Music Jokes!!

[chauncey]

Post your best or most corny music jokes/puns/pictures/etc. here!

I"ll go first:

A pianist wanted to go to the market, but he forgot his Chopin Liszt..

Well hello gorgeous. Where have you been Haydn?

Why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher? Because he was Haydn..

How do you know that you're dating a French horn player?.....

[49410enrique]

[piano_vs_science]

This is a really corny joke i made up...



what happens when Richter plays the scales?




EARTHQUAKE!!!

[ahinton]

It's perhaps a good thing that this is a piano forum otherwise this thread would risk becoming littered with all those viola jokes...

Best,

Alistair

[zolaxi]

I taught my dog, Pooch-ini, to play the piano. His Bach was worse than his bite.

He was quite good at Offen-bark, but hated playing DePussy.

[scherzo123]

DePussy

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

[ed palamar]

FIND THE COMPOSERS
There are 25 composers lost in the following message.
Can you help them out?
EXAMPLE:  The cowboy wore his holster.
ANSWER:  HOLST, GUSTAV; [1874-1934]; GREAT BRITAIN

MESSAGE:

If you don't tell a man and don't go hidin', we will let you in on a secret when we get back.  We have gone looking for a show pan for the next kitchen demonstration.  Also, for sherbert in one of our Cadillac Broughams.  We went to the barber but also stopped off at the farm and unraveled some of the straw we use in the still to make straw whiskey.  We couldn't pack a bell we had for you as the handle (to the pan), which is inlaid with pearls, and the vibrations thereupon seems to rock 'em on and off.

We are also going to a Halloween-snow-masquerade-ball-party followed by a mask-off ski event so as not to impair vision on the slopes.  Not to be picky, but, in the words of Shake-a-spear:  "Motes art the downfall of mankind."  So we can get along as we improve ourselves.

We use the franc to buy the things on our shopping list, hope you don't mind.  I'll be nesting with the 'Bird'.

P.S. - We'll give you more leeway on this than you can lasso.  And have you tried 'Shampoo Lanky', the scalp treatment for stringy hair?  We took some of your albums:  it was a real disc robbin' affair, but we left the Fortrel garment bags.

[ed palamar]

The Parrot and the Magician

Seems that there was a cruise ship that hired a wide variety of entertainers. For the fourth consecutive year, a magician of good skill and reputation had been hired to do three shows a week for the summer of week long cruises. Since the crowd was in continual change, he did the same acts over and over.

He enjoyed the good life in this sinecure, spending most his time out on the Promenade Deck working on his tan, not new tricks.

But this year, something was new among the crew: the Captain has purchased a parrot. A very bright and attentive parrot. Over the course of the season, Cap brought the parrot with him to see every one of the magician's performances.

Being a smart parrot, the bird learned all the tricks offered by the magician in his act. The bird would say, "The card is up his left sleeve, the flower is under the table, he hid the money under his shoe..." Because the parrot would only take a few shows to catch on to his magic tricks, the magician was forced to continually learn new ones, which was getting harder and harder by the day, and really cramping his "sun time." To put it mildly, he began to really dislike this @@%$#%^$# Parrot, but since it was the Captain's "baby", he couldn't just weigh the bird down, tape its beak and deep six it.

One night, late in the season, the engine room exploded, blowing a huge hole in the middle of the ship. It sank within minutes. Miraculously, the magician found himself clinging to a timber, floating in the water at 0200, early, wet and dark in the morning. No one answered his shouts. Alas, he seemed to be the only one left alive!

As the sun came up the next morning and he turned around what should be sitting 20 feet away on the opposite end of the timber - his arch nemesis, the Parrot!

They glared at each other and said nothing. This went on for three days and three nights. Neither said a word, just the constant glaring.

On the fourth day, Polly finally broke the silence and said, "OK! I give up! What did you do with the ship?!"

[pencilart3]

Man, I can't Handel this! Stop Haydn it! Just tell me - what is your Liszt of favorite piano pieces? I think I saw you Chopin for some new piano books, but I think you have a hard time finding any that Suite you. You know, even though they're Debussy, I mean - dead, you see, you can still Ravel in their music. Think Bach to the olden days of music - I don't think it would be Rimsky-(Korsakov not) to say that they Shore knew how to compose back then. I have just been practicing so much piano that I Baroque my fingers the other day. I really need Compose myself with my practicing habits.

THESE ARE GETTING PATHETIQUE


What do you get when a piano drops down a mineshaft? A flat minor.

How about if you drop it on a military base? A flat major.

And to the tightrope walker... if you don't c sharp you'll b flat.

[kevonthegreatpianist]

Man, I can't Handel this! Stop Haydn it! Just tell me - what is your Liszt of favorite piano pieces? I think I saw you Chopin for some new piano books, but I think you have a hard time finding any that Suite you. You know, even though they're Debussy, I mean - dead, you see, you can still Ravel in their music. Think Bach to the olden days of music - I don't think it would be Rimsky-(Korsakov not) to say that they Shore knew how to compose back then. I have just been practicing so much piano that I Baroque my fingers the other day. I really need Compose myself with my practicing habits.

THESE ARE GETTING PATHETIQUE


What do you get when a piano drops down a mineshaft? A flat minor.

How about if you drop it on a military base? A flat major.

And to the tightrope walker... if you don't c sharp you'll b flat.

[rubinsteinmad]

Well, whenever Clara and Johannes were doing the nasty behind the window curtain, Robert commenced playing the Mephisto Waltz. The 2 lovers found it REALLLLLLy disconcerting

And that's why Clara hated Liszt afterwords.

[rubinsteinmad]

Well, ain't I a true Chopinzee

[toryka]

Sing as if you are doing it just for yourself and no one hears, but please only in places where no one hears. 

______________
custom writings specialist

[laurent45]

I think this words is well known but still want to post it here "For thirty-seven years I've practiced fourteen hours a day, and now they call me a genius!" You know who said this?)

[visitor]