10- Sits the wrong way on the piano bench...
Is surprised to learn that Rachmaninoff did not get the idea for the 2nd Piano Concerto from the song, "Full Moon and Empty Arms." ;D
9- When asked: Do you know any Bach? ...
Someone just always has to make everything controversial.
Glenn Gould. Need I say more?
12 - when can play the piano with perfect and amazing technique but doesn't know anything about theory and music
13. he thinks that the best way to play legato is lowering the right pedal :-X
13. he thinks that the best way to play legato is lowering the right pedal :-X
Dabblers, debutantes... people who act like they play but dont. Here 1000000 ways taken from real life preferably with which to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:
1- Believes Fur Elise is the Everest of piano repertoire, only second to the moonlight sonata.
2- When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor without realizing something is wrong. (This actually happened in an audition at mi older conservatoire, needless to say the tone-deaf interpreter was stopped after 6 measures)...
(Feel free to continue:)
you got beef with glenn gould?!?!?!i sincerely hope not. interpretation = 50% of music. gould recognized he wasn't just playing bach's music, he was sharing it equally with him. an audience has no interest in reading a bach suite from the sheet music, as they have little interest in joe-nobody on the piano about to perform it. However, Joe-nobody with a fantastic interpretation+Bach score = Beauty.
Dont like it? Start a different thread and tell us why, but please dont clutter this one up. Are you easily offended? well... if the shoe fits. Some of the ones Ive posted are things I did myself at some point. If you bother to read you will see that some of them are actually about me.... Please, I hate it when people start arguing over who is right and who is wrong.
Are you easily offended? well... if the shoe fits.
to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:
29 - Whoever is trying to learn without taking lessons (sorry, I think so)
What about Arturo Benedetti Michelangeli? The best in my opinion, specially for impressionism stuff
Stick with a lousy piano in their home
Doesn't have a piano
and the guys who don't get all these indications that show that a person is not a pianist
50- Prefer Evanescence because everybody else is listening to them.
43. he/she who wonders why anyone would want that outer left pedal on a grand that makes you play your piece half a tone too high
Who the apostrophe is Evanescence?!Evanescense is Amy Lee's band's name. It's kind of a optimistically dark rock group with good vocals (Amy Lee) and use of typically classical instruments, in my opinion.
I strongly object no.12:
this makes number 85: Someone who things you cant be a serious pianist if you dont know a lot about about music theory.
Long, sometimes exquisitely manicured nails.
103 - Thinks 'Fur Elise' starts with a really fast and virtuosic trill.
94. Thinks Beethoven is a dog. ;D
Hey, some people need them for guitar, you know... ;)
I think the most appropriate response if someone ever responds "But Beethoven is a dog..." is to look them straight in the eye, and without flinching or batting an eyelid, with a perfectly serious expression say. "Yes, Saint Bernards are amazing animals."
57. Ask you to play something and then start plonking the keys at either the highest or lowest point of the keyboard.
109. Plays a "show-off" piece faster than he can handle just to show off to his friends.
I've seen this one at my middle school talent show, he messed up march of the dwarves (grieg) in front of the whole school! Played it fast, faster, messed up, and stopped. Started again, playing even faster, notes mashing together, messed up, and stops again... etc. nevertheless, almost everyone was still cheering for him.
108. Believing that one can master the piano even if they let their nails grow to play the guitar as well. ;D ;)
120 thinks music is nothing but beautiful noises.
36 - when someone says "I' don't like Bach's music because it's boring."
36 - when someone says "I' don't like Bach's music because it's boring."
I resent that!
I am mexican, and I happen to know several excelent mexican pianists (although Ill grant you that they dont study in Mexico, because I have to admit the quality of piano education IN Mexico is terrible)
68. Thinks that a hemiola is a disease
125. People who say "WOW" when you play Fur Elise's main theme.
Actually I own a piano arrangement of the fifth symphony. ;D
126. When your teacher thinks you are a child prodigy because you play so much better than her other students and can't notice that it's the stupid way she is teaching them that's crippling them.
129: should I sculpt the penis?
130: do I play with my penis?
131: do I conduct with my penis?
129: should I sculpt the penis?
130: do I play with my penis?
131: do I conduct with my penis?
Nick Pelletier is that you!?!?!..whats up man how you been?!?!
2- When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor
Ya it's me, sorry but who are you again?...
One can easily discern the segment of society not promoting, unequivocally, his or her unrelenting sentiment toward being a pianist by observing two pivotal factors.
132: He or she demonstrates or expresses an outward, general disdain for the instrument currently in discussion whilst, en même temps, appropriately illuminating the complete and total absense of said instrument within his or her residence.
133: He or she, whilst in the mist of conversing about said instrument, gives a quote similar yet not limited to, Yes, I study the 88, but, sadly, I must concede, my engrossment is substantially lax or limited to enjoyment for sheer aesthetic value.
ah you have no idea who i am..and i have no idea who you are..for i just got your name from your email adress MUAHAHAHA welcome to PF..its great here make yourself at home
Translation for Hoodlum Minorities:
132: This foo be frontin like diss his turf but he aint even up on dat mouth piece n aint even keepin it real wit his homies bout how he be on doze pizziano keys like dey be on fiah.!!
