Recipes anyone??

[lisztisforkids]

Hey, does anybody know any good recipes? Im hungry.

[pianistimo]

not for lobsters.  i think it is cruel and inhumane to eat lobster.  they cannot have less feelings just because they have shells.  to boil them alive?  what if you were put in boiling water?  how would you like it?

*invites lisztisforkids for dinner, and prepares a cauldron of water.  then, when he asks 'what's for dinner', pianistimo cackles and says 'you, my darling.' 

recipie

boiled lisztisforkids
a little sauce of lemon and mayo

(just kidding of course)

ok.  here's a recipie in the latest food magazine i saw.  cheesecake with cranberries soaked in some kind of sweet liquor (forget which one) on top.  it sounded really good.

[pianistimo]

here's how to keep your buns heated:

put a couple of cups of uncooked rice into a fabric sack, clean cotton tube sock, or cheesecloth sewn together.  heat the satchel in the microwave until it's warm to the touch (2 minutes) and hide it at the bottom of your serving basket with a napkin.  then put your buns, muffins, or bread inside.

cool idea, huh!

[pianistimo]

cranberry/orange muffins

1 1/2 c cranberries
2 cups flour
1/2 c. cake flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
10 tablespoons butter
3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 grated orange rind
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. buttermilk
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
2 tbsp. turbinado sugar

heat oven to 425 degrees.  butter a muffin tin (for 12) and dust it with flour.  coarsely chop the cranberries.  mix all the flour, bp, ginger, bs, and salt.  beat the butter and sugar together.  beat in the eggs one at a time.  beat in orange zest and vanilla.  then beat in one-third of the flour mixture, then add 1/2 c. buttermilk; when combined, mix in another 1/3 of the flour; and then the remaining buttermild and orange juice.  finally mix in the rest of the flour.  scrape the bowl and beat the batter just until smooth.  spoon batter evenly into muffin tin.  bake for 15-18 minutes.  let cool and then turn out. best eaten the day they are made.

[pianistimo]

here's another idea.  add some bourbon to your pumpkin pie this year.

[Torp]

here's another idea.  add some bourbon to your pumpkin pie this year.

I think it's more efficient just to add it to my glass.

[pianistimo]

yes.  that's good too, if you can drink it without coughing and sputtering.

[Siberian Husky]

tastey breakfast for the imaginative and inspirational

3 cups of cinamon toast crunch
2 and a half cups of milk

1 left over pizza slice

[rc]

tastey breakfast for the imaginative and inspirational

3 cups of cinamon toast crunch
2 and a half cups of milk

1 left over pizza slice

...Bake in casserole for 45 mins. For tangy zest, replace milk with pulpy orange juice.

[rc]

not for lobsters.  i think it is cruel and inhumane to eat lobster.  they cannot have less feelings just because they have shells.  to boil them alive?  what if you were put in boiling water?  how would you like it?

It is pretty cruel to cook the poor little monster-freaks alive like that. That's why I'll never cook a lobster. 

But if someone's already boiled the little guy up, it would be cruel and inhumane to deny me such a tasty treat. 

...Do you know how many cranberries were mercilessly slaughtered to make those cranberry death muffins?

[pianistimo]

cranberry death muffins?  they will never taste the same.  i will be imagining cranberry blood and guts.  but, don't hand me any lobster either.

[lisztisforkids]

cranberry death muffins? d

You have obviously never seen what a cranberry death muffin can do in the hands of a wrong person. I urge you to look into this matter, as it is a very serious one.

