Taking on a life of its own

[m1469]

That's what my studio has begun to feel like this year, and I feel as though I am kind of just hanging on.  It's really starting to force me to get better in all ways, and I find myself often feeling as though I am not sure I am really doing anything helpful for my students.

And, just tonight, I have realized that I actually truly *love* my students -- and, I will admit, I am a bit attached to a few of them.  I mean, they really feel like my kids and I realize that I actually could very well get my heart broken by some of them -- and, that scares me.

I guess it's just that I have spent years trying so hard to build this thing, and there were times when I thought it wasn't going to work out ... but, it is.  And, people are abiding by my policies and treating me like I am doing something special for them or their children ... and, I am having a momentary freak out, I guess.  And, I wonder ... what if I can't keep up with it ?  My students are actually getting better, it seems ... and what if I just "max out" and reach my limits ?

Anyway, I actually wanted to ask if people ever find themselves being too attached to their students ... or too attached to teaching ?  This post is a bit random and scattered, and right now, I guess I just don't care.

How is this happening ?

[jlh]

And, just tonight, I have realized that I actually truly *love* my students -- and, I will admit, I am a bit attached to a few of them.[...] Anyway, I actually wanted to ask if people ever find themselves being too attached to their students ... [...]

lol I'd be careful with those teacher/student relationships if I were you... 


jk!

[m1469]

lol I'd be careful with those teacher/student relationships if I were you... 


jk!

Well, that is a bit cryptic -- you are kidding ?  In the case of my own students, it is all very innocent, they seem like my kids.  But, I found myself wondering if perhaps I am actually too attached to them ?  And if you are not kidding, you are warning against an innocent relationship ?  Or perhaps you are pretending it is something else ?  Or, maybe you are my own teacher from Uni in disguise ? 

[jlh]

LOL no I'm completely kidding (please note the "jk!" above)!  Occasionally I like manipulating posts for my own comedy.  I know what you meant in your original post, which is completely different than what I was talking about in my reply. 

It's all good fun... have a laugh!   

[m1469]

It's all good fun... have a laugh!   

Okay 

[Bob]

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[amelialw]

my teacher said you always have to be careful, she warned me not to form close relationships with any of my students as in the end recently I had to stop teaching one of my students because of rebellion and her mom does'nt even support my decision and keeps on manupulating me and says stuff like" you don't need to be as strict as your teacher, you can be lenion...sometimes my daughter only wants love that's why she's not cooperation" my teacher warned me off that and that's what happened sadly in that case it's my own cousin and aunt. since then i haven't raised the subject as I don't want to teach her ever again. In my case though, my teacher and I are really close which is suprising, but somehow it was turned out great and I'm inspired to work really hard...

[pianistimo]

i have somewhat of a different point of view - but not entirely unsympathetic either.  i think it would be very hard to have the kind of teacher/student relationship with family members.  for one thing - i probably wouldn't charge a family member.  not that one couldn't - but i probably wouldn't.  therefore - whatever happened would be entirely their or my fault and noone could really come after either of us - because there was no contract.

but, i do think it is a good idea for teachers to basically have a contract that students agree to at least abide by some 'rules.'  and, the 'rules' that teachers usually abide by which are professional standards in any industry.  i mean, you don't say you can teach something that you are not qualified to teach.  for myself - i usually gave 3-4 years at max and turned my students over to another teacher.  but, there is also the 'challenge' of upgrading skills and taking more classes yourself.  you might be very advanced - and doing just fine.  for myself - i need to take classes to be motivated to do more.  so - i've taken more piano lessons and it really helped my mental outlook.

i think what gets difficult is the day in and day out 'turning.'  i think keeping track of progress for each individual student is important.  bernhard summed it up well by saying that he would keep things rolling by having several piano lessons per week per student.  but, how economical is it for the students parents?  plus, i don't know if i would have the energy to do this.  but, one would certainly see much faster results and students staying on track better (if they are younger). 

didn't rachmaninov attend a very strict music school where he had to get up at 6 in the morning and practice a certain number of hours.  and occasionally get beat up or knocked around?  now, i'm not suggesting this per se - but can you imagine the difference between one week of that and hand holding a student because you don't want to 'offend' them. 

please - do not mistake me for a studentbeater.  no.  i am of the opinion that it all falls squarely in the lap of the student.  if they practice - they reap the results.  but, 'it's all the teacher's fault.'  ahhahah.  i think it's hilarious.  and ps i don't think women teachers are ever mean enough.  the most progress comes from teachers who don't let mediocrity pass.  that said - i am always afraid to ask 'what happened this week' becuase i remember my own student life and things that occasionally come up - and the inevitable 300 page verbal essay on what happened last week.  i don't CARE what happened last wekk.  let's get to playing something on the piano right now before another 5 minutes goes out the door.

