1000000 ways to recognize a person who is not a serious pianist.

[imchopin]

This list has officially determined I am not a serious pianist.  BOO HOO!  Where's my baseball bat, I am throwing away my piano! 

140. calls a piece a song  (just kidding, don't take this as an attack  )

I love that song called Symphony #9.  Moonlight is also a top 40 hit song, in the AC Billboard Hot 100.  I guess I better trash my copy of Bartok's 'Hungarian Peasant Songs', oh wait....

170.  walks into your house and drops their coat and backpack onto your grand piano (I almost died)

This is #1 for me.  When people sit a beverage, car-keys, coats, purses, etc. on their shiny grand I want to throw-up in their face.  Many people (like myself) do not have an acoustic grand in their home.  Ah...the annoyances in life...

[thalberg]

This is #1 for me.  When people sit a beverage, car-keys, coats, purses, etc. on their shiny grand I want to throw-up in their face.  Many people (like myself) do not have an acoustic grand in their home.  Ah...the annoyances in life...

Yes!!  Indeed.  In my case, I was a graduate student in a tiny apartment with a grand piano.  Someone walked in and just took of their backpack and set it right on top of my piano.  I was so upset I could not breathe.

[tanman]

Thinks that the Starwars and the Indiana Jones theme song was composed by Raffmaninoff.

[emmas_dad]

29 - Whoever is trying to learn without taking lessons (sorry, I think so)


I'm sorry, but I have to take exception to this one. Some of us can't afford to take lessons, or can't find the time. I work full time, have two young children, and have little extra money. Still, I'm up every morning at 4 am to practice, and I'm at the piano again after we've finally got our kids to sleep. I read everything I can about piano technique and classical music in general, I listen to every recording I can of the great pianists, I pay very close attention when I play to make sure I'm doing everything I can to play well and to learn from what I'm doing.

I'd LOVE to take lessons, but I'm just not able. And the two teachers I had when I was a teenager were terrible! They never talked about technique, not even fingerings.

[thierry13]

I love that song called Symphony #9.  Moonlight is also a top 40 hit song, in the AC Billboard Hot 100.  I guess I better trash my copy of Bartok's 'Hungarian Peasant Songs', oh wait....

I don't know AC Billboard, but it sure is nothing too serious or any valid if it called moonlight a "song". Also for Bartok, it's the correct way to call it since they ARE songs. Songs are sung, with voice. If nobody SINGS, it's not a song. Now I am guessing there is no voice in the Bartok, but it was based on actually sung  song. Your irony is just making you look stupid, you better stop it right now 

[gerryjay]

171.  Attempts to pass their piano exam by playing their scales one octave, one hand

rofl...

btw, there are two amazing stories about exams, from my undergraduate times:

situation: admission exam, guitar. program: scales and the like, some works to choose from a list (including villa-lobos, sor, bach).
 - teacher: could you please tell us what pieces from the list did you choose and why?
 - guitarist: sorry? err...list?
 - teacher: yes! the repertory list!
 - guitarist: there is a repertory list?! i thought i could play my own improvisations here!

****

situation: admission exam, piano. program: among other stuff, a fast movement from a classical sonata. selection made by the pianist and her teacher: beethoven's opus 27/2, first movement...


best wishes!

[ryanyee]

11 - Has a bad sense of fashion.

what sorta fashion r u talking about? modern or the good ol' wear from the times of the masters?

[ryanyee]

people who play modern music only and nothing more.

[oscarr111111]

People who play music from the past and nothing more 

[Etude]

People who play music from the past and nothing more 

QFT

[tanman]

spells fur elise Fleur De Lis. actually happened. haha

[ryanyee]

well since u said that then perhaps you can tell me y modern music is better than music from the past? it's noise 2 me n i'm sure it is 2 alot of others.

[oscarr111111]

well since u said that then perhaps you can tell me y modern music is better than music from the past? it's noise 2 me n i'm sure it is 2 alot of others.

It was an inclusive addition, a serious musician will play a full spectrum of music and will be able to appreciate music thats not his primary avenue.  Also if you're going to play the 'modern music lacks culture' card (yea you didn't say that, but you're going down that avenue), then typing in 'txt spk' doesn't help your argument.

Out of interest, what 'modern music' are you talking about that just sound like 'noise'?

Cheers.

[etcetra]

I've witnessed several occasions where a piano player (playing in non-recital setting) had to deal with drunk people who think they know something about piano music because they had couple of lessons in their lives.   

It's happened to one of my teacher once, he is a very accomplished jazz pianist, and he's has been the piano player for many notable jazz vocalists.. and I seriously wanted to smack the guy who is harrassing him to play Take Five or The girl of Ipanema. Some of Them will ask you to play something like Chopin Etudes, just to test how good you really are. 

