Stupid things non-musicians say to us

[vincentl]

I just read a lot of your posts. I enjoy the chance to "share" with other classical pianists here.  After reading your posts, another thing that used to irritate me a lot is the comment, "I play by ear." or "He plays by ear.  He's SO TALENTED."  This remark is made with the clear connotation that to "play by ear" is far superior to playing with music.  There are people who believe that playing by ear is automatically superior to playing by reading music.  Then I hear these people playing by ear (I have to admit I do know what fellow who played very well by ear), but most of them are off key, play cords that don't harmonize with the melody, play very monotonous left-hand accompaniment to simple melodies etc.  In short, music that is not pleasant to the trained ear.  I think to myself, I can play "by ear" too, but I am never satisfied with what I play that way and if there is music for the piece, I would rather read and play with the sheet music.

I couldn't agree more with your post. Lots of people tend to dismiss musicians who can't play by ear very well. A friend of mine admires another friend of mine that plays by ear well, he can get the melodies right but his playing does not exactly sound very well. His playing sounds a bit rough and haphazard even for spontaneous playing. I do admit that I don't play by ear very well, but when I do try to play by ear, I always try to make it sound as harmoniously as possible. Oftentimes, simplifying the music greatly.

-

I hate it when people think that playing music is so easy. Some friends of mine always say that I'm not doing anything because I'm "just" playing piano. And they always say it in a tone like they can do it better themselves without even attempting to learn music.

[pianoplayjl]

In music class: (finished sight-reading an easy piece of music)

friend: wow, you can already play it!

[octavius_trillson]

"You play piano?? you must be good at math"

"Piano is gay"

"What do you do all those hours you spend practicing, just play the song?"

After a week of practice I play something for my mother
Mom: "It sounds nice"
several months later I play the same piece nearly perfectly
Mom: "It sounds nice"
Me: "Does it sound any different at all?"
Mom: "No, I've heard you play this one before" 
Me:

[jollisg]

Ex-boyfriend: I can follow you to the church when you practice. I want to hear you play.
Me: If you want to hear me play, you shouldn't hear me while practicing. That's not the same thing.
Ex: What? If you play through the song (yes, he didn't say piece ) you will improve.
Me: No? I really have to practice things that won't sound good when I practice. You won't have fun at all, and you won't enjoy it at all.
Ex: So you mean that you NOT just play your songs ( ) over and over again?
Me: 

[jollisg]

"Do you HAVE to practice every day? Isn't it enough with like three times a week? "

"You will get bored of practicing because you do it so much"

[pianowolfi]

Me : I have no time on the weekend, I have to practice.
Other person: Practice?? For what are you practicing?

That's obviously a mystery to many persons: that somebody needs to practice, regardless if there are concerts coming up or not. They just don't get it.

[Bob]

"Can't you just skip a day?"

"Can't you just do tomorrow's practicing today?"  (Or skip today and do today's practicing tomorrow?)  That's for routine stuff.  It's would be like doubling up exercising.  Or... Once it's skipped you can't go back and redo it again.  It's gone forever.

Then again... I did hear a music professor telling a little grade school student the same idea, "If you skip practicing today, you'll have to double your time tomorrow."  Once in a while I hear things that are off from people who should know better.

[mcrosbie]

Give these poor people a break. Of course they're not gonna know, they are non-musicians. After all, not everyone can have your astounding knowledge of high culture.    And God forbid anyone has to ever play Bartok on a 66 key keyboard. What could they possibly have been thinking when they offered to do you what they thought was a favor, pianote? I think there's a thread about musical snobs somewhere...

This forum is a place for pianists of various levels to share their frustrations.  Playing the piano for most of us is a solitary activity and when we play for others we are hoping to get some kind of recogition for all our hard work practicing alone.  I think the intention of most of our comments here is to get off our chests some things that bug us about the many people we encounter who just "don't get" how much work goes into learning to play a piece well (no matter if we play classical, jazz, or popular music.)  We are not being snobs, we are just venting a bit.

[mcrosbie]

The problem is, results don't seem to count, either.  No matter what I play, no matter how quiet, or lovely, or perfect, it's an obvious "irritant" to the household.  Once I played the moonlight sonata - the whole darned thing, memorized and all - for my mom because she wanted me to play something for her. When I was done she said "hm.  that was nice, but play the Entertainer.  I like that piece!"

i refused.