132: Dude be talkin smack like he all up on doze black n whites but on da real, foo cant even reprezent like iss bout it bout it. So dis jigga be straight posin like a down loc G at da Pizzy..but on da real, juzz innit fo' da ladies...word
133: Short hair.
Self takes offense to this.
This is clearly a specist statement >:(.
:-* just kidding
134 (skip any?): Another aspect allowing one to easy discern the so-called serious pianist from the blahzay is the attire of the pianist. Any serious pianist always dressed in only the most expensive of tuxedo, making sure it solid black as white and other colors arreserved for quayars and the hopelessly confused. He has his shoes polished by personal servant only. Never tip, the servant knows his place. He must always approach the piano from the stage front, place his left hand upon the piano, and take a bow, never bending to little or too much. He avoids rude jesters, such as flailing of one's arms and wobbling of ones head whilst grimacing, in order to appear better in control of his intrument. At the conclusion of his performance he always plays an encore after taking three bows. The encore should be no shorter than three minute, but no longer than ten -regardless of whatever fatigue he feels from his previous performance. He must make it lively so as to wake those who feel asleep during the sonata part of the program. After the encore he must meet with audience and reporters alike where he must, with great emphasis, deny he has any talent whatsoever, so as to not harm the fragile egos of his adoring fans. He must hunch slightly and never raise his head to high in an attempt to be more approachable.
Ghetto Translation:
134: Aight check-it...Foo be reppin n sportin mad threads, nah mean?...he be alwayz flossin n poppin collaz n he always up on doze new kicks..makin sure he be duztin da dirt off hiz shouldah....foo alwayz gotta be comin through struttin n comin correct up on dat piano-piece...dis dude be always keepin it on da down low n neva makin fooz scrurrrred wit gang signs...cuz he juss tryna be bout uit bout it fo da ladies....when homiez wanna hear sum mo of dat pizzy...jigga always up on par but neva takin too long on doze crazy 88's...he be playin it crazily to wake peeps who aint showin love, nah mean?...when foo be done...he juss be sayin iss all nuffin..he be sayin he juss keepin it real so dat jiggas dont hate on his style....he also be keepin dat gangsta limp..to let da posse know he got street cret n can hang wit da most...WORD...
Ghetto Translation:
134: Aight check-it...Foo be reppin n sportin mad threads, nah mean?...he be alwayz flossin n poppin collaz n he always up on doze new kicks..makin sure he be duztin da dirt off hiz shouldah....foo alwayz gotta be comin through struttin n comin correct up on dat piano-piece...dis dude be always keepin it on da down low n neva makin fooz scrurrrred wit gang signs...cuz he juss tryna be bout uit bout it fo da ladies....when homiez wanna hear sum mo of dat pizzy...jigga always up on par but neva takin too long on doze crazy 88's...he be playin it crazily to wake peeps who aint showin love, nah mean?...when foo be done...he juss be sayin iss all nuffin..he be sayin he juss keepin it real so dat jiggas dont hate on his style....he also be keepin dat gangsta limp..to let da posse know he got street cret n can hang wit da most...WORD...
136. Get's drunk and posts on a piano forum, rambling on about nothing. And also smells like me.
Unerlining Translation:
136: im so drunk right now..why am i even posting on the pianoforum with such a high volume of alcohol content..*rob slaps his face* GET IT TOGETHER MAN.......hey...i havnt taken a shower in 5 days...and NO ONE has SAID a THING 8)
137. Doesn't have a regular pair of black dress shoes for performance (I did, i just couldn't find them in time!) so substitutes black, cleated athletic shoes instead. And gets away with it!
Plays a song an octave too high for the entire song for the entire competition....
one hundred and something: have problems spelling the word "dodecaphony" (real story: duostecatony was only one of the attempted versions);it's ugly anyway... ;D
Thinks that 3/4 is 6/8148(?): thinks that 6/8 have six times (and never played a music in 12/anything)
Playing/Practicing without proper posture
I thought, this tread is about recognizing a person who is not a serious pianist... ::)
;D
My my... those last ones I'll have to admit will be a tiny bit offensive to many here.
34- Liberace...
35- Doesn't really see the difference between what he hears in his CD of Horowitz plays the Tchaikovsky concertos and the version he plays from "Classic themes for children".... (Ugh, one of my ex-students)
what was wrong with Liberace?
116 She or He thinks that a clasically trainend pianist cant play jazz or blues
117 She or He think that Arrau will be the best ever
118 She or He spends 5 hours posting messages but spends 5 minutes practicing.
nothing at all i should say.LOL the man did love his clothes. He did play very well though.