[alzado]

To get a better idea of where you are coming from, could you indicate if virtually all of your students are children, or if you have a mixture that includes some adult learners?

I can certainly see developing a parental feeling toward kids.  I can also understand a kind of professional respect and friendship that would develop over time with your adult learners.

Do you have a distinct difference in the way you view child students versus - - -  say - - -  senior citizens?  Is this part of your concern in any way?

Best-- 

[m1469]

To get a better idea of where you are coming from, could you indicate if virtually all of your students are children, or if you have a mixture that includes some adult learners?

10 % of my student-base are senior citizens.

30 % of my student-base are adults (including senior citizens).
40 % of my student-base are preteens and teens.
30 % of my student-base are 8 and under

Do you have a distinct difference in the way you view child students versus - - -  say - - -  senior citizens?  Is this part of your concern in any way?

Best-- 

Well, I have a distinct difference, in many ways, in which I view each individual (you probably somewhat saw that coming).  However, I have found that there are some generally differing needs between the youngest groups and the most mature groups -- but there are also some similarities, too.

I would say that the one distinct difference between my relationship with the kids vs. the adults is that I very easily fall into a parental role with the kids, whereas I do not (at least not in the same way) with the adults.  I could potentially be with these kids through some pretty interesting times as they grow up, and their memory of their childhood (and very much their identity) would potentially have my face and influence all over it   :- -- this is generally not the same thing with adults except for in special circumstances (ie, if there are "parts" of an indivdual that have yet to mature and I happen to be the person who aids in the maturation and development of these particular parts  ).

I think what's scaring me is that I have done *tons* of work with people and kids before -- and throughout all of it, I have always aimed at having a special bond with each individual (as much as they would allow (and please no dirty minds)).  However, all of those other circumstances only lasted several months for each one (nannying, caretaking, teaching, etc.) and I rarely got to really see my kids grow and mature in those circumstances ... and, I rarely knew whether or not anything I did *really* mattered for them -- and I poured my *heart* into those people.  For example, I may have worked at the "Y" for 3 years, but I only had a class for 9 months and then on to the next group of kids it was. 

In the case of piano teaching, I am actually seeing with my very eyes and ears the growth that they are doing -- and, I am seeing my kids being attached to me and I am working on my adults.  While it's what I have been aiming for all my life, it's a little unnerving somehow actually seeing and experiencing it happen.  I am not sure how else to explain that.

Anyway, thanks for your questions, it's helpful for me to think through it.


ps-- I am feeling scared of it all over again ... LOL

[m1469]

As a result of this thread and some of the things brought up herein, I have been thinking a bit more on all of this.  I think it's very easy to take a false responsibility with this kind of stuff -- as it is with parenting, too (though obviously parenting is going to be even more intense). 

What I define as a "false" responsibility is this idea that I am personally responsible for each individual and how they live their life and "turn out" -- and, while to some degree it may actually look this way at times and perhaps overall, what my responsibility actually is, has only to do with myself and my own conduct.  All I can really control is how I am with these people.

There is this fear that I may make a mistake and potentially "ruin" somebody in some way that is detrimental to their overall well-being.  And, for those of you who may think this is "overdoing" it, just remember back to the people who have raised your own musical self (or your entire self), and think a bit about how the littlest thing those individuals said or did could make an impact on your entire world.  We often hear stories about certain teachers saying certain things to people within their childhoods (or even later), and these said things sticking with these individuals throughout years and years -- and perhaps it seemed to mold a person's belief in whether or not they could do something; whether or not they are smart, whether or not they can sing, whether or not they deserve to be loved and are capable of loving others.  It's a very interesting line that we all walk with each other, isn't it ?

Anyway, what I can control are my own intentions and how I treat these people -- and, ultimately I wish for each of them a beautiful life that includes the beauty and wonders of music.  I think people are naturally drawn to music, so in this respect I do not believe that I am trying to influence them into something entirely foreign to themselves -- it's not the same thing as trying to help a person enjoy eating glass, for a strange example (okay, though this could be metaphoric, actually).

What I think I need to realize is that I am actually very likely going to make mistakes, that is life, I am learning as I go -- we all are, I guess. 

