to look down on others-- I don't know anything about their careers, so I don't expect them to be experts on mine.  It's just to get some laughs, and if we need it, some support.

Okay, I'll start.....

I told a woman at church I was writing a paper on a particular piece of music.  When I told her how long it had to be, she said, "What do you write about for that many pages?  Just how you use your fingers?"

When I told my Uncle I had gotten into the doctoral program at school, he said "Music--you can get a doctorate in that?  Can't you just learn it all in a year?"

And my personal favorite:  A woman at church said "You're a pianist?  So.....can you syncopate?"  I thought, "what does that mean?"  But I just said, "yes" and changed the subject.

[cryptkeeper]

I havn't experienced anything like that, but I find that the most common misunderstanding is that people expect that you can play any sheet music they put in front of you just like that.
Even my piano teacher who has played all her life isn't that good in sight reading (of more advanced pieces, that is).

[LVB op.57]

Well think for a second here. As you said, they're non-musicians, of course they're going to have their misconceptions. I'm sure before you became better acquainted with music you said some things that a more learned musician might have thought foolish.

[Derek]

Very early in my experience I had made up a riff on a G minor arpeggio (with a 2nd in there as well) I played this on a grand piano in a hotel, and some people came up to me like WOW YOU'RE SOO GOOD YOU MUST HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOR 10 YEARS and i'd been playing for like 1 year....   all this means is that one should not seek enjoyment in music from the praise of others...it should all be internal, even for concert pianists. We simply cannot expect our audience (if we choose to have one) to have anywhere near the intimate connection with music we (may) have.

[Jacey1973]

Well the thing that everyone says to me is:

"Oh you play piano? That's so nice, i wish i could play....do you know what? I used to play when i was 8 years old and then i gave up. Wish i'd never given up....blah blah blah".

I always think - if you wish you could play why didn't you stick with it? I guess it's not for everyone or perhaps not everyone is so determined. But if i had a pound for every time someone said that to me...

Oh and the other thing ppl say when i say i'm studying music at University they all presume the whole course is on piano playing "er...so you just play the whole time?"
....so i have to go into detail about the fact that you can actually study other things like composition, music history, analysis, history of performance (performance practice) etc etc.

I think that's why when i first went to uni and moved into uni halls everyone teased me about doing music and said "oh that's such a dossers course" i.e it's too easy to be a proper degree which really pissed me off. People like that (it's usually in my experience the science/businiess studies students) have no idea what music involves, and usually think they know everything worth knowing. I found the other arts students (like English lit/art) are more understanding on the whole.

Btw good idea for a post!

[wintervind]

Great topic. One we can all relate to I am sure....
My first an formost annoyance is having to justify my studies to those who don't consider any art a true profession. Its the mentality that if one doesn't hate their job then its not real work. From some I get - good luck with your ventures but  from others I usually get -why bother with something that won't guarentee you loads and loads of money.
This mentality I find is more of an American point of view as I have been living in Europe and I don't get nearly as many confused expressions such as 

O my other petpeeve
Hey can you play me a Beetles song?

[anda]

O my other petpeeve
Hey can you play me a Beetles song?

you're lucky. i get "hey, you know fur elise?" 

[Doodle]

I always liked what people say to me after a performance.

"You were one, with the piano."

We used to use this one as a joke:

"That piece gave me that feeling of........well..... you know."

When I played violin I always heard:

"That was nice, can you play Orange Blossom Special." (which I learned just for those comments)

My mom would say when I was practicing:

"Bach makes me nervous, play something different.  How about something from the hymnal.  Yes, you play something I like so I can sing along."

of my personal favorite

"You hold your mouth funny when you play."

D

[Teddybear]

*Teddybear plays a little to kill some time*

"Oh you play the piano. Oh I wish I had musicality. It would be so easy to earn a living. You could just go to a concert and play. It's such an easy profession."

"No, it's not."

"Oh yes it is. I know a musician. He plays drums in a band."

