How do YOU conquer nerves??

[dolcejen]

I'm going to be performing this weekend (small gathering, nothing major) and am wondering if nervousness will get the better of me as it usually does.  I can practice and practice and practice and still have absolutely no confidence that I will be able to make it through without memory blanks, shaky fingers, and the whole gamut.

SO, what has worked for you in battling nervousness??
How do you grasp confidence and peace?

(If this question has already been answered, please show me where, k?) 

[arensky]

I have answered this before but I don't remember where, so I will repeat myself.

I don't think we can "conquer" nerves. The thing that makes us afraid is a sort of demon, the collected manifestation of our self-doubts, feelings of unworthiness, fear of what others may think if we do badly, etc. . This stuff is insidious, it thrives on anger, self-doubt  and our determination to subjugate them. The demon is very powerful. It thrives on any sort of emotion it can relate to, i.e. the ones I've just mentioned, and also if you're performing and you think, "gee this is going great!" and then splat you fall down. Because that very feeling of self-elation or patting yourself on the back is hubris, and it is a negative and false emotion. Up comes the demon. He's a sneaky one.

The only way to beat him is to welcome him in, sincerely invite him to make himself at home. "Coffee? Cigarette? Tea? Scones? Healthy vegetarian appetizer? Pop Tart? " You see if you fight him, he will thrive on that. If you make friends, he will get bored and go away, because he cannot accomplish anything with you. Accept that you are only human, and may make a mistake in this complex and difficult activity we call playing the piano for others. It's OK; will it matter if dolcejen or arensky or Cziffra or anyone screwed up in a piano performance in one thousand years? No, it will not. Will it matter (for us anyway, Cziffra has gone on) in a week? Maybe to us, but ONLY IF WE LET IT. This is the demon.

Easier said than done, believe me I know. Sometimes (not always) I used to be terrified to go onstage, panic attacks, can't breathe, all that. But not recently. About four years ago, this was happening backstage, and I just said to myself, "well, this is part of the deal." The fear did not vanish, but the resignation and acceptance of it set in, so I walked out, sat down, and was kind of shaky for the first piece, but then settled in and actually felt comfortable, and played very well. Usually when I had been that frightened before, things did not go well. I still get NERVOUS, but I haven't been FRIGHTENED since that concert. The demon has been neutralized. Nervous is ok, in fact I think it's normal for many great performers. Fear is bad; it is a false emotion, there is nothing to really be afraid of. And it lets that demon in. So if you can accept the nerves, you will not be afraid of them.

And while you are playing, do not judge yourself or what is happening IN ANY WAY, good or bad. This interferes with the process of making music. You may feel emotion, but not to the point where you ARE the emotion; your job is to CONVEY the emotion, not wallow in it. Excessive emotion can let the demon in. Just be there, doing what you do, pulling the strings.

This may require practice, might not work out the first few times. But let the demon in, accept him. It's a paradox, but it's the only way he'll ever go away, IMO.

[pantonality]

I have answered this before but I don't remember where, so I will repeat myself.

I don't think we can "conquer" nerves. The thing that makes us afraid is a sort of demon, the collected manifestation of our self-doubts, feelings of unworthiness, fear of what others may think if we do badly, etc. . This stuff is insidious, it thrives on anger, self-doubt  and our determination to subjugate them. The demon is very powerful. It thrives on any sort of emotion it can relate to, i.e. the ones I've just mentioned, and also if you're performing and you think, "gee this is going great!" and then splat you fall down. Because that very feeling of self-elation or patting yourself on the back is hubris, and it is a negative and false emotion. Up comes the demon. He's a sneaky one.

The only way to beat him is to welcome him in, sincerely invite him to make himself at home. "Coffee? Cigarette? Tea? Scones? Healthy vegetarian appetizer? Pop Tart? " You see if you fight him, he will thrive on that. If you make friends, he will get bored and go away, because he cannot accomplish anything with you. Accept that you are only human, and may make a mistake in this complex and difficult activity we call playing the piano for others. It's OK; will it matter if dolcejen or arensky or Cziffra or anyone screwed up in a piano performance in one thousand years? No, it will not. Will it matter (for us anyway, Cziffra has gone on) in a week? Maybe to us, but ONLY IF WE LET IT. This is the demon.

