Snail Race!

[Tash]

zoom zoom comes holding a flag of peace

 

\@_ |Peace|

[/glow]

sorry i cannot be bothered creating amore realistic looking flag...

people enough with the killing! can the snails and millipedes and bob and everyone else please live in harmony?!!

[Bob]

I see Google takes people's signatures into account.  The fart ads must be from pianoman's signature.

Sorry Tash.  Yes, the snails seems to have gotten quite violent there for a moment.  I wonder why...

Peace falls over the land.  Everything is good.  Snails and millipedes sleep side by side.  (hehehe... dare I?)  The snails get together in groups and discuss their feelings, sometimes crying during more emotional discussions.  The discuss their relationships and how other snails perceive them.  They talk about diet and exercise.  Some of the more aged snails tend to focus on ailments and who among their friends has past away.  Occasionally, vicious unspoken battles occur between certain snails that just don't like each other because of the way one of the snails looked at the other or because of they way certain comments between snails were phrased.

But in general, everything is good.  Tissue sales are up due to the weeping snails. 

Everything is good.















...Until the snails with lasers  appear and charge forth, wreaking terror and destruction on everything in sight!   Mu-ha-ha!....   (Is it a guy thing?)    They race across the land!

Zap!                ^^    ^^
 *~~~~~~~~~ \@_    \@_

[/size]

[athykay]

Bob, you are so, soo, Beeee-utifal! [sob]

[Bob]

ZAP! 



\@_

This snail stands still, unmoved and expressionless.


(national geographic voice, cold wind blows) "The rogue snail stands alone on the hilltop, aloof from the pack..."

[Bob]

INVOICE:

TO:  m1469 Fox

FROM:  Snails R Us

RE:  Replacement snail

COMMENT:  Original snail still under 30 day warranty.  One replacement snail issued by manufacturer.  (That sounds kinda wrong in a way.)


\@_

[Bob]

For Sale:

Snail shields!  Guaranteed to stand up to snail terminator blasts.  $5/shield.

[Bob]

Bob, you are so, soo, Beeee-utifal! [sob]

A few snails move over to comfort athykay.  One gives her a kiss...  A big, slimey kiss.  Slime trails like ropes appear when the snail moves back.  (Bob gets nauseous and decides to stop typing before he vomits. )

[m1469]

For Sale:

Snail shields!  Guaranteed to stand up to snail terminator blasts.  $5/shield.

*little bell rings as m1469 enters Bob's shield store...*

Hello..?  Is anybody here? *a millipede scurries across the floor*
I would like to purchase a shield... and maybe some fries too 

[bernhard]

  STOP PRESS  STOP PRESS   STOP PRESS    STOP PRESS  STOP PRESS  STOP PRESS 

We interrupt this thread with the latest, urgent news.

SNAILS THREAD MAY BE ATTACKED OVER WMDD.

The president of Pianoforum, Mikeyg – even though he was not democratically elected for the position (no one voted for him) and he apparently went into office due to underhand tactics – has threatened Bob’s threads with annihilation if he does not comply with UN forum resolutions regarding post usefulness.

President Mikeyg seems to ignore the hypocrisy of his own position since he made the rules in the first place and he has WMDD (Wacky Messages Deserving Deletion) of his own.

In his war against what he regards as useless posts, president Mikeyg, has already attacked tds’s threads. He is now preparing for a preemptive strike against the much wealthier Bob’s threads.

“There is nothing wrong with preventative action”  he went as far as saying.

He also declared:

“I think some of Bob's threads are a bit, well, odd.”

The legality of mikeyg’s proposal of a “preventative action” is far from established. Most European courts and International judicial organs have disavowed his reasoning as untenable in a civilised forum.

One must ask at this point: Is this really about WMDD, or is president Mikeyg after something else altogether? Complete control of the universe?

Look here for the full details of the President’s statements:

https://www.pianoforum.net/smf/index.php/topic,8620.0.html

 
Best wishes,
Bernhard, international correspondent.

[mikeyg]

Thanks.

[mikeyg]

And you know what, Bernhard, you are absolutely right.  If I had administrative abilities, I would close this thread so_goddamn fast, you wouldn't know what the hell hit you.

[bernhard]

And you know what, Bernhard, you are absolutely right.  If I had administrative abilities, I would close this thread so_goddamn fast, you wouldn't know what the hell hit you.