One of my favorite story comes from keith jarrett  .  He was playing at this hotel a long time ago (long before he made a name for himself in the jazz scene).. God knows why but this lady, came up to him and asked him to play Ravel's Bolero.  So Keith decided to play the piece..... in its entirety (probably by ear), I don't know what happened to the lady but it would be fair to assume that she did not stay to listen to the entire thing.

[etcetra]

Also I've met this one guy  who called himself a pianist..He knew a lot of pop songs and it was quite impressive.. I just wish he played more than the melody and basic triads.  I think he was trying to impress this girl at the party, but she looked really bored after the first two songs.

[ryanyee]

noise as in rock, heavy metal.. but none of those pieces, i presume can be played on the piano. well but i was trying 2 say that playing only modern music on the piano isnt beneficial is it?

[hildegarde]

175. Thinks that if they complete their piano method, they can play anything!  (This was me when I was little.  I remember looking at Level 7 of the Alfred D'Auberge books and thinking they were incredibly complicated.)   

[oscarr111111]

noise as in rock, heavy metal.. but none of those pieces, i presume can be played on the piano. well but i was trying 2 say that playing only modern music on the piano isnt beneficial is it?

The whole 'rock music is just noise' thing is just uninformed classical pretentiousness, and almost all rock/metal/pop etc. can be very well translated to piano if you choose to do that.

And as I said, a serious musician should play the full spectrum, the phrase 'move forward while looking back' seems relevant here.

[gerryjay]

 oh, well...i don't like to argue, but the discussions just entered my backyard.

 176. a piano student that don't play everything, from renaissance to new composed music (notice that most of the time it's due to a non-serious-musician teacher)

 177. a pianist - after those formative years - that don't have the creativity to develop a unique repertory, and stuck to mainstream music only (and there is no excuse: even if someone must play that because of her/his professional career, there is always space for something different).

ps: by unique repertory i mean only that. it may include chopin's opus 66, eventually... 

[dougiedog]

Just on general principle you could be dead serious about piano and still play like your wearing ski gloves yuk.

[ryanyee]

then i wonder why all those famous professionals like glenn gould, vladimir horowitz. all of them out there didn record any of them. if they did play modern music, then should'nt there be some of their recordings 4 these kinda music so it at least makes it easier 4 people 2 learn or understand them?

[oscarr111111]

then i wonder why all those famous professionals like glenn gould, vladimir horowitz. all of them out there didn record any of them. if they did play modern music, then should'nt there be some of their recordings 4 these kinda music so it at least makes it easier 4 people 2 learn or understand them?

Use your head, most pianists play music which is modern at the time in droves, now of course a lot of it is dated.  Thats the thing about modern music you see, it doesn't stay modern for very long.

[Etude]

then i wonder why all those famous professionals like glenn gould, vladimir horowitz. all of them out there didn record any of them. if they did play modern music, then should'nt there be some of their recordings 4 these kinda music so it at least makes it easier 4 people 2 learn or understand them?

You picked the worst examples possible.  Horowitz played Prokofiev and Barber etc.  And Gould also played the serial composers...

[gerryjay]

You picked the worst examples possible. Horowitz played Prokofiev and Barber etc. And Gould also played the serial composers...

exactly what I thougt. when did he record webern? it was in the early sixties, wasn't it? since the music was composed in 1936, it was quite fresh at the time. if he was alive and recording now a days, he would play boulez or berio for sure (along with renaissance, bach, 19th century music, ie, everything).
 best!

[Etude]

I'm not all that knowledgeable on Gould and Horowitz, if I'm honest, I just know that they did play such music.  I'm sure hearing Gould play a Sorabji fugue might've been quite something!

[ryanyee]

i was talking about pop, rock stuff all of that! of course i know they played 20th century music but what about all those non-classical stuff?

[healdie]

noise as in rock, heavy metal.. but none of those pieces, i presume can be played on the piano. well but i was trying 2 say that playing only modern music on the piano isnt beneficial is it?

check out Yngwie Malmsteen a sweedish rock guitar virtuoso, he has more than just classical influences in his playing he also has done a concerto suite for electric guitar and orchestra check it out, 

 also ever heard meat loafs bat ot of hell i'm sorry but the piano part is very  prominant in this and many other rock songs, john lord did many barouqe influenced organ solos in bands like deep purple so yes pianos are used in heavy metal and rock music

another example rock virtuoso Tony Macalpine he plays guitar and piano, it is common to find Chopin etudes mixed in with his rock instrumentals in his albums

[keypeg]

Um Healdie.  Would you mind putting in some commas and periods.  Your post is close to incomprehensible presently.   