I empathize with you.  My mom bought a piano for me with her own money (I did have a father).  She found a teacher for me and paid for my lessons. Both parents were glad that I practiced and enjoyed studying piano.  They paid for my RCMT exams etc. 

However, my mom would say the same things to me:  "I really like such and such piece" play that one for me again."  I may have played it again for her (I don't remember, as I am now 62 years old and that was almost 50 years ago).  She didn't understand that to prepare for RCMT (Royal Conservatory of Music of Toronto) exams, there are specific requirements.  You have to learn pieces from various "ages" - baroque, classical, romantic, and post-romantic.  You also have to practice various "studies" or etudes, not to mention scales, chords, arpeggios.  She actually got wooden clothes pin and stuck it in the "soft" pedal to enforce lower volume, which cramped my performance and frustrated me in a way she never did understand.  This was when the piano was in the dining room.  She "solved her problem" by getting people to move the piano down to the rumpus room where no one would have to listen to me play unless they chose to.  I know my mom loves me and wanted the best for me, but she never did understand baroque, classical music etc.

[Bob]

Ah, the good old rumpus room...

[collectivecolors]

Um...what's a rumpus room?

[Bob]

Oh geez... There is an entry...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumpus_room

I thought they died in the 70s.  "Rec rooms" now.  *Bob wonders if rumpusing was outlawed or banned.*

[collectivecolors]

Ah okay, makes since. Thanks 

[zeusje]

- Classical music is sh*t
- Piano is one of the easiest instruments to play (which actually came from a musician)
- Piano is one of the hardest instruments to play (came from another musician)
- Amazing that people were able to create such music 300 years ago
- Complaining about how bad classical music is, and later on telling me about this great visit to Andre Rieu

[opium_64]

'Do you know any Elton John?'. No. Go away.

[pianoplayjl]

'Wow you are really good at the piano' when I just only played a simple piece
'That is the most complicated piece of music I've ever seen' refering to Bach prelude in C minor wtc 1, when there could have been more complicated works. That person had a point though.

[collectivecolors]

When they say, a piece looks difficult just because of all the expression marks and notations (I'm not sure if that's proper terminology).

[ajspiano]

"I'd give anything to play like you"

 - really? I'll trade you my ability for a 15,000 hour extension on my lifespan..  i'll get to catch up on all those episodes of the simpsons.

[akasimone]

I went home to hang out with my family for Thanksgiving this week and decided to take a lesson with my younger sister's piano teacher. He doesn't really know me but it's the first time in a while that I'm not having lessons regularly and I trust that he's a good teacher because my sister is in high school and suddenly better than me    and I just figured I could use a lesson here and there to make sure I'm not developing any bad habits or anything--it's hard to police yourself all the time!

ANYWAY I got to hear all kinds of "What the heck do you need a LESSON for?" and "What are you going to do in ONE lesson?" from my parents and then I try to explain and my other sister starts in with "Oh my GOSH how AWFUL if your PIANO TECHNIQUE got bad! Wouldn't want THAT!" (did my capitalization get her sarcasm across adequately?)

So basically my family either thinks (A) I am already awesome (charming, but I disagree) or (B) the only thing separating me from any famous performer is a huge gap in talent (depressing and of course partially true, but I could still be better than I am).  They probably think a little of both, and probably a little of both is true.

I know I'm not allowed to say this because I'm not sixteen anymore but JEEZ sometimes my family JUST DOES NOT GET ME. 

[matmilne]

'oh that's easy, surly you can just sight read that'
again from a music teacher, funny how many of these phrases come from other musicians and teachers, alas.

[pianoplayjl]

'Can you play anything for us'

[pianoplayjl]

I don't like playing instruments! when he is actually playing the guitar while saying that sentence.

[drkilroy]

Heh, there is a funny story about that...

About year ago I won a competition in my school; every participant showed what he can do and I played the piano, though I would not say I am very good at that. I played the Blue Danube, it was very long (to the teenage listeners ) and at the end everyone was talking, so the teachers had a hard time calming the audience. You understand that it was a memorable event in my school. 

