I feel very frustrated

[faa2010]

These 2 weeks have been a bad one for me. Everything has pointed out that I am not in a good level with my piano skills. I feel that my playing has been mediocre, my teacher wants to low my level, and the recordings I made have good timing and memory (I didn't use my piano sheets), but they lack many other things: phrasing, marking rhythm, legattos/stacattos and dynamics.

Right now, I feel that I don't deserve to be a pianist, that I ruin every piece I play.

I feel depressed and scared to face the teacher again. Not sure what to say or think in the next class.

I feel that I shouldn't go to class again because I will get hurt again by the teacher's harsh critics.

[faulty_damper]

So why are you playing the piano?  It sounds like you do it to please others.

In my case, my ear has always been much better than my teachers so I caught the things they never noticed.  As such, my standards were always much higher than theirs so nothing they said could ever put me down because I was far harsher on myself.  The biggest problem I had was technical, which they could never help me on.

It also sounds like you have severe movement limitations which your teacher isn't helping you with.  Hence the musical issues you have.

[hardy_practice]

Sounds like you're playing the piano rather than playing music.  Concentrate on the latter - maybe have some singing lessons.

[awesom_o]

In my case, my ear has always been much better than my teachers so I caught the things they never noticed.  As such, my standards were always much higher than theirs

Sounds like your teacher should be the one paying you for lessons rather than the other way around! 

[awesom_o]

I feel that I shouldn't go to class again because I will get hurt again by the teacher's harsh critics.

Sounds like this teacher may not be the best fit for you... have you tried any other teachers?

[hfmadopter]

I think your teacher is frustrated and doesn't bring out the best in you, instead that frustration comes out in you. The attitude you are displaying here shows that as being the result . You need someone who will work these issues out with you, who takes the time to figure out a new plan of attack to correct the issues that he/she sees as blocking what they expects as a final result. Maybe rolling back a bit is part of the plan though. You need not get down on yourself, regardless of how good some may play now we all have been where you are right now. Some early on, some later on but we have been there in terms of not playing as we think we should.. You need to have a heart to heart with this teacher and then decide if you want to stay with that one or find a different one.

FWIW, years ago my teacher would advance me and then pull back. Sometimes she just wanted a sample to see how I could adjust and other times she wanted me to garner something from a piece beyond my actual level. And sometimes I actually fooled her and did it ! She was a kind woman though, usually she explained at least in part what she was doing.

A little advice, never fear or let another human cause you anxiety. They are absolutely just another human being with emotions and feelings just like the rest of us.. But do learn from them if a teacher if they have something worth learning. If not move on. You have 0 reason to fear going to this person and every reason to have a talk with him/her. I would do that as soon as you sit down at the piano if not before..

Just my opinion !

[faa2010]

Thanks everyone, I feel better.

That's right, I never let anyone to cause me anxiety. I played again the piece yesterday at night, I was calm and play it while putting my view in the piano sheet, and I felt better.

I suppose that the teacher just freaked out because in the recital I didn't play the piece according to his "professional learning standards". (I played it with a lot of errors and he would have been more cordial with me if I have even tried to look at the piano sheet during my playing)

I went to the class on Wednesday, and I felt that everything went fine.

Classes will continue after Winter vacations, so I can start to study and following in a more calm way the teachers' indications they left in the last day of classes. (he is a solfege teacher, and I have 3 piano teachers, but I will follow the indications of the strictest one, without forgetting to practice the pieces the other piano teachers requested me)

[hfmadopter]

Thanks everyone, I feel better.

That's right, I never let anyone to cause me anxiety. I played again the piece yesterday at night, I was calm and play it while putting my view in the piano sheet, and I felt better.

I suppose that the teacher just freaked out because in the recital I didn't play the piece according to his "professional learning standards". (I played it with a lot of errors and he would have been more cordial with me if I have even tried to look at the piano sheet during my playing)

I went to the class on Wednesday, and I felt that everything went fine.