(https://oregonmag.com/Liberace.jpg)
154. Someone who reasons in terms of good and bad based on biased opinions passed on by somebody else.as the opinions sent forth in a forum? ;D
nothing at all i should say.
(https://oregonmag.com/Liberace.jpg)
ok! but if he´s happy... =Pi would say that he was much more than happy... ;D
157. Actually enjoys accompanying singers.hey...i do!!! ;D
159. Believes that the ending of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2 requires the most complex thought process known to man and calls it a "level 10 technique" that the likes of Rachmaninov, Hamelin and Horowitz had to fake because they do/did not have the ability to process the required 20 variables in order to play "40 confusing hand changes in 3 seconds".
160. Comes out to play the Tchaikovsky Bb concerto with an orchestra, splatters the first three chords and then throws up all over the keys. (true story)
159. Believes that the ending of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2 requires the most complex thought process known to man and calls it a "level 10 technique" that the likes of Rachmaninov, Hamelin and Horowitz had to fake because they do/did not have the ability to process the required 20 variables in order to play "40 confusing hand changes in 3 seconds".
Who was that...? ::)
166. constantly announces that Mozart was a genius but has no idea why
174. Asks if you can play any of Chopin's symphonies on the piano.
Did happen...
also from 'all by myself' by whoever it's by
and also thinks that pachabel's canon in d maj was inspired by vitamin c's graduation song- story from yr10 when watching an australian movie on the vietnam war with nicole kidma in it made back in the 80's or something, the theme piece was pachabel's canon, and my friend goes 'why are they playing the graduation song...' and i'm like 'you moron it's a canon that was written several hundred years before the graduation song' but seriously how can you NOT know that?!
140. calls a piece a song ::) (just kidding, don't take this as an attack ;))
170. walks into your house and drops their coat and backpack onto your grand piano (I almost died)
This is #1 for me. When people sit a beverage, car-keys, coats, purses, etc. on their shiny grand I want to throw-up in their face. Many people (like myself) do not have an acoustic grand in their home. Ah...the annoyances in life...
I love that song called Symphony #9. Moonlight is also a top 40 hit song, in the AC Billboard Hot 100. I guess I better trash my copy of Bartok's 'Hungarian Peasant Songs', oh wait....
171. Attempts to pass their piano exam by playing their scales one octave, one hand
11 - Has a bad sense of fashion.what sorta fashion r u talking about? modern or the good ol' wear from the times of the masters?
(https://www.diners.hr/magazin/datoteke/broj_32/maksim%203.jpg)
People who play music from the past and nothing more ;)
well since u said that then perhaps you can tell me y modern music is better than music from the past? it's noise 2 me n i'm sure it is 2 alot of others.
noise as in rock, heavy metal.. but none of those pieces, i presume can be played on the piano. well but i was trying 2 say that playing only modern music on the piano isnt beneficial is it?
then i wonder why all those famous professionals like glenn gould, vladimir horowitz. all of them out there didn record any of them. if they did play modern music, then should'nt there be some of their recordings 4 these kinda music so it at least makes it easier 4 people 2 learn or understand them?
then i wonder why all those famous professionals like glenn gould, vladimir horowitz. all of them out there didn record any of them. if they did play modern music, then should'nt there be some of their recordings 4 these kinda music so it at least makes it easier 4 people 2 learn or understand them?
You picked the worst examples possible. Horowitz played Prokofiev and Barber etc. And Gould also played the serial composers...exactly what I thougt. when did he record webern? it was in the early sixties, wasn't it? since the music was composed in 1936, it was quite fresh at the time. if he was alive and recording now a days, he would play boulez or berio for sure (along with renaissance, bach, 19th century music, ie, everything).
noise as in rock, heavy metal.. but none of those pieces, i presume can be played on the piano. well but i was trying 2 say that playing only modern music on the piano isnt beneficial is it?
179: Doesn't realize Moonlight is in C# minor, and that there's more than the first mvtthat's true! a lot of people play simplified versions in other keys!!! :o :-X
that's true! a lot of people play simplified versions in other keys!!! :o :-XA friend of mine, playing the violin, was about to do an audition to a music academy. The ones who doesn't play the piano or guitar as main instrument has to play "chord-instrument". So her teacher told her to play the raindrop prelude like 2 month before the audition. 2 or 3 days before the audition she ask me if I could listen her playing, and ofc I did.
150: Or: Always speeds up when it's loud and slows down when it's soft
16. Posts on a piano forum instead of playing :P
Dabblers, debutantes... people who act like they play but dont. Here 1000000 ways taken from real life preferably with which to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:
1- Believes Fur Elise is the Everest of piano repertoire, only second to the moonlight sonata.
2- When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor without realizing something is wrong. (This actually happened in an audition at mi older conservatoire, needless to say the tone-deaf interpreter was stopped after 6 measures)...
(Feel free to continue:)
133: Short hair.