Easier said than done, believe me I know. Sometimes (not always) I used to be terrified to go onstage, panic attacks, can't breathe, all that. But not recently. About four years ago, this was happening backstage, and I just said to myself, "well, this is part of the deal." The fear did not vanish, but the resignation and acceptance of it set in, so I walked out, sat down, and was kind of shaky for the first piece, but then settled in and actually felt comfortable, and played very well. Usually when I had been that frightened before, things did not go well. I still get NERVOUS, but I haven't been FRIGHTENED since that concert. The demon has been neutralized. Nervous is ok, in fact I think it's normal for many great performers. Fear is bad; it is a false emotion, there is nothing to really be afraid of. And it lets that demon in. So if you can accept the nerves, you will not be afraid of them.

And while you are playing, do not judge yourself or what is happening IN ANY WAY, good or bad. This interferes with the process of making music. You may feel emotion, but not to the point where you ARE the emotion; your job is to CONVEY the emotion, not wallow in it. Excessive emotion can let the demon in. Just be there, doing what you do, pulling the strings.

This may require practice, might not work out the first few times. But let the demon in, accept him. It's a paradox, but it's the only way he'll ever go away, IMO.

This is such truly excellent advice that I'm quoting it in full just to make you (and me) read it again. Thank arensky for writing this. I had similar thoughts, but what you've written is so eloquent I have nothing to add. To everyone else, read twice and digest.

[tocca]

Wow arensky!
That must be the most interesting i've ever read about performance anxiety. I have a serious problem performing myself, it's actually gone so far (i could handle it when younger, when i performed more often) that i've virtually given up performing. (Which of course makes it even worse!).

"Welcome the demon in...". Great choice of words.

[allthumbs]

Excellent post arensky. I have been thinking about this dilemma recently as well. I am going to try your strategy the next time I have to perform for anyone.



Cheers

allthumbs

[bradley]

I agree, this is an excellent strategy for fighting nerves. It's quite similar to how I used to "combat" nightmares actually!

Arensky's method is a psychological approach, but another method is the physical approach, and the two should actually be used in conjunction. Deep breathing is really good for calming nerves. Something else which some people find funny is eating bananas. If you have a banana about 45 min before performing, you will find that you are much more calm. Try it, I do it everytime and it works!!

[gruffalo]

very good post arensky. i also believe that nerves will always be there, and when you work with them, they give the performer that edge that a performance requires to sound good. on the otherhand if you dont get to grips with them, they will destroy the performance.

[arensky]

very good post arensky. i also believe that nerves will always be there, and when you work with them, they give the performer that edge that a performance requires to sound good. on the otherhand if you dont get to grips with them, they will destroy the performance.

Exactly right.

[gruffalo]

yet i still cant control them. my legs shake uncontrollably. but it just makes sense what you said. im a christian aswell, and your statement bears a lot of resemblance. but im going to give this a try next time.

i had an awful performance. funnily enough it wasnt me. im just an amature and i entered a performance and i was the only non-proffessional there. i played Debussy Etude no.1 and la plus que lente and i played it good despite my nerves, but the others were playing lizt mephisto waltz with not many mistakes. it was quite demoralizing. i spoke to them and they were all at conservatoires, and some had finished and were using this competition as a practice for larger competitions.

[Kassaa]

And while you are playing, do not judge yourself or what is happening IN ANY WAY, good or bad. This interferes with the process of making music. You may feel emotion, but not to the point where you ARE the emotion; your job is to CONVEY the emotion, not wallow in it. Excessive emotion can let the demon in. Just be there, doing what you do, pulling the strings.

That's the difficult part. When I play a wrong note, I become afraid that I will play more wrong notes, I play more wrong notes, will become more nervous etc.

