My teacher is bad-mannered !

[kghayesh]

I have been studying with my teacher for more than 3 years. She is a great pianist, teacher and musician, and I have really learnt so much from her and I have to say that I am happy and lucky to have her as my teacher.

One problem I have with her is that she is really bad-mannered and sometimes rude. For instance, she tells me something, and if the next lesson she thinks that I didn't listen to her words, she suddenly transforms into a totally different person! She starts yelling and saying how much stupid and out of my mind I am, and so. I used to talk back to her before, but I am no more because if I talked back, I just provoke her and we end up having a big fight.

She is also a very arrogant person. She is so convinced she is the best teacher out there, and she keeps telling me how she is different and better qualified than all other teachers here. Ok, I know she is really good but does she need to keep telling me so??

[oscarr111111]

Sounds like shes got a few problems of her own, perhaps an inferiority complex?  Personally I'd just ask her politely if she can try to be more reasonable, not to raise her voice etc.  From your description it seems quite extreme and spiteful, I'd personally look at some other teachers to see if shes really so much better, but if you want to continue lessons with her just talking to her might solve things.

[a-sharp]

Nobody deserves to be yelled at, least of all when you are paying them for a service - no matter how "good" of a teacher she is. I agree, she has a few issues of her own she has to work out. The fact she treats you this way is *not your fault* and you deserve to be treated with respect, period. If it were me, I wouldn't last beyond one of those episodes before looking for someone else to study with. But that is just me. Good luck!

[faulty_damper]

If she thinks she' s the best teacher out there, why don't you tell her you're the best student out there and that she's lucky to have you as a student.

[dan101]

If you don't enjoy your lessons, you may very well quit and not return to the instrument. I would highly suggest finding a more relaxed and fun teacher that knows their stuff. Good luck.

[slobone]

Different teachers have different styles of teaching. Also, a good teacher will adapt her teaching method to individual students. Sometimes it's necessary for a teacher to be tough with a student, if they're not doing the work they should be.

But yelling, belittling, bragging, etc. -- these are not good. It certainly sounds like she has personality problems of her own. A strong teacher can make her points without raising her voice.

[faulty_damper]

A strong teacher can make her points without raising her voice.

+

a good teacher will adapt her teaching method to individual students

=
Contradiction

[a-sharp]

Actually, that's not a contradiction at all. Being adaptable does not at all mean that yelling has to be one of your tools.

[slobone]

+=
Contradiction

Why is that? 

[faulty_damper]

It's a contradiction because on the rare occasion that raising the voice is the most effective way, and he decides not to...

A good teacher would raise his voice because he knows just what is necessary to get the point across.  But it's an uncommon situation that this needs to be used.

[a-sharp]

I completely disagree with that. But I suppose that was already obvious. Nevertheless.

[keypeg]

It's a contradiction because on the rare occasion that raising the voice is the most effective way,

The natural reaction to a raised voice is to plug one's ears or tune out.  I supposed that if you wish to elicit such a reaction, raising your voice will be an effective means of doing so.

[a-sharp]

Actually -there is research that shows that en environment of tension can reverse the learning potential - I just went to a lecture on that. There is no way that yelling can be productive in a learning environment. That is contradictory to the goal.

[faulty_damper]

The natural reaction to a raised voice is to plug one's ears or tune out.

Not on the rare occasion that raising the voice is necessary.

[a-sharp]

Actually - maybe one of the few reasons it might be necessary is if they are plugging their ears. Even then, you could wave at them...

I've never had a teacher ever yell at me. And I've never yelled at a student.

kghayesh - one of the other things I despise in life is arrogance. Life is short, and money & time is precious. There are wonderful pianists and teachers all around who are also respectful and humble. I would go out and find one of those. my2c. Good luck!!

[faulty_damper]

Actually - maybe one of the few reasons it might be necessary is if they are plugging their ears. Even then, you could wave at them...