Moi? 

I am just a member of the press.

[mikeyg]

What? I'm not accusing you of anything.  I'm agreeing with you.

[xvimbi]

This is from a different thread:

Glad to see someone appreciates me somewhat.

If you look what type of contribution earns this appreciation (respect), then it's practically always those contributions that helped someone solve a concrete problem. This is general and holds for anyone on this forum. Everything else is debatable; there is always someone who is willing to debate it, and this can get very personal in a short time. It's often better to just stay away from those.

Keep in mind that if you think somebody else's philosophy is flawed, you must accept the possibility that your own is flawed too. This extends to the perceived usefulness of threads.

For every member on this forum who you think should leave, there is at least one other member who thinks you yourself should leave. The goal is to peacefully coexist. Accept other people's preferences and peefs, and they'll accept yours.

Bernhard's little spoof is very funny (mikeyg, I think you haven't quite gotten it yet ), but as usual has a very serious core message.

[mikeyg]

Yes, it is funny.
Yes, I do understand all of it.
Once again, I agree with him that I should not give a sh*t about what people post. 
This is why I asked nils to ban me for 2 weeks so I can regroup.

[xvimbi]

Yes, it is funny.
Yes, I do understand all of it.
Once again, I agree with him that I should not give a *** about what people post. 
This is why I asked nils to ban me for 2 weeks so I can regroup.

You don't need Nils to regroup. You can do this yourself. Even while still participating in the forum.

[Bob]

Bernhard! tsk tsk....

Snail's hear mikeyg's cry to delete the thread and flee.  Snails all scurry toward one larger snail who protects them.  (At least I hope that's what they're doing.)


_@/@/@/ \@_ \@\@\@_                   \@_ )  )  )



Bob looks around, wonders what the heck hit this thread.  Where did all this come from?  He sighs and begins shovelling it off the edge of the thread.

Then Bob returns to peacefully coexisting.  Ohm....  Snails imitate and begin meditating.  Ohm....  A few of the younger snails begin flinging the-stuff-that-hit-this-thread around like snowballs.



I have heard that taking your mind off your problems by doing something else can help your creativity.


hmmm...... (sweeps oddities under the carpet)

[tds]

now that mikeyg is banned for two weeks, i feel sorry for him . i hope he is not offended, instead be willing to take the ban as a possible learning thing. i know we can always learn something from experience like this one.

it should not have happened, but it did. mikeyg, when you are back with your regular membership, can i be your friend? i wanna live peacefully here with you, and all the rest. believe me, i am myself trying to introspect.

ps. bernhard, xvimbi, you both deserve the much adoration from all of us! bob, you are....well, odd! 

pss. when will the next snail race be held?

[Torp]

Uh....Bob.....I'd like to take what's behind door #3 please!






What?!!!




This isn't Price is Right?!!!



It's a SNAIL race?



Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh...........Coooooooooool.



Can I watch?  What are the vegas odds?  Who's running the books on this?  I want some action.  I got $.14 in my pocket and I'm looking to win.  Come on SNAIL, run like the wind.  Baby needs a new pair of shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Man, I feel so much better now.  I've been wanting to post to this thread forever, but I was afraid of the forum police.    I know how snail racing is so frowned upon in our conservative world.

Jef

PS - Thank god for odd people!!!

[pianonut]

snail crawls over the lap of another snail at concert.

"excuse me, i have to get to my seat"       _@/
                                                                 \@_     "i would have gotten up if you let me"

"you take too long to get up"         "next time, warn me first, ok."

[greyrune]

                      -@/        -@/
                    TTT\\     TttT\\
    "Don't you just hate when people get up while we're playing" 
                        \          "I know, and they're always so slow"
                          \          /
                         -@/V  -@/V  -@/V -@/V #-@V\ ##-@V\ ##-@V\
                    -@/V  -@/ V  -@/V  -@/V       -@/V  -@/ V  -@/V  -@/V 
         -@/V  -@/ V  -@/V  -@/V                         -@/V  -@/ V  -@/V  -@/V 
                       -@/V  -@/ V  -@/V  -@/V         -@/V  -@/ V  -@/V  -@/V         
                               -@/V                   /\    \__
                                                        /   \       \
                                                       /      \___\___
                                                -@| |_____|____|
                                                      -@|


Thanks to Spatula for loan of orchestra, it will be repayed when the famous Grey philharmonic tour in Spatland.