Now, it's getting less the more I perform. It really helps performing much.

Btw, great post Arensky!

[marik]

SO, what has worked for you in battling nervousness??

Nothing. There is nothing to win that feeling of responsibility of what you are doing.
Horowitz did not play on the stage for 12 years. The press was making all kinds of stories.
Gould quit playing on the stage in his prime.
Arrau many times canceled his concerts being already backstage and not finding strength to step in front of audience.
Many times Gilels was found throwing up in the restroom right before his concerts and friends literally had to push him on the stage.
Friend of mine was trying to approach Richter before his recital. The Man was white and could not connect two words.
The list could go on and on.

One of the greates conductors of last century Ernest Anserme once told: "If ever comes a moment I get on the stage without feeling being nervous, it would mean the end of my career as a musician".

Just live with that, except it, and understand it is part of the deal.

[zheer]

This may make you feel better, once i playd infront of a small audience i was so nerves that halfway through the song i was unable to move any part of my body let alone my finger. So i through my hands in the air with the intention of bringing them down so fast as to brake the piano with the force of my hand. Well thats what i did but what actually happend was that i playd a D major chord wich brought the music to an end. Till this day i dont know haw that happend ( i was very young ).

[journeyyourmind]

I feel that nervousness can be conquered in a few ways, the only problem is you have to really realize the concepts of what Arensky is saying. If it is such a problem that you find yourself fearing the performance you should accept that you will probably play a few wrong notes, that being said, you now know that you will play wrong notes, it does not have to take away from your performance as a whole. People can tell when someone is playing with confidence, and when someone is getting scared and nervous. The good performer will be confident even if he does make mistakes, and will not freak out when the moment comes. Usually if you know your piece well enough you can move on and no one will even notice. This happened with me when I performed Chopin's 2nd scherzo. I blanked out and forgot a few notes in the left hand during the melodic section right after the introduction. However, I went right into the next measure and played on. It was a wonderful performance and what made it so great was the musical connection I strived for with the audience(which is what it's all about). If you concern yourself with the connection more than just the notes, you will already be a step ahead.

There is of course a difference between a few wrong notes and 50+ wrong notes, but all in all, if you know your piece, and can play it at home without much trouble, you need to strive for an attitude of confidence. Yes, easier said than done, but once done, is a beautiful realization of what you are capable of.

[arensky]

I agree, this is an excellent strategy for fighting nerves. It's quite similar to how I used to "combat" nightmares actually!

Arensky's method is a psychological approach, but another method is the physical approach, and the two should actually be used in conjunction. Deep breathing is really good for calming nerves. Something else which some people find funny is eating bananas. If you have a banana about 45 min before performing, you will find that you are much more calm. Try it, I do it everytime and it works!!

You are right Bradley; I should have mentioned deep breathing and stretching, particularly the lower back, which takes the brunt of the physical work involved in piano playing IMO, but that is another post. I do both of these before I perform. Somewhere recently someone posted something about Medtner telling how Rachmaninov would "shake himself out from the inside out", and then recalled how their teacher when they were young  would tell them to "shake themselves out like a wet dog". I was experimenting with this after I read it, and found it helpful; I will continue with this.
And bananas certainly can't hurt! I eat at least 1 or 2 a day, I will try them in conjunction with practicing/performing.

So the stagehand comes in the dressing room, and it's arensky breathing deeply/stretching/eating a banana/shaking like a wet dog/chanting "it's part of the deal"/saying "yo demon, banana? Pop Tart? Whiskey Sour? hey stick around make yourself at home!"

Stagehand starts to worry, calls concert organizer/impresario....

[arensky]

LMAO!!    The ads!! "Nervous, Tense, Anxious?" "End Panic in 4 minutes!" "Anxiety and Panic Attacks" "Panic Anxiety Disorder" "Smoking Cessation"...AAHHHH!!!!!!!! I'm freaking out just looking at them!

 


Not a single "Piano Instruction" "Music Downloads" or "Piano and Violin School" ad. Am I the only one who is amused by and enjoys the ads? I have learned that many teachers in my area have raised their rates...Heh heh, google is my spy....