*Teddybear is furious for the rest of the day*

[Goldberg]

Once, some superficial girl told her friend, rather loudly (while I was sitting in a chair in the audience a few feet away from them) that I was "like the next Mozart!" after having improvised for the settling audience for 45 minutes while they awaited the performance of a play by the school's drama class. Naturally, I hated having everyone talk over me so, for better or worse, I typically spent the time using a bunch of cheap tricks to get attention, and before long everyone in the auditorium was applauding at the end of each improvisation (and I had a ring of girls around me, of all ages, which was pretty funny...one of them was leaning back in a chair, staring at me like she had no care in the world and seemed to be zoned out completely). Of course, this was several years ago and looking back I know I was a horrible pianist with rotten technique who only got by with dumb luck and, as I said, cheap tricks and flashiness--and I knew that at the time, as well, so the "Mozart" comment really cracked me up. Like they would know a good pianist if they saw one!

[danyal]

*moron walks in while Danyal practising SS 2nd concerto, 1st mvmnt*
"Oh, is that your modern song?"

*Danyal plays small recital for academic class*
teacher: "great, thats wonderful, but can you play something lighter?"
*Danyal plays Chopin nocturne op posth no 1*
teacher: "oh wow, but I meant something like 'mannietjies roer"' (traditional folk song)
*Danyal pauses, gives teacher funny look, turns to piano, plays Brahms op 79 no 1 Rhapsody*

We had a big lunch with some friends of the family, etc, and I managed to get myself into a conversation with the biggest ignoramous there. This is a shortened version of the chat. But you can get the general main idea.
Him: "oh, so you still play the piano?"
Me: "yes, very much so, I'm working to be a concert pianist"
H: "what do you mean, surely you cant do it forever? Havent you considered some secreterial work or something?"
M: "uh... no... you can earn alot of money for performances if you're good enough"
H: "oh really? I didnt know that. So when you get home from being at the symphony all day, you can relax at night and tinkle a few notes"
*Danyal grumbles something about needing to feed the dog... and calmly walks away*

I have had LOADS of these experiences... but its late and I cant think of them right now, but when I discover more in the depths of my rather over-loaded head, I'll add them to this topic. Great topic btw.

[Teddybear]

I can't help it... Goldberg, you make me smile.

Anyway, experiences like mentioned above have made me wonder if I'd be more satisfied doing something else. What's the point of all this hard work if you're playing for people who can't tell the difference between Argerich and a typewriter? Maybe I'm just too cynical.

[Llamaman]

I was presenting for an Open House at school, and warming up on the piano by playing my hanon (This was before the performance, when there was only a few people (~25) there) and when I finished my hanon, the audience clapped, and a few even stood up. I rushed out into the hall and burst into laughter.

[Daevren]

You got to love those non-musicians, Things like those really make you wonder if they even hear the music.


I really feel the urge to show my best friends, both non-musicians, my compositions. But I really wonder if this is effective at all. I guess that it gives a good idea of how the music sounds on its most outer surface.

I don't really have any anecdotes myself.

[ted]

I have learned over the years to take the comments of non-musicians very seriously. I mean comments about the sound of my music itself, not the sort of remarks mentioned by the above posters. A musically sensitive mind uncluttered with learning can detect things and make observations without worrying about what people think or whether the remarks are in breach of some "higher" tradition or theory. Put another way, a trained musician is likely to be too careful about what he says in case he is thought ignorant, and is more likely to make knowledgeable but indirect and harmless observations. A naive person will come right out and say what he thinks. I find this reaction most refreshing and, just occasionally, it contains astonishing insight.

[George K]

My mom would say when I was practicing:

"Bach makes me nervous, play something different.  How about something from the hymnal.  Yes, you play something I like so I can sing along."

I was practicing the c-minor prelude from book 1 of WTC the other day, and my wife said to me, "I don't ever want to hear that again. Play it when I'm not home.

And by they way, I copled all those hymns for you and you never play them!




George

[Kohai]

I have learned over the years to take the comments of non-musicians very seriously. I mean comments about the sound of my music itself, not the sort of remarks mentioned by the above posters. A musically sensitive mind uncluttered with learning can detect things and make observations without worrying about what people think or whether the remarks are in breach of some "higher" tradition or theory. Put another way, a trained musician is likely to be too careful about what he says in case he is thought ignorant, and is more likely to make knowledgeable but indirect and harmless observations. A naive person will come right out and say what he thinks. I find this reaction most refreshing and, just occasionally, it contains astonishing insight.

