Last post wins!!!!!

[perfect_pitch]

You had less than 10 minutes... so I hope you feel even more defeated.

[ivorycherry]

They'll be posting in the nursing home if the server lasts that long

Ouch... too bad their children will send them to nursing homes.

You had under 2 hours of win there. Hope you enjoyed it.

How about now... starting... Now!   



Let’s see how long we can go

[ivorycherry]

I am such a BOSS. INSTANT RESPONSE. 
Hope you enjoyed your 37 SECOND win.





Restart...let’s see how long we can go
Starting... Now!

[perfect_pitch]

Oh - I knew you were waiting for me, you bastard.

I got distracted on YouTube by a rapping reporter.

[ivorycherry]

Oh - I knew you were waiting for me, you bastard.

Ohhh, but, did you know that I knew that you knew I was waiting for you so I could strike right after so I therefore knew that you knew that so you would also wait after posting so that you would have the chance to immediately post back, and because I knew that, I chose to wait long enough for you to think it is over and leave the site. But it is not! Ha! 

I got distracted on YouTube by a rapping reporter.

Ahhh yes...YouTube, the most effective way to kill hours and hours of time by entering an endless spiral of clickbait and random videos.

[perfect_pitch]

Ohhh, but, did you know that I knew that you knew I was waiting for you so I could strike right after so I therefore knew that you knew that so you would also wait after posting so that you would have the chance to immediately post back, and because I knew that, I chose to wait long enough for you to think it is over and leave the site. But it is not! Ha! 

Ahhh... I love your naivety and your passion to try and win, but this game's been going for almost 8 years, and you've just stepped into it recently.

If you think you can outwin me, or outthink me, or outwit me... guess again.

I posted here before you came along, I'm posting right now... and I will be posting well after you've long given up on this thread.

[lostinidlewonder]

You had less than 10 minutes... so I hope you feel even more defeated.

Yes well ivorycherry helped me with a rebuttal for that one 37 seconds ahahahah

[perfect_pitch]

Ahhh - so you two are in kahoots together...

Then my goal is clear... I need to take you BOTH DOWN!!!

[ivorycherry]

Then my goal is clear... I need to take you BOTH DOWN!!!

I only have one goal... and that is to wait you guys out. I don’t care how long it takes. I will. I’ll be sitting back and watching your every move on this forum.

Waiting...

[j_tour]

You know what the prize is, though?  It's the same as the punishment for losing.

It's Teddy KGB cavorting in a deviant manner before "payink daht myæn heez myehnee."

I'm surprised so many people really want that. 

Yeah, think about it!

[j_tour]

Less and less posts a day. I’m waiting...watching...

Fewer.  Not less. 

This thread is all about going on a joy ride. 

Isn't that right!  A little joy ride? 

Don't worry.  It will all be over soon.  Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum, et in caelo, inde uenturus est iudicare mortuos et uiuos.  Praesertim eas quae maxime indigent meae poenae.

You can have this:



Or you can have this:



It's all up to you.

[perfect_pitch]

You can have this:

I'd rather have this:



I love the whole '*** Jesus' meme... some of them get REALLY dark and derogatory.

[j_tour]

I really recommend English Leather to all of my clients.

It has a better odor than the Blood of Christ, although there is no finer product than the latter for daily washing and drinking.

[perfect_pitch]

English Leather... sounds like something they might also wear in the bedroom. Most saddles are made of leather, aren't they?

Oh wait, I'm thinking of English Latex. My fault - carry on.

[j_tour]

Most saddles are made of leather, aren't they?

Yes, the leather pony and its saddle need top-grade conditioning. 

After the English fashion.

 

I love the whole '*** Jesus' meme... some of them get REALLY dark and derogatory.

Yo, where's the best repository of the improved "With You Always" images on the web?  Those are pretty funny.

The originals are funny too, but the captioned versions are not bad at all.  Pretty clever.

[perfect_pitch]

Oh dear - I think you're coming down with 'Bob-syndrome', which is a state of declining ability to use advanced technology and products.

If I were you, I'd take 2 painkillers, pick up your newspaper and yell at the kids outside for playing too loudly.

 

[j_tour]

If I were you, I'd take 2 painkillers, pick up your newspaper and yell at the kids outside for playing too loudly.

You're out of your *** mind, man.  Do you know what ibuprofen is?  It's a standard NSAID over the brand name "Advil."  Pseuoephedrine?  It goes by the brand name "Sudafed."  Diphenhydramine?  Brand name == "Bendaryl."  Loratidine?  == "Claritin." 