185: Answers "True" to the following True or False question: "Beethoven wrote two symphonies: the 5th and the 9th" (my music history professor is quite the humorist)And then ask if you could play it on the piano (and not talk about the Liszt-transcription)
186. Plays the 2nd part of Fur Elise retardedly fast so he can brag that he's better than you...(this happened to me once ???)
189. Believes that the "Minute Waltz" can be (and in fact is meant to be) played in one minute.I've heard it be played in one minute.. It was rather shitty, but it was one minute..
I've heard it be played in one minute.. It was rather shitty, but it was one minute..
I've heard it be played in one minute.. It was rather shitty, but it was one minute..
Yeah, I didn't say I liked it when it's played in 1 min, but it's possible to.
Obviously, it's not a minute in time....
| 1 | Believes Fur Elise is the Everest of piano repertoire, only second to the moonlight sonata. |
| 2 | When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor without realizing something is wrong. |
| 3 | Calls piano music "songs". |
| 4 | if they is not a membah of DA SDC |
| 5 | Thinks Rachmaninoff's 3rd Concerto is called the "Mach 3" |
| 6 | Thinks Chopin was gay because he dedicated music to George Sand. |
| 7 | Thinks Richard Clayderman is a classical pianist ! |
| 8 | Is surprised to learn that Rachmaninoff did not get the idea for the 2nd Piano Concerto from the song, "Full Moon and Empty Arms." |
| 9 | When asked: Do you know any Bach? Proceeds to play the first measures of the tocatta in d minor and the Minuet in G from Anne Magdalenes notebook.... |
| 10 | Sits the wrong way on the piano bench... |
| 11 | Has a bad sense of fashion. |
| 12 | when can play the piano with perfect and amazing technique but doesn't know anything about theory and music |
| 13 | Thinks playing on the black keys is really, really hard. |
| 14 | they start a thread about how to recognise people who aren't serious pianists. |
| 15 | Pronounces Bach "Batch" |
| 16 | Plays with index fingers only, or the incredibly solid knuckles hand formation!!! |
| 17 | he thinks that the best way to play legato is lowering the right pedal |
| 18 | she thinks that the best way to play legato never involves the right pedal |
| 19 | playing pop songs with chords in the left hand and some 5 note melody in the right hand! |
| 20 | thinks anyone with a good technique must/will be a great pianist. |
| 21 | Posts on a piano forum instead of playing |
| 22 | Thinks a synth is suitable replacement for a piano, even better since it can make 1001 sounds |
| 23 | After hearing a particularily great concert goes up to Daniel Barenboim and asks him what he does for a "real job". (since it really is impossible to make a living as a musician) |
| 24 | After hearing a great concert goes up to Evgeny Kissin and asks him where he can download that song (Beethoven 5th concerto) for his mobile phone. |
| 25 | Blushes when someone talks about "fingering" a piece. |
| 26 | Long, sometimes exquisitely manicured nails. |
| 27 | the guys who don't get all these indications that show that a person is not a pianist |
| 28 | Identified with Elton John when he got to play the piano for Diana's funeral. Thought it was really cool and that the rest of the music sucked. |
| 29 | Thinks they can easily recognize who is not a "serious" pianist and makes a list about it |
| 30 | Wonders what this "list" is that everyone is talking about and what it has to do with hungarian rhapsody. |
| 31 | When I was an absolute beginner I had a teacher who wanted I practiced in a rambling, almost dumb and filthy piano, saying it was advisable for learning. |
| 32 | Anybody practicing 2 or 3 days in a week or only during weekends |
| 33 | Whoever is trying to learn without taking lessons (sorry, I think so) |
| 34 | Anybody whose playing is really bad, but who makes lot of mannered gestures (lisztian emulation looks good only for acomplished pianists) |
| 35 | Anybody learning simplified versions of classical piano repertoire |
| 36 | Everyone who says he/she will be playing Fur Elise and then only plays the main theme. |
| 37 | Everyone who sits down at an acoustic piano and asks where the on/off button is (true story!) |
| 38 | Liberace... |
| 39 | Doesn't really see the difference between what he hears in his CD of Horowitz plays the Tchaikovsky concertos and the version he plays from "Classic themes for children". |
| 40 | Thinks "Alberado del Grascioso" is a Mexican middle-weight. |
| 41 | Thinks there are easy and difficult to play piano works. |
| 42 | Categorizes piano works by difficulty levels. |
| 43 | Thinks the composer was really worried about the level of "difficulty" of his work. |
| 44 | Looks at her piano teacher's bookshelf/library and thinks that she owns every piece of piano music ever composed. |
| 45 | Asks her piano teacher if she's played every piece of piano music ever composed. |
| 46 | Doesn't see any point in working on a piece if it's not just for "fun" |
| 47 | Sits on the piano and inmediately looks for the "on" button. |
| 48 | Is dissapointed to hear that the piano cant make "funkysynth" or "flutteryghosts", but only comes with one single boring sound effect. |
| 49 | he/she who wonders why anyone would want that outer left pedal on a grand that makes you play your piece half a tone too high |
