Friends with Students

[ameliatan]

Dear Fellow Teachers - I have been teaching for almost 10 years now. It has been an amazing journey, with its ups and downs. When I first started teaching, I got a 'rude awakening' as I realized it wasn't as easy as I thought! Pushy parents, non-practicers, rude students, make ups etc.. I even admit when I first started, I wasn't even a good teacher, at times questioning my ability to teach! It’s a never-ending journey, just when you realized you know something, there is much more that you don't.

I am now blessed with lovely students and parents, and these students enjoy the lessons and parents seem to trust my teaching ability. I have taught some of these students for
a long time. Lately, some of these parents invited me to events (unrelated to music) ranging from sports events to even a religious nature! I wish to go, but something is telling me not to get too personal with my students or their parents by attending these events. So far, I have politely declined their invitations.

Is it better to just maintain the professional relationship, without being close friends? Have
any of you teachers went to student's invitations, and did you feel awkward? One part of me wants to get to know my student's on a personal level (especially when they are close to my age), but another says I should keep my distance.

[klavieronin]

I have had many invitations to social events, meets ups, etc. and I have also always politely declined. I don't really have an answer for you but I can't help but think it would affect the teaching relationship. I have also attempted to teach piano to people I already knew or was friends with and it has never gone well. That's not to say that it couldn't be done but for me personally it seems to make things more difficult.

Having said that, I can't see how piano lessons would be any more valuable than a good friend so I suggest you take things on a case by case basis. (Just be aware that sometimes students and parents can get confused about the nature of the teacher-student relationship and if you aren't careful might start to expect more from you than they should.)

[perfect_pitch]

As a piano teacher who has also been teaching for 10 years now, but I don't think you have to decline every event. I had a student who just sat his Grade 6 exam, and used those pieces to play at a school music night which he asked me to attend. I did in order to support him as his teacher. I have a ballet student who every Christmas performs one of the big Ballets (Nutcracker, Swan Lake etc) and I go to support her.

Some of these students have piano in their lives, but they also usually have a bigger dedication to something else. If they are passionate about it - I feel it's nice to encourage them by going to these events when they occur.

Having said that, I've never been to any of their birthdays, or any religious themed events - but I feel that maybe that would be crossing the line.

Also, in response to Klavieronin - I actually teach my father the piano. I offered to do it for free, but he refused at the free lessons claiming that he wouldn't take them seriously if he didn't pay me for my time. I've helped him pass his Grade 3 Piano for Leisure, and he's moving onto Grade 4. In fact, I think it's helped him realise 1) how dedicated I am to my career and 2) he's gained a greater respect for me as a person and what I do in my job.

[dogperson]

I am not a teacher but just an adult student, So my perspective may not be applicable to teaching children. I have had a couple of relationships that crossed the professional/friendship categories, both without problems. The first was in a work environment where my best friend became my direct manager.  We kept work professional without the fridship interfering

I Have been taking lessons from my current piano teacher now for three years. It started out as being purely professional but has grown into also a personal friendship.  The friendship does not interfere with the professional/student one. 

Maybe this all works because it is one adult to another without the complication of a child-student?  I don’t know but it works
 

[ted]

Surely they are independent, one thing does not imply the other. Because I spent a lot of time playing tennis, often with the same people, I did not feel an imperative to "bond" with everybody at the tennis club as many members did. Similarly, over the course of my working life I resented the implication that I had to associate with coworkers at the personal level, have drinks and so on, and I kept my distance. I made one or two real friends through sport and only one through work. But neither should friendship, if it develops naturally, be excluded just because of common interest or professional association; that would be even sillier. In short there are no rules.