[Bob]

The secret world of underground snail racing... ooooooo.....

Snail owner says, "These are racing snails!  Champion breed.  They're not getting paid to stand around here and look pretty."







  I am NOT odd.

[Dazzer]

you're even?

[athykay]

Gee, it's been awhile.  But thanks to the  - erm - snail's pace, seems I haven't missed much.

Thanks for the kiss Bob-o. 

If you want a change o pace, come over to   (see Great Taste thread).  Fox trot, anyone?

Nothin more healthy than a little forum hoppin.

[Torp]

Nothin more healthy than a little forum hoppin.

Is that anything like forum swapping???

Which snail is winning btw, I got big money ridin' on this.....

[Bob]

"Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak..."


_@/_@/_@/  "Yak, yak, yak"   \@_\@_\@_



Snails chatting.





athykay, the snail kissed you.  Not me. 

[musik_man]

         ________
       / ______   \              ___
      / /  ___   \   \           /  o \
     / //         \ \   \        /   __|
    | | |  |        |  |   |      /   /
    | | |  |___ |  |   |     /   /
     \ \ \_____/   /    /   /
___\_________/__/   /
|_________________/

Snailzilla

[athykay]

athykay, the snail kissed you.  Not me. 

Well, in that case, EWWWWW!  Ptooooey!

[pianonut]

arrogant snail    _@#      humble snail  _@b      babe snail _@

whiny snail _@      


they all go on a cruise ship to austria for the mozartfest.

[pianonut]

_@#    'where's the lecture hall?  is it in this ballroom (enters the bathroom accidentally)'

_@b  'where's the bathroom? (enters the ballroom accidentally)'

_@   'how do you say bavarian creme in german?'

_@    'i want to go home...'

[pianonut]

_@#  'i'd lend you the money, but you can't play the piano, therefore you are scum'

_@b  'here, take it.  (plans to stay in austria indefinately with backpack filled with music)

_@   (stays in austria as barmaid)

_@     cries all the way back home due to extreme exhaustion and nerves.

[i_m_robot]

Whoa....


You guys are freakin weirdos






















RoCK ON 

^_@/    _@/^-_{_@/}

[pianomann1984]

your snails appear to be moonwalking!  awesome 

[tds]

mom fixed us some snail delicacy today. it was....'Vhuanderful!! tds *pats his bloated belly*

[Bob]

(a voice from tds's belly, simliar to the Will Ferrel voice in the Austin Powers movie scene)

"...ooooooh.....  Help!    I say!    Is anyone out there?   I am a snail and am stuck down here!   I need help!  I've been badly bitten and am in need of medical attention!      I really need help!  Is anyone there?"

[bernhard]

(a voice from tds's belly, simliar to the Austin Powers scene)

"...ooooooh.....  Help!    I say!    Is anyone out there?   I am a snail and am stuck down here!   I need help!  I've been badly bitten and am in need of medical attention!      Is anyone there?"

Hang on in there! There is light at the end of the tunnel (hope snails can swim)

[tds]

tsk tsk tsk...

folks!!! sorry, they're all so dead by now. i chewed 'em good . i think mom killed em first ( tips: blame it on mom. it works! ). dont know how she prepared them, but they were SO guey! ...but yummmmmy. oh wait...i need to go to the loo now. 'damn, snails slide ( swim ) fast! tds

[tds]

mom said to us right before we finished the meal that snails were stressing out while being "handled". uuuuggggh, mom!!! ( we thought ). tds * hurries to the loo before too late*

[Bob]

(the snail continues, in the voice of Will Ferrel from the Austin Powers movie scene...)


"Ah!  Someone gored me with a toothpick!  I've been badly bitten and now I've been gored with a toothpick!  Is anyone there?  I really could use some help now!"

















"Oh, it seems I'm being pulled downard now, and there's stomach acid.  This is really not good."

















(finally silence)

[pianonut]

snail lecture on pedalling the pianoforte:

"use your right and left foot at all times, being careful not to use suction to lift the pedal, but carefully detach using the superslime method."

                 _@/  =IP   

[Bob]

Snails listen to the lecture.

One of them bobs his snail eyes around suspiciously.  He looks around with one eye and then darts a glance at another snail's paper with the other eye.