| 50 | prefers Fazioli pianos because of theirs paint jobs ! |
| 51 | Wear grey robes. |
| 52 | Worship the full moon. |
| 53 | Live in the forest. |
| 54 | Prefer Steinway pianos because everybody else is using them. |
| 55 | Prefer Evanescence because everybody else is listening to them. |
| 56 | After discussing your latest composition and their supposed total interest in it, you sit down to play it and they turn to someone else and begin talking. |
| 57 | They cannot bring themselves to complement someone else's playing. |
| 58 | When asked to perform with other musicians, they do not bother to show up on time or be prepared to dig in. |
| 59 | Stick with a lousy piano in their home. |
| 60 | They can only play one composer well and continue to do so again and again in local public performances. |
| 61 | Upon entering a room whilst you are playing, they immediately shout "TURN IT OFF." |
| 62 | Ask you to play something and then start plonking the keys at either the highest or lowest point of the keyboard. |
| 63 | Ask you to play something and interupt you asking you to play something else and not any of that classical ****. |
| 64 | Asks you to play "eye of the tiger," whatever that is, I think it's the thing with the repeated octaves. |
| 65 | Arrives unprepared for a performance of some of the easiest music ever arranged, played on an electric keyboard with a "one fingered" melody in RH and one note chord settings in the LH and a backing rhythm and still manages to mess it up. |
| 66 | Tries to play the theme from "Titanic" on any random starting note with all white keys and still thinks it is right. |
| 67 | Gets frustrated and envious of those who are better pianists but practises something like five minutes a week. |
| 68 | Teaches pupils who come for piano lessons on an electric keyboard with the easiest music every written with a one fingered melody in RH and one note chord settings in the LH and a backing rhythm and makes them sight read through it at tediously slow speeds while they still make loads of mistakes and harshly criticises unconstructively and doesn't really care whether or not they improve. |
| 69 | Thinks they know everything about music and tries to sound clever by correcting you with falsehoods that even they know is garbage but just aim to prove you wrong. |
| 70 | Upon hearing a piece that a student has been working on for many weeks, says every lesson, "It needs a bit of work, that one." |
| 71 | Locks you in the practice room. |
| 72 | Puts pupils through as many exams as possible regardless of their ability or readiness because they are paid more money. |
| 73 | Pulls the power supply out of the electric piano while you are practicing. |
| 74 | Organizes concerts that are simply I bunch of talentless morons getting up and singing with no musical detail whatsoever and recieving a huge applause. |
| 75 | Thinks that a hemiola is a disease. |
| 76 | Thinks that a leitmotif is a light bulb. |
| 77 | Spends years getting ready for a grade 5 exam and performs the music just as badly as at the beginning. |
| 78 | Tries to play difficult music paying no attention to technique or musicality but just trying to make as much noise as possible. |
| 79 | Thinks Bach is easy because there is no pedal used. |
| 80 | Thinks that all classical music is Mozart. |
| 81 | Thinks "Mozart" is spoken with English phonetics. |
| 82 | Knows 3 composers: "Beethoven", "Mo-zart" and "Tchaikovsky." |
| 83 | Steals music from you. |
| 84 | Doesn't have a piano. |
| 85 | Their 2 3 trills are as bad as my LH 5 4 trills. |
| 86 | Hits the piano when you are trying to practice, this happened many times when I used to practice at school. |
| 87 | Plays Fur Elise in such a way that the note at the end of every phrase is nipped and the left hand's chords are always a beat or two behind the right hand, then tells you (when you're looking at them in a non-admiring way that they perceive as admiration) that they've "been working on it for a long time." |
| 88 | Asks if you can play any "real music." |
| 89 | Asks if you can play Heart and Soul with them, then tells you that you're messing it up when the song (it did originally have words, didn't it?) falls apart due to their lagging (or nonexistent) rhythm. |
| 90 | Had absolutely no idea that a grand has an outer left pedal. |
| 91 | thinks the greatest pieces of music ever written are Linus and Lucy and The Entertainer. |
| 92 | Someone who things you cant be a serious pianist if you dont know a lot about about music theory. |
| 93 | Someone who thinks Chopin's Etude no 2 op.10 can be played with his toes. |
| 94 | Someone who thinks 'Sonata Facile' is facile. |
| 95 | Someone who thinks that 'music theory' is all 'theory' and superfluous to 'real music'. |
| 96 | Someone who knows nothing about music theory yet plays Beethoven and Schumann. |
| 97 | Someone who doesn't know whether a piano is in tune or not. |
| 98 | Someone who thinks 'cadence' and 'cadenza' are the same thing. |
| 99 | Asks you what the fastest thing you can play is. |
| 100 | Asks you how fast you can play a scale etc |
| 101 | Thinks Beethoven is a dog |
| 102 | Thinks Beethoven is a rap artist. |
| 103 | Says Bach as "Back" |
| 104 | Says Bach as "Bark" |
| 105 | Says Chopin as "Choppin'" |
| 106 | Refuses to play music of certain composers because of how they lived. |