[Siberian Husky]

The Crunchy Tower of Pizza

4 cups of bleached white flower
2 dozen "pin head" sized crickets from local pet shop
1 can of chicken broth 8 oz
3 egg whites
2 tablespoons of ketchup

mix thoroughly for 20 minutes in a mixer (but for better flavor mix by hand)

now for the sauce
we're going to want a more crunchy chunky type of texture, so you'll have to get the more dried up terds..perhaps 1-2 weeks old..but whole month old dog terds are most preffered for this recipe

7 full "loaves" of dog terd (german sheperd, siberian husky, golden retriever, etc these must be big dogs with big appetites)
2 tea spoons of tobasco sauce
1 whole ground garlic clove
now mix this in a blender for not even a minute, and mix it in pulses to get that chunky flavor..some people like to use cat urine as it gives it more of a tangy punch, but i, myself, do not enjoy such riskay flavors, i keep it simple and easy to digest...

your going to want to let the dough rise and settle for an appropriate time for 30 minutes, but the longer the better, the more air pockets the crispier the crust will come out...

of course, stretch the dough out accordingly to your pizza size..deep dish..thin crust..whatever you like..now the trick here is..you want heavy sauce...make sure you destribute chunks of dry terd about the entire pizza, dont want anyone's slice missing out on that protein enriched goodness...


TOPPINGS...now you dont have to use cheese as traditionally insinuated...i take a mor mexican approach and just throw on some beans..although dead mice and even 1 hour fresh dog terd have been used, but these should be set in a more formal atmosphere...for the casuality of home cooking...we'll just use a bit of parmesean cheese and pigeon intenstines..make sure these internals are mostly made up of intestines, but you may add stomach intrails and even animal digest if you so please..once again, im trying to keep this simple


now..decorative toppings...you can toy with this yourself..but if you need some ideas. follow some of these
-human fingernails
-human fungus fingernails for a more exotic south american appeal
-horse droppings
-wood chips
-box packaging styrafoam bits
-human feces
-whatever you like


you want to bake for a simple 15 minutes at 350 heat...this heat is acceptionally low for pizzas, but you want to cook it slow so that you dont lose the flavor in the terds..remeber these terds are delicate as they are being outside for a month or so, if your using fresh droppings..or have suplimented these terds with cat feces or even raccoon feces..feel free to blast it to 450 and get a good cook for 10 minutes...


enjoy...i really enjoyed all your company..happy eatings! and i hope to see you next week on

Luis's New and Inventive Meals!


Best Wishes,
Bernhardian Husky

[rob47]

I'd just like to say I have actually tried this dish before, and it is terrific.

Uhm. ya.  I forgot how to be funny so that's all I have to say. 

Robabji

[perfect_pitch]

Here you go guys.. Have a good laugh.

TASTY CHRISTMAS CAKE

Ingredients

    * 1 cup butter
    * 1 cup sugar
    * 1 cup mixed dried fruit
    * 1 cup water
    * 4 large eggs
    * 1 tablespoon brown sugar
    * 1 teaspoon salt
    * 1 tablespoon baking soda
    * 50g walnuts
    * 1 bottle whiskey (wine may be substituted)

Method

   1. Place dried fruit, water and half a cup of sugar in a small saucepan. Boil for 15 minutes.
   2. Pour whiskey into short glass, sample to check quality.
   3. Get large mixing bowl.
   4. Check whiskey again - pour one level cup and drink.
   5. Repeat previous step.
   6. Turn on electric mixer, and beat butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one spoontea of baking soda, half cup of sugar and beat again.
   7. Resample whiskey to make sure it's still whiskey.
   8. Turn off mixer, break two legs and pour into bowl. Chuck in fried druit. Mix on turner. If fruit gets stuck in beaters pry loose with drewscriver. Sample whiskey to check tonsisticity. Next sift two cups of salt or something, who cares what! Watch out for the cat. Check whiskey again. Now sift the lemon juice and strain the walnuts.
   9. Add one babblespoon of brown sugar or whichever colour you can find. Mix well with the cat. Grease the oven, turn pan cake to 350 gredeedles. Don't forget to beat of the turner.
  10. Test the waste of the whiskey once more. Pour mix into cat pen and over bench. Throw bowl out of window. Stagger into laundry and put pan in cake oven. Set to hot rinse on gentle bicycle. Continue sampling until bottle is empty. Bo to ged.

