One decision that changed your life the most

[m1469]

Have you ever thought about it ?  I have.  I have asked other people too, but I have never had an answer for myself until this very moment. 

Is there one point in your life where you had to make a decision that changed your life the most ? 

I feel like I have asked this before and have faint memories of answers given.  Maybe it was specifically related to piano, though.  Anyway, I couldn't find it.

There was somebody I could have married.  I did not know myself, not that I know all of who I am now... but I felt ready to give up so much.  I did not even know I had dreams and I had no idea what I was capable of.  I thought I wanted one thing, but that's not really what I wanted.  I was only scared, scared to live, and willing to settle for something that seemed concrete.

Well, that man and I didn't get married.  It was a big decision, one that involved some very deep looks into life and myself.  One that left me feeling utterly lost.  And this one decision changed my life; it turned it upside down, actually.  But, thinking on it now, I could not be more grateful.  How interesting life is. 

Best Wishes everyone, in your lives.


This person, m1469

[ted]

Well mine was the opposite. I decided to marry despite unanimous family opposition on her side, radically different backgrounds of nationality, race, religion, culture, lack of money, you name it. Funny you should ask that. I have just been watching the original Joss Ackland, Claire Bloom version of "Shadowlands". There is a metaphor he uses relating love, faith, what have you, to diving. There is a moment of faith wherein you abandon yourself to something bigger and take the plunge. I certainly did that with respect to romantic love; grasped the rosebud thorns and all.

Ahh! Not quite a completely romantic plunge. I asked her six times over several weeks if she thought she could tolerate my musical obsession. She answered in the affirmative six times and I then proposed.

I did the same thing with my music. I decided to abandon an extremely promising career for it despite terrible scenes with my family. Although I may appear to be a rational sage, all my life decisions have indisputably been irrational and brazenly romantic.

[ada]

Interesting question!

You're talking "sliding door" moments here. I could list a hundred.

Maybe a decision to move into a share household where I met my partner and father of my children. Which was the result of a decision to leave a bad relationship. Which was sparked by a decision to shack up in the first place. Which was sparked by a decision to study philosophy at this particular uni. Which was sparked by a decision to leave art school. Which was sparked by....and so it goes until you get my whole sordid life story.

 When it comes down to it doesn't every decision you make have a life-changing impact? Isn't every single action a sliding door? Isn't it the beating of a butterfly's wing principle?  How do you tell the life-changing from the banal?

How do you know that if you hadn't decided to do the most insignificant thing your life would be radically different? It's the sliding doors we don't recognise that fascinate me, rather than the obvious ones.



 

[e60m5]

Could be my decision to go to law school instead of a conservatory.

[ted]

Yes indeed, ada, but I assumed m1469 meant the strictly conscious decisions taken from a reasonable vantage point of consequence. It could be asserted that had I never gone for a swim on a particular Saturday morning in 1977, I would not have read the paper, would not have written a letter, the letter would not have been answered by somebody to whom it was not addressed, a four year correspondence would not have started and no decision to marry would have been taken.

Then you could take it backwards and say that had somebody not cancelled a tennis game because of a bad back I would not have gone to the beach. Had he not done some painting and hurt himself he would have ......... as far as you like to go. I assumed that m1469 meant very general and profound decisions, whose consequences allow considerable chaotic variation while remaining macroscopically stable and far reaching.

[ada]

Yes Ted, that's precisely what I mean! I do understand m1469's question, but I think about this stuff a lot and I suppose the post just made me come over all philopsophical, as I am prone to do from time to time

[m1469]

Yes, I do think about the sliding door decisions which are not necessarily as conscoius or do not seem as deep.  Perhaps they are in fact more profound, I don't know.  But, I am realizing that had I married this person, my life would probably be much different, of course depending on decisions I would have made through the course of that marriage.

I just know that after this person and I decided to go our separate ways, I started finding myself in ways I was never willing to even venture into before.  I just felt like I no longer had a choice.  I will mention that I was only 18... he he.  I thought that "all" I wanted was a man and kids, and maybe beneath that, I just wanted to be loved.  I just felt like I needed this in order to be complete.