I've never had a teacher ever yell at me. And I've never yelled at a student.

Yelling is perceived as an undesirable attribute for teachers, parents, et al.  This is why most people don't like it and think it is unthinkable, even if they are teachers.  (Parents, on the other hand, have no problem with it.)

One attribute of good teachers is flexibility - they can adapt to a variety of situations and students.  This includes poor teaching situations and drastic student behaviors.

Just because in your experience you've never been yelled at or have yelled at a student doesn't mean it is something that is unreasonable in certain contexts.  I've certainly had to yell at students and all the teachers I've known have had to yell at students.  In those uncommon circumstances, it was the most effective and efficient way to stop their disruptive behavior.

[a-sharp]

Flexibility doesn't include bing abusive.

Please note that this student was also called "stupid" - among other things.

I'm sorry your life experiences have allowed you to carry the belief that there are circumstances in which verbal abuse is acceptable.

I'm certainly not in the camp that would say that shouting to get the attention of a group of people (i.e., a bunch of rowdy high school kids in class for example) is something never necessary - but what we are talking about here - rudeness, arrogance, being called stupid, in conjunction with yelling, is abuse, and is something else, and is never appropriate.

Take care.

[theodore]

One of my early piano teachers had the foresight to position himself at my left side while I played a piece.  He  would speak and occasionally (during loud passages) shout into my ear when musical changes or difficult passages were coming.

This method alerted  me and taught me to me to look a few measures ahead and prepare for either difficult passages or to anticipate tempo, rhythm  or meter changes.

As I learned the piece better the comments were less frequent and when I got no comments during the entire piece, I knew that I had absorbed most of the musical meaning

Theodore

[a-sharp]

Heh - that could be annoying, but also challenging ... and I'm sure in the end it was probably very helpful! Not that I would be bold enough to *ask* my teacher to do that, but I can see how it could be effective.

[chopinmozart7]

i think you should get another teacher,my teacher has never done something like that.

[hyrst]

I have been working with a teacher for just over 18 months.  He is an international musician, working for conservatoriums in several countries.  He was the most experienced teacher I had been able to find in this area over this time.  I tried every week to give my best and to learn as much as I possibly could.  I have finally stopped lessons with him and found a new teacher and I am now totally amazed that I put up with his treatment all this time - I just kept making excuses for him, like he wasn't well or he is brilliant but I just had to give him the chance, or that he was trying to give me the right treatment to help me work out my own excessive perfectionism and expectation.  I have learnt more in 3 weeks from a lovely, totally fantastic pianist than I have learnt from my past teacher in 18 months.  I sat through many lessons while he spent time yelling and swearing on the phone.  He insulted me, made fun of me, was nasty if he thought I was insecure about something.  He never started a lesson on time, even though he sometimes went over time.  Last lesson, last week, he listened to me play for 10 or 15 minutes while he spent 30 mintues reading to himself, 10 minutes yelling about phone advertising, 5 minutes tellling at me if I didn't have my pieces right now I never would be able to play such pieces, 20 minutes boasting about what a great adjudicator he is, etc.  All this when I have a performance exam in just a few weeks.  I have made excuse after excuse for him in all this time - next lesson will be better, I will try harder, etc.  I never saw how abusive all this was until I finally found someone new a few weeks ago and decided to give him notice.  At that point, everything started to come back to me, how hurt I was, how I felt so inadequate, how ashamed I was to make anybody put up with hearing me play, and so on.  In 3 weeks with this new teacher, my confidence is returning, my playing is totally different, I am learning and understanding.  Everything is different  and exciting - much of this is because I am beginning not to be as afraid - I still have much to relearn, but I am encouraged it will happen quickly.  I have paid for one more lesson that is supposed to be tomorrow - but there is no way in the world I am going to subject myself to him any more for any money. 

Under no circumstances, but safety, should a teacher ever yell at or put down a student - it does more damage than imaginable. 

