Am I at the right level? How do I evaluate my position as a musician correctly?

[pianoamatuer]

Okay--  so I have already realized at this point I've already done another question on correct posture [want more help on that, but I really can't complain] Actually, I would like to have that forum thread deleted but life's a pickle turner. Anyway, recently for a while I've been seriously questioning my progress as a pianist, if my pace is okay, if my teacher is right, etc. Blah blah. I know someone's already going to bust in here with the "if you don't trust your teacher why do you have that teacher?" and simply my response to that is I'm a unconventional meticulous, fretful guy and the questions must be due to my traitorous traits. Still, I don't see my thoughts completely foolish.
She is after all, my first piano teacher and after seeing a lot of examples of good teachers and bad teachers I think it's finally time for me to sit down and question everything. And if you read further, don't laugh at my amateur-like prowess.
First off, I'm currently working on Muzio Clementi Op.36 No.1 for my junior festival that is coming up fairly soon. I wouldn't declare the song perfect for demonstrating my talent. I'm finishing up Op.36 No.3 actually, having got down the first and third movement. I've worked on No.3 for only a short time, maybe about 3 weeks but I've barely practiced it except this week I've been doing it a lot for fun. Now I can play through the whole movement. I'm doing a little of No.2 just for fun. Sometimes I make little mistakes when I play Op.36 No.1 though. This is normal right? [Remember, I always question everything, because I worry a lot. I carry extremely low self-esteem too.]  My finger slips when I play the swift eighth notes. Sometimes I hold the last note of the measure a little too long, and my left hand goes decrescendo while playing the last notes of the movement. It's turning my turnips, but I haven't winded down on the issue yet. I'm starting to wonder if a majority of the little slip-ups I make occasionally is my piano that's causing me a lot of trouble because the touchweight is considerably light, and when I press down mega-hard I only get decent loudness. Talk about a sound piano. Ha...ha.
My mom told me you have to practice your "ass off until the song can be played perfectly every time." Obviously I want to achieve this, actually I've been enforcing a real strict schedule on myself. I've always practiced like 40 minutes a week but starting last week I did +1 hour everyday and this week 30min-1 hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. I want to extend it forward 2 more hours [4 hours everyday] but considering the horrendous amount of schoolwork I have to do, I don't think that's gonna work till summer. My mom's already telling me off for getting a B in algebra, but that's because I put off HW to practice more. Sigh.
Back to the topic, so sometimes I screw up on No.1. I'm worried I'm not ready for the song? I always make 1 mistake whenever I play any song and it gets on my nerves. For the No.1 though I've been playing it for like 2 months now and I can play it perfectly if I'm not nervous, and it's pretty much based on probability. Whenever I play the song infront of my mother and I make one mistake she thunders at me with a "you've been practicing this song for how long? 2 months? and you still can't play it perfectly?" It really puts me in a bad mood, and this has been happening for a while.
Should I go back to playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? you're supposed to be able to play a song perfectly every single time to be deemed having the same appropriate level as the song, right?  Is my teacher wrong for making me play such a song? Am I not ready because apparently I can't even play a child song like No.1 correctly 100%? Just typing this annoys me. The curiosity has been DESTROYING my will to play the piano.
So.. yeah. Basically this subject might be a little irrelevant to the post because I'm pretty much asking a mix-up of questions. But no one likes a account that posts stuff all the time. So just help me out and tell me what you think, please.
And one more question - I'm getting a tuner to tune my piano. Make it a little stiff on touchweight. What is the ideal stiffness/hardness of each key? Is there a scale? The bass notes are so light and the treble ones are a little harder.

[outin]

No, you are not supposed to be able to play every time perfectly. Some can, but many of us make random mistakes despite the actual difficulty of the piece. And seems your mother should stay away from your playing, what she does will not help, it just makes it worse. Thinking too much about irrelevant things and worrying is always a major problem in learning.

People make mistakes in recitals even when perfectly prepared because of nerves or having a bad day... What you need to learn is to ignore mistakes when not practicing, but never when practicing. The former is easier said than done, I know.