This all makes me dig a bit deeper and really define what it is that I want for my influence to be on these people.  In a fundamental way, I think music itself has a potentially huge affect on people's lives, as much as they personally would wish (and more).  So, my influence would be to have them see as clearly as can be what the beauties of music really are, and one of the beauties is that there is plenty of potential inspiration just sitting within the fundamentals -- there is a harmony within it's very makeup.  In this respect, all I need to take personally is how I am going to live music myself, and how much I am willing to be a transparency of sorts for the beauty of it all. 

I realize I need to be willing to be present with music, as much as possible, within my daily thought and daily actions, in order to really have this shine out from within me.  I want to become a better person.  I want to become a better musician.  Something that came to me about a year ago also comes to mind now :

"My goal is not to be known as a great musician or teacher of music.  My goal is simply for great music and great musicianship to be known."

Okay -- enough from me  -- I guess I have just needed to be reminded of these things; it's about the music.

[Bob]

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[m1469]

Wow, what an eye-opener Bob. 

All this time, I completely forgot about the students  ...

[Bob]

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[m1469]

The idea I like better is that it's a circle of different things and each one needs something.  If you sacrifice too much for the students, that's really not doing anyone any good.

Better than what ?  

You're the one who just said it's about the students -- so, why are you "warning" me against sacrificing too much for them and talking about the circle of life ?

[Bob]

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[m1469]

er ... anyway. 

The only thing I have to say to your post is that "doing what is best" for the student is not always giving them what they think they want.  And, in this case, charging them nothing for the time and effort I put into them is by no means at all what is best for them.  Charging them for their spot in my studio helps their family prioritize, which is actually a gift since these days kids and people have *way* too much on their plates and can use some help in this area.

So, what exactly does this have to do with the "topic" ? -- I think you are trying to confuse things ...  leave it to Bob  .

[Bob]

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[m1469]

I would now like to help everyone priotize.  Tell me all the things that keep you busy.  I will put a value and charge you for each of them.  Then you will be motivated to priotize.  I will do this favor. 

I should just keep my mouth shut, but apparently I don't control that part of myself at the moment.  I am not deciding for anybody how much they value my time and space -- they are.  As well, the value of what I offer them does not have a price; yeah, that's right.  And, the value of what I have been given by others also does not have a price -- but, we still have to live in "this world" and to some extent, we have to do what that requires of us.  In most cases, if people are not paying for something, they do not appreciate it as much.  You know perfectly well that I am not making that up. 

If there is not *some* kind of monetary demand for people to take piano lessons, unless they are truly very unique, they are not going to make that activity a priority over other things like soccer and theater and so on -- because of how I structure my payment requirements, they also make it a bigger point to show up for lessons and practice more consistently.  Is that all in their best interest ?  Of course it is !  Is it in mine, too ?  You bet.  That's the kind of balance I will take, thank you very much. 

So, criticise me and critique my philosohpy all you like, at least I am putting myself "out there" a bit and taking some risks in my life and making a living doing something that I love.  It's pretty easy for a person to criticise somebody else *especially* when they have no idea what they are actually talking about or don't actually have all the information.

[Bob]

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[Bob]

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[m1469]

I agree, but wish it were different.

Then change it  .

Was I being confusing there?  Was I?

Yep.

Someone tell me if it's me (not you m1469). I need to know if it's me.

Yes, you were.  You are not my daddy you can't tell me what to do 

[Bob]

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[m1469]

*yawns*


*takes a nap and sleeps like a baby -- sucks thumb and cuddles blanky*

[pianowolfi]

*Plays lullaby for m1469 and goes back to sleep (since it's late here )*

[Bob]

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[m1469]

*pets Mr. Grumbles and takes him for a little walk to the store to get a little doggy treat ... (since he won't take the ones I made him from scratch )*


*sounds of a glass box being dragged on the cement by a leash* LOL

[Bob]

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[Bob]

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[m1469]

Anyway, back to the orginal concern?...

oh, I am bored of the original concern already

[Bob]

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[m1469]

Too bad.     (drags thread back on track)

This brings up an interesting point ... 

As I have asked a lot of quesitons on this forum and have therefore been the originator of a number of threads, there have been a *number* of times when the thread drifts away from the topic (with a certain style and at certain times, too -- it's a pattern of sorts, you see  ).  Once upon a time, I thought I had to prove something to people here by demonstrating a keen skill in keeping the topic on track, but I decided years ago ( ) that this responsibility was not, in fact, mine. 

