Dumping or "firing" students

[edvond]

Hi Timothy

I realize that one student does not constitute a trend but, in my case (as per my account above), I can tell you that I was completely explicit as to my teaching goals.   Because of the ongoing student (and later, parental) resistance, I initiated several discussions with the mother about her goals and the goals of her son.   He had studied for a year with someone else but could not read.  Yes they wanted him to play well.  But no, they didn’t think it was necessary to practice carefully or to be methodical.    They both felt that a good teacher can simply instill (by osmosis?)the skills required to play the piano well.  My encouraging him to practice carefully was dismissed as just “being demanding.”

When it was obvious that their goals did not match mine, I sympathetically suggested (many times) that they switch to a different teacher.  In the words of the mother, “This is unacceptable.”   

They would not leave.
 
Of course this troubled me.  I am a patient and kind teacher.  I never raise my voice or become derisive.   I am not a screamer.  Week after week, I forged ahead altering my approach to satisfy the demands from the mother.   When I told them that, without the bare minimum of practice, I could no longer teach him, he did practice.  And he progressed nicely!  But that industry was always short-lived and they always reverted to their initial opposition.  With his mother’s tacit approval, this young student continued to be verbally abusive to me—in spite of my clearly stated boundaries of decorum.

Their increasing threats to complain to the director and assaults on my professionalism and the demeaning “This is unacceptable” retorts to just about everything I suggested (that involved effort on his part) all became intolerable for me.   After his achieving a comfortable level of reading, I knew it was time to part.

I guess they wanted someone to abuse.  Or control.  Or both.    Whatever the case, the chemistry was not good.

Did I mention that they would not leave?
 
Because of their exaggerated, erratic behaviour, I was also wary of reprisals (lying to the director, etc.)  if I outright dismissed him.  Honesty would never succeed.   That is why I inflated the family crisis story I mentioned above.  I thought it would be a smooth exit strategy to blame the decision to part on an emergency.  But even that was completely “unacceptable.” 

Sometimes people just do not respond as responsibly or sensibly as one would hope or propriety dictates.   
 
Because we are providing a service to the public, I think many of us feel that we must tolerate a certain amount of obnoxious behaviour to stay in business.  But where does one “draw the line?”  The line is always changing and each case is unique in terms of personalities involved.     

In my 35 years of teaching, this was certainly the worst situation I have encountered.  (And I hope it stays the worst!)  Believe me, I do not want anything like it to recur.

I would appreciate any suggestions on how I could have handled this situation better. 

Ed

[danny elfboy]

Very interesting post... I recently turned in my cable t.v. box because I'm fed up with what's on cable t.v.  i realized that I want to be doing things with real people not an electronic box.

I have gone on a television fast and even if it sounds like a little thing it was a wonderful experience. Forgive this tangent but I think you'll find these links very interesting:

Life Without Television

8  changed I experienced after giving up television

Living without television

Giving up tv or internet?

Taking a forum fasting

And I really don't buy that thousands of children are all waking up saying I want to play soccer, and be good at every single thing that is offered in the schools.  I live near an incredibly affluent town.  It has a fabulous music program and sports and and.  It's called Lincoln-Sudbury Regional.  However, it is also known as Drink and Drugsbury.  The instant gratification aspect of this culture is creating addicts by the thousands.

This is rather strange.
Indeed the istant gratification of this culture is creating addicts.
But it's exactly the targeted culture and its destructive sense of recreation which is creating this instant gratification.

I believe the fountain of youth is actually keep doing a 50 what you used to do at 20.
If you found something that fullfill you, something creative, something which allows you to socialize and make real friend ... you will keep doing it at whatever phase of your life.
It's the myth of targeted ricreation, based on the myth of age, which produces people that believe their only chance to be "young" is destroying their body and mind for few years before accepting a slow and boring aging.

It's actually this mentality and this culture that produces 30 year old that are already old inside. If for example you're compelled to believe that being young and having fun is getting drunk every night, you have a strong dilemma there.

You will be able to tolerate such abuse for a few years before your liver collapses. So once you're forced to stop this destructive lifestyle you feel like your youth is behind you and your only hope is finding an alternative. This of course never happens. People who must stop their destructive concept of fun just start living an apathetic life believing it's just "age" that is forcing them to accept the death of fun. Compare this to someone who find at 10 year old that his passion in life is exploring the sky with a big telescope. This passion fulfills him, allow him to travel to conventions and to meet a lot of friends. At 30 he will be doing what he used to do at 10. At 50 he will be doing what he used to do at 30. This is what ethernal youth is all about.

Sports, arts, culture, nature never provide instant gratification. Gratification is provided by hard work, by cooperation and by patience. It doesn't create an artificial concept of youth extremely useful to no one but consumistic economy. It doesn't create artificial age segregation and generational conflicts (generations are a myth, they stopped meaning anything after the Berlin wall collapsed) It doesn't create the need for destructive recreation as something you must do till you can.

Most people I know who indulge in these detructive behaviors keep saying to me they don't really like it, but they "must" do it, because soon they will too old to do all of that.
Clearly a concept of life as 18 years of discriminative slavery, 7 years of destructive fun and 75 years of painful, slow, boring old age; does creates the artificial need for destructive ricreation. You just feel like the only way to really enjoy life is making the most out of those 7 years and of course culture is telling you're retarded and you need their suggestion as to what the best way to have fun is for someone your age. Bingo! They just seem unable to realize that "old age" begins as soon as they believe fun is restricted to those few years and  is also a consequence of the way they've abused their body during those years.

I think thousands of children are really waking up and realizing instinctively and rationally that their need for socializaton, recreation and activities is more likely to be fulfilled by a passion to share with like minded individuals. I don't deny at all that there are still a lot of parents living vicariously through their children. Usually when it's all child will the activities are not so many but few. When you start to see a child doing hundreds of different activities I'm more likely to hypothesize parent's retarded will, rather than the child's.

