NNOOOOO!!!!!

[amanfang]

 

My piano teacher from several years ago is moving into a town house.  and she now doesn't have room for her grand piano.  She happened to run into my parents at a restaurant and was telling them about this.  But she needs an upright to continue teaching.  So we have a Yamaha upright about 6 years old, and she offered to trade us her 5'3" Petrof for our upright plus $4,500.  She bought hers new for somewhere about $16,000.  My dad is like all for it and says it's a great investment, and we'll end up saving around $10,000 later by buying something now, and my mom says NO WAY, because we don't have room.  Which we actually do, it just won't be the most aesthetically pleasing living room with the way the furniture will have to be rearranged.  BUT, we never use the living room.  We spend all our time (and with guests) in the family room.  AAAAHHHH!!!!       I even offered to pay them back for the $4,500 over several years.  And she still won't do it.   

[luc]

Oh my god, that's so cruel!!

[bernhard]

This reminds me of a joke.

A cannibal and his son are in hiding, waiting in ambush for their next victim.

Soon a gorgeous, curvaceous woman comes by.

The son nudges the father:

-   There dad! Look at that delicious woman! Let us take her home and have her for dinner.

-   I have a better idea, son. Let us take her home and have your mom for dinner.

 

So. Take the piano home and have mom for dinner.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[amanfang]

Speaking of Mom and dinner, Dad's taking her out tonight to a nice restaurant, and is hoping to bring up the subject again.  GO DAD!!
I still doubt that she'll budge....

[thalberg]

Bernhard, that is pure genius.

But seriously your dad is the head of the family.  He should make the decision.

[janne p.]

But seriously your dad is the head of the family.  He should make the decision.

Where do you live? Iraq? Afghanistan?

[thalberg]

LOL!  Of course not.  Clearly the mother is the head here.....is that less offensive than a male head?

[amanfang]

So anyways, just to clear this one up...  My dad is "head" of the household.  However, he does not make these big decisions/puchases with which my mom is not in full agreement.  They work together as a team, not against each other in any sort of power struggle.  So they talked about it tonight, and there are just too many other "things" in the pot right now (one of which is helping me out financially with grad school), so I guess I can't really complain.  Oh well.  I'll console myself with the idea that perhaps somewhere out there later I will find something better for a good deal....

[leahcim]

Aren't you supposed to start visiting a new "friend" for a week, coming home each time enthusing about what they say and do "fred says that in bourgeois society capital is independent and has individuality, while the living person is dependent and has no individuality" - he's so clever..next week we're going to a demo... or wearing gang or cult pariphernalia, mebbe get a tattoo painted on and finally, when you think it's time, ask an innocent question like "Mum, what's $taboo_subject mean? They all laughed at me today when I didn't know...."

At which point Mum is frantically phoning around to get a grand piano to keep you indoors

[BoliverAllmon]

Aren't you supposed to start visiting a new "friend" for a week, coming home each time enthusing about what they say and do "fred says that in bourgeois society capital is independent and has individuality, while the living person is dependent and has no individuality" - he's so clever..next week we're going to a demo... or wearing gang or cult pariphernalia, mebbe get a tattoo painted on and finally, when you think it's time, ask an innocent question like "Mum, what's $taboo_subject mean? They all laughed at me today when I didn't know...."

At which point Mum is frantically phoning around to get a grand piano to keep you indoors

I wish that would work.

great joke bernhard

[Kassaa]

HAHAHAHHAAHHAH.

I GOT MY NEW GRAND YESTERDAY, AND MY PARENTS PAID FOR IT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

sorry

[BoliverAllmon]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

cold absolutely cold lol

[pianistimo]

your mom just knows how to bargain.  bet you got it for an even better price.  yes.  that's the way.  pretend you're not going to buy.

[amanfang]

I only wish it was just mom trying to do smart bargaining.  Unofortunately, my teacher is selling the piano to a church.  (sigh)  So much for my great deal on a grand piano....   

[yamagal]

What a bummer, I am so sad for you.  A Petrof, too!

[janne p.]

LOL!  Of course not.  Clearly the mother is the head here.....is that less offensive than a male head?

What I find is offensive that people take it for granted that it's the man in the household who is the "head". If both parents aren't equals, there's something wrong in my opinion.

[rlefebvr]

What I find is offensive that people take it for granted that it's the man in the household who is the "head". If both parents aren't equals, there's something wrong in my opinion.

Clearly you are not married.