Yep.  Hey, man, I returned the megaphone to AMZN after about the second or third time one of my stupid neighbors called the cops on me.

Oh.  And then the air horns.  Oh.  Yeah, well, they started it. 

Apparently it's not entirely within the boundaries of the law in my municipality to impolitely suggest to various cretins some creative options.

Who knew? 

But, you know, they can go *** themselves, *** pieces of sh*t.

 

Oh dear - I think you're coming down with 'Bob-syndrome', which is a state of declining ability to use advanced technology and products.

Boy, that video is legal in the US.  I can't help it my lord idol master Googol (correct spelling) restricts access outside of Slovenia and the US.

I will never be the man that *** *** Bob is, but look deep in the mirror.

Are you worthy? 

Do you really think Teddy KGB would roger you? 

That's right.

One must drink single grain Kilbeggan:  one must have the winning spirit.

So let me ask you:  do you feel lucky, punk?  Well, do ya?

At least that kid is not bothering me about how not to be a virgin in twelve easy steps anymore.



And you didn't answer my question about the Jesus Improved quotes. 

Therefore, cut off the scrotes of your favorite joey and send them to me in penance. 

It has been deemed just.

[perfect_pitch]

Boy, that video is legal in the US.  I can't help it my lord idol master Googol (correct spelling) restricts access outside of Slovenia and the US.

I will never be the man that *** *** Bob is, but look deep in the mirror.

Are you worthy? 

Do you really think Teddy KGB would roger you? 

That's right.

One must drink single grain Kilbeggan:  one must have the winning spirit.

So let me ask you:  do you feel lucky, punk?  Well, do ya?

At least that kid is not bothering me about how not to be a virgin in twelve easy steps anymore.



And you didn't answer my question about the Jesus Improved quotes. 

Therefore, cut off the scrotes of your favorite joey and send them to me in penance. 

It has been deemed just.

And now you're having trouble with quotes... [And don't you dare deny that it was like that originally - you know it, and I know it]

Oh dear, this is progressing faster than I previously thought. You need to get down to your local pharmacy and get the "Pseuoephedrine" of your choice... personally, I love my Pseuoephedrine with laced with an extra D, and enjoy it as you sit on your rocking chair discussing with others about how brilliant Bob Hope and Bing Crosby really are, and that the music today is destroying peoples minds and causing Autism.

And here's your *** answer: https://www.sadanduseless.com/jesus-being-a-jerk-meme/

Some of them are *** brilliant!!!







Also, I don't think you embedded the YouTube video properly, because it's not giving me a warning stating that the video is blocked in my country... the link just doesn't work.

[j_tour]

See, I look for quality freshness and flavor. 

And I don't want to brag, but I can even play along with The Jesters.

I can't predict what "content owners" on uTube allow to be embedded.  Like I said, it's simple to restrict embedding, and even though I can set up a Tor network to test, I can't say which of the exit nodes would be allowed.

Good point:  I misspelled "pseudoephedrine."  I shot a man in Reno for less.  I bet you the whole thread I have better Attic Gk or Homeric Gk handwriting than you!  Well, maybe not, but I bet my Iron Mike Tyson vs. your Scott Morrison any day of the week.  Biting or none!  USA!  USA!

And  I don't have a paid VPN, but I do have many WiFi hosts.  I just can't check them all easily at home.

[perfect_pitch]

Well, maybe not, but I bet my Iron Mike Tyson vs. your Scott Morrison any day of the week.  Biting or none!  USA!  USA!

Yeah - trust the Americans. Cheating, I mean - biting? Seriously. As if you think the rules don't apply to you somehow.

Pfffft... have another piece of blasphemy:

[outin]

Yep.  I agree with novelist Margaret Atwood that Western boxing is the purest expression of strategy, skill, strength, and speed that exists in the world of sport.

Boring. As all sports.

Besides, what's the fun with hitting something? Cutting into it is much more educating.

[outin]

Ouch... too bad their children will send them to nursing homes.

Children are pests. Better to be avoided.

[perfect_pitch]

Children are pests. Better to be avoided.

Maybe, but without Children - humanity would cease to exist in 100 years time.

Here, have another free sample of blasphemy:

[j_tour]

Children are pests. Better to be avoided.

Yeah.  That's true.

But adults are even *** worse.  They be all like "Ermagherd, I just saw the totally best thing for a superbowl thing and it was like totally cute, you know, it was so cute I was like ermagherd."