[gruffalo]

i cant seem to be able to control my left leg from shaking really fast. and its noticeable (said my dad  when he saw me perform 2 weeks back).

[rc]

hahah, again, awesome post Arensky.

I remember my first ever performance, playing guitar for a crowd as a wee lad. Got so scared, walked up, played like a robot, screwed it all right up, forget the next song and get the hell outta there! haha. You'll find the bad experiences are useful; looking back, even though EVERYTHING can go to crap, you'll survive and soon be able to laugh about it, nobody will get upset, in short it's no big deal. So, even the worst case scenario is nothing to worry about.

It's been a while since I've performed, today I put myself to the test, playing a student recital without being very well prepared. Went better than I thought, very calm, did my thing. One bad screwup, just went through it, quickly forced myself to think ahead and forget about it. What's very important to me is to not take myself too seriously, just go up do my best and accept whatever happens. Takes a LOT of pressure off when you don't think of it as the most important moment.

I tried something a little different this time, and when I went up to the piano I really took my time. Walked up, announced the piece, got to the bench and just sat there a moment, got comfortable on the bench, tested the keys, paused a moment and calmly began. I found taking my time to become somewhat comfortable really helped set the right frame for when I began to play. As opposed to quickly getting up there, "readysetGO!" as though you're being taught the swim the hard way, sets up a frantic pace.

i had an awful performance. funnily enough it wasnt me. im just an amature and i entered a performance and i was the only non-proffessional there. i played Debussy Etude no.1 and la plus que lente and i played it good despite my nerves, but the others were playing lizt mephisto waltz with not many mistakes. it was quite demoralizing. i spoke to them and they were all at conservatoires, and some had finished and were using this competition as a practice for larger competitions.

You say you played good, so that's not an awful performance at all! You make the mistake of comparing yourself to everyone around you in a critical way, which is not such a useful thing to do. Instead just kick back and enjoy, when someone better is up enjoy the music, listen carefully and take the attitude of "if I practice hard, one day I will be able to do that". That's to become inspired by the situation instead of demoralized. In fact, one of the best ways to grow fast is to surround yourself with people better than you, it sets a higher standard that you will adhere to without even thinking about it.

Also keep in mind that so long as a performance sounds good, the difficulty of the piece is irrelevant. Often I'll hear a very well played piece and think "wow, that's incredible!", and the piece will actually be fairly simple. I tend to underestimate my own playing because I'm so familiar with the notes, but to someone else it may sound like much more than it really is.

[aspiramente]

I find that most of my nervous mistakes come down to poor memorisation.

Not just memorisation of the score, but the physical movements, the fingering etc

Before I go to sleep, I "play" my peices in my head slowly. I think of the sound, the notes, the dynamics, the key, the chords, the movement that got me there and the movement to take me to the next note.

I found that after I started to do this, I would still get nervous, but I knew the peices inside out, back to front and upside down so I just stopped worrying about it.

As for the shaking hands, I found out one day that it had almost no effect on my playing if I ignored it. The mistakes caused by my shaking hands were infact focus issues because I was thinking "oh please stop shaking, arrghh they are still shaking god dammnit stop shaking..."


I also play infront of everyone I can. As soon as something is under my hands I am "performing" it to anyone that will listen.  I find my critical mother, or my father that doesnt like what I do far more intimidating to play for than an appreciative audience.


Someone mentioned eating a Bannana. I also do this, they are full of potassium which relaxes you a bit.  Foods with potassium are often called "comfort food" for this reason.

[steve jones]

I think (as has been mentioned eariler) that fear of performing can often distract from the task at hand. You spend a significant portion of your 'energy' involved with this fear and anxiety, and it need not be. It is the same for ANY kind of performance activity where there is a degree on importance.

Forget about being affraid, or even nervious. Instead, replace those thoughts with the feelings aroused by playing. Think about how you feel when you are nailing a piece at full tilt!

