The Pianostreet Old Farmer's Almanac (Since 1765)

[goldentone]

Welcome all!

Everyone is welcome to contribute and be part of the Almanac community.

The Almanac was established in 1765 by the late (very late actually) Edward Draugenford (pronounced Draugenford) after the powerful storm of that year rummaged through Yorkester.  The village laid waste, Draugenford, having survived the flood hanging from the rafters of his sturdy built cabin, resolved to bring weather safety and advice to his town.  He assembled there the cognoscenti of the village, the scientists, philosophers, sages, and priests to birth a great almanac of forecasting and wisdom.  

Next:  Yorkester Thrives

[goldentone]

Advice of the Day:  When strange winds howl o'er thy face, seek the love that can efface.

[Bob]

*Bob hopes that's not a fart reference.*

[goldentone]

Such winds did not howl in 1765, nor should they in the modern era.

[goldentone]

And so Yorkester was leveled by torrential snow and winds as under volcanic ash in the great storm.  Dismounting from the rafters when the storm softened, Draugenford perused the damage to the village.  Wondrously, none were hurt while yet only Draugenford's cabin remained.  After conversing with the townsfolk (which they had not engaged in for awhile) with sweet reassurances, he returned home.  It was as his wife was ministering to her ivories that he was warmed with the thought of gathering an inner circle of magisteria to forestall the elements.

The primary task at hand was reconstruction of the village, and for that they turned heavily to Volkher the woodmaker, the German immigrant.  After ponderous work over the pale winter and into the summer, Yorkester was aglow in a glory that surpassed its founding, the earthen wood now mottled with distinction.  During this time of rebudding, the inner circle began its weekly Friday night meetings.

Next:  The Almanac Birthed   

[j_menz]

Next:  Yorkester Thrives

And so Yorkester was leveled by torrential snow and winds as under volcanic ash in the great storm. 

"Thrives" seems to have somewhat changed meaning in the intervening years. 

[goldentone]

No, I was backtracking and filling in some details.

[goldentone]

Tip of the Day:  When you finally realize you have found your Soulmate, let them know.

[Bob]

What if it's a soul circle rather than a soul mate? 

With the size of the world, the number of people, time... What are the chances that you and one other person happen to be here at the same time and actually meet?  And that that happens for a lot of people?  How many soul mates end up on the other side of the planet?  Or the other side of town even and you never run into them?  What about age?  Wouldn't there be some number of people who are pretty far off in age but are soulmates?  90 year old and a 20 year old?  If they're soul mates...  Well, I guess the 90 year olds would probably be more dead... And less mobile, so less likely to meet their soul mate. 

I thought this was amusing though.  He found his soul mate...

[goldentone]

I agree there are questions on the matter, and I have thought about the possible complications like time and the prospect of different nationalities and languages.  I know we have them though.   An inner circle--yes I believe that too.

[goldentone]

With the fire warming them, casting their silhouettes against the logs of the cabin, the five convened as Draugenford opened, "We are here assembled to the purpose of birthing an almanac, that Yorkester henceforth should not be partaker of nature's ferocity, but thrive in wisdom and presage.  The design before us has daunted our predecessors, as indeed forecasting the elements is as the forecasting of the elements."  The sage rose, "Indeed.  In this physic we need permanence.  That path is as a wind from the center of earth pining for a puppet of flesh.  It is not to ever-evolving science that we must turn, but to the divine to spoil our spoiler."  At that the fire blazed with a sweet propulsion into the collective.

The spirit of fellowship fell upon them as the priest confessed, "We all felt drawn to unite here, yea physically prepared for, in perpendicular purpose for this small humanity."  The sage responded, "A golden nudge it would seem."

Next:  The meeting continues

[goldentone]

December Weather Forecast for U.S. Pacific-Northwest:

Temperatures will be more wintry than November.
The frost will arrive in new crystalline formations as winter settles into its heart.
This new frost will produce a smack-like sound as the sun melts the tree
limbs that have bound together.  Possible precipitation in concert.  Oregonians need not fear any lack of wild imagination which shall convey upon its pristine landscape in berries fallen in the snow.

Precipitation possible.  

[Bob]

This needs to be tied into piano more. 

Winter... colder... Effect on wood pianos, metal stringers... human joints maybe...

[goldentone]

We at the Almanac strive to uphold the integrity of our charter, while at the same time
serving the special needs of each region.  These needs sometimes move us to soundly correct
the needlessly errant husbandry forecasts which have vexed us for some time.

We will certainly consider your request of seasonal weather in the piano world.

[goldentone]

Advice of the Day:  A good spring cannot give out both pure and brackish water.

[Bob]

A good bottle of spring water will not leak onto your piano.  But why you had a food or drink on the piano in the first place is a mystery, let alone why the water was brackish.


(Not fully brack?  Only somewhat brack.  A bit brack?  A bit... brack-"ish."  It's probably still ok.  Just drink around that part.)