To this day, some people call me "Chopin", though I do not like his music very much, ask me to play Beethoven Symphony and, the most dreadful question, what is the difference between an upright piano and grand piano. 

Best regards, Dr

[vincentl]

When I played for a friend...

Him: There is no feeling in your playing. You didn't close your eyes or make faces enough.

Me: 

[pianoplayjl]

A classmate once said 'F#&$ classical music. Who ever invented classical music, %&#* that S*(&. That was the ultimate insult to classical music and in particular piano music.

JL

[collectivecolors]

- Classical music is sh*t
- Piano is one of the easiest instruments to play (which actually came from a musician)
- Piano is one of the hardest instruments to play (came from another musician)
- Amazing that people were able to create such music 300 years ago
- Complaining about how bad classical music is, and later on telling me about this great visit to Andre Rieu

Not making, excuses but just speculations...maybe musicians who it piano comes naturally to don't understand some of the difficulty of playing piano.

[littletune]

Well I didn't really think I would ever post here but...  I just have to.

Yesterday at school (during math) someone in the next classroom was practicing recorder. And we could here it all the time, but not very loudly at all and it wasn't bad (I mean sometimes there were a few wrong notes or weird sounds , but nothing bad)... and then towards the end this girl says: Oh I can't take this squeaking anymore, I just want to go there and hit them over the head with their trumpet or whatever that is.       

[pianoplayjl]

'what do the black keys do? are they the same as the white ones? do they sound the same?' I dug this one out of my brain. A friend said this a while back.

JL

[williampiano]

"you are good at the piano! you must have really neat hand writing!"

[jollisg]

"Piano is hard because you have to keep you fingers from stumbling, you don't have to do that when you play things like guitar"

[ajspiano]

I was out at lunch with my gf's parents last weekend - venue had a grand piano, they let me play it.

gf's mum says "can't you play some blues?"  -in my head i'm like - yes.. i just did, while you were asking the question, ...now listen closely, you'll notice i'm still playing blues. 

[jollisg]

"You HAVE to be good at composing, because you play so good" >.<

[chopinlover96]

"Your doing Grade 8? Isnt that like the hardest music thier is"
"Piano? Thats a girls instrument"

[chopinlover96]

Also
Girl-"I play by ear"
Me-"Cool what kind of pieces do you play"
Girl-"Really hard stuff"
Me-"Nice like what?"
Girl- "Fireflies by Owl City"
 

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Someone was playing Mozart and Somebody walks by and says, "wow!  This guy is better than Mozart!  Mozart is so overrated"

I was soo mad!   

[teosoleil]

^ That's aggravating !

Here's one: "How do you practice that much each day?"

Uh, it's required? I don't know how else to put it. I mean, I'm in my pre-concert pianist touring stage right now. I have to practice at least 5+ hours a day -_-

[iansinclair]

Delightful comments!  If it cheers you all up any -- it's not just pianists who get this sort of thing.  I was a Minister of Music for years, and I can't even begin to list off the comments I used to get from the congregation (and the priest...) (once I got so annnoyed I played an improvisation on "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" -- and the only comment I got was along the lines of "who wrote that?  That was wonderful!  What was it?".  Never mind weddings...

Performing music is hard hard work (well, at least one hard -- my son is a professional ballet dancer; now that is REALLY hard work) but we do it because we love it and couldn't live without it.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Now that I practice on one of the school pianos after school, whenever the janitor comes in to clean, he ALWAYS interrupts my playing to ask me to play something stupid for him!

Yesterday he made me SO MAD that I just went home.  This made me even more mad than the guy who said that Mozart was overrated.

So anyways, I practicing the Beethoven sonata Op. 10 No. 13 "Pathetique" and he goes like, "Man that's boring!  Why can't you play something nice for me!  Play some some of Beethoven's gospel music!  I like his SONGS!"

I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[drkilroy]

It is more funny to me. I did not know that Beethoven wrote gospel music. 

Best regards, Dr

[ryanbrian]

I do not know how many times customers have come to the house, had a look at the Bosey 225 and asked, "Is that a big baby", or later told others, "has a beautiful grand piano in the his living room ". and I shocked.

[nanabush]

Ya I hate getting asked to play 'standards' by Elton John, Billy Joel, etc.  I don't mind the music, but honestly I've got better things to practice!!

