I ruined my recital, will it ever get better?

[bronnestam]

I have never - or not yet - overcome my terrible stage fright when it comes to piano playing. I have danced ballet on stage. I have made readings from my book for a big audience. No problem, really. But I always have ruined my recitals thoroughly. Shaking hands and bad, bad, baaad playing, with stops and errors and cold sweat. The only time I remember was when I played two pieces instead of one - two short Clementi things. The first one was the usual disaster, but then I managed to shake my nervousness off and just played. I remember that I even enjoyed my own playing for once, instead of feeling that I was on my own execution.

I just hate stage fright. After all these preparation, knowing you can play really well - and then sounding like a drunk idiot who cannot play the piano at all. It is so humiliating. I want to let people enjoy the moment, not torture them with my dreadful "music". (Yes, I know it is painful to see and hear someone having a nervous breakdown at the piano, especially if it is someone you really love.)

But ok, I decided long ago that playing the piano for a paying audience was not my major career goal. I play because I love to play and because I love the music I choose to play. I also, from time to time, like to entertain my dear ones by sharing this music with them. I have at least learned to play for THEM without getting too nervous.

Anyway, if you are a piano student and ruin your recital, there is no reason to feel guilty. Everybody knows you are just a student, not a master who charges the audience $$$$$ to hear you play. You are brave just to be there and make a try. Most people in the audience don't have that courage and that commitment. And those who have will understand. There is no pianist in the world who has never failed ...

[dedolence]

I think all the advice so far in this thread is great!

My method for dealing with stage fright is threefold: 1) to recognize, in the moment, that I am experiencing stage fright and to try to embrace it, knowing that it's natural and will only get worse if I try to fight it; 2) to remember that performing anything is about feeling, evoking an image, and that the image does not require perfection to be effective (in fact perfection is the enemy!); and 3) to keep in mind that I play, first and foremost, for myself- not for my teacher, the audience, my friends, or my family. You don't owe anyone a good performance, you only owe it to yourself to do what you love.

Also, the quickest way of getting over a bad performance is to get back and do a good performance. Try to schedule a rebound performance, even if it's just for a few friends, to get your confidence back.

And one more thing: although you said you performed it ahead of time with "pleasant" results, your difficulty in summoning emotions can possibly be a sign of depression. As someone who suffers from it myself, I can attest to how hollow and apathetic it can make you feel. Just a thought. More likely I think you over-practiced ahead of time, like someone else said--which will be much easier to prevent the next time!