That is not a way to feel before performance

[ladychopin]

Hello, my name is Maya i'm 16 years old and I have 2 problems which i'll divide into 2 posts. (sorry in advance for my English).

I Have an issue with performing. when I go on stage to matter how much people are in the crowd the same thing happens to me.

First of all I feel like a part of my brain shuts down (does anyone feels that way either?). It's like I can't think straight and sometimes my face feels as it frozen. Then My hands starts shaking which makes me very unconfident because I just know I'm going to miss notes and that just makes this all experience not fun. So I'm not calm and I immediately start worry about the option of not remembering the notes though it never happend to me.

I wish I could make this stop and be able to give my best while performing. I deserve it and the crowd as well. I want to fix this process now before it will get too late.

I enjoy playing for others, make them emotional, impress and get the adrenalin. I know this is possible because there was one week where I played 3 times 1. in the Conservatory 2. in front of my class and friend in school 3. in front of 450 people. I felt very confident in front of the 450 people: my hands didn't shake and I was able to concentrate and break away from where I was so when the clapping came I was surprised . I want this to happen every time in front of 3 people or 100.

Do not suggest me to play regularly in front of people because I'm afraid of what could happen. Even after this concert (the 450 one) I got back to my "normal" reaction and massed up in a different one where my hands just kept shaking, I was nerves to go up while they did it and I played badly . I kept thinking of them and what if I will miss alot of notes because I can't control them - that is not a way a person should play and feel before a performance!.

Can anyone help me?

[hfmadopter]

You said not to tell you to play more in front of people but that's exactly what you need !! One thing that you need anyway. Actually the same goes for your other topic about sight reading, do more sight reading.

You also should lose the concept that, what if a mistake should happen, because the simple truth is they do happen, even to the best players. At least so once in a while. The thing to work on of course is to practice to not make mistakes but more so, that when you do make one you can just play your way out of it. Don't let the mistake derail you. Later , after your performance, work on exactly why the mistake happened and learn then what you can do about it. You need to let a mistake during performance just kind of roll off your mind all together at that moment in time.

I knew a lady, relatively young woman with a couple of kids. She always showed up at the same work shops I attended ( I'm talking about decades ago here). She got up to perform her music at the work shop every month and just shook, her hands trembled. About three years into this it suddenly stopped and she played more advanced music too, the next year she was gone. I mean literally gone, she passed away from breast cancer. I believe the cancer was her bigger fear then and she no longer feared performance. She played beautifully. I can't interweave this story into anyone else's life but it just makes you think and wonder. I know that I've thought of it and her many times in my life since. I know that I've had my share of issues in front of a group of people and successes as well. What works for me is that I feel I have something to share with them and for the most part they enjoy hearing me play, so if there is a little slip up I don't worry about it anymore.

Edit:

Since Ian brought up about ignoring the audience, I will bring up another suggestion that I use. It's wonderful when you can get into that state of mind where it seems you just can't make a mistake, you just know that you will do this well, you simply have confidence and feel relaxed and it's like another power is taking you over ( sometimes I can feel a warmth take me over from within when and if this happens). Yes that is wonderful and it does happen but probably not day in and day out to much of anyone. So ignoring the crowd or ignoring that single person in the crowd that you know just bothers you sounds like a good idea. What helps me to get past that feeling is to play to someone in the crowd or even in a small group of people that you just absolutely know wants to hear you play ! If you think there isn't any single fan out there in the crowd ( but there probably is) then pick one or pick a guardian angel or something. Or for that matter just play to yourself ( some will say that's all in the same anyway). Seriously, ignore the crowd, ignore the critic in the crowd, play to a fan of yours even if it's your mom, play to an angel, play to yourself. In so doing the crowd and the critic in the crowd is ignored or it's effect is diminished at least.

All that said I'm working my way back myself, had been away from piano for a lot of years till a year ago May ! So I find myself working on these tricks myself, like I already did years ago.

[ladychopin]

The main problem is that while I play I can't (obviously) control my thoughts. While they are running in my head I must play the music and be "in it". those two come across each other and I panic because I feel helpless.

I should we able to go on stage and think about the music but there are too many disorders - external and internal, that it scares me.

Thanks for your reply.

[hfmadopter]

The main problem is that while I play I can't (obviously) control my thoughts. While they are running in my head I must play the music and be "in it". those two come across each other and I panic because I feel helpless.

I should we able to go on stage and think about the music but there are too many disorders - external and internal, that it scares me.

Thanks for your reply.

Yes exactly, I understand this, been there myself !! Meanwhile I added to my other reply under edit, please read that ( though I never shook, sure did sweat and tried to hyperventilate a few times though ).

[quantum]

It seems you already know the process you need to go through in order to overcome this feeling.  No matter how disconcerting it makes you feel, you must put aside your desire for comfort and tackle the issue head on - you need to perform.  There is no magic technique that somehow transports you from your current fear to the state of mind which you desire, all the while allowing you to bypass and make paths around this fear.  You need to be in the driver seat, drive through that fireball (a bit of a film analogy there  , and emerge on the other side.  It's not something someone else can do for you, but rather something you need to accomplish yourself.  Of course there are people to help you along the way, but it is something you need to do yourself. 

I'd suggest partaking in performance through small but frequent steps.  Do you have a recorder?  A laptop or cellphone is fine to get you started.  Perform to that recorder.  Say 5 minutes daily.  It doesn't matter what, repertoire, scales, random doodling, whatever.  The point is you are playing, someone (the recording device) is listening, and you are doing this frequently.  It's also completely fine to turn on the recorder and play nothing, as long as you are intently inside a performance mindset. 

Performing doesn't have to be done solo.  Try joining an ensemble: sing in a choir (to which there will be plenty of performing experience). 

[ladychopin]

I do sing in the choir's school and I have been performing a few plays on stage. I have no problems with those and I notice my hands and generally my body - it was calm. I think It has something to do with me being alone on stage or the piano makes me nerves because I care more about it then the other things in my life. I will try joining an ensemble - thank you for that.

I record myself all the time. At first it was exactly like performing and when time passed it became easy and familiar. I know you will say" "it's like performing live on stage , it will become easy" but you can't blame be for saying it's ok to mass up at home where nobody hears you and there is no pressure but on stage it an all other atmosphere.

[quantum]

Maybe you could try things like smaller ensembles.  You say you are fine with choir, what about being part of a vocal quartet, or smaller vocal group.  Being in smaller ensembles means your part carries more responsibility, and the listeners are more likely to pickup on your individual voice. 

For piano, perhaps you could try a piano trio or quartet.  You could also look into 1 piano 4 hands, or 2 pianos 4 hands.  Accompanying soloists is also an excellent option. 

You may wish to consider some private stage practice time.  Look around for churches that will allow you to practice on their instruments.  They can be large spaces with musically favorable acoustics.  Perhaps you could return the favour by offering to sub for services. 

For your recordings, you could kick it up a notch.  Promise yourself that you will share a recording with someone else.  That someone else will be your listener.


Live performance isn't about playing perfectly, it's about an honest communication of ideas.  Even the greats messed up in live performance.  Take a listen to some late Richter recordings, sometimes the playing got quite messy.  But you have to ask yourself, did this really detract from the music, from the message?  These are publicly available commercial recordings nonetheless.  Are they any less recordings because of the inclusion of this human element?

You may also wish to read through the recent concentration thread.  There are elements you can bring in to help resolve this issue.
https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php?topic=51947.0