It's so sad knowing how following my passion ends up like this...the piano now isn't like a friend...but an enemy that reveals my weaknesses and vulnerability. I feel bitter...have I really lost that love? I used to wake up early in the morning and run home after school to touch the piano and played for hours...and now...I fear it...this is frustrating.
Right.Here is my situation.Currently at a summer music festival on a gap year to improve myself for Masters degree.Stupidly talked about future and career, got told by the professor that the chance of winning competitions and become a pianist is impossible considering my age (21).I don't even have any intentions of becoming world famous...but still...no need to tell me this. I already know this since I was 14. And I have cried enough knowing how late I was despite starting early due to living in a small city with an average teacher, resulting in bad technique and faulty basics...Nonetheless, I still spent hours walking to the hotel bawling my eyes out..It makes me feel sad even though I know it's the truth...especially hearing this from a famous pianist. I know...don't have to say that phrase "You know it's impossible for you to become a pianist" out loud. It hurts too much for my weak mentality. I have always loved music...but I realized it has caused me to age a lot due to stress and pressure of not being good enough...I really hope someone can enlighten me. I really want to become a normal, happy girl...
The moral of the story -- these judges and professors have little or no knowledge of the real world.
What somebody needs to tell this professor:
True outin.I really have low self-esteem. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar. I would be feeling happy about my playing and life one day...and one failed performance would bring me down again. It gets really ugly. Even I get sick of this cycle too...how I have allowed myself to be like this. I have also turned to religion for comfort and to cure my 'depression'. Teachers at uni told us not to 'dream too big'...from the very first day, I was set to be mediocre. I really want to be emotionally strong...argh...
Teachers at uni told us not to 'dream too big'...from the very first day,
you're not bipolar. Stop acting so needy and attention-seeking. As for performance, you have to understand that technique is a problem solved purely by deconstructing movements and having a high standard as to what is 'good enough'. Just because one has good musicality doesn't mean he naturally has good technique. You're probably practising just as a form of resistance training, and not focusing properly on technique which is why you are not seeing any results.
The internet is great, isn't it? Even if mental health care is covered by your insurance it can be virtually impossible to find a provider in network in your area, so if you can't afford to pay top dollar, you may feel stuck. But you don't have to give up. Just bring your concerns about being bipolar to the internet and, free of charge, an expert will evaluate your case and make or rule out the diagnosis for you. And, as an added bonus, throw in some "tough love" therapy to top it off.
Right.Here is my situation.Currently at a summer music festival on a gap year to improve myself for Masters degree.Stupidly talked about future and career, got told by the professor that the chance of winning competitions and become a pianist is impossible considering my age (21).
have you hard about Lucas Debargue?
It's obvious that she doesn't have bipolar. Her failure to bring her playing up to standard has nothing to do with being bipolar, she is just finding an excuse for her dissatisfactions. If she were seeing a little success, she might start calling herself a champion.
You do realize that saying "sometimes I wonder if I am..." is just a saying commonly used when you notice similarities in youself/your behavior to something. It doesn't mean that the OP actually thinks he/she is bipolar.Just like you could say "sometimes I wonder if I am a total jerk" without actually believing it
Yet certain people on this forum are taking it so seriously as to recommend treatment.
Also, I don't know who that professor was/is, however I can tell you he is wrong.
Thank you for all the replies everyone. I have read each one of them and will try to work on these issues with all of your advice and help. Funny things happened these 2 days. Right after lesson yesterday, this concert pianist suddenly offered to drive me back to the hotel since it's almost 6 pm. He ACTUALLY drove me back and we talked about funny things and his life. Then he kept complimenting my sound though my playing wasn't perfect. He patted my shoulder a lot and was very kind, too kind even! Very strange. Maybe he saw my swollen eyes on the next lesson....as he kept asking "Are you okay? " many times.
Right after lesson yesterday, this concert pianist suddenly offered to drive me back to the hotel since it's almost 6 pm. He ACTUALLY drove me back and we talked about funny things and his life. Then he kept complimenting my sound though my playing wasn't perfect. He patted my shoulder a lot and was very kind, too kind even! Very strange. Maybe he saw my swollen eyes on the next lesson....as he kept asking "Are you okay? " many times.
In the end, we all have our ears so we should know how we play and played
He was known to come home from an apparently successful concert and practice the very same pieces he played that night, for hours, exploring new ways to present the pieces.