Just because I don't bother wasting my energy to do it here doesn't mean I can't/don't do it in my teaching (when people are paying me to do it  ).

Anyway, if the topic derailed, YOU/I are the one who derailed it  -- as I indicated earlier...  Or, perhaps it was never derailed at all and perfectly on track the whole time ... maybe we are just where I wanted us to be  .


*mysteriously strokes moustache*

[Bob]

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[Bob]

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[m1469]

(looks ahead to see where the thread is going....)

Probably it is headed down to the thread grave yard 


*thread gets in line behind the other threads, holding the next one's tail with its trunk*

[thalberg]

m1469,

Your attachment to your students is normal.

At the music store where I teach, one of the teachers moved out of state and spent lots of time explaining to each student why she was leaving and APOLOGIZING because she felt so bad!

One woman I know ran a studio like yours for years, then retired, but she missed her students so much she re-opened her studio!

I once had parents decide to move out of state and they felt so bad to leave me they put off telling me till the last minute and the mom was practically crying

As for your fears of screwing people up, don't worry, you will.  We all do.....the best piano teacher I've ever met says she screwed up "a pile of people."  And she really cared and was a great teacher--got many students into Juilliard.  As a matter of fact we've talked about her--the infamous miss olga.

[oot]

How does a teacher mess up a student?  Very subjective since the variables are so great.  What is the aspiration of the student or the parents of the student?  It is all  relative.  What one might desire, that is not delivered, would consider the teacher to have messed up.  Who would be correct in this case?  I don't know, if the messing up really occurs or just a serious teacher/student miss match.

I suppose if someone teaches and doesn't really know about the proper technique and how to teach it then a student might be goofed up a bit for awhile, until they have gone as far as they can without changing their technique.  They may not know why they are stuck and having trouble progressing and the poor teacher may not know either.

How much technique can be taught to young students?  I mean because of their hand size their is only so much they can do, actually this would be true of all students until young adulthood and even then the techniques have to be altered to be useful for the individual [all shapes, sizes, and abilities]

Two ways we learn, what to do that works, and what not to do because it doesn't work or at least doesn't work well.  Is not that the way the mind works. It is all experience.

However, the relationship between a teacher and a student will make everything work or prevent it from working and the student moves on or the teacher may call an end to the lessons for whatever reason.  It is this latter that peaked my attention one time with a student I had early in my career of teaching.  This student just was not getting it week after week after week.  I spoke with mom several times and she did not know, or even understand what I was trying to point out.  Finally I had enough and told the mom and student that it would be better to find something different to try, maybe a sport.  I found out later how crushing this was to this young lady.  Even though from my point of view she did not have what it takes, my point of view, her music lesson was the highlight of her week and she looked forward to it all other days of the week. THIS is how a teacher messes up a student in my opinion and I felt terrible for years.

Contrast that with another student years later who also was really struggling with the basics of timing.  Again, week after week after week.  Determined to not make the same mistake again, I continued week after week.  Often I would not understand why this student would even keep coming back.  In order to keep this student going I took a manuscript book and wrote out every tune I could come up with that could be played using quarter and half and whole notes.  No dots yet!  Mom issisted he was practicing every day, actually several times a day so much more should have been coming together.  One day they camrfor the lesson again but this tme there was a noticeable spring in his step and a big smile on his face.  He marched right into the studio, got out his music and said he was ready.  He was playing the sax and I had been strumming the guitar for a steady four beats for him to play with.  Eureka!  He did have it and not just the first one either.  Once the Ah Ha! occurred the struggle was over.  I cannot begin to express the feeling I had, especially in contrast with the first experience I had years before.  Talk about a relationship builder, this was it.  I also picked up several more students because of his success who were acquantances of this family.

m1469, my guess is that you are a very good, even great teacher and the relationships become the conduit for the learning that takes place.  I think it is critical to have them and to not give up on the hard ones.  The pay off is well worth it.  Relationships do have the potential for pain but it just comes with the territory and we have to be willing to accept that.

My best to you.

[m1469]

How does a teacher mess up a student?  Very subjective since the variables are so great.  What is the aspiration of the student or the parents of the student?  It is all  relative.  What one might desire, that is not delivered, would consider the teacher to have messed up.  Who would be correct in this case?  I don't know, if the messing up really occurs or just a serious teacher/student miss match.

