PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I am starting to be afraid of playing the piano!!!

[faa2010]

As the title mentions, let me give you the background of the crisis :

https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php?topic=62407.0

Since that day, something started to happen, I couldn't sleep That night like this one.

This morning, my mother expressed her concern about my attitudes, I couldn't contradict her, my teacher at school music told me the semester is almost finishing and I got only one piece almost ready, but she Will pass me.

After that, I started to be in an emotional crisis, looking for someone Who could lift me up, I talked With someone, but I feel it wasn't enough, it became harder to me play piano the rest of the day, I just wanted to stay away from the piano, go to see my puppies and not studying.

I could have talked to my other teacher, but as I mentioned, she became a tyrant, I started to stop trusting her since the semester started, she started to change for me, she told me that if I had a problem, I could go with her, unfortunately, she wasn't truth to her word unless I had money, and this Last week i felt That she only wanted to use me With her important friends (don't worry, only to show up that she has good students, nothing more). Through my eyes, she became from a nice, good and care teacher into a greedy, emotional, manipulative, bipolar tyrant.

I regret not putting her a stop earlier, now I am suffering the consequences, I am starting to stay away from the piano, please help me, I don't want to feel afraid of it, I don't want to quit it, I want to sleep quietly as well.

[keypeg]

I read the other posts in the other thread. Why are you still with this abusive teacher?

[dogperson]

If I understand your posts correctly, you now have a problem with both teachers?    One has become a tyrant, and you consider the other non-trustworthy.   I suggest that you have a meeting with both--- and, if appropriate based on your age,  have your mother involved in the meeting.

I  hope you have shared your concerns with your Mother so that she can intercede, if needed, in this situation.   

[faa2010]

If I understand your posts correctly, you now have a problem with both teachers?    One has become a tyrant, and you consider the other non-trustworthy.   I suggest that you have a meeting with both--- and, if appropriate based on your age,  have your mother involved in the meeting.

I  hope you have shared your concerns with your Mother so that she can intercede, if needed, in this situation.   

No, only one, the particular teacher, has become both the tyrant and non-trustworthy. The other one seems very gentle, not sure but I want to talk to her more than the other one more about my situation.

[outin]

If I understand your posts correctly, you now have a problem with both teachers?    One has become a tyrant, and you consider the other non-trustworthy.   I suggest that you have a meeting with both--- and, if appropriate based on your age,  have your mother involved in the meeting.

I  hope you have shared your concerns with your Mother so that she can intercede, if needed, in this situation.   

The Op is an adult with quite a history of ranting here. I doubt we can help her...

[adodd81802]

The Op is an adult with quite a history of ranting here. I doubt we can help her...

I would probably agree with this.

[piulento]

There's no reason for you to stop playing just because of some teacher, you're not playing for anyone but yourself.
If I understand your situation correctly, you should just stop keeping in touch with your previous teacher and start a new leaf with your current teacher. Stop letting other people affect you so much (easier said than done, I know) and remember why YOU play, not what others want your playing to be like.

[bernadette60614]

I think you are suffering from persistent anxiety...as I do.  It has been the biggest emotional issue of my life.

However, there is an upside: Anxiety is the handmaiden, so speak, of a highly responsible person.  If you didn't care, you wouldn't be anxious.

What I find helpful is to think this:

This is one chapter in my life. This is not the totality of my life.  It may be one chapter, but it is not the entire book.

So, this experience with this teacher is one chapter in your life.  Not your whole life.  Newspaper headlines will not read:  This student did not perform well. 

I mean this gently, but I think you need to address this persistent anxiety now while you are young (I'm assuming you are young.)

I'm over 50.  I spent decades worrying, anxious, sleepless, smoking multiple packs of cigarettes a day, losing weight (and gaining weight) all for situations which were only chapters in my life.

If your school has a student counseling department, please make an appointment. 

Life is too short, too beautiful and too exquisite to waste on this anxiety, and you don't have to waste it.

Take care.

[keypeg]

The Op is an adult with quite a history of ranting here. I doubt we can help her...

After reading this I checked the OP's posts - even going back to the very beginning, I could not find a single "rant".  What one does find is a conscientious person, maybe overly conscientious, with a lot of respect for elders and superiors which may be detrimental, and therefore the need to get a different kind of feedback elsewhere.  And also young.  Interestingly, if you go back a few years, the tone is much more confident and self-assured than now.