At least kids can be amusing, in small doses, provided (i) they aren't *** jerks (ii) one realizes they're about the mental equivalent of adults with rabies or brain-eating amœbæ.

They're like little retards.

As am I, who volunteered to go in to work at 0645 this morning, on my weekend.  *** A.  sh*t.  That was stupid.  Oh well, I was getting soft anyway.

[perfect_pitch]

So in essence, he's a stalker? Good to know. That's why I like the flying spaghetti monster - he leaves me the *** alone.

[j_tour]

Yeah, whatever.

I do thank you for the good link to the good Jeebus memes, but I can't thank you for accusing me of doctoring my posts.

I've got a rule, man:  when I edit, I say so.  I don't expect it of other people, it's just how I roll.

No, sir, I'm a real chef.  A saucier. 

And here's what's bad:  this means a bunch more *** soccer fucktard fatass moms on the road.  (ETA, not putting on their *** turn signals, just generally being hazards on the road.  I tell you, you can tell the difference between erratic, unpredictable people on the highway and people whose lives depend on the little details every day.

Yeah, I'm pissed off at myself for having agreed to go in and clean up those *** peoples' mess for a little extra cash. Well, they get what they paid for:  a half-drunk dude who can still shuck corn when required.  Lames, can't even manage their own shifts.  *** it.  I'm Winston Wolf.  I solve problems.)

[j_tour]

Boring. As all sports.

Besides, what's the fun with hitting something? Cutting into it is much more educating.

Dude, you're out of your element.

How many fights have you been in?  Even just sparring, but with full contact.

I love you, honey, but I don't think you know what you're talking about when it comes to getting hit and hitting back.

I think Iron Mike himself (yeah, he probably has some brain damage, but who doesn't?) said something like "everybody's a tough guy until they get hit in the face." 

Something like that.

[outin]

Maybe, but without Children - humanity would cease to exist in 100 years time.

And why would I care?

[outin]

Dude, you're out of your element.

You don't know sh*t until you have been bitten by a beast!

[j_tour]

And why would I care?

Because the children are our future.

Teach them well and let them lead the way.

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride, to make it easier.

I really believe the children are our


OK.....I can't keep going without spitting coffee all over the keyboard.

I don't know, their skulls haven't completely fused until a certain age.  Soft.  Very squishy.

They're good practice!  Better than dogs! 

And, like other beasts, they should be cage trained.  I don't say one should clip their vocal chords, necessarily, but loud outbursts must be firmly managed.  Citronella spray collars, click training, mild application of amperage.  Clothespins are a convenient DIY method.

You don't know sh*t until you have been bitten by a beast!

You *** pregnant dog!  You don't think I've been bitten? 

Prison changes a man.

Builds character.  Makes a man hard, not soft. 

[perfect_pitch]

I don't know, their skulls haven't completely fused until a certain age.  Soft.  Very squishy.

They're good practice!  Better than dogs! 

And, like other beasts, they should be cage trained.  I don't say one should clip their vocal chords, necessarily, but loud outbursts must be firmly managed.  Citronella spray collars, click training, mild application of amperage. 

Wow... you should write a book on child-rearing. I would SO love to read it.

 

[j_tour]

Wow... you should write a book on child-rearing. I would SO love to read it.

 

Damn right.  I'm the child *** whisperer.

Having been a child, I'm an expert! 

And, no, I wasn't entirely kidding.  No, I don't think an electrical shock device, nor even cages are the answer, but something similar.  Citronella collars sound promising.  And children can run pretty fast:  I think a small incision about one or several tendons about the ankle might be effective.

How about:  children should be neither seen nor heard?  They're always puking and sh*tting all over the place and doing stupid music and dumb*ss TV video game bullsh*t.  They're like everyone's worst romantic partner, and yet it's somehow worse if you just asphyxiate them with a pillow, because ZOMG child murder!

Except for my nephews.  They're OK....well, two thirds of them are OK. 

OTOH, 15/16 of adults are completely intolerable.  So, think about that, clever lad!

They call me Dr. Spock.

Well, I about broke my back shovelling coal but I was behind a nice young lady.  NOT a child!  Probably mid-twenties.  Good age.

So I couldn't slow down.

And yet, my secret shame:  I'm not as good with the words as the son of god.




ETA here's a more legible copy of this masterpiece of wit and irony.

[perfect_pitch]

What in the HELL was that supposed to be? I've seen better handwriting from 6 year olds.