| 107 | Believes that a serious pianist should recognize that salsa, jazz, heavy metal, punk rock and rap are not valid means of musical expression |
| 108 | Say Chopin as "Pincho" |
| 109 | Thinks that Fur Elise starts with a really slow trill.... |
| 110 | Thinks 'Fur Elise' starts with a really fast and virtuosic trill. |
| 111 | Thinks that pieces like Ravel's Bolero are structually advanced. |
| 112 | Considers themselves advanced for playing Claie de Lune or Moonlight 1st movement |
| 113 | Thinks Cantabile is pronounced "Can't - a - bile" |
| 114 | Plays too many notes at the start of Fur Elise and breaks off abruptly into the rest of the piece, thinking it is clever to do so |
| 115 | Believing that one can master the piano even if they let their nails grow to play the guitar as well |
| 116 | Plays a "show-off" piece faster than he can handle just to show off to his friends. |
| 117 | Thinks that you are just showing off when you play technically difficult music. |
| 118 | Asks you how long it takes to be able to play every piece ever written. |
| 119 | Starts to mock you by pretending to play the piano in thin air. |
| 120 | Starts to play the piano just because you have to perform as coursework. |
| 121 | writes in an exam: "Beethoven expired in 1827, he later died because of this. |
| 122 | enters a competition entitled "world competition for amateur pianists" thinking that if he/she wins he/she will have an international career. |
| 123 | wins the competition for amateur pianists and immediately applies to get their hands bronzed for later adulation. |
| 124 | She or He thinks that a clasically trainend pianist cant play jazz or blues |
| 125 | She or He think that Arrau will be the best ever |
| 126 | She or He spends 5 hours posting messages but spends 5 minutes practicing. |
| 127 | only knows pieces that one plays for piano exams |
| 128 | thinks music is nothing but beautiful noises. |
| 129 | when someone says "I' don't like Bach's music because it's boring." |
| 130 | Spelling Rachmaninoff as ROCKmaninoff |
| 131 | Complaining that moving a piano is more difficult than playing one. |
| 132 | making fun of liszt pieces by sayng "reces pieces" |
| 133 | ignoring the best sheet music website ( https://www.abrahamespinosa.com (https://www.abrahamespinosa.com) ) becouse its in another language |
| 134 | being mexican |
| 135 | Familiar with stereotypes of every piano composer but none of the literature. |
| 136 | When discussing repertoire, tells you s/he can play Chopin's Op. 10 No 3, and comments on how "beautiful" it is. Doesn't react when you mention Op. 10 No 4 and the 4th ballade in your repertoire, but when the name Rachmaninoff comes up (two slow preludes - Op 32 5 and 10) exclaims in admiration, "Ooh... the Rachmaninoff pieces are very difficult, aren't they?" |
| 137 | People who think that Beethoven's fifth symphony is a piano piece. |
| 138 | People who say ta ta ta taaaaaa (fifth symphony) when you tell that you play piano. |
| 139 | People who say "WOW" when you play Fur Elise's main theme. |
| 140 | When your teacher thinks you are a child prodigy because you play so much better than her other students and can't notice that it's the stupid way she is teaching them that's crippling them. |
| 141 | people who only think classical music is good in techno remixes |
| 142 | if you go to their house and its nothing but beginer books and cd's no intermidiet or advanced |
| 143 | when they think Nobuo Uetsumo (or w/e) is the ultimate composer for piano. |
| 144 | proud to be able to play "furry leaves" |
| 145 | when you get over to their place and all they have is a 40 key keyboard. |
| 146 | when they ask you why there are pound signs all over their music. |
| 147 | when they say Mozart has fury..and lacks the moisture...and when one is tight wit dey bad self.. |
| 148 | should I sculpt the penis? |
| 149 | do I play with my penis? |
| 150 | do I conduct with my penis? |
| 151 | He or she demonstrates or expresses an outward, general disdain for the instrument currently in discussion whilst, en même temps, appropriately illuminating the complete and total absense of said instrument within his or her residence. |
| 152 | He or she, whilst in the mist of conversing about said instrument, gives a quote similar yet not limited to, Yes, I study the 88, but, sadly, I must concede, my engrossment is substantially lax or limited to enjoyment for sheer aesthetic value. |
| 153 | Short hair. |
| 154 | The attire of the pianist. Any serious pianist always dressed in only the most expensive of tuxedo, making sure it solid black as white and other colors arreserved for quayars and the hopelessly confused. He has his shoes polished by personal servant only. Never tip, the servant knows his place. He must always approach the piano from the stage front, place his left hand upon the piano, and take a bow, never bending to little or too much. He avoids rude jesters, such as flailing of one's arms and wobbling of ones head whilst grimacing, in order to appear better in control of his intrument. At the conclusion of his performance he always plays an encore after taking three bows. The encore should be no shorter than three minute, but no longer than ten -regardless of whatever fatigue he feels from his previous performance. He must make it lively so as to wake those who feel asleep during the sonata part of the program. After the encore he must meet with audience and reporters alike where he must, with great emphasis, deny he has any talent whatsoever, so as to not harm the fragile egos of his adoring fans. He must hunch slightly and never raise his head to high in an attempt to be more approachable. |