I'll tell you a little secret - I used to pretend to be one of my inspirational idols when I had to perform. I would forget that I was myself (an imperfect being, suffering with nerves and anxiety) and adopt an alter ego based on who I imagine my favorite inspiration feeling. This sounds stupid now, and Im kind of embarassed to mention it, but it truely worked as it enabled me to bypass my fear and concentrate on doing what I loved. I didnt care if I made a mistake, as it wasnt 'me' it was happening to. And ofcourse, my alter ego is to perfect to make mistakes, or even care if he did.

I have never performed piano. But Im sure the day I do I will be feeling all the same old sensations. I would pretend to be Beethoven and go on stage as if I were he. I guess in this respect it is a little like acting - many actors claim that they adopt elements of their characters personalities, and that this can change their own personalities significantly.

So, for me atleast, dealing with nerves is all about psychology. I would work myself up into a state of panic if I didnt take such measures. Oh, and ofcourse, it is of great importance to know that you can actually play the way you want to - if you can do it in practice, its unlikely to happen on stage! So be sure not to rush anything into performance level - take the time to become completely secure with the piece you hope to perform. KNOWING you can play something supperbly is a massive confidence booster 

[pizno]

Whan an excellent discussion.  I'm surprised no one has brought up the Inderal subject, or beta blockers.  I started taking them a year ago for performances.  Before that, I wasn't one of those severe shakers, but I did sweat a lot, my fingers would feel like they were sliding off the keys, and if I made a mistake, I would feel like things were falling apart and things would go downhill from there.  Of course, I worked for years to do all of the things Arensky mentioned.  I tried very hard (and still do) do think 'I am playing this so that I can share this beautiful music with the audience' instead of 'They are all judging me' (which is actually the case at times)'.  Sometimes I was more successful than other times.  Once I started taking Inderal, I have, in general, enjoyed performing a lot more.  My heart has gone from, say, 100 bpm to 75, my pedal leg doesn't shake, my hands don't sweat nearly as much, and I can get into that 'zone', where I can focus on the piano, can listen to myself, and can pay attention to what I am doing.  Now, mind you, I still make mistakes.  But when I do, I can 'get a grip' and go on, instead of completely falling apart as I used to.  In fact, if I stumble toward the beginning because I'm not warmed up, used to the piano, or whatever, I can think to myself 'OK, get it together' and the rest can go fine.  So I agree with everything said in earlier posts, but for me, the extra help of Inderal has been great.  By the way, I take  20 mg, 1 hour before performance.  Ask your doctor - people with low blood pressure cannot take it, and try it out first before a performance.  Much, much more important, though is to be over prepared and have as many practice performances as possible in front of whoever will listen.

[paris]

lately i've figured out a really odd thing which happens to me on concerts. when i'm performing in big concert hall, in front of big audience, i feel just slightly excited and nothing more. i feel very comfortable being alone on huge stage, only me and piano.
on the other hand, few months ago i had one very small concert, in small room (you can't even call it hall how small it is), but it was full of people who were sitting 1-2m away from me, staring into my fingers and other parts of me and i felt so annoyed and not comfortable at all. firstly when i came in front of piano i was still calm...but then...man! after few minutes of playing i became so nervous, annoyed and wanted run away from that room as quickly as possible, felt like throwing up everything i ate that day. another thing which makes me nervous on concerts is too strong lighting and huge spotlights, i prefer intimate lighting on big stage, which always calms me down
isn't that weird? i mean, most people are nervous when playing in front of big audince in big halls 

[arensky]

lately i've figured out a really odd thing which happens to me on concerts. when i'm performing in big concert hall, in front of big audience, i feel just slightly excited and nothing more. i feel very comfortable being alone on huge stage, only me and piano.
on the other hand, few months ago i had one very small concert, in small room (you can't even call it hall how small it is), but it was full of people who were sitting 1-2m away from me, staring into my fingers and other parts of me and i felt so annoyed and not comfortable at all. firstly when i came in front of piano i was still calm...but then...man! after few minutes of playing i became so nervous, annoyed and wanted run away from that room as quickly as possible, felt like throwing up everything i ate that day. another thing which makes me nervous on concerts is too strong lighting and huge spotlights, i prefer intimate lighting on big stage, which always calms me down
isn't that weird? i mean, most people are nervous when playing in front of big audince in big halls 