Reading from the beginning: Originally there were years of lessons with a local teacher of the kindly grandmother around the corner type, and at some point a few years ago the OP was made to believe that there were holes (weaknesses) in what she had been taught.  A second, "expert type" teacher came on the horizon, with goals to patch those weaknesses; workshops or a school or institution of some kind, again in a "serious" vein.  The OP was now also in a serious-about-music frame of mind.  This is also when the tone of insecurity (maybe what was called a "rant") starts coming in.  I imagine it's not a coincidence.  It may come from the manner of that teacher, and also the new seriousness about music - as opposed to blissfully playing under a kindly teacher and assuming all is well - or something else.

In any case, people need to work things out, and they can also be in strange spots in their lives, and that can go on for quite a while.  For those who get impatient, the best is simply not to read or get involved.

What bothered me in the recent posts is how teacher 1 seemed to do undermining just as the OP was getting ready to see teacher 2, and also that there seems to be a relationship between teacher 1 and teacher 2 (2 being the teacher of 1, or superior of 1), because then you can have complicated things going on like "My teacher will judge my teaching of this student if this student is now seeing my teacher for lessons."  In any case, the tone of insecurity seems to have started around the time of making these changes.

When a person appears insecure, it can be because of that person's personality, maturity etc., or because of what is happening with other people in their lives (teachers, superiors, influential others), and the latter also meshes with the former (how a person is able to treat you also has to do with how you respond; how you respond and react can be worn away by how you have been treated).

[bronnestam]

I think a wise approach is to seek many teachers. The more teachers you see, the less dramatical and personal the teacher swap will be.

I have had 8 piano teachers during the last three years, PLUS three more in additional skills like sight reading. Most of them I have only had for "guest sessions" (2-3 hours altogether) as I have been to summer schools. They have been in ranges from "right out of school" to extremely seasoned concert pianists/teachers. Some of them I got along with very well on a personal level, some maybe not so well, but they have ALL given me the most valuable input. Actually I cannot confirm that the more you like a teacher on personal level, the better you like the teaching and vice versa.

I have learned to face new teachers, learned to pay attention to their particular ways of teaching. And I have learned to be rather independent of them. You are not married to your teacher ... (well, if you are, find another teacher and live happy with your spouse, I believe that is healthier.) And don't stick to the same teacher too long. No matter how good they are, you need more perspectives.

[louispodesta]

As a pianist/philosopher (an Empiricist), I always cite a source or sources.

This time, I will suggest that the OP peruse the posts by "Bernadette and Keypeg."  They have obviously lived this part of your musical life before you.

They care!

So, my opinioned advice is to listen to them.  Otherwise, you will make a grave mistake, and you will continue to "think it to death."

Please, don't go there.  Please!

I have done so on many occasions, and it will destroy you, if you let it.

[mrcreosote]

It is probably true that you can learn even some small thing from a bad teacher - so there is always something that can be learned from any teacher.

A "bad" teacher is one who doesn't teach you much - you can assimilate what they have to offer in short order.  You have to identify these teachers and move on to other ones - the more teachers, the better.  Eventually, you will recognize a good one - it's not totally unlike finding a Soul Mate - in this case you will find one that becomes your Mentor.

There are many types of personality dynamics between people/teachers.  Some teachers you will like and mesh with - others you won't, but that has nothing to do with how much you can learn from them.

If you have a teacher you don't like, you have to focus on what that teacher can actually teach you - do not dwell on what is bothering you.  And be ready to leave this teacher ASAP once you've assimilated their knowledge.

Myself, I am working to get to a mental perspective where I truly do not care what those who would "hurt" me are doing.  This has to be done without putting up walls and barriers - I simply must acknowledge and dismiss.  It's much easier said than done.  Water off a duck's back?

[keypeg]

On these points in particular, and not necessarily in regards to the OP's situation:

It is probably true that you can learn even some small thing from a bad teacher - so there is always something that can be learned from any teacher.

A "bad" teacher is one who doesn't teach you much - you can assimilate what they have to offer in short order.  