I suppose if someone teaches and doesn't really know about the proper technique and how to teach it then a student might be goofed up a bit for awhile, until they have gone as far as they can without changing their technique.  They may not know why they are stuck and having trouble progressing and the poor teacher may not know either.

How much technique can be taught to young students?  I mean because of their hand size their is only so much they can do, actually this would be true of all students until young adulthood and even then the techniques have to be altered to be useful for the individual [all shapes, sizes, and abilities]

Well, there are different parts of me saying different things in response to this.  There is this part of me who knows my personal story, my personal struggles, my personal desires in both teaching and playing.  Everytime I have been let down in some way that seems to mean the *world* to me, some part of my core VOWS and swears on its very existence and on my very life to do something different for my own students. 

The trouble with that is, this process is probably ultimately a very valuable thing for both me and my students.  In the end, my students will benefit from the passion I may develop for helping them in certain ways, and this passion wouldn't develop if not for the experiences that foster it.  What I question most is a basic philosophical approach to how a teacher may try to induce experiences for the student.  In any event, there is this part of me who understands what you are saying and who agrees with you.

I also know that no matter what a person does, no matter how much they try and no matter what exactly they succeed at, it will never be enough.  There is always a more and there is always a better.  By some standards, a parent is never enough for a child, and I think it's similar in teaching.  At some point, the child must become the parent -- and, at some point, the student must become the teacher.

Thank you for your post and for sharing your thoughts .

[penguinlover]

m1469, I am so happy for you.  I have been reading your posts for over a year now, and I can see growth in you as a teacher.  I am a people person, love teaching, love music.  I don't think it is possible to get too close to anyone.  That's what people are on the earth for, to have relationships with each other.  You effect all who meet you, and they in turn, do the same for you.  You leave your handprint so to speak on all your students.  What an awesome thought!  And one not to be taken lightly.

Keep caring and contagiously teaching your music.

[m1469]

Hi, penguin.  Thanks very much for your post, it's encouraging for me and I appreciate you taking the thought and time to post it .

[m1469]

Well, okay.  I am pretty much *completely* freaked out again about teaching ...  .  Is this normal ?  I mean, sometimes I feel like I am just staring down some gaping black hole and it's sucking everything in.  You know, like the ones in outter space.

There have been some recent things in my teaching that just keep forcing me to grow or confirm some growth that has recently taken place -- and, regarding the need to further grow, I am just dragging my feet the whole time, and resisting and resisting.  Sitting in this chair just feeling completely stuck and overwhelmed.

What am I needing to learn ?  Is there just something that needs to click, and then things will not feel so scary anymore ?  I kind of suspect the latter is the case, actually.  I am just having a difficult time accepting what I think I need to accept -- because, it seems big from here, and I don't know if I can really handle it.  Not that it would be big to you people -- it just seems big to me because it seems like it will just keep getting bigger and bigger.

bye bye.

[penguinlover]

This is going to sound weird, I know.  But, you KNOW what you know.  Your students don't KNOW what you know, so teach it.  A teacher is just as much a learner as the student, sometimes moreso.  Keep on learning, then you keep teaching.  By being a bit overwhelmed, it keeps you on your toes, keeping the edge. Does this make sense?  (it's very late here, I may be groggy)

[m1469]

Actually, that makes perfect sense and it's helpful, once again.  So, thanks .

[thecrow]

Hi, I'm fairly new to this forum and I don't know much about you or your teaching style. Correct me if I'm wrong, you're teaching beginners and still taking lessons yourself (sorry if I got that wrong). Anyway - I'm working towards my teaching certificate (I'm in grade 9 RCM - Canada) and I've been teaching for about 6 years and when I was in highschool (over 20 years ago) I taught for a few years as well. I understand some of your feelings/fears. I wonder though if you are going through this because you don't have confidence in yourself or you fear sucess? Sometimes I feel this (lack of confidence) because I'm not holding a teaching certificate in my hand and there is a lot of critisism in the industry about this. But I know I'm a good teacher - I work very hard at it and have seen the progress and happiness in my students when they reach a goal. My students have received first class honours in their exams and are enjoying the process. I have my weak moments too - thinking that I'm going to screw them up or something but then other days I see clearly and know I'm good at what I do and I'm meant to do this! I can't even image retiring from teaching - it's in my blood and I would be left empty without it. Okay, now I'm straying off. I just wanted to offer my support and let you know that sometimes I have similar feelings at times. If this is really what you want to do and you look deep down and feel you're good at it - believe in yourself and stop worrying - use that wasted energy on something else.