But at least you can stop worrying about being on right "level". These pieces are certainly not "above you". You may need to review your practice methods though, often inconsistency does come from inefficient practice methods.

[dcstudio]

Dude, or dudette, I am so tired of this question.  Learning the piano does not happen in a nice linear fashion. People don't progress at a pre set pace either.  Worrying about what level you are is a waste of time.  You bang your head against the wall and then you crash through it only to find another wall behind it.  That is what it's like to learn this beast of an instrument.  I will say you are exhibiting all the neurosis necessary to become a great musician...we are all a bit nuts.

[dcstudio]

Dude, or dudette, I am so tired of this question.  Learning the piano does not happen in a nice linear fashion. People don't progress at a pre set pace either.  Worrying about what level you are is a waste of time.  You bang your head against the wall and then you crash through it only to find another wall behind it.  That is what it's like to learn this beast of an instrument.  I will say you are exhibiting all the neurosis necessary to become a great musician...we are all a bit nuts.  I would tell you to chill but that really won't do any good now will it.  Keep obsessing but practice more and worry less. 

[pianoamatuer]

@outin Reading your reply initially shocked me, and frankly left me in disbelief. But after a day of revisiting it, I suppose you are right.
I do make mistakes in practice, usually I shrug it off because it is just a little slip off that doesn't occur frequently. Sometimes when I make a mistake that is too noticeable, I begin to cut off everything else and work on the passage/note. I want this note to express itself exactly how I want it. Unfortunately, I'm still at the beginning stage of being a pianist that, essentially, I don't want to bring any piece to performance level because I just don't find the music fun! Who listens to Clemente for enjoyment? Exactly.. I listen to rhapsodies, chaconnes, sonatas, sonatinas, all sophisticated like the Hungarian Rhapsody. (Wonderful..) Or how about Pathetique? All these songs, if I ever get to learn them, I will spend much time on them and perfect them. But for now, a Clementi Op.36 No.1 really isn't motivating me. Heck, I spend more time doing scales and Hanon exercises, and obsess over my posture. Anyway, what I'm saying is I usually don't go full-on very efficient with my practice. I ought to change that - because I'm considering a career in music and starting so late, I don't think I have a choice;  demanding my physical and psychological to be strained extremely to play better is probably my best bet. Also, I might just have to delete my social media off my phone. In this generation we carry too many distractions. Just like that JFK book I've been wanting to get around to.. aww. Anyway, I'm using a practice method that most would call "deliberate practice." I don't think I'm doing too well at it, but hey, I'm doing my best.

@dcstudio I think you're right hah! We are all a little crazy // at least, I hope so. I still worry because what if I'm falling behind a regular learning pace? How does a regular pianist progress? Typically in a year how much can a pianist accomplish starting out on his first year?
I'm also facing insane problems whenever I perform. I would presume that question is for another time, when I become more advanced in my piano playing. But that will be a long time from now. Or will it?

Nonetheless, thank you for the replies. I still need to know how I should ask my tuner to tune my upright piano. Is there a scale that tells the specific touchweight?  What's the ideal stiffness for each key? I find my piano to be very loud when pressed on softly, and to get a big, big sound you have to press extremely loud, which hurts my forearms.  There are too many questions I want answered. I wish there was someone here I could go to with my questions without having to perpetually bother the forum.

[dcstudio]

@outin Reading your reply initially shocked me, and frankly left me in disbelief. But after a day of revisiting it, I suppose you are right.
I do make mistakes in practice, usually I shrug it off because it is just a little slip off that doesn't occur frequently. Sometimes when I make a mistake that is too noticeable, I begin to cut off everything else and work on the passage/note. I want this note to express itself exactly how I want it. Unfortunately, I'm still at the beginning stage of being a pianist that, essentially, I don't want to bring any piece to performance level because I just don't find the music fun! Who listens to Clemente for enjoyment? Exactly.. I listen to rhapsodies, chaconnes, sonatas, sonatinas, all sophisticated like the Hungarian Rhapsody. (Wonderful..) Or how about Pathetique? All these songs, if I ever get to learn them, I will spend much time on them and perfect them. But for now, a Clementi Op.36 No.1 really isn't motivating me. Heck, I spend more time doing scales and Hanon exercises, and obsess over my posture. Anyway, what I'm saying is I usually don't go full-on very efficient with my practice. I ought to change that - because I'm considering a career in music and starting so late, I don't think I have a choice;  demanding my physical and psychological to be strained extremely to play better is probably my best bet. Also, I might just have to delete my social media off my phone. In this generation we carry too many distractions. Just like that JFK book I've been wanting to get around to.. aww. Anyway, I'm using a practice method that most would call "deliberate practice." I don't think I'm doing too well at it, but hey, I'm doing my best.