Classes will continue after Winter vacations, so I can start to study and following in a more calm way the teachers' indications they left in the last day of classes. (he is a solfege teacher, and I have 3 piano teachers, but I will follow the indications of the strictest one, without forgetting to practice the pieces the other piano teachers requested me)

Good !

[themusne]

Hi.Don't be so series. Take it easy.

[cwjalex]

are you in college for music or something?  can you give a background of your situation?

[faa2010]

are you in college for music or something?  can you give a background of your situation?

Ok, I am in a music school where they can prepare you to enter to a music college or another music school, I have played piano for a long time, almost 13 years, but 6 years ago I saw that my technique is not good, that I can play piano, but I have holes in my learning.

Now my desire to be a better pianist, to pass from beginner to advance for real, has led me through many things, many people, workshops, etc. And without knowing everything led me to find and try to enter to a music school where majors are obtained. Some people have been patient with me, some others not and quite the contrary, they have criticized me and made me feel worse.

I don't know why did it came to my mind, what I remember is that years ago, I played something in front of my classmates and I didn't played it well, and then I wanted to play a Fantasie Impromptu in front of a teacher, who in the end she only gave me just 2 classes, also when I wanted to play something, people who are more in the music world, can easily know my mistakes which don't consist in playing wrong notes.

The recital I mention was of the music school where I am assisting to get prepared to enter to another one, it was in a rush and the teacher/director of the school wanted us to play complete pieces.

This is the piece I played in just short time and preparation:

https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php?topic=56864.0

Also I didn't read the sheet while I was playing, so that was what make him angry and put me as the worst of the show.

Right now, I am not sure if this is the path I want: to become a professional pianist (in the sense that I will play piano as a job), and all started because I saw 6 years ago that my piano technique is lacking many things.

Right now, as I said, I feel very frustrated because I think I am not good at playing, I am getting worse and that I already reached my limit and I cannot become an advanced pianist, even I feel that my joy for piano is disappearing, I am starting to feel that playing piano has become a must, a something I have to do, not something to enjoy and love because there are rules that they have to be follow and that I cannot play like I want.

I am 29 years old.

[bernadette60614]

Piano can always have a place in your life..but it doesn't have to be a central place in your life. You can be a pianist/engineer, a pianist/teacher, a pianist/scientist.  To me, the point is to play and to continue to try to play better...that's what makes a true pianist. (In my mind, someone who just plays the piano and never thinks about how they could be better is someone who just plays the piano, not a pianist..but that's my bias.)

You are at a crossroads:  Take the criticism as feedback, and not failure and push through it.  Decide that you don't want to spend countless hours practicing, that something else would be a better fit to your talents and personality.

I think it isn't a "failure" to decide not to pursue a degree, nor a success to pursue one. The success comes in finding that convergence between ability and drive.

[cwjalex]

I am starting to feel that playing piano has become a must, a something I have to do

why is it that you want to become a professional pianist so much?

also, how much a day do you practice?

for someone who has been playing for 13 years and who is in a music school pursuing piano playing as a career i would have thought your technique would a little further along than it is.  is there something that is preventing improvement like a medical condition?  like are you pretty much a normal guy with average coordination? 

[faa2010]

Piano can always have a place in your life..but it doesn't have to be a central place in your life. You can be a pianist/engineer, a pianist/teacher, a pianist/scientist...

Thanks Bernadette, in fact I have a degree in engineering, I have a 7-4 job and as you say I am in crossroads to know what I want to do.

why is it that you want to become a professional pianist so much?

also, how much a day do you practice?

for someone who has been playing for 13 years and who is in a music school pursuing piano playing as a career i would have thought your technique would a little further along than it is.  is there something that is preventing improvement like a medical condition?  like are you pretty much a normal guy with average coordination? 

I only want to increase my level, as I commented, to be a more advanced pianist, I just want to know and feel that I can play more difficult pieces.