| 155 | Thinks a Yamaha is a Japanese car. |
| 156 | Get's drunk and posts on a piano forum, rambling on about nothing. And also smells like me. |
| 157 | Doesn't have a regular pair of black dress shoes for performance (I did, i just couldn't find them in time!) so substitutes black, cleated athletic shoes instead. And gets away with it! |
| 158 | When sightreading a piece, doesn't check the key signature until half way through the first page. |
| 159 | Looks neat when starting to play and still looks neat after finishing. |
| 160 | Uses a little wooden mock keyboard so he can practise while watching television. |
| 161 | Plays a song an octave too high for the entire song for the entire competition.... |
| 162 | thinks wurlitzer is the best brand.... |
| 163 | Puts the pedal down and holds it down for the whole piece, while playing "Blue Spanish Eyes" in 6ths. |
| 164 | Hanon is a genious!, he really knows the keyboard! |
| 165 | after playing Hanon)...Czerny is a poetry! |
| 166 | Spell Liszt : Luiszt ... |
| 167 | thinks Siberian Husky is not attractive |
| 168 | When one plays the "Black Key" etude in C major |
| 169 | have problems spelling the word "dodecaphony" (real story: duostecatony was only one of the attempted versions) |
| 170 | Playing/Practicing without proper posture |
| 171 | Thinks that 3/4 is 6/8 |
| 172 | thinks that an appoggiatura and an acciacatura are the same thing. |
| 173 | thinks that 6/8 have six times (and never played a music in 12/anything) |
| 174 | Can only play at one dynamic level |
| 175 | Always speeds up when it's loud and slows down when it's soft |
| 176 | only ever plays the most recognised themes from all the overplayed songs. |
| 177 | Plays "Heart and Soul." (Even one offense on this will brand you as a non serious musician forever) |
| 178 | People who think, playing fast is the main problem for a pianist. |
| 179 | Someone who reasons in terms of good and bad based on biased opinions passed on by somebody else. |
| 180 | Thinks Liszt is empty show. |
| 181 | Not a Piano Major |
| 182 | Actually enjoys accompanying singers. |
| 183 | They dont "say" anything when they play |
| 184 | Believes that the ending of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2 requires the most complex thought process known to man and calls it a "level 10 technique" that the likes of Rachmaninov, Hamelin and Horowitz had to fake because they do/did not have the ability to process the required 20 variables in order to play "40 confusing hand changes in 3 seconds". |
| 185 | Comes out to play the Tchaikovsky Bb concerto with an orchestra, splatters the first three chords and then throws up all over the keys. |
| 186 | Signs up to a piano forum website and occasionally leaves samples of their playing in the form of MIDI files or excerpts of professional performances and expects this to be enough to get da respekt, innit? |
| 187 | If they're not playing "big" pieces anymore. |
| 188 | Pronounces Liszt as "Litz" (true story) |
| 189 | Announces that they "don't have any finger coordination." (true story) |
| 190 | cleans the piano keys with baby wipes (true story--left them very gunky...okay these are all true stories) |
| 191 | only plays the piano when drunk |
| 192 | constantly announces that Mozart was a genius but has no idea why |
| 193 | was not aware that grand pianos come in different sizes |
| 194 | thinks all pianos sound the same |
| 195 | cannot tell when a piano is out of tune |
| 196 | walks into your house and drops their coat and backpack onto your grand piano (I almost died) |
| 197 | Attempts to pass their piano exam by playing their scales one octave, one hand |
| 198 | was not aware you have to practice every day to get good |
| 199 | Visits your house, observes your Bosie 225 and later tells friends that you have a beautiful baby grand in your living room. |
| 200 | Asks if you can play any of Chopin's symphonies on the piano. |
| 201 | Thinks that the Starwars and the Indiana Jones theme song was composed by Raffmaninoff. |
| 202 | people who play modern music only and nothing more. |
| 203 | People who play music from the past and nothing more |
| 204 | spells fur elise Fleur De Lis |
| 205 | Thinks that if they complete their piano method, they can play anything! |
| 206 | a piano student who doesn't play everything, from renaissance to new composed music (notice that most of the time it's due to a non-serious-musician teacher) |
| 207 | a pianist - after those formative years - who doesn't have the creativity to develop a unique repertory, and stuck to mainstream music only (and there is no excuse: even if someone must play that because of her/his professional career, there is always space for something different). |
| 208 | Refers to arpeggios as "those crazy things he does with his hands". |
| 209 | Doesn't realize Moonlight is in C# minor, and that there's more than the first mvt |
| 210 | Posts, in a public piano forum, terrible recordings of pieces being sight-read, instead of practising them until they are good. |
