Advice on attitude and practice? Starting to play again after a long time...

[any87]

Hello,
I'm new and I'd very much like to hear your advice
My situation is this: I went to music school for 8 years, then dropped out at the age of 16 (was busy with high school and other career paths) Since then, I haven't played much, for months I didn't even touch the piano. Now I'm 23, and a year ago I felt this urge to play again, because I always loved to play and wanted to play well, I was just so discouraged. So I started playing and I'm actually pretty good, I feel I can play well and have "an ear", musicality and all, it's just that a couple of problems from the past surfaced:

1. I'm terrified of playing in front of people, even my family. That was one of the reasons I dropped out of music school, too. When I play alone I'm relaxed and can play well, but the second someone's listening or standing close to me I just fall apart, my hands shake and I feel like I'm seeing the keys for the first time! How common is this? When I speak in front of other people I'm OK it's just when I play I get so terrified and unfocused... so I'm questioning should I even try to revive my playing if I'm not gonna play in front of some audiences; what's the point in playing piano if you're playing it just to yourself, right?

2. My technique is relatively good, but I'm practicing for a year now again and I'm realizing I just can't handle the SPEED. In example, I've learned Chopin's Revolutionary and I just can't play it fast enough. A week ago I tried to learn Chopin's Etude op 10 no 1 and I can't play it even in slow tempo. I know, I should probably practice more, but how long and what should I practice to improve my technique and speed? I'm starting to think I'm never gonna be able to play the fast pieces well and those are my favourites. Then I'm watching Valentina Lisitsa on youtube and imagine to myself that it's gotta be possible to play like her... 
I also have very small hands so I dunno if op 10 no 1 is even realistic for me.

Since I finished a complete different college and haven't played for a long time, I'm easily discouraged and wondering should I tackle the piano again, but every time I want to give up, something in me won't let go of the piano  I love it and I'm not sad and lonely when I play so I just can't let it go. But, as I said, playing hard pieces (which I love so much and wanna play) makes me frustrated and then I'm questioning myself over and over again.

I can't find a good teacher in my area so I'm learning myself... every word of encouragement and advice is welcome! 

[natush1111]

Hi, I think u r too young to worry and I also think that playing in front of an audience has to do with a lot of personal issues. You should enjoy playing the piano and practise a lot and only when you feel like it, share it with the rest. Otherwise we play in front of other people just to get them to like us. Only when you enjoy what you are doing other people enjoy watching you. So, practise a lot, enjoy it and share when the time is right. Your age is only a number. Some people are 80 and still playing the piano. Hopefully, we will be in that group

Natush, from Argentina.

[any87]

Actually it's true, I want other people to like me so I'm forcing it a little bit. Maybe that's why I want to play impressive hard pieces. And then in front of people I block out. Thanks for your wise answer, got me thinking!  
I want to get rid of that irritating trait, though (wanting to impress others) and learn persistence, self-perseverance and focus through playing...

[becky8898]

Hi Any87 - Baby steps , I dont know how else to say it.  After reading your post, it justs seems like there is so much music your flashing by to try and do things that just arent there for you yet.  You mention Chopin and the etudes. They are wonderful, but it sounds like you are attempting things that will only discourage you. And Yes Playing like Valentina Lisitsa is possible, but think what did she have to do to get where she is.  Why should you be able to play like that with out paying your dues first.  The chopin etudes can take years sometimes of getting better on. 

Why not first do pieces more within your skill set. I have a rule which I follow.  Take any ten note group in a piece , rh or lh it doesnt matter.  Play it at half the suggested tempo. If your still struggling , then you have to question if the time and effort for that piece is worth it.  Only a guideline, but it works pretty well. 

Nervousness - that bites.  I skill get nervous sometimes and I must have performed in front of people about a gazillion times.  Only thing you can do is take it head on. Dive in . No matter how crappy it feels , play in front of others as ofen as you can, friends, relatives, perfect strangers, any place a piano is avaliable to play on.  Just do it.  You will either get over your nervousness  at least enough so that it isnt a big problem , or you wont. If you dont  , you dont. but find out. Try it , you wont know unless you try.

Best of luck with your studies. 

Cheers, Becky

[m1469]

1. I'm terrified of playing in front of people, even my family. That was one of the reasons I dropped out of music school, too. When I play alone I'm relaxed and can play well, but the second someone's listening or standing close to me I just fall apart, my hands shake and I feel like I'm seeing the keys for the first time! How common is this? When I speak in front of other people I'm OK it's just when I play I get so terrified and unfocused... so I'm questioning should I even try to revive my playing if I'm not gonna play in front of some audiences; what's the point in playing piano if you're playing it just to yourself, right?

Everybody has their reasons for playing, and for some people that includes the desire to perform and in various settings, and for others it doesn't.  You have every right to figure out what you desire and for what reasons you desire it, and it's perfectly okay for that to change and vary over time, too.

Are you studying with a teacher?  A good teacher will help you with practice strategies and building a plan for needed concepts and tempos.

It's wonderful to be inspired by other people, and there is something to be learned, I think, from almost everybody, especially those playing at a high level.  Ask yourself what it is, exactly, that you see and/or hear them doing; even if you can't unravel all the "secrets" of their playing, you can most likely gain some very specific hints.  I try to follow --as a rule-- the attitude that even if something appears to be magic and even if it sounds magical, there is also something very specific taking place underneath it all, and that something specific is the secret to the magic.  Keep in mind though that whatever hints and tips you gain from helpful sources, the good they do for you will ultimately be as much as you can make it your own.  So, even if there are generalities in something like posture, for example, and even if various pianists are aiming at a similar kind of posture, your own way of embodying that will be specific to you.

[any87]

Thank you, becky and m1469!

[oxy60]

Keep practicing. It will all come together. Classical pieces take a long time to learn and polish.

As far as playing in front of other people is concerned, play in front of yourself first. Make a recording and listen to it as if you are the audience hearing it for the first time.

[any87]

Thanks! I do, I record myself and even when I'm aware of it I make more mistakes... I've realized the piece sounds differently when I'm playing and when I'm listening to myself playing! I need to do that more often

[m1469]

I've realized the piece sounds differently when I'm playing and when I'm listening to myself playing

That is SO true!  In some way I've known this for a long time, as quite awhile ago I'd listen to a recording and either realize it sounded worse or better than I thought.  But, recently, I've realized something even more, related to that.  As a singer, supposedly you are doing everything right if you can't actually quite hear how it's going.  And, you can give this fantastic aria (or whatnot) and it kind of just rattles around and out and it's as though you don't quite hear it the same way, I guess it's more just this kind of resonance, and then you walk off stage and feel like you're not quite sure what happened and how it went!  I've recently discovered something very similar in playing that's not *just* a matter of whether it actually sounds better or worse than I would have thought, but that it takes on a kind of different dimension or so, and it's like you just can't tell for sure what's happening!  And, I guess, actually, it can be a very good thing.