[j_menz]

A good bottle of spring water

Who said anything about a bottle? 

[Bob]

A good of spring water?  What's a good?

Almost sounds like some kind of performance test... If you're a really good pianist, you can put pure water on your piano and it won't soak in.  It will stay in tact on top of the piano.  If you're a bad pianist, then it will seep into the piano, proving you're a bad pianist (and a witch).  Will you dare to find out if your a good or bad pianist?

[j_menz]

A good of spring water?  What's a good?

A good spring. What on earth do you think spring water is? 

[Bob]

Who has a spring in their piano?

[j_menz]

Who has a spring in their piano?

Everyone, but that's a different sort of spring. 

[Bob]

Must like Vivaldi....

[goldentone]

Bob is trying his darndest to get piano into the Almanac.

[j_menz]

Charge him for advertising.

[goldentone]

As the shrill of the wind undulated without, a oneness emerged among the assembled.  The philosopher lifted his eye that had been taken by the red-locked Mrs., wisping like shy flames around the cabin.  He grumbled warmly, "The cold cries of the village find our ear, and the void would be fed.  The earth that supports us is kin to us, yet knows not our nature, crescent though it be."  At that Mrs. Draugenford's countenance fulminated.  Four exclaimed within the current of their breasts, "Would this be some ghost?" while Draugenford's ever pale pallor grew august, and receded.  Some revelation stirred within the cast of their mien.  Harmony among them did not abate amidst the surge of the ancient crust.


Next:  The Pearl of Night

[j_menz]

Next:  The Pearl of Night

A dark and stormy night, presumably, given the previous.

[goldentone]

A dark and stormy night, presumably, given the previous.

No, there's hope for Yorkester.  Stay tuned.

[goldentone]

Extended Winter Forecast for U.S. Pacific-Northwest:

With the emergence of a new and magnetic current that directly influences the sensitive region, detected by our state of the art hydroteloptics, we can predict accurately that a new climatological and navigational age has emerged, connecting the California current to the Florida Gulf Stream.  This has come about from the natural subatomic pulse remagnetizing itself, resulting, for one, in the phenomenon of inversional geysers.  The force from the release into the earth (the subatomic pulse which operates exponentially when inverted) will open a Norseville connector, a veritable ride at the speed of light engendered by scalar constants harmonized to the primordial frequencies.  (One of our POFA pioneers commented that they could hear Frank Sinatra singing in Norwegian in his early years).

We expect these climatological developments to proceed after December.  Those of you in the region known for its tranquility will witness a new lifeblood of spring in winter.  While looking out into days of snow quilted yards, you will enjoy your eyes spiced with the color and shape of nature's making.  A new tourist industry will arise from the international rounds in wonder of the landscape, never before beheld.

As a footnote, we honor the scientific branch of our Almanac in its Tesla trajectory of pioneering.

[j_menz]

U.S. Pacific-Northwest ...magnetic current ...hydroteloptics...climatological...California...Florida ...subatomic...remagnetizing ...inversional geysers...Norseville connector...speed of light...Frank Sinatra...climatological ...tourist industry...Tesla.

That's gotta be a record for anachronistic references in a post! 

[goldentone]

As we check our records, the U.S. Pacific-Northwest, magnetism, California, Florida, subatomism, geysers, the speed of light, Frank Sinatra, Nicola Tesla, and the tourism industry, all were contemporaneous.

We do admit that the Norse and inversional geysers are not part of the contemporary equation.  We will send you our Almost There, Through the Years: Three Centuries of POFA's Remarkable Forecasting.

Thank you for your part in upholding the Almanac's rich heritage of multi-disciplinary aisles of scientific and supernatural observation and induction.

[Bob]

The solstice approaches...

This does feel about equal to that point in early summer.  There's that point where you realize it's coming up to the middle of summer, but there's still plenty left... but it feels like it just started. 

[goldentone]

Winter Solstice Development:

Our courageous hydroteloptic group, who first uncovered the California-Florida imminent joining, now report that the remagnetizing may affect snow formation spawning an exponential increase in flake size to melt into the water reserves atop the shifting, temperature-rising layers below.  This geophysical transformation promises more than we previously conceived, in a wealth of auspicious subether concentrics, transformative of the earth's daily georhythms.  In practical terms, this means that while you are out Christmas shopping, be on guard for the sudden appearance of sizable pairs painting the sky, consuming your shopping list in a mild winter fury.  

[goldentone]

It is with rosying pallor that we announce The 2015 Collector's Lore Edition (in gold print).  If you've enjoyed our abridged edition here, you'll be enthralled to revel in the full spirit of the Almanac's wisdom and scientificallity, handpacked with:

               * The Yorkester commemorative history on the founding of the Almanac
               * The Wit and Wisdom of Nathaniel Pepperidge
               * The Scientific Augur (For you science lovers)
               * A Currier and Ives Christmas Collective
               * Pianos in the Seasons, A Guide to Skirting the Elements
              
You will bask in the unique homogenous overlapping of our prophetic and scientific storehouse.  This Christmas season you will delight to lavish in the gold charactry of the vault.