There is only one way to stay married to a woman and still have occasionnal sex.


You say "Yes Dear"...all the time.


Anyone who says different is divorced or single.

[ako]

Thanks, Bernhard for reminding me of this joke. I totally forgot about it. And yes, the woman is the true boss. All my married male co-workers knows that;)

[janne p.]

Clearly you are not married.

Nope, not married; been engaged for a year and a half though.

There is only one way to stay married to a woman and still have occasionnal sex.

You say "Yes Dear"...all the time.

Clearly you are socially and/or intellectually inferior if you believe/live by this.

Anyone who says different is divorced or single.

Wrong again.

[pianistimo]

it's not just being married.  it's being happily married.  yes.  i tell people my husband is the boss, but he usually agrees with me.  and, usually asks my advice big/small decisions that would affect us both, etc.  he never makes me feel inferior.  i would say that if you tend to agree with each other, have similar tastes and likes, you will fight less over unimportant stuff.  thereby, having a good sex life, and prolonging your lifespan.

that is not to say that he's afraid to disagree.  i think a man can disagree with wife/girlfriend in polite way.  discuss, and even when you can't agree - take some time to listen to the other side and not rush a decision until both are comfortable.  i love my husband for this.  he sort of waits til i agree.  and, if i don't, he's not in a big hurry to disagree or rush into something.

ps he tells people i'm the boss.  in reality, he does what he wants about high-fi stuff, car repairs, etc.  i don't really care about that and fight over it as we used to.  and, i sort of hide the bags of clothing i don't want him to see in the trunk of the car, the garage, or high up in my closet.  what they don't know can't hurt (until they see the bill).

[BoliverAllmon]

I am engaged (not quite the same as marriage I know). I have learned that if I treat my fiance as royalty and with utmost respect, she goes along with just about anything. She knows that I have our best interest in mind and therefore very seldom argues over things. I am the boss through and through. Doesn't mean I am a dictator though. I think that is the way men think it should be and the way women are scared of. I don't blame them either. Dictatorship is wrong. Bible says to treat your wife as you treat yourself. I don't neglect my needs or wants and shouldn't neglect hers either.

boliver

[bernhard]

In my house I am the boss.

My wife is just the decision maker.

(with thanks to Woody Allen)

[bernhard]

There is only one way to stay married to a woman and still have occasionnal sex.


You say "Yes Dear"...all the time.

And that is no guarantee...

[dinosaurtales]

HAHAHAHHAAHHAH.

I GOT MY NEW GRAND YESTERDAY, AND MY PARENTS PAID FOR IT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

sorry

way harsh, man.

[pianistimo]

yes, that's like bernhard hearing that someone else is getting it every day.  of course, you never know if they really are or are just bragging.  once, a man told me he hadn't had any in three years.  i told him i didn't care. 

now, my husband, he's funny.  he acts like he wants it, but then after a big dinner, he reads a book and falls asleep sometimes.  it's a toss up.  sleep?  sex?  sleepy sex?  no.  that's awful.  much better in the morning.  oh. and bernhard just walk around naked until you get some.  that's what i do.

maybe this should be under YYEESSS!

[Kassaa]

yes, that's like bernhard hearing that someone else is getting it every day. of course, you never know if they really are or are just bragging. once, a man told me he hadn't had any in three years. i told him i didn't care.

now, my husband, he's funny. he acts like he wants it, but then after a big dinner, he reads a book and falls asleep sometimes. it's a toss up. sleep? sex? sleepy sex? no. that's awful. much better in the morning. oh. and bernhard just walk around naked until you get some. that's what i do.

maybe this should be under YYEESSS!

I didn't brag, I got a new shiny beautiful black Petrof (1.73 Mtr) with a cool Grand piano lamp .

[pianistimo]

melts.  i want one.  me too! me too!  (goes back to thread wherem1469might let me borrow some money - when she makes it rich - since i never have luck at lotteries, slot machines, and publisher's clearing house)  the only good thing that happens to me is that i only get good chinese fortune cookie fortunes (but i don't believe them anyway).

my husband is the one who actually buys the lotto tickets (i tell him we'll never win).  i once put in 3 quarters, won 2-3 dollars and then lost it again in slot machine.  i am suspicious of everything in las vegas.  i don't think i would count on winning anything there.  if you make it big, they probably shoot you as you leave.

[bernhard]

and bernhard just walk around naked until you get some.  that's what i do.

Somehow things do not work quite the same for the male...