I don't think that's weird at all, "Miss Laziness" (not, i'm sure  ) On the big stage, you have your space, the rude smelly public is away from you, and in that space it's just you and the piano. There is a clearing and an emptiness which you find exhilarating, just you and the instrument. This allows you to do your thing with no interference, so you are not frightened but pumped up in anticipation of the great experience.

In the small room your space is violated, you can sense and probably hear the people right there, and this distracts you, in fact it physically repels you and makes you angry, hence the reaction you described. But you are a good kid and did not show that to the nice people....

Everyone, never look directly into the stage lights! When you look at the keyboard you will see a balck spot in the middle of it for about 3 minutes; not good.

How do feel when you play a concerto? Does the orchestra violate your space? I like all those mofos there, accompanying ME...it's a rush! But when there is audience on the stage at big concerts, that would flip me out. I would probably feel surrounded and trapped. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I have never experienced that.

[dolcejen]

A big thank you to Arensky and all those who have given such excellent advice. Also thanks to those who admitted that they deal with nerves. Sounds strange, but just knowing that others have struggled with it helps, makes you feel not so alone in it.

Accept that you are only human, and may make a mistake in this complex and difficult activity we call playing the piano for others. It's OK; will it matter if dolcejen or arensky or Cziffra or anyone screwed up in a piano performance in one thousand years? No, it will not. Will it matter (for us anyway, Cziffra has gone on) in a week? Maybe to us, but ONLY IF WE LET IT. This is the demon.

Such a good point.

And while you are playing, do not judge yourself or what is happening IN ANY WAY, good or bad. This interferes with the process of making music. You may feel emotion, but not to the point where you ARE the emotion; your job is to CONVEY the emotion, not wallow in it. Excessive emotion can let the demon in. Just be there, doing what you do, pulling the strings.

This was VERY helpful. I plauge myself with self examination while I'm playing and it's a very predictable inhibitor. I really needed to hear that, and can say that it really helped my playing (the "performance" was yesterday and went well).  Thank you so much Arensky, your thoughts were surpisingly simple yet revolutionary in my thought processes towards performing.

Something else which some people find funny is eating bananas. If you have a banana about 45 min before performing, you will find that you are much more calm. Try it, I do it everytime and it works!!

Bradley, I tried this yesterday (for my "performance") and I believe it did help, I definitely felt calmer. Maybe it was all in the mind, but who cares? Thanks for the tip!:)

Thanks, Marik, for all of the stories from the "greats". Very interesting. I had no idea that professionals get that nervous...but I understand how it could be that way. The more responsibility, the more expectations to live up to, the greater the nervousness.

The ads!! "Nervous, Tense, Anxious?" "End Panic in 4 minutes!" "Anxiety and Panic Attacks" "Panic Anxiety Disorder" "Smoking essation"...AAHHHH!!!!!!!! I'm freaking out just looking at them!

LOL... I noticed then too and refused to look at them. I don't want to know that I have a panic disorder just before performance. LOL

i cant seem to be able to control my left leg from shaking really fast. and its noticeable (said my dad  when he saw me perform 2 weeks back).

Same here, Gruffalo...It's my right leg though. Sometimes it can be absolutely terrible...but I've never had it mess up my playing. It's just extremely unnerving.

I think (as has been mentioned eariler) that fear of performing can often distract from the task at hand. You spend a significant portion of your 'energy' involved with this fear and anxiety, and it need not be. It is the same for ANY kind of performance activity where there is a degree on importance.

Forget about being affraid, or even nervious. Instead, replace those thoughts with the feelings aroused by playing. Think about how you feel when you are nailing a piece at full tilt!

Again, very good thoughts here. Very helpful.