[j_menz]

and scientificallity

Right up to this point, you'd made a sale.

[Bob]

Someone's going to get their hand slapped by Nils.  Haha.  I posted something a long time ago about renting something on here.  Blanking on it now.  Nils removed the post because he didn't want users to become confused.  And he was planning on implementing that feature anyway I think.  Maybe music was free at one point and I'd said users could pay me for that.

[goldentone]

Right up to this point, you'd made a sale.

The Almanac's uncanny storehouse of knowledge can only be expressed at times through such fancy terms.  We are a lore inspired propheti-science enterprise.

[goldentone]

Re Bob:  Thanks.  I altered it a bit.

[Bob]

There you go, rewriting history.  We all know what you said up.  You can't hide from the truth.  The truth will prevail.  I just can't believe you'd say something like that goldentone.  Shame on you.  Shame!  Shaaaaaamuh!!!

[goldentone]

Ha.  I'm trying to hold onto my days of obscurity.  Rewriting history, yes. . . 

[goldentone]

Pre New Year's Special Forecast:

In gentility reaching into our propheti-science trove to stir the spices of preparation, we have a few words for the plenteous incoming year.  The peach fields of the United States are ripe to undergo a dramatic extirpation of "sinister peaches" that have been uprooting the foundation and prosperity of the industry.  This could occur at any time, while at home, shopping, even performing (though we do trust loving hearts not to halt the ears).  The whole world will witness this ignominy.  The U.S. Peach Stock Market is pining to collapse around the bustling thighs of citygoers. 

          

[j_menz]

Sinister peaches? 

[Bob]

Ha.  I'm trying to hold onto my days of obscurity.  Rewriting history, yes. . . 

[goldentone]

2015 Special Report

Amidst a flurry of substantial contemporary snowflakes, our field researchers bring to our ears this development.  Water molecules in the Pacific-Northwest, according as we have predicted, are shifting into crystalline formation which will result in the most beautiful blanketed form of snow to ever peace the region.  Concurrently, from what our data is showing, a subterranean array of geysers shall unleash from the other side of North America, that would upset the remagentizing needed for the preservation of nature's constitution.  Nevertheless, nature will burst its berry-tails in a cumulative and mutual succession from the reorganization, burgeoning from inspiration within the increased fire of the daily georhythms.  A fox among foxes, nature will yet expand her den and revive the ancient pulse.  

[goldentone]

Special Report

Snow flurries have been reported in the U.S. Southeast region.  This rare occurrence has buttressed speculation that the California-Florida joining is only hours or days forthcoming.  When the joining occurs, it will spark a geomagnetic wildfire.  The California current is known for its elusive properties, and it appears the Florida Gulfstream will rebalance the disparity at the opening of the Norseville connector.  

We at the Almanac are most proud of ourselves.    

[goldentone]

There are reports going out of King Arthur in the hinterland of the Pacific-NW.  The story goes that he has been searching for his elusive Guinevere.  She claims a Lancelot, a supposed silversmith, as her husband, but the valiant Arthur will soon uncover the ruse which has ranked to the summit of Camelot, and his wrath sure to lay its hand to the potato fields.

Other than that, we welcome you to the Peach Festival!

[goldentone]

Wisdom for the Day:

"Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it."

Proverbs 3:27

[goldentone]

Mid-Winter Update:

There are reports of resistance in the subatomic remagnetization from our assiduous field reporters.  As nature burgeons in power, we have been sending out four score notices to our scientific staging houses in America and England to observe the reaction to this vacant phenomenon, whereby the dragging element may be isolated to align in harmony with the pent-up concentric immersion.  Because of the scientific branch's undiscernment of the unnatural imposter, we are turning to our prophets to disclose the conundrum.  What they are perceiving is a lack of warmth flowing in the subatomic connectors, and thus on the macro, the Norseville Connector has not opened to transport capacity.  But with encouragement we maintain that a romantic conflagration shall break forth any day.  The town of Ashworth, in ripe alignment with the winters pent subatomic flow, is particularly in danger of being consumed, peaches, woodwork, and all.  We will update you on that prospect.

Meanwhile, we announce the addition of Bob to our scientific branch.    

[goldentone]

Thought of the Day:

On the road of undiscernment the King sighs.

[goldentone]

Update:

It is with enthusiastic spirits that we report that the Norseville Connector is almost at full transport capacity.  Warm glowing echoes of Sinatra's voice are filing the corridor even now.  We have observed in concert that temperatures in Ashworth and Jackson Grove have been aligning as well.  The plans for the great winter festival can proceed.  There will be a banquet of sumptuous meats, five variations on potatoes, and plenty of peach pie leftovers.  We are hoping to hear back warm tones from Vienna until then.  Cheerio!

[j_menz]

There will be .... plenty of peach pie leftovers. 

Why? Is the peach pie not good?