1st Thalbergmad International Piano Competition - Gravesend, England

[thalbergmad]

Dear Friends,

We have the pleasure to inform you that the first edition of the Thalbergmad International Piano Competition will take place from September 10-16, 2012. The competition will be held in the Riverside Park Cafe Toilets, Gravesend, England.

The legendary idiot Thalbergmad will be presiding a jury of internationally unrecognized pianists and pedagogues. The rules, program and application forms can be found on our website: www.thislinkdoesnotwork.com

Please don't hesitate to contact us with any further questions you may have. Our email address is:

madasahatter@googlemail.com

We are looking forward to having you as a participant in this great event. We would be very grateful if you accept to spread this information among as many uninterested older pianists you may know.

The minimum age for this Competition is 32.

With kind regards,

Thalbergmad (autistic director)

[m1469]

I would like to enter the competition as only boobs, face and hair.  Also, I will play the piano.

[pytheamateur]

Wow, it sounds like a one-of-its-kind piano competition.

As part of its uniqueness, I suppose there won't be an application fee and there will instead be a significant bonus paid to every unsuccessful candidate? Please confirm details.

[thalbergmad]

boobs, face and hair. 

If anything is likely to swing it with the head of the judging panel (me), it is that.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

As part of its uniqueness, I suppose there won't be an application fee and there will instead be a significant bonus paid to every unsuccessful candidate? Please confirm details.

The fee is fixed at one pint of bitter and two packets of pickled onion flavoured Monster Munch.

The prizes are as follows:

6th place: £500
5th place: £400
4th place: £300
3rd place: £200
2nd place: £100
1st place: nothing

Thal

[pianowolfi]

in the Riverside Park Cafe Toilets

If that's a pee contest I must sadly refrain from participating as I am not able to perform the necessary tasks in front of other participants, let alone in front of a jury   

[quantum]

Will the jury be swayed if I shall enter this competition playing banjos?

[austinarg]

Damn, if I didn't have to walk the dog that day, I would surely enter the competition. Maybe next time.

[db05]

Count me in! I'll just grow a beard so that I would look the part.

[birba]

Is there a special prize for memory slips?

[philb]

For some odd reason the link does not work...

[keyboardclass]

I'm in!

[ronde_des_sylphes]

I hope there are stringent penalties in place for any performer who has the temerity to offer any Schumann. 

[Bob]

I can collect those entry fees. 

*Bob notices that male contestants send their entry packets to one address while female contestants send their entry packets, including headshots, to a different address, but nobody has to submit audio recordings.*

[49410enrique]

what special commissioned plinker would we be required to perform as part the rep req's?

[thalbergmad]

I will be composing a Fantasy on Interesting Themes by Sorabji that all competitors will be required to perform.

It is 4 seconds long.

Thal

[j_menz]

It is 4 seconds long.

That will be a damn long 4 seconds!

If I enter, do I get special brownie points for playing a Plinkovsky piece?

[marik1]

It is 4 seconds long.

Just to make sure, in comparison, how long it takes to get from the place to the NEAREST pub?

Best, M

[ahinton]

I will be composing a Fantasy on Interesting Themes by Sorabji that all competitors will be required to perform.

It is 4 seconds long.

And there I was thinking that there might be a commission forthcoming for a competition test piece; ah, well...

Best,

Alistair

[49410enrique]

i plan on taking first prize with my interpretation of this instant soon to be classic.

[thalbergmad]

Yuck, that is horrid.

[49410enrique]

back to the drawing board....perhaps mariachi music for piano ....

[pianoman53]

I just want to make sure this program is okay:


Barock: Instead of a Bach-fugue, I will play an own composed fugue, based on 4.33 by John Cage. The theme is 3 milliseconds long, and the fugue itself contains 5 billion voices. Duration: 5 seconds.

Classical: first 3 notes from fur elise, then a memory slip, a repead of the opening, and a coda. The coda is also composed by me. It contains non-harmonical tones, and sounds from someone flushing a toilet nearby.

Romantic: Me singing 'O sole mio', accompanied by my dead cat.