@dcstudio I think you're right hah! We are all a little crazy // at least, I hope so. I still worry because what if I'm falling behind a regular learning pace? How does a regular pianist progress? Typically in a year how much can a pianist accomplish starting out on his first year?
I'm also facing insane problems whenever I perform. I would presume that question is for another time, when I become more advanced in my piano playing. But that will be a long time from now. Or will it?

Nonetheless, thank you for the replies. I still need to know how I should ask my tuner to tune my upright piano. Is there a scale that tells the specific touchweight?  What's the ideal stiffness for each key? I find my piano to be very loud when pressed on softly, and to get a big, big sound you have to press extremely loud, which hurts my forearms.  There are too many questions I want answered. I wish there was someone here I could go to with my questions without having to perpetually bother the forum.

Wow you are going to be a great pianist some day... lol...how does a regular pianist practice?  Find one for me then we can ask him and we will both know.   Don't micromanage your tuner they know what they are doing and most players don't. 

Think of striking your keys instead of pressing them...pressing is unnecessary and takes up a whole lot of energy. Once the key is struck don't hold it with force. The pain of learning to play is emotional it's not physical.

[huaidongxi]

'amateur' (if that is what your moniker is derived from) comes from the verb 'to love'.  so all excesses and obsessions are possible if not preferable.

your piano might simply not be able to support the dynamic range you'd wish from it.  most vertical pianos can be played loudly unless parts or most of the action, or the strings, are simply worn out or beyond expiration date.  controlled dynamics down to the softest levels (ppp) is what separates the good instruments from the average.

[pianoamatuer]

@dcstudio Thank you for the compliment but, I don't think I will ever be able to achieve such a title. That could be going toward Lang Lang or Valentina. I think I'm just trying really hard. That's okay. It's a beautiful instrument . Also, I set my eyes on catching up to the other normal early-starters. And my eyes won't come off. I will achieve my goal. Possibly thinking of getting to a university for piano. Also, I'll take your word for it and leave it up to the tuner.
You are also right about striking the keys. I am reading a book on piano technique[sorta] and it is indeed helpful! It must be glad for others to forget hearing me pester the forum so much.
@huai I guess we learn something new everyday. Today I found out el nino means boy in Spanish. Yay!  My vertical piano is very new - Kawai. But it is not very tall and the touch weight stinks. So..

Considering my very long day, I'm going to enjoy a batch of ramen and read this new lovely book I just got today.

[bernadette60614]

I'll toss this into the mix:

Consider your mother to be your biggest challenge, and set for yourself the goal of being relaxed when you play for her.

At the end of next month, I'll have my second musical evening with the other adults who study with my teacher. First time round, I had my two pieces down perfectly in optimal conditions.  Playing at home, alone and in front of my lovely piano teacher.  However, when I sat down to play, it was as if every mistake I had corrected so thoroughly, rose up suddenly as I played.  I played through them, but they definitely made me less relaxed and I did not enjoy the evening.

For this next musical evening, I plan on playing in front of my husband.  Someone who is quick to point out if my tempo lags or if I sound in any way unprofessional.  As far as I know, this isn't to decrease my self-esteem, but because he has a well trained ear and he knows that I want to play at a professional level.

To pass  his test, I plan on recording myself in less that optimal conditions, pre-morning coffee, e.g. Late at night.  I speculate that if I can play when I am pretty much mentally unconscious (pre-morning coffee), that I can play comfortably in front of an audience.

This doesn't get to level, but I just wanted to address the performance aspect of being a pianist.

Take care. Music is a joy...if we let it be!