I was dependent on him, and my life was dependent on another in order for my vision to exist and be lived out.  I had no idea how to envision a life that was not dependent on another.  I realize that we are actually very dependent-seeming on other people in order to just to survive.  But that is not what I am talking about.  I am talking about a basic mental state where I felt my purpose in life depended on something that it does not.

For me this was life changing because I really had to take heart.  I was petrified to be without this person, but decided to move beyond anyway.  So much has happened in the ___ years since  .  And I am happy about that.  I believe that decision was a very fundamental decision for me, that spurred so much more on.


m1469

[whynot]

I had better not answer this in public, but what a great question.  And Ada, I was heartened to learn that I'm not the only one here with a sordid story.  Fascinating posts, everyone.  Ted, wow.  Who knew??

[zheer]

My hair cut, i had long curly hair, now i cut it short. Trust me people look at you in a different way. I love it but my mother hates it sssoooooooooo much, hehehehe.

[Bob]

Powder or glazed?


I supppose a career decision for me.  It is very interesting all the little things that go into creating those decisive moments.  Would you still be in piano if your very first teacher had not worked out or if you didn't play certain pieces?  There are those little events that had to happen in order for you to be in a position to make those type of decision, and those events can be something as simple as deciding to turn left vs. right.   (completely out of your control sometimes)


Shaken or stirred?  (Shaken, but not stirred.  Obvious pick.)

[paris]

decision to change school at the end of this september completely changed my life. so far i'm satisfied, but we'll see what its gonna bring in the future

[zheer]

decision to change school at the end of this september completely changed my life. so far i'm satisfied, but we'll see what its gonna bring in the future

   That sounds intresting, it reminds me of what i decided to do yesterday, which is to leave london and study music in a different city this coming september , i hope anyway. Am going to be poor and homeless again.

[quantum]

When I applied for university, I applied to 3 schools all near my city.  One was big name, highly centered on western music and verry competitive, the other two were smaller but more diverse. 

Of course I wanted to get into this big name school.  When the letter came it was *thin*.  I called and asked why I didn't get in, they said blah blah because you can't sight read.  Huh???  They gave me some simple 3 line piece with a couple quarter and eighth notes, probably something like an RCM Grade 3.    Some wierd excuse of saying there were too many applicants and yours wasn't one of the lucky picks. 

I went to another local university and absoutly loved it there.  I was exposed to more than just western music and it was a verry enlightening experience. 

I guess the best desicion that changed my life the most (so far) was to not go to the school I wanted to go to.   

[zheer]

Am happy that it all went well for you quantum. Am hoping to meet like minded people, even though they will be younger than me if i get a place in this university.

[4tissimo]

That would be my acceptance of a job teaching music for the U.S. Dept. of Defense Dependents Schools in Japan.  I lived in Japan 34 years; married there, raised our son there, made many friends there.  Had some great experiences.  Of course, marrying a Japanese woman was clearly the biggest mistake of my life as well.  So . . . things sorta balance out, don't they. 

[pianolearner]

Great question and my short answer is--Buying a computer with a modem.

Why?

I saw someone at work posting on a newsgroup and I was fascinated by the concept of 'talking' to people around the world for about the cost of a local call. I first started using Bulletin Boards but was keen to learn more about "The Internet" which was only recently released to the public. I eventually signed up with an ISP.

This allowed me to search for employment in Europe, where I wanted to live & work for a few years. I applied for a job in England, did a phone interview but didn't hear back. I called the company and they were very apologetic and told me I was unsuccessful. A few weeks later I received a letter from them and in it was the employment section of an English magazine. It didn't have any jobs I was interested in but it had their employment website. I searched through it and found a job I was perfect for. I applied for the job and less than 2 weeks later I did a phone Interview and about 4 weeks after that I left Sydney, Australia to start a new life in England. I have lived here for the last 7 years and have never looked back. Although this morning it's -6.2°C....I do miss the warm Decembers back home 

[Bob]

https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,14967.0.html

[Torp]

My decision to study abroad in South America for a year.  The ramifications of that decision are still being felt 13 years after the decision.  I can only prognosticate about the future but it seems evident at this juncture that the ramifications of that decision will still be evident long after I am dead.