[pianistimo]

cranberry death muffins have nothing over that last recipie.  the only comparison i can make is a pot roast stew that i added wine to.  of course, having a glass so as not to waste the rest of the bottle!  *really, i don't drink that much as my husband will attest. 

the worst thing i ever made was probably an angelfood cake that i filled to the top and opened the oven door on.  it was overflowing onto the oven and couldn't be cleaned up afterwards without oven cleaner - plus it sunk, and it tasted like wood.  obviously cooked too long. 

*secret for cooks - never go by the time!  always go by the smell (by perhaps 5-10 minutes).

[perfect_pitch]

I once accidently put in milk powder into a chocolate cake, instead of flour. The label was put on the wrong tub, and forgot to smell it.

It came out with a sunken middle... Glad you liked the recipe Pianistimo.

[lau]

I got a recipe for you: Pizza Hut's Original Pan Pizza

Sauce
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1 teaspoon dry oregano
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1/2 teaspoon dry basil
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt

Combine and let sit for 1 hour.

Dough
1 1/3 cups warm water (105 degrees F)
1/4 cup non-fat dry milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 cups flour
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1 package dry yeast
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (for dough)
9 ounces vegetable oil (3 ounces per pan)
Butter-flavored Pam

Put yeast, sugar, salt, and dry milk in a large bowl. Add water and stir to mix well. Allow to sit for two minutes.

Add oil and stir again. Add flour and stir until dough forms and flour is absorbed. Turn out on to a flat surface and knead for about 10 minutes. Divide dough into three balls.

Put 3 ounces of oil in each of three 9-inch cake pans, making sure it is spread evenly. Using a rolling pin, roll out each dough ball to about a 9-inch circle. Place in cake pans. Spray the outer edge of dough with Pam. Cover with a plate. Place in warm area and allow to rise for 1 to 1 1/2 hours.

For each 9-inch pizza

Preheat oven to 475 degrees F.

Spoon 1/3 cup sauce on dough and spread to within 1 inch of edge.

Distribute 1 1/2 ounces shredded mozzarella cheese on sauce.

Place toppings of your choice in this order: Pepperoni or ham, vegetables, meats (cooked ground sausage or beef)

Top with 3 ounces mozzarella cheese.

Cook until cheese is bubbling and outer crust is brown. Cut into six slices.

[lau]

This is the best Cinnamom Roll recipe I ever had:
 
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup milk
1 egg, beaten
4 tablespoons melted butter
4 tablespoons water
1/2 (3.5 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix
4 cups bread flour
1 tablespoon white sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 1/4 teaspoons bread machine yeast
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/4 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
1/4 cup raisins (optional)
1 teaspoon milk
1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
4 tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DIRECTIONS:
In a bread machine pan, place the milk, beaten egg, melted butter, water, vanilla pudding mix, bread flour, sugar, salt and yeast in the order recommended by the manufacturer. Select the Dough cycle.
When cycle is finished, remove the dough, and knead for 3 to 5 minutes. Roll out to a large rectangle.
Mix together the softened butter, brown sugar and cinnamon. Spread over dough. Sprinkle with chopped walnuts and raisins, if desired. Starting with the widest end, roll the dough into a log. Pinch to seal seams. Cut into 1/2 inch to 1 inch slices, and place in a greased 9x13 inch pan. Place in a draft-free space, and allow to rise until doubled.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Bake for 15 to 20 minutes. To make frosting, mix the milk, confectioners sugar, softened butter and vanilla in a small bowl. Spread over warm cinnamon rolls.

I never add any nuts or raisins.

[lau]

Here as the best recipe: Dang Dang

Fake Meat
Posted by LuAnn at recipegoldmine.com 1/31/03

Vital gluten is also known as instant gluten, and can be used to make "fake meat" by kneading in an equal amount of water plus seasoning. Shape gluten into a log about 1 1/2 to 2 inches in diameter, and cut crosswise into 1/4- to 1/2-inch slices. The slices may either be baked until puffy, or simmered in a large pot of flavorful broth for about 1 hour. The resulting "chops" are delicious breaded and fried or cubed or cut into strips and used in recipes in place of meat.

MMmmmmmm, fake meat.