| 211 | Thinks that you are playing a piece wrong just because you interpret it differently to the pianist they are used to hearing. |
| 212 | maybe?) Start clapping after the first movement in moonlight, only because you didn't know there were any more movements. |
| 213 | Think the first movement in moonlight and second movement of pathetique accually are 2 movements from the same piece, but still are called Moonlight and Pathetique (true story) |
| 214 | What do you mean too loud and without tempo?! Atleast he plays it with FEELING!!" |
| 215 | Play a piece, and when it gets difficult, you stop and start playing an other one.. |
| 216 | Answers "True" to the following True or False question: "Beethoven wrote two symphonies: the 5th and the 9th" |
| 217 | Plays the 2nd part of Fur Elise retardedly fast so he can brag that he's better than you... |
| 218 | Sincerely believes that Fur Elise is the most amazing piece in the universe and also pronounces it wrong. |
| 219 | he/she plays several pieces, difficult ones, but none of them well. |
| 220 | Believes that the "Minute Waltz" can be (and in fact is meant to be) played in one minute. |
| 221 | Thinks musicality= playing with tremendously rubato in every bar. |
| 222 | Misspells "Juilliard." |
| 223 | Tells you you sound good |
| 224 | Describes someone as a genius |
| 225 | Thinks that Mozart is from Australia (Austria. True story) |
| 226 | Surprised at a pianist who can actually play the 3rd movement of the Moonlight Sonata in a decent tempo |
| 227 | Thinks that Baroque was the first period of music (It wasn't.) |
| 228 | DREADS their next lesson for weeks ahead. |
| 229 | Find a piano forum. Create an accound with the name "slow_concert_pianist". Once you've done that, make a signature as following: "Currently rehearsing: Chopin Ballades (all) Rachmaninov prelude in Bb Op 23 No 2 Mozart A minor sonata K310 Prokofiev 2nd sonata Bach WTCII no 6 Busoni tr Bach toccata in D minor" It's important to use the word Rehearsing, and not learning.Since you already know everything there is. Then, as soon as possible, start spamming the forum with your recordings. It wont take long until some unmusical moron starts questioning your genius. Answer him with "Who the hell are you?!", "Post something better yourself then! HA! BACH? LOL!" or the very popular " SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP! MY MUM AND MY PROFESSOR SAYS I'M VERY TALENTED!!!! SHUT UUUUUP!" Once you've done that, you're clearly not a very serious pianist. |
190-ish. Find a piano forum. Create an accound with the name "slow_concert_pianist". Once you've done that, make a signature as following:Why so mean? slow-concert-pianist can definitely pay up to tempo if practices hard enough.
"Currently rehearsing:
Chopin Ballades (all)
Rachmaninov prelude in Bb Op 23 No 2
Mozart A minor sonata K310
Prokofiev 2nd sonata
Bach WTCII no 6
Busoni tr Bach toccata in D minor"
It's important to use the word Rehearsing, and not learning.Since you already know everything there is.
Then, as soon as possible, start spamming the forum with your recordings. It wont take long until some unmusical moron starts questioning your genius. Answer him with "Who the hell are you?!", "Post something better yourself then! HA! BACH? LOL!" or the very popular " SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP! MY MUM AND MY PROFESSOR SAYS I'M VERY TALENTED!!!! SHUT UUUUUP!"
Once you've done that, you're clearly not a very serious pianist.
Why so mean? slow-concert-pianist can definitely pay up to tempo if practices hard enough.
what pianisten said doesnt show that slow-concert-pianist is not a devoted pianist and it doesn't show that he doesn't work hard.
Has to look at the keys when playing scales
10 Sits the wrong way on the piano bench... 21 Posts on a piano forum instead of playing 32 Anybody practicing 2 or 3 days in a week or only during weekends
All the strings are in tune to themselves but out of pitch and not knowing it.....
Sits at a piano a 1/4 step out of tune playing as if everything was fine.
Cheers, Becky
Hi musicluvr49 - Im only guessing but im willing to bet you dont work much with singers or other musicans. Most String players think piano players are tone death idiots. And my goodness you had better know if your piano is off if you dont want to get totally dumped on by members of an orchestra, the conductor, a string quartet, any singers your working with, etc. Also 1/4 tone is like gigantic. E to E flat is half a tone so a quarter tone is right between there. And yes I can totally tell the difference if a piano is that far out of whack . There is usually a reason that a composer chooses the key he does for his piece. Move the piano 1/4 tone away and at least to me it sounds totally weird.
So anyway thats why a piano should be in tune.
Cheers, Becky
You're right, I havent had the chance to work with anyone else, maybe I'll get a chance when I go to college. But dont get me wrong, Im not saying that its not important to have your piano in tune, trust me I know.
I'm just saying that someone Can be a serious about piano, and still not know that their piano is a 1/4 tone off. They just may not have perfect pitch yet.
230. Thinks Van Cliburn is a surname (you know, like van Gogh or van Beethoven).