[pianomann1984]

_@/  IP


Snail haveing lesson on pedalling the fortepiano - oh...I don't have any knees.  Oh well...back to the pianoforte.

[greyrune]

\@_-\@_-\@_-\@_------THREAD

The snails bravely pull the snail race back to the top, they won't sit back and let such an inspirational thread die.  Others watch in awe and cheer on their brave comrades.
 
  Hip hip hooray!           Hip hip hooray!      Hip hip hooray!        Hip hip hooray!
                   \                            \                     /                          /
          _@/   _@/   _@/       _@/   _@/  _@/ _@/      _@/  _@/     _@/   _@/
             
               _@/   _@/  _@/ _@/     _@/  _@/    _@/   _@/   _@/ _@/   

                  _@/  _@/  _@/ _@/                        _@/   _@/  _@/ _@/ _@/   

           _@/   _@/  _@/ _@/               _@/             _@/   _@/    _@/    _@/   
                                                       /
                    _@/    _@/   _@/          /             _@/  _@/ _@/        _@/     
                                                    /
                 _@/   _@/ _@/   _@/     /   _@/  _@/ _@/  _@/        _@/ _@/                 
                                  Snail with bad breath

[Bob]

         \@_
        \@_                   \@_
       \@_                   \@_
\@_\@_\@_\@_\@_\@_
       \@_
        \@_
         \@_

Snails racing in formation.  Precision snail racing.

[pianonut]

bob, you are very creative!  can you help me with a sign i saw today?  it said "goot" and then pointed toward an open field.  immediately i thought of snails, which reminded me of snail food.  what it might be called.  anyway, since i think of you as a sort of snail expert - and creative thinker - what could this sign have meant besides snail food?  any suggestions from anyone?

ok.  here's my snail for today:

 
_@/   mystery piano snail - hasn't got a name.  plays the piano really well (can't tell exactly what he/she's playing, can't tell if snail is a he or she, was found meandering all over a field looking for 'goot')

[Bob]

misspelling of "goat"
signmaker typo "go out"
and old sign that used to say "god"
something in German? or another language?  like a French word for "goat"
(wonders if this is some MENSA test)

selling realestate?  Was the field up for sale?   https://www.janetgootrealestate.com/
a reunion?  https://goot.com/


goot
\Goot\, n. A goat. [Obs.] --Chaucer.


Get Out Of Town, Pianonut!

[pianonut]

bob, 

must you be so harsh?  i was only asking an innocent question.  why is it- between you and my piano teacher that i get this sort of response.  i asked him if he knew what 'ibid' means.  of course he did, that it was latin, etc. etc.  and that i had misspelled it in my 5000 word essay (ibed).

ok.  i am not a mensa test distributor.  nor am i a scholar.  i am a simple person who often asks just plain and simple questions.  why do others attribute hidden motives and tricks to me?

so you know what it means.  GOAT.  that makes sense to me.  although there are no goats in this particular field - there are some in the next.  maybe it's a sign telling the goats to go home - or go back where they belong.  poor goats.  i happen to love goats.  my mom had a goat she named 'tinkerbell.'  of course, she put a bell on her neck.

ok.  i'm out of town. 

[Bob]

Sorry.  Didn't mean to come off as harsh.  It's difficult to get the meaning off the right way with only text.



I was flattered you think I'm creative.  I did start feeling like a test or challenge in away when I was thinking about it.

After I checked the online dictionary, I checked an acronym finder...

GOOT = Get Out Of Town       That was a joke.


Sorry I came off as harsh. 

Um....   here is a chocolate snail for you.

\@_

[pianonut]

it's too late now.  i've gone into a snail depression.  with chopinetta starting a high IQ thread, bombing my calculations for mayla's math problems, and now realizing how little i know about acronyms - i am retreating into my shell.  living only on the meager encouragement of the grocery store clerk.

*licks the chocolate off the snail while watching 'i love lucy' reruns and thinking how funny it would be if lucy tried to teach fred piano lessons...  or, what if lucy had a really attractive piano teacher and she tried to pay attention, only to be distracted by his looks.  what would the end result be?   

[Bob]

Lucy meets the Eliza thread....

"Lucy, you some 'splainin to do!"  says Ricky.


(That could be interpreted in so many ways....)