[xpjamiexd]

177. Refers to arpeggios as "those crazy things he does with his hands".

[point of grace]

178: the ones who surprise when you tell them that Yamaha is a piano. Not just a moto!

[pianist7]

179: Doesn't realize Moonlight is in C# minor, and that there's more than the first mvt

[point of grace]

179: Doesn't realize Moonlight is in C# minor, and that there's more than the first mvt

that's true! a lot of people play simplified versions in other keys!!! 

[doryanne]

This started with the intent to laugh a bit at the people that pretend to be what they are not.
I don't think it was meant to hurt those who know little but admit it.
The best example is myself: I am an amateur, I started taking piano lessons last year and I will never get to be a professional, but I do it for the pleasure of my heart as I love the piano. At the same time, my theoretical knowledge is and will be limited, as I do not go to Conservatory - I have a job that has nothing to do with the piano 
However, in cases like these  people like me will feel a bit (or more) hurt  even if the irony is not aimed at them.
Conclusion: be careful whome you laugh at and make the difference between boasters and those who have difficulties in learning the piano 

[pianisten1989]

that's true! a lot of people play simplified versions in other keys!!! 

A friend of mine, playing the violin, was about to do an audition to a music academy. The ones who doesn't play the piano or guitar as main instrument has to play "chord-instrument". So her teacher told her to play the raindrop prelude like 2 month before the audition. 2 or 3 days before the audition she ask me if I could listen her playing, and ofc I did.
And she started on e, instead of f, and with a c-chord in the base! I was like: what? So her TEACHER gave her an edition in the wrong key.. And oh, the middle part was missing

[royandrew]

150:  Or:  Always speeds up when it's loud and slows down when it's soft

Man I have this problem. Dont know how to get rid of it. Any tips? May be i need a metronome.

(No, I am not a serious pianist. Just a newbie.)

[prongated]

16.  Posts on a piano forum instead of playing 

So...

180. Posts, in a public piano forum, terrible recordings of pieces being sight-read, instead of practising them until they are good.

[ponken]

- 180. Thinks that you are playing a piece wrong just because you interpret it differently than the pianist they are used to hear.

[dss62467]

Dabblers, debutantes... people who act like they play but dont. Here 1000000 ways  taken from real life preferably with which to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:

1- Believes Fur Elise is the Everest of piano repertoire, only second to the moonlight sonata.

2- When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor without realizing something is wrong. (This actually happened in an audition at mi older conservatoire, needless to say the tone-deaf interpreter was stopped after 6 measures)...

(Feel free to continue:)

While I am certainly not what you'd consider a "serious" pianist, I'd consider myself a serious piano hobbyist... I get a chuckle out of the Fur Elise comment.   I was chatting with a lady last summer who said she played until her piano teacher made her play the entire piece at her recital with no music.   I just stood there thinking.... "so...?"   I haven't even attempted the 3rd movement of Moonlight though.   

[pianisten1989]

181 (maybe?) Start clapping after the first movement in moonlight, only because you didn't know there were any more movements.

182 Think the first movement in moonlight and second movement of pathetique accually are 2 movements from the same piece, but still are called Moonlight and Pathetique (true story)

183 "What do you mean too loud and without tempo?! Atleast he plays it with FEELING!!"

[ponken]

133: Short hair.

And here I was just going to get a haircut. Lol

[pianisten1989]

184. Play a piece, and when it gets difficult, you stop and start playing an other one..

[nmitchell076]

185: Answers "True" to the following True or False question: "Beethoven wrote two symphonies: the 5th and the 9th" (my music history professor is quite the humorist)

[pianisten1989]

185: Answers "True" to the following True or False question: "Beethoven wrote two symphonies: the 5th and the 9th" (my music history professor is quite the humorist)

And then ask if you could play it on the piano (and not talk about the Liszt-transcription)

[musicsminion]

I would say something, but I'm sure I have the right to. Haha

[wildman]

186. Plays the 2nd part of Fur Elise retardedly fast so he can brag that he's better than you...(this happened to me once   )

[redragon]

187. Sincerely believes that Fur Elise is the most amazing piece in the universe and also pronounces it wrong.

[end]

188 - he/she plays several pieces, difficult ones, but none of them well.

[stevebob]

189.  Believes that the "Minute Waltz" can be (and in fact is meant to be) played in one minute.

[dss62467]

186. Plays the 2nd part of Fur Elise retardedly fast so he can brag that he's better than you...(this happened to me once   )

Isn't "retardedly fast" an oxymoron?   

[pianisten1989]

189.  Believes that the "Minute Waltz" can be (and in fact is meant to be) played in one minute.

I've heard it be played in one minute.. It was rather shitty, but it was one minute..

200. Thinks musicality= playing with tremendously rubato in every bar.