Paris, I've seen the same phenomenon where playing in a large building (people farther away, even if there's a lot of them) isn't nearly as nerve wracking. For me, all of the people become a huge blur and it's easier to block them out.

A BIG THANK YOU to all who contributed this thread. This thread shows just how great this forum is.

By, the way (already mentioned this) I played yesterday and spent the day remembering different bits of advice. It was a torturous day, as usual, but it helped so much to have proactive ways to work with nerves. I performed my piece twice and the first time was a bit rough, second time much better. I must also thank my Lord, Jesus Christ, for the strength He gave. I had prayed much and put it into His hands and He gave me the power and the ability to get through the performance. I think He also used the words of wisdom gathered here to help me. All the praise and glory goes to Him.

[paris]

But you are a good kid and did not show that to the nice people....

i didn't show...at least not directly...but i was red as tomato 

How do feel when you play a concerto? Does the orchestra violate your space? I like all those mofos there, accompanying ME...it's a rush!

i like orchestra being on stage with me. when i first played concerto when i was small kid, all frightened before the big day, they were so nice and i felt them like friends, so i all went great. and i just love when you shake hands with conductor. only thing which bothered me was like ''hope they won't be louder then me''
after that, in my new school i  didn't have much opportunity to play with orchestra but now i have performances in 2006 and i'm so happy about that!
also, chamber music is very comfortable to play for me /when i play it with nice people of course haha

[Mayla]

When I was little, I used to have a difficult time turning my mind off when I would lay down to sleep and the lights were turned out.  World problems would haunt me, among other things.  Somewhere along the lines, I discovered a trick to help myself go to sleep, which has recently come back to my memory and seems to have parallels for me in dealing with things like stage fright.

I realized the mental nature of my experience, and instead of letting myself think about a lot of horrible things, I started to imagine about a place that was safe for me.  I pictured it in detail and added elements which helped to comfort me.  I would imagine it so vividly, that I would feel like I was there.  I would magnify this place within my consciousness so largely, that there was no room for the other thoughts.  I would fall fast to sleep every time.

And the next night, if all of the thoughts that kept me awake were trying to do so, I would go to my secret place, and lay my head down to rest in there.  I got really, really good at going there.  And the thing is, I could not have one foot in and one foot out.  Both feet had to be in, or it wouldn't work.  I had to commit my every thought and my entire self.

Quite a number of days have passed (and years) since I first found and became conscious of that place.  I guess I have gone there a lot, or maybe in a way, I even live there.  I think if anything has changed, it has been my concept of it.

Lately, I have come to be curious about other people.  I believe everybody has a secret place, whether they are conscious of it or not.  However, I do wonder, are other people conscious of it ?  I believe I have seen this place in other people all of my life, but lately I am more aware of what it is that I am seeing.  This matters for several reasons.

What I have realized is that, there have been times when in performance, I have stumbled into this place... and there I am, just wandering around in this beautiful light.  Just as when I was a little child, nothing can hurt me while I am there. 

In conquering nerves, I have realized that it may be wise to go straight to that place, just like I did when I was a child trying to sleep.  I have realized that this very thing is what I am aiming for, not anything else.  And recently, I am consciously looking to find other people while I am there.  If I manage this, I am satisfied as a performer.

I will post more later.

 
Mayla

[celticqt]

What a helpful thread!  Lately I have had a hard time even just playing at my lessons.  It started last month - never used to be nervous in front of my teacher, but I had one rotten lesson (where I biffed everything up) and now I can't play squat.  I have a concert coming up in January, so I really need to get over this.  I've been talking to people and looking for a good mental viewpoint (instead of my usual negative self-talk - "Get it right this time, dummy!"). 

Where is this place, Mayla?

[Mayla]

Where is this place, Mayla?

Here's my place here, just as I am starting to get to the edge of it :





I might be starting a tour bus in the new year  .

Okay, that's all I can say right now, and probably anything else would sound ridiculous.  But, maybe I will be back later, friend celticqt 


Mayla