That is not necessarily what happens with a "bad" teacher.  You can also be trained into things that are incorrect and harmful, and you can also have your self-confidence undermined by the wrong kind of teacher.  On the one hand, you can have a teacher who simply doesn't teach you much, so that eventually you discover you are missing all kinds of things (which can lead to a self-assessment of lacking talent etc. which does lead to low self-esteem), but that teacher might actually boost your confidence by praising everything you do.  That leaves you with things that have to be learned and relearned.  It ain't too great, but is doable.
Supposing the teacher who insists on tight, curled, "strong" fingers, hammering down on piano keys along with an immobile arm and stiff straight body - and when you get the inevitable problems, yells at you for being a poor student with a bad attitude.  As an imaginary example (though I met someone once with that kind of background).  You will have learned to do something harmful in your playing, drilled into you, which you now have to undo and replace.  That is quite difficult.  You may also be fearful and timid with any future teacher, as well as having learned to distrust yourself.
The dastardly thing is that a student who has barely been taught anything and is now at a high grade may decide to fix the situation by finding a "really strict, technically minded teacher", and go from neglect to abuse in the above scenario.  Without knowing what good teaching is actually like, how will the student know?

You have to identify these teachers and move on to other ones - the more teachers, the better.  Eventually, you will recognize a good one - it's not totally unlike finding a Soul Mate - in this case you will find one that becomes your Mentor.

I agree with this.  It is by having experienced different teaching styles and aspects of the subject matter through this, that you start gaining perspective.  How can one, with a one and only ever teacher?

[louispodesta]

In that I cannot physically do this anymore, I have spent the better part of five hours (each way) flying from my City of San Antonio to Dr. Thomas Mark's studio (Portland ,Oregon) for a private coaching session, (Twice!).  Plus, I have a glass tailbone, and I am claustrophobic to boot.

Therefore, when I tell you that the first thing that comes upon a student in a session with this truly gentle soul, is that he has the ability to size up any technical difficulty on sight.  He does it "on the fly."  And the first time this happens, one does even remotely think that it is for real.

For the record, the first session was five hours, and we could have gone longer.  However, my five hour flight back to San Antonio did not allow this.

The second session only allowed me two and a half hours, but this time I filmed it, which is way more than okay with Dr. Mark.  Therefore, one can replay the "live" lesson over and over again.

Further, afterwards, he allows this matriculation to continue over the Internet or by exchange video.

So, when one posts here and talks about "their teacher," or multiple teachers, I once again have something to suggest, in the alternative. "Hey, Lou, nobody is that good."  Yes, he is!

[timothy42b]

In that I cannot physically do this anymore, I have spent the better part of five hours (each way) flying from my City of San Antonio to Dr. Thomas Mark's studio (Portland ,Oregon) for a private coaching session, (Twice!).  Plus, I have a glass tailbone, and I am claustrophobic to boot.

News flash.

It is 2016, nearly 2017.  There is this thing called Skype.  Get one of your grandkids to explain it to you. 

[faa2010]

Thank you to those whose comments can make me feel better. I also made something to remember my love for piano and music, apart from not playing piano for a period of time and relax myself. Also I played in a piano recital, and despite being the only one with just one piece, the second teacher was proud of me.

Let me give you an update: the "tyrant" teacher has calmed down after the incident, however, if the chance is made, she starts to berate my stressed attitude, that I am not the same secure and assertive person she has known. And some of her comments I started to see them negative.

Maybe my mistake is that after being with her for a time, I started to see her as a friend, someone with whom I can express my feelings and someone who can help me solve my problems because she has being in the music school and she knows how it really works. She told me to trust her, but when I expressed my fears and problems, she only has made them worse with her attitude and berating me for feeling like that, thus she contradicts herself.

In the end, apart from being a human being, she is just an inexperienced teacher who, despite having the best intentions for her friends and students, she cannot hide at some moment her own frustrations, fears and doubts and project them on her students.

Ok, some of her advice have been useful in the past, but in this semester she gave me bad advice: jump from solfege 1 to 3 at school, play her pieces and not caring for what my formal piano teacher wants and says and just listen to her.

I already, I hope so, cleared things with my other piano teacher, she seems to be very patient and comprenhensive, and also it seems she has a lot, a lot of experience as a teacher, not putting her own problems and emotions in the middle of her teachings.

My solution is to leave the first teacher and stay with the second one. I expect to leave her In December or January and go on with my own path. I hope to stick to my guns in this decision.

[keypeg]

Faa, without knowing you or either of these teachers, the impression I get is one where the first teacher tries to foster a dependence - make you dependent on her and insecure so that you will be dependent and grateful.  If your playing is improving as well as your confidence, then that tells you something.  The difference would be if the second teacher were telling you wonderful things just to make you happy and dismissing weaknesses, but that is not the impression I get at all.