I agree entirely with what you say here, Ted.  I once heard about a study that was taken from a group of people who were not trained musicians but were asked to make motions which they percieved as conducting, to music that was being heard.  These people expressed natural movements which in turn helped conductors know more about conducting itself.

Along these lines and with what Ted mentioned above, I surely concur that I often appreciate the fresh response of the so-called uneducated over the sometimes learned response of the educated.   Any honest response can be learned from.

Kohai

[thalberg]

Yeah, honest responses can be educational, all right.  I once had an exterminator make an off handed remark about how I was moving my arm in Prokofiev 7th sonata--it really made me realize something I was doing wrong.  Makes me laugh to think about it.

But then again, non-musicians hear things in a way I sometimes cannot understand at all.  On hearing me play the prelude from the Bach Bb partita, a girl once said to me, "isn't this piece a lot higher than some of your other pieces?"  I think she was referring to pitch, but still.....what was she hearing?

One more thing......my mom, after my senior recital:  "honey, the relatives and I were talking, and we think it would be nice if next time you could play something we'd recognize, like maybe some television themes."  (My program: Brahms, Ravel, Rachmaninoff)

[ahmedito]

These are not from me, these are from Pires' performance in Madrid a few months ago. I was backstage when the flurry of people asking for autographs came in. Those old ladies say the most stupid things, my favorite ones were:

"Señorita Pires, so... what do you do for a living?"

and, refering to the Chopin concerto in f minor:

"Señora Pires, that was beautiful, do you think I could get it on my mobile?"

[Jacey1973]

i always value what my parents say. They are completely un-musical, but both enjoy music (my mum is a classical music fan) and both quite well educated so they give me helpful feedback when i play concerts/recitals. Although my mum does tend to go on about what i'm wearing int he recital alot... mums eh?

[jason2711]

hah yeah my mum always goes on about me speaking clearly before announcing pieces and taking bows and things which gets annoying.  Sure, its true, but after i give it all in a performance, which by my standards, felt so good, to hear nagging about 'you've got to speak louder' is unbalancing.  Also, being told after playing chopin's first ballade (and playing the coda a complete mess and thumping it far too much) "oh that would be nice to play as background music in a restaurant" almost made me laugh, if i wasn't so annoyed at playing it badly

i also got once told by a friend 'don't close your eyes, it makes you look like a prick'.  I noticed other musicians who did this, and i realised that i agreed with it.  Now i only close my eyes in private

my pet hate though is when someone asks you to play then starts bashing the keys at the very high end of the piano randomly while you start into your most impressive piece (lets face it... most (not all) non-musicians will be more dazzled by technique than musicality)

[Teddybear]

hah yeah my mum always goes on about me speaking clearly before announcing pieces and taking bows and things which gets annoying.  Sure, its true, but after i give it all in a performance, which by my standards, felt so good, to hear nagging about 'you've got to speak louder' is unbalancing.

Well, I don't know... Performing is not just playing the pieces. A musician with whom I've worked talked to me about having a 'performer attitude'. You have to think about your clothing, your bows, your presence... I gave a violin recital for family and friends in April. Playing the piano takes so much of my time that I hadn't really had the possibility to prepare myself properly, so it didn't go brilliantly. After the final bow I thanked my audience for showing up... and said that I hope they can still enjoy music after this(!). My accompanist was furious. Together with my teacher she gave me a long speech on how to perform. They told me that by saying something like that I'm embarrassing the audience. I realized they were absolutely right. It's not professional behaviour. You have to respect your audience and present yourself as well as you can.

T

[Daevren]

I have learned over the years to take the comments of non-musicians very seriously.

I am sure if they speak their minds. But I have to push them. Often they will say something like: "I don't know anything about this stuff. I am sure it is nice, if you think its nice." Etc. Or something like: "Cool you wrote something new."

[whynot]

"What do you do for fun?"
--I play the piano. 
"No, I mean when you don't have to practice, what do you like to do?"
--Well, I really like to play the piano.
"So what kind of music do you play just for fun?"
--Well, I really have fun playing classical music...

Aw, heck.  I don't understand what goes on in any other fields (I'm barely hangin' on in my own), so they probably have the same conversations about people like me.