[canardroti]

You guys have some really excentric teacher! IF a teacher ever called me stupid , i'd kick him out of the door right away and with pleasure. How can yelling work with 15+ years old students? I can understand maybe for a little disobedient kid, but a teenager? That's not acceptable,

[lostinidlewonder]

When I was about 10 years old I had a teacher who was very strict and unfriendly. I combated it by being nasty back to her, didn't get through much music in between these power struggles.

I have never shouted or yelled uncontrollably at any student. When you do it highlights that you are personally involved and frustrated. A weak teacher gets frustrated and annoyed because they cannot solve the students problem which might seem so easy and obvious to themselves.

However if through their aggressive approach you find you are learning something, or feel like you are put to the test, constantly pressured by the teacher to produce results, then this might be good. However you do not feel like the teacher is being bad mannered rather a force for motivation, a force to encourage you. If it is just useless yelling and it highlights only the teacher letting off steam, then you should dump the teacher immediately.

If through their yelling they are encouraging you, driving you on, then it is good and you should toughen up and not be such a baby! Certainly learning the piano can be frustrating, a good teacher can highlight your frustrations through their own tone of voice and choice of words, sometimes their yelling mocks your own annoyance and drives you to improve yourself. I have one Chinese boy I teach who we have yelling and shouting. But it is not uncontrolled, he knows we are both not angry and we both are excited about the music and that this yelling and poking fun at his mistakes actually makes the lesson more enjoyable for him. But not everyone is like this, most people like a soft approach, as the saynig goes; "Honey catches more flies than vinegar." but there are rare cases where students like the vinegar! These lessons can be very interesting so long both parties know each other are not in an uncontrolled  bad mood.

I find people sometimes do not understand the difference between controlled and uncontrolled negative emotions. It is perfectly fine to be angry with someone and show it to them, but in a controlled manner. It is fine to be sad, scared etc, but so long it is controlled. These controlled negative emotions can in fact encourage us to do better, push us on, however the uncontrolled versions hinder and demoralize us. Some teachers who have very good controlled negative emotion however do not spend enough time to ensure that their students pick up on this controlled emotion. This then makes the student close up and become less responsive.

In fact it is sometimes good to ruffle the students feathers a little. I have, to new students, acted really strange to them, to break the ice, to make them feel more real with me, not pretending to feel a certain way, put on a mask of obedience. I like to see the student for who they really are, and sometimes you can encourage that out of them by poking fun at them, but of course the teacher has to be very careful using this, you can't over step the line, but if you get it right it can certainly melt away a students emotional defenses when they have lessons with you. This can be important in many different ways but most importantly it keeps each party honest. Often a student can pretend to know what you are talking about to appear acceptable to the teachers eyes, this is a damaging circle to allow into your lessons.
 

[Kassaa]

it highlights that you are personally involved

That is not a bad thing. (being frustrated and stuff is though )

[lostinidlewonder]

That is not a bad thing. (being frustrated and stuff is though )

Well my entire sentence said, being personally involved AND frustrated There is no real need to get frustrated with your student, so if teachers get bad mannered and annoyed with the student, this personal involvement has no place in teaching in my opinion. However if this is controlled and the teaching method still formulates through it, it is fine.

[avguste]

I myself can testify that yelling doesn't do any good.
One of my first teachers in the USA was known for his performance career,however as far as teaching, him and me didn't go so well.
So in the middle of the semester I switched to another teacher and since then I never looked back
Now,with this said,I also think that a teacher should be straight with the student and tell him exactly how he/she does.
However the yelling,insulting and such,usually doesn't work and no one should ever have to go thru that

[communist]

shes not a better teacher than me 

[guendola]

Coping with a yelling teacher is hard. If you can't, or don't want to (both is perfectly fine), you have to find another one. But It is even harder to change a person, actually, changing a music teacher is probably impossible. So if you want to keep this teacher, you have to find the best way to deal with her bad style.