[a-sharp]

I haven't had television for 2 years....

Some people think I'm weird - but I keep running into more people who really don't seem to care about the TV as much.

The only thing I kinda miss watching right now is the Olympics...

[joyfulmusic]

Danny thanks so much for these thoughts.  I am ecstatic to hear that others are eliminating television from their lives.  When the broadcast system makes my old clunker t.v. not work any more, I am not buying a new one.  At age 62 I do not feel old.  People are often astonished to learn my age.  I do not have long term health care insurance.  What I don't like about it, is the assumption that as I get older I will get sicker until I go into a nursing home and die.  YUCK!  Instead, I am getting regular acupuncture, chiropractic treatments, and learning Tai Chi.  I have a health proxy that states, no tubes or wires of any kind, ever.  If my body is done, I'm done.  In short, like the song says, I'm gonna live til I die.  Isn't it that spark of vitality and new mind that we as teachers are looking for, nurturing and cultivating?  When I realize that a person is my age that I'm looking at, I too am astonished at what a huge difference perspective makes.  I don't have to put my hand on my hip to get up out of a chair.  I'm always learning new things.  I confess to being a part of the sixties generation that put out there the notion that "you shouldn't trust anyone over 35".  One often hears laughter during the lessons I teach.  What a joy to being engaged in a process... in life... in something new!  However, I need lots and lots of quiet time between all my endeavors to dream, to create, to unwind.  And I'm seeing that on the faces of the little ones I teach.  One little nine year old announced to me that her family was going on vacation so she wouldn't have to make her bed and do chores while they were staying at a hotel.  What a strange thing to be looking forward to! 

[jxb10]

I like the, " I have not been successful with your son/daughter approach, you might find another teacher that can motivate him/her in a different way. Seems like that might work. Although it could just sound like you're a bad teacher...

[pianomom697]

I like the, " I have not been successful with your son/daughter approach, you might find another teacher that can motivate him/her in a different way. Seems like that might work. Although it could just sound like you're a bad teacher...

I think if you present it as a student-teacher mismatch (rather than blaming either party), it can avoid some hurt feelings. Granted, from some of the posts I've been reading, some parents are just impossible to deal with. I can't see why a parent would "demand" that an unwilling teacher keep teaching their child.

I interviewed a student today who had been taking piano lessons for 4 years and still had to count up on the staff to tell me what the notes were. This student also didn't know what an "interval" is. Is it really common for piano teachers to not bother teaching music literacy? It seems to make it SO much easier and quicker for the student to progress if they understand basic musical concepts!

[hyrst]

 

I interviewed a student today who had been taking piano lessons for 4 years and still had to count up on the staff to tell me what the notes were. This student also didn't know what an "interval" is. Is it really common for piano teachers to not bother teaching music literacy?

I am totally shocked by the standard of literacy and technique I see in the students who have transferred to me after a few years of lessons - often about 4 years, like with yours. I sometimes feel like asking if so many students give up becuase thier teachers don't teahc them the basics.  How frustrating after 4 years to not be able to do anything independently. 

However, then I think about how my slowest students would appear to a new teacher if I finally get to the point where I am too tired to keep them on.  I do have a few students I would be shocked to have as a second-hand teacher.  They refuse to correct hand position as the most common basic issue.  In most of these cases, the students don't listen to advice in lessons and don't practice at home.  Fortunately, I don't have many of these.  Perhaps another teacher, a stricter one or something, would better motivate them.  Perhaps another teacher would find that key to get them moving.

I find the right key for about half the trransfers I accept - the other half I eventaully realise why their teacher suddenly got 'health problems'.    I am getting to the point where I am a little cautious about taking on a transfer student - many are too set in their ways already, in ineffecient ways that are hard to adjust because they can't see how unhelpful they are.  On the other hand, I have had a couple of brilliant or finally succeeding transfer students - so maybe it's an ongoing sifting process wherever students come from, or go to.

I do find it a dilemma.

[edvond]

I know what you mean about not wanting to have another teacher evaluate you through your worst students!   

The thought of that potential situation keeps me motivated when I am in the throes of a session with a non-compliant student.  I work harder at getting the student to read better, mold their hands yet again to try to change bad hand position, and try to formulate the best combination of encouragement and correction to have a lasting impact.  I want to make sure they accomplish something substantial before moving on to the next teacher.   That transition might be sooner than later—depending on the depth of the non-compliant attitude.

Even with my attentive students, I will often assess their progress by speculating how much they would have truly retained if they were to transfer to another teacher tomorrow.  Or if they were to actually start teaching.   How fluid is their reading?  Musicianship?  Pedal technique?  Manual facility?  Is there extraneous tension?  Etc.

To shake things up at a lesson, especially if my student is not particularly responsive that day, I will ask my student how s/he would coach a student to accomplish the particular goal we had just set.   With younger students, we switch roles:  as the “student,” I will sometimes become insistent that my new “teacher” coach every step of the learning process of whatever we are tackling.  (It is always done with good humor and a touch of comedy.)

The results are usually very revealing.   Not surprisingly the discussions that follow such an exercise have a big impact on both of us.  When a student is at a complete loss for ideas, I know there is more concentrated work yet to be done.

Having had my share of poorly trained transfer students over the years, I try to make it a priority to ensure that my students are musically and technically prepared for a smooth and painless transition to another teacher, even if that event should occur tomorrow.   It keeps me attentive and organizes my teaching priorities. 

I would hope that most teachers would reserve judgment on a previous teacher pending an extensive evaluation of the transfer student.   But first impressions—or even remnants thereof—are often lasting.