Were you drunk when you wrote this? If so, how much had you drunk? Have you tried this beautiful beer???

[outin]

Because the children are our future.

Teach them well and let them lead the way.

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride, to make it easier.

I really believe the children are our


OK.....I can't keep going without spitting coffee all over the keyboard.

I don't know, their skulls haven't completely fused until a certain age.  Soft.  Very squishy.

They're good practice!  Better than dogs! 

And, like other beasts, they should be cage trained.  I don't say one should clip their vocal chords, necessarily, but loud outbursts must be firmly managed.  Citronella spray collars, click training, mild application of amperage.  Clothespins are a convenient DIY method.

You *** pregnant dog!  You don't think I've been bitten? 

Why would I care about your future? And what happened to whitney again? Maybe she should have kept away from children...

Maybe the fascination you have about boxing is some kind of a secret gay fantasy thing... Watching other men hitting each other.... It’s a little easier to see why women would like to watch it

And wrestling? Well...

[j_tour]

Why would I care about your future?

How the *** should I know? 

Maybe the fascination you have about boxing is some kind of a secret gay fantasy thing... Watching other men hitting each other.... It’s a little easier to see why women would like to watch it

Wow.  Yeah, you found out my deepest secret.  Really impressive.

That deserves a:

Why would I care about your future?

Except. pregnant dog, you don't have a future.  That's the obvious response.

What in the HELL was that supposed to be? I've seen better handwriting from 6 year olds.

Were you drunk when you wrote this? If so, how much had you drunk? Have you tried this beautiful beer???

You like my handwriting?  Yay!  I'm like "squee!" 

You and me should do more naked wrestling together.

Because that's something men do, according to whatserface.

Can I be the construction worker, though?  Also, I just have to make clear, always pitching, never catching.

One of those things, you know.

[outin]

You and me should do more naked wrestling together.

If you two boys decide to do mud wrestling, I suggest you shave your private parts first... dried mud can be hard to get off...

[j_tour]

If you two boys decide to do mud wrestling, I suggest you shave your private parts first... dried mud can be hard to get off...

I really don't think dried mud would be the main concern in that situation.

Anyway, I use fricking sharp razor blades for my face.  No way am I shaving my pubes with that.  Also, would have to use scissors first, which also hella sharp.  Yes, they let me use pointed objects now that I've "escaped" from the "rest" home.  I mean was discharged...er...anyway, they said I can keep my scissors with the pointy ends!

No.  Not doing that.

[perfect_pitch]

You and me should do more naked wrestling together.

Because that's something men do, according to whatserface.

Nope... Nope, nope, nope. Just... nope. Not going to happen... nope.

If you two boys decide to do mud wrestling, I suggest you shave your private parts first... dried mud can be hard to get off...

What do you take me for... a slut? I'll just jump into a mudpit with some random guy on the internet???

If you had suggested that say me and some random 'Jessica Alba' jump into the mud wrestling... I'd be ALL OVER THAT!!!

[j_tour]

Thank you, p_p!

For once, I think we agree on something!

Not to make you feel bad, but I don't think I'd nude wrestle anybody, regardless of sex:  that just seems wrong, and kind of gross. 

All the bits hanging out.  Mutatis mutandis.  For a man, obviously, you hit the nut sack or the dick.  For a woman, go for the nips or, obviously, the under-rated muff punch.  Too many vulnerabilities:  at least allow each participant to put some strong adhesive tape upon a few places to deter those easy winning moves.

Cup and a jockstrap, and I'd be OK, though, so it's not a problem without a solution.  Personally, I prefer not to get hit in the balls repeatedly, but maybe I'm an outlier in that respect.

Not a good idea.  IMHO.

And, trust me, Jessica Alba, would not be a great wrestling partner:  you've seen women fight, like on the street?  They go for biting, gouging.  I imagine "they" would be the same way to a man, as well as protective of her own more sensitive areas.

Future of wrestling?  Yeah.  Old school.

Or, super old school.  John Candy, mud wrestling, and a gang of Amazonian warriors.

[perfect_pitch]

For once, I think we agree on something!

And, trust me, Jessica Alba, would not be a great wrestling partner:  you've seen women fight, like on the street?  They go for biting, gouging.

Hey... happy to have Jessica Alba bite me on the arse... ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!!!

[j_tour]

Hey... happy to have Jessica Alba bite me on the arse... ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!!!

All right, simmer down, there.

If I'm reading this correctly, you'd fancy yourself a bit of Jessica Alba.