I practice 2 hours per day.

I am in a 8 hour job, I am complete but I am dealing with emotional changes in my life.

[outin]

I wonder if you are trapped in a vicious circle that's blocking your learning...8 hours job and 2 hours of practice...your mind needs rest as well you know. So do you actually practice too much, trying to force learning when in fact you should do less but with a more curious mind ready to learn?

I realized some time ago that there's a limit of what I can do productively after a long day at work. I used to practice more before, but I feel I can achieve just as much with less practice. Also short pieces are much better for such a life circumstances, that way more variety can be maintained.

There's sometimes a problem when there are weekly lessons and high expectations from the teacher, but if I am satisfied with my progress, then my teacher must settle for it as well. And my playing usually gets generally better during the summer break, I simply have more time to really ingrain and put to use everything I am taught during the lesson year.

You've been pushing it so long and have so many negative feelings towards your situation, that you may not be really open for the learning process. Can you solve this to achieve your goals? Without some major changes I don't think so At least you really need to think about those goals again.

[bernadette60614]

May I suggest:

The right teacher can make all the difference in the world.  I played as a kid, stopped for decades, took it up again in a group class, then had my first "real" teacher, who was a graduate of the Moscow Conservatory of Music.  When I would play, she'd stop me suddenly and say things like:  If that wasn't so awful, I would laugh.

First, I'm not taking lessons to be belittled. More importantly, that kind of comment did nothing to show me how to play something better.  I found myself making excuses not to go to lessons, because the joy in learning was replaced by the terror of the lessons.

My teacher of the last 6 months is no push over.  However, instead of berating me, she'll give me a strategy for learning how to play something better.  Right now, I'm working on 3 pieces and each lesson I leave with a clear idea of what I should work on the next week and, as importantly, how to achieve what we're both working for me to achieve.

I would suggest:  If the joy of music is leaving you cause you're reaching unrealistically high, that is something to consider.  If it is leaving you because when you sit down to practice you feel defeated before you start, a change in teacher(s) might be in order.

[faa2010]

May I suggest:

The right teacher can make all the difference in the world.  I played as a kid, stopped for decades, took it up again in a group class, then had my first "real" teacher, who was a graduate of the Moscow Conservatory of Music.  When I would play, she'd stop me suddenly and say things like:  If that wasn't so awful, I would laugh.

First, I'm not taking lessons to be belittled. More importantly, that kind of comment did nothing to show me how to play something better.  I found myself making excuses not to go to lessons, because the joy in learning was replaced by the terror of the lessons.

Right now I have 4 piano teachers, it is very complicated in telling why, but let's say that 2 of them are not so strict and I think that this year I won't be in a rush to learn more pieces.
My teacher of the last 6 months is no push over.  However, instead of berating me, she'll give me a strategy for learning how to play something better.  Right now, I'm working on 3 pieces and each lesson I leave with a clear idea of what I should work on the next week and, as importantly, how to achieve what we're both working for me to achieve.

I would suggest:  If the joy of music is leaving you cause you're reaching unrealistically high, that is something to consider.  If it is leaving you because when you sit down to practice you feel defeated before you start, a change in teacher(s) might be in order.

That sounds very interesting, and is your current teacher from the conservatory as well?, does she has "credentials"?

I am just asking in order just to compare, not because I am against non professional musicians. A musician is a musician as long as he/she has passion and love for what he/she sings and plays.

Also I have had experience with teachers whom don't have enough patience and they berate you despite not telling you how to improve nor encourage you on becoming better.

Right now, I have 4 piano teachers. It is very complicated to explain, but one of them I have to tolerate for 6 months, and decide with which other I will stay, making them 2 (one of them is not so strict, and she is one of the reasons of why I want to improve).

[bernadette60614]

Yes, I'm the states and she has a degree in piano pedagogy, as well as advanced training in the Pace technique.