I hate getting an astounded reaction playing the first 10 seconds of super Mario, and then right after getting a stone-face "cool" after playing some Ravel!!! 

I can't stand that non musicians only like stuff they are familiar with.  If it's not a top 10 hit on the radio, and the artist hasn't sold out, then it's not for them.

I told my brother (who would rather listen to Rihanna 10 times in a row than listen to 10 seconds of Beethoven) that I read an article saying that they have 'song writing' camps for some of Rihanna's material in her stuff (hinting she shouldn't be the only name behind her music); my brother says "so what... she's rich from what she's doing".  A lot of people who I see everyday are totally drawn to their music solely from over-advertised, thrown in your face repeatedly, repeated on the radio endlessly 'music'.  Because they haven't heard of what you like, it's "crap".  If it sounds 'strange' (out of their comfort zone), it's "crap".  If the name sounds classical, it's "crap"... etc. etc. etc.
...then I said "there you go.

[timothy42b]

It is more funny to me. I did not know that Beethoven wrote gospel music. 

Best regards, Dr

Then you might be unaware Rossini and Wagner made most of their money from Warner Bros. 

[timothy42b]

Yesterday he made me SO MAD that I just went home.  This made me even more mad than the guy who said that Mozart was overrated.

I hate to be serious in a nonserious thread but..........I will anyway.

He didn't make you mad.

You made yourself mad.

He was just nearby when you did it. 

[thorn]

I am quite forgiving of "stupid" things non-musicians say as long as they're not dismissive or arrogant. For example, non-musicians coming out with things like "oh, that's a nice song". I just accept the compliment and am pleased that they enjoyed listening to something out of their comfort zone.

Conversely, on my first day of university, I had the kind of comment that just makes my blood boil...

"So, what are you studying?"
"Music"
"Were all the proper subjects full?"

I later got a great deal of satisfaction to learn from a mutual friend that the cow failed her first year and dropped out.

[ted]

As I have said before, I pay a lot of attention to remarks about my music by non-musicians. Very little of it irritates me and it frequently contains unorthodox insight and observations which a musician would not air for fear of being thought unprofessional. A non-musician is more likely to respond honestly and quickly, but a musician will often consider how he ought to reply lest he look foolish, in terms of established body of learning and opinion, social and historical considerations and the like.


Those who assess my music in terms of money and fame, or the lack of it,  rather than honest personal reaction to sound, disappoint me a little, but this propensity is very widespread nowadays in all art, and seems to be the yardstick of most musicians and non-musicians alike with respect to just about anything in life.   

[timothy42b]

As I have said before, I pay a lot of attention to remarks about my music by non-musicians. Very little of it irritates me and it frequently contains unorthodox insight and observations which a musician would not air for fear of being thought unprofessional.    

That is a really good point.

Nonmusicians give you insight into how your playing affected them.

Musicians are often impressed with something you almost pulled off, because they know how hard it is;  nonmusicians just reacted to the sloppyness. 

[rachmaninoff_forever]

I hate to be serious in a nonserious thread but..........I will anyway.

He didn't make you mad.

You made yourself mad.

He was just nearby when you did it. 

Sorry, I don't get it.

[ajspiano]

it means you have control over your own emotions, or in your case perhaps you don't have control.

you only get mad if you allow yourself to, it is not anyone elses fault that you react a certain way.

[Bob]

I've heard that for school things.  Classroom management, etc.  I don't think people choose their reactions.  That's why it's a reaction.  They have a lot of control over their actions and can control their feelings too.  But there's still a uncontrolled reaction to other people.

Not that that changes what you tell a student.  Everything's "their choice..."  and they "choose" their path and live with the results.

[ajspiano]

I've heard that for school things.  Classroom management, etc.  I don't think people choose their reactions.  That's why it's a reaction.  They have a lot of control over their actions and can control their feelings too.  But there's still a uncontrolled reaction to other people.

Not that that changes what you tell a student.  Everything's "their choice..."  and they "choose" their path and live with the results.

Actually I think that children are far less capable of emotional control, they 'react' more as they live more in the moment.

Also think that all adults are capable of choice and control over their reactions in most situations but that the vast majority of us do not exercise that control in any situation at all.