You do have good taste:  she's a sweetie.  Good Wayward Catholic girl, good actress, good woman.

I take back some of the things I said about you.  There's no substitute for good taste.  But, dude, she's like forty!  In girl years, that's like a hundred or something.

One of her best roles?  Machete!  Along with the very capable Michelle Rodriguez, but Rodriguez kind of frightens me a bit:  she could probably put me down with a choke hold or something....and not in a good way.  Very honorable mention for the Fantastic Four duology, wherein one can see her in her underclothes (she reportedly absolutely does not do nude scenes, ever:  so not only is she a honey of the highest degree, she has intelligent, strong principles).

[perfect_pitch]

I take back some of the things I said about you.  There's no substitute for good taste.  But, dude, she's like forty!  In girl years, that's like a hundred or something.

One of her best roles?  Machete!  Along with the very capable Michelle Rodriguez, but Rodriguez kind of frightens me a bit:  she could probably put me down with a choke hold or something....and not in a good way.  Very honorable mention for the Fantastic Four duology, wherein one can see her in her underclothes (she reportedly absolutely does not do nude scenes, ever:  so not only is she a honey of the highest degree, she has intelligent, strong principles).

Yeah, but sadly enough - I think the fact that they both took on the roles in 'Machete' did knock them down a peg in my books.

It was just a very, very, sad and tragic movie that really didn't deserve to be made.

[j_tour]

Yeah, but sadly enough - I think the fact that they both took on the roles in 'Machete' did knock them down a peg in my books.

Point one:  Ms. Alba simply cannot be "knocked down" because of some stupid movie.  People didn't like the Fantastic Four movies either.

Point two:  if you combine the term "peg," with Michelle Rodriguez, in her earshot, she'd likely understand "peg" as a verb and do things to you you wouldn't much care for.

[perfect_pitch]

Point one:  Ms. Alba simply cannot be "knocked down" because of some stupid movie.  People didn't like the Fantastic Four movies either.

Yeah, and since she did those Fantastic movies, she's appeared in barely a single movie and her career has gone downward. Sorry to say, but the choice in what movies you take part in help shape your career...

Look at Nicolas Cage...

[j_tour]

Yeah, and since she did those Fantastic movies, she's appeared in barely a single movie and her career has gone downward. Sorry to say, but the choice in what movies you take part in help shape your career...

So now you're not on Team Alba, I take it.

L'uomo è mobile!  Team Alba needs those of determination and will!

Nic Cage is just a crazy nut!  Well, he does have one of those Oscar statues, or Wilbur, or Orvis, or whatever they're called.

And call me a sexist, but I doubt he looks good in a bra and panties.  Could be wrong!  Pretty sure not, though. 

Even though Ms. Alba is getting older:  do you suppose that might be why she appears in fewer films?  Or perhaps she has different priorities than épater les bourgeois?

[perfect_pitch]

Even though Ms. Alba is getting older:  do you suppose that might be why she appears in fewer films?

What... you think that film in general is a profession in which only the young can succeed, and that age limits your ability to star in feature films??? I think Helen Mirren would disagree with you... and in fact would probably slap the sh*t out of you. That crazy woman takes cheek from NO MAN!!!

Have you seen her in R.E.D? Great movie...

[j_tour]

Have you seen her in R.E.D? Great movie...

Yeah.  An excellent crime thriller.  Definitely an above-average movie, I thought.  Would see again anyday.

I submit that Jessica Alba either (i) she likes to do different movies that you don't enjoy (ii) she finds it more difficult to find roles fit for middle-aged women rather than tight sex kittens (iii) she's got a life and just does something else.

She could be Alba the White, returned by elves through....elvery....or whatever, but I don't really know.

You were the one raving about her biting you on the ass.

What... you think that film in general is a profession in which only the young can succeed, and that age limits your ability to star in feature films???

No, that's obviously an absurd idea, and I've no clue where one would get such a notion. 

[perfect_pitch]

No, that's obviously an absurd idea, and I've no clue where one would get such a notion. 

I have a friend on a piano forum who fills my head with terrible ideas and corrupts my thoughts.

[j_tour]

I have a friend on a piano forum who fills my head with terrible ideas and corrupts my thoughts.

My downstairs neighbor's dog tells me to do things.

Another neighbor is probably a witch.  And not the neat pagan kind.

They should be destroyed, right?  The witch and the persons indicated by the dog, I mean.

[perfect_pitch]

I don't know... depends on who the dog is telling you to destroy.

As long as it ain't me, I'm fine with it.