Contemporary: Complete Music by Sorabji. Duration: 0.3 seconds (I know it's long, but I tend to drag a bit on the opening breath)

How's that?

[thalbergmad]

Almost daft enough.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

I am now beginning to think that it was unwise to include my real e mail address in this thread (that I have now changed).

This is part of an e mail I have just received:


Dear Competition Director
 
On behalf of my customer I would like to recommend service of maestro Krystian Tkaczewski to your attention. Mr. Tkaczewski with the highest professionalism could serve both as a judge and performing artist at your event.
Mr. Tkaczewski is a founder , artistic director and president of jury of Chopin International Competition in Hartford, CT. This successful event attracts many pianists from the entire USA and all parts of world.
The competition is proud of its distinguished panel of judges and guest artists, winners and judges of such competitions as: Van Cliburn, Gina Bachauer, William Kapell and Beethoven in Vienna.
Mr. Krystian Tkaczewski has been president of Chopin Society of Connecticut since May 2010. He is also a member of World Federeation of Chopin Societies, Unesco, and Society of Polish Artist Musicians.
Mr. Krystian Tkaczewski is a recipient of over twenty prizes in international piano competitions around the world.

[pianowolfi]

Omg. I mean, well, he's *really* good at op 10,1... but... *Wolfi changes to the Shapety shape thread...and plans a 50 mile bike-trip...*

[thalbergmad]

Someone play big joke on me.

Come on, own up. Which one of you buggers was it???

Thal

[pianowolfi]

Someone play big joke on me.

Come on, own up. Which one of you buggers was it???

Thal

it surprises me, I had no idea that it was your real e-mail, this mail sounds like real though, and I have just googled the pianist:

And I swear, it's not me! Neither am I this guy  ,  nor the sender of that mail!  

[thalbergmad]

Well, he can sit on my panel of judges if he wants, but he ain't getting any of me cream eggs.

Thal

[pianowolfi]

Well, he can sit on my panel of judges if he wants, but he ain't getting any of me cream eggs.

Thal

LOL 

[ronde_des_sylphes]

There is a gap in his schedule: (from his website)

July 2012 Chopin Festival in Busko Zdroj July, 30- August 4 2012 Ars Nova International Piano Competition in Singapore, Judging and masterclass September, 26, 2012 Recital at Dame Myra Hess Memorial Series in Chicago, IL September/October 2012 Judging at Osaka International Music Competition, Japan November 2012 Judging at American Liszt Piano Competition in Los Angeles

 

[thalbergmad]

Surely nobody took this thread seriously and e mailed him??

This is rather amusing.

Thal

[ronde_des_sylphes]

He appears to be a bit of a serial competition judge. It's possible. I wonder what he's expecting in expenses. The big question is when is the email dated? Apr 1..?

[austinarg]

it surprises me, I had no idea that it was your real e-mail, this mail sounds like real though, and I have just googled the pianist:

And I swear, it's not me! Neither am I this guy  ,  nor the sender of that mail!  

Amazing!! John Goodman is entering the competition??? 

[Bob]

*Bob checks for anyone giving him money as a joke.*  Nope... Dang...  That would have funny. Really funny.





Yep, funny... 





*Bob checks again.*   Funny, funny....














Dang...

[birba]

Whoever he is, he's a damn good pianist.

[starstruck5]

This guy is a very fine pianist -

I would enter the competition, but my neighbours have not given me permission to practise. I live in the UK and we sign up to human rights treaties and make laws which flush them down the toilet -am I bitter though -nah. Well just a bit. 

[roseamelia]

Enrique That's a cool song!

[littletune]

If that's a pee contest I must sadly refrain from participating as I am not able to perform the necessary tasks in front of other participants, let alone in front of a jury   

   I can't pee if there are people around either!!! Even if I just know there are people outside the toilet waiting and expecting me to hurry up, I just can't do it!!!!!!!! Once at the doctor my mum thought I fainted because I didn't come out for like 15 minutes... it was pretty embarrassing cause like at least 10 people were waiting outside!   


There should also be a competition for OLD kids (older than 10) who are still playing "baby pieces" (the ones that usually kids under 10, or more like under 5! are playing).