[ted]

I find the funniest comments usually occur because non-musicians have no idea about what is easy and what is difficult. Well, how could they, I suppose ?

I once put on a CD of a complicated contemporary piece for a woman. When it finished I played the piece myself to illustrate my preferences.

"Gosh !", she exclaimed, "Isn't it marvellous how pianists can just play something after hearing it once !"

[Dazzer]

"I don't normally do requests...... unless... of course... i've been asked to do so.

And today, i received one such request... a woman called me at my hotel. And she said, "Meesta Boogie? I vud larv yoo zu play somezing for me...". And i ask "well what do you want me to play?". She then says  "But i can't vemember zee name of zee piece." So i said "Well, could you perhaps, hum it for me, and if i know the piece then i shall play it for you." and she replied "I can't vemember how zee piece goes... You're zee pianist! You should know!?".

So i told her "I'm sorry, but ... i cannot play the piece you want me to play", and she said "itz okay... i'm not gooing to be at your conceet toniit anyvay.""

-------------------------------------------------------
one of Victor Borge's acts.

[wintervind]

During the years of my musical studies I had my parents over for dinner one night. My father , the classical music skeptic, listened to me practice for a while and by listening I mean he sat on the computer and I sat at the piano.  I was accually just playing through the 12 two part inventions and asked him if he liked them or recognized any of them. He promptly replied that it all sounds the same anyways and that no, he didn't like them.
So later on that evening during dinner I put on the Glenn Gould recording of the inventions and symphonias while we ate. The CD reached the F major invention no.8 and my father exclamed that he really liked this and that this is the music I should be learning.
Imagine my exasperation!

[Daevren]

I gave one of my friends Glenn Gould Goldberg Variations as a birthday gift. Now she really doesn't listen to music too much and has no idea about classical music. Plus she has ADHD so some music just makes her brain go crazy.

I told her that all the pieces were harmonic variations based on the first. So after listening to the CD twice I asked her how bady they all sounded alike. She replied: "They don't sound alike at all. Huh! They are all different."

I didn't except that at all. I was quite suprised. This in sharp contrast with Wintervind's father. This makes me wonder. But then again this guy contradicts himself

The workings on the brain of the non-musician is probably the biggst secret of the universe.

[Eusebius_dk]

"What kind of classical piano music do you play? Is it something like what Richard Clayderman plays?"

I swear I could have punched him! 

[Siberian Husky]

no no.no no no..guys..my favorite

"aye..play me that one..you know..that one!!"

[Jacey1973]

"What do you do for fun?"
--I play the piano. 
"No, I mean when you don't have to practice, what do you like to do?"
--Well, I really like to play the piano.
"So what kind of music do you play just for fun?"
--Well, I really have fun playing classical music...

Aw, heck.  I don't understand what goes on in any other fields (I'm barely hangin' on in my own), so they probably have the same conversations about people like me.

Me and my older sister (who i have absolutely nothing in common with) had this exact conversation last night, because she couldn't believe that i hadn't watched a single episode of Eastenders last week! (She is an avid soap fan and watches Eastenders, Corri, H&A, Neighbours, Family Affairs, Hollyoaks, Emmerdale everyday!) I told her "I really don't watch television anymore there's nothin worth watching, i'm too busy and prefer listening to radio (radio 3 is my favourite  ) And she says "Don't you ever relax, are you studying all the time?" and i said "er...i play piano to relax..." and she just gave me a weird look like she didn't believe me!

[6ft 4]

You share 50% if your genes with ur sister.

[musik_man]

My brother, who plays trombone decided to teach himself bass guitar a few years back.  Since he was a begginer he printed out a chart with the notes written out for all the frets.  My sister was in the room one day, while he was practicing, and while looking at this chart asked my brother.

"How can this one be F# and Gb?"
 

[Jacey1973]

You share 50% if your genes with ur sister.

Er...no love...you haven't met her! I would be surprised if we shared 2%, we don't even look that alike...where as my little sister and brother and I are are very alike...maybe swapped with another baby at birth? My mum used to say this when she was explaining how my older sister was more trouble than us other 3 put together.

She also likes dance/club music and hates classical with a passion....need i go on?