[m1469]

Well, it's pretty difficult for me to explain.  Yes, I do teach beginners (as well as many others, too) - but no, I am not still enrolled in formal lessons and have not been for a couple of years now.  Thank you for posting in .

Overall, I think this is not *just* about my teaching, actually.  It is more than that.  For example, the first two years that we were in our house (which we "bought"), I was afraid to change anything and make it feel like it is "home" -- why ?  Because I felt like if I really let myself live here and accept it, it would disappear; something bad would happen.  Sometimes I feel similarly about many things.  But, you are right, this is not having the right sense of confidence and it's a limited view on what life is.

In general things have just felt like a pretty difficult road.  I have really had to fight very hard for some things, and I am not opposed to this -- it's just, I had to fight a lot of thinking that I couldn't do what I wanted ... for various reasons (I think that some form of this tries to cloud everybody's minds, actually).  Right now, for private teaching, I feel perfectly satisfied with my formal "qualifications" -- but, in life, I am still working that all out  .

I think I am getting more and more vague ... hee hee.

Like many people do, I have my own set of dreams and fantasies about what life could be like for me.  Anymore I try not to spend much time dreaming about them and rather I try to spend time living about them ... but, sometimes it really throws me for a loop when some form of reality and fantasy seem to match up.  It scares me.

Most of what I believe about music and most of the things I aim to do in life are filtered through what seem to my being to be *enormous* concepts about life itself.  There are fundamental views that my being seems to possess, and I have had these for as long as I have had consciousness (eternity ?  ).  But, I remember having these as a child.  This is what I enjoy calling my "baby music"  -- it's something I sense completely filled my consciousness and being when I was a baby, and there simply was no room for anything else.

For me, my maturation out of childhood was "about" coming to grips with the fact that something intrinsic within my being and what I could see in life and in others (something that I just seemed to know about life), didn't match a lot of what the world says these things are.  To me, there was/is a seemingly inexpressable, profound beauty about life and the qualities of life-expression -- something untouchable by anything besides itself (and, by no means do words express this).  Well, this is definitely ... er, a problematic identity in the context of world-thinking, it seems.  And, I spent many years in great confusion, pain and heartache over this problem; it broke me, it seemed.

(ha ha ... I had *no idea* under the sun that I would say this stuff)

All of my deepest wishes and desires are located in that identity, which, when compared to what the world says, is difficult to have full confidence in.

I guess I need to back away from here for a "moment" ... hee hee. 

*quickly steps away from thread*

[thecrow]

Sorry I haven't responded yet, I actually had to teach and forgot to log off. I'm back for only a second (I'm teaching a few minutes) and read your response. I think we have some things in common, I believe I actually understand what you're saying/feeling. I will reread your response and step away myself before responding back.

[thecrow]

I have been doing some research on "CREATIVITY" over the years and what you have described sounds like the same sort of feelings many artists (musicians, painters...) describe. People like us "artist" express our internal struggles with our views/feelings (whatever one calls it) vs the world's views with our art. I too have struggled with this since I was a child. I suffered many depressive episodes but today it's different because I have now given myself permission (without guilt) to express myself with my music. I am in a very fortunate situation though that allowed me the freedom to do this. My husband is very supportive (emotionally and financially) of my needs to express myself with art (I paint too). I have an 8 year old son so during the day I dedicate most of my time to practicing, working on theory and sometimes painting. Afterschool and evenings I teach piano. Guilt prevented me from accepting/allowing my destiny but I have been able to release this (on most days). One of the reasons there was guilt was because I went to university for four years and received my B.Tech. in the printing and publishing industry - worked in this field for several years (going against my grain) until I finally looked at my life up close and realized my true passion was music and teaching. So I made the decision to leave it all behind and take a step in the right direction. 

I know your original question was about relationships with the student but I like the direction this ended up. I hope my experience gives you some kind of hope. And by the way, it's okay to be successful doing what you love - many don't have this and we're very fortunate!

[penguinlover]

I agree.  It is great to love what you do, and be good at it.

[mknueven]

What an interesting thread!

m1469 - I think as long as you're the type of person that asks yourself the questions that you do - you are going to continually affect your students for good.

I'm responding to the part of one of your posts that said, for people who think you're going overboard - what about the things we remember people have said to us and how they have affected us.

Sorry I'm having troubled cutting and pasting...

If I had a teacher that saidy something that did discourage me - but was sensitive enough to ask themselves questions - why, I know, they would encourage me much more than discourage me.

Do you know what I mean?