[pianistimo]

yes.  you're probably right.  for most women, the biggest turn on after a few years of marriage is to see your husband doing the dishes or listening to you talk without yawning or nodding with a blank stare.  oh, and start in the morning.  like get up and bring your wife breakfast.  you know, tea and scones on a tray.  then, say something like, i know it's not our anniversary, and you may think that i want something, but really i just love you and  want to spend the whole day with you.  tell her you want to go to the mall with her.  and, maybe catch a romantic movie.  maybe, if she likes music, a concert or museaum.

women often save grudes, too, so you want to get them out of the way.  for instance, if there is a job around the house that you have been putting off for several months, years...just suddenly proclaim an interest in it.  you don't even have to finish the job totally, just look interested or busy in the general area.

learn to dance (this one's for my hubby) and surprise her by knowing a few steps (other than the usual square).  buy her something (jewelry or lingerie), bring home chocolate or flowers.  just some ideas.  oh, i forgot poetry.  maybe write a poem for her? 

 

[pianistimo]

ps  just read today about entrainment.  now this could work. it's a little bit like resonance.  you can read about it in itzhak bentov's book 'stalking the wild pendulum.'  (using the idea of a room full of pendulum clocks - if they're all different one day, come back the next and they'll all be swinging together at the same rate).  ok.  this is romance.  you try to 'connect' with your wife on a pendulum level - it also works in reverse to hypnotise her.  pretty soon she'll be saying 'yes' to whatever you say.  kinda strange i know, but probably used by many a would-be rogue.

find her resonance by setting her into motion and trying to share the same resonant freqency.  "we have all seen singers break glass with their voices, but this also occurs between two guitar strings, one struck the other unstruck... with resonance you are meeting the natural vibrations of an object (your wife) with its own vibrations, thereby setting it into motion."

pss to see how well this works - look at nature.  fireflies blinking on and off entrain each other.  female college roomates have menst. cycles that synchronize together.  muscle cells from the heart, when they move close together , suddenly shift in their rhythm and start pulsing together (take the mouse desperaux tilling and his experience with princess pea), and when two people have a good conversation. 

[pianistimo]

if that doesn't work by evening, turn on some music.  here is my seduction list:

eugene ormandy  'fireworks'
gregorian chants
mozart's elvira madigan concerto
ranier songs of the indian flute
beethoven's emperor concerto
handel's royal fireworks suite
haydn's symphony #94 in G major
tchaikovsky's piano concerto #1
brahms violin concerto in D major

my husband takes pride in choreographing himself.  (i won't explain this)

[leahcim]

there's something wrong in my opinion.

Can't you get it removed?

[bernhard]

Can't you get it removed?

 

(I must remember that)

[bernhard]

yes.  you're probably right.  for most women, the biggest turn on after a few years of marriage is to see your husband doing the dishes or listening to you talk without yawning or nodding with a blank stare.  oh, and start in the morning.  like get up and bring your wife breakfast.  you know, tea and scones on a tray.  then, say something like, i know it's not our anniversary, and you may think that i want something, but really i just love you and  want to spend the whole day with you.  tell her you want to go to the mall with her.  and, maybe catch a romantic movie.  maybe, if she likes music, a concert or museaum.

women often save grudes, too, so you want to get them out of the way.  for instance, if there is a job around the house that you have been putting off for several months, years...just suddenly proclaim an interest in it.  you don't even have to finish the job totally, just look interested or busy in the general area.

learn to dance (this one's for my hubby) and surprise her by knowing a few steps (other than the usual square).  buy her something (jewelry or lingerie), bring home chocolate or flowers.  just some ideas.  oh, i forgot poetry.  maybe write a poem for her? 

 

Er... Are you basically saying then that women do not want a husband, they want a butler...

Which reminds me of another story.

This woman brings her date home. Then she proceeds to strip naked. She lies on her bed  and says to her beau:

- Come, make me feel like a woman!

The boyfriend slowly unbuttons his shirt revealing a sculpted torso and a six pack. He takes off his shirt, throws it on top of her and says:

- Wash it and iron it.

(And there is also the story of that lady who thought cooking and cleaning were cities in China - there is a ruder version of the same story, but I don't want to get banned, so I will leave it to your imagination )

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[stevie]

hahahaha, bernhard you are LEGENDARY 

[pianistimo]

well, there is a city/ town in pennsylvania that has me wondering, too.  i can't say it because i don't want to get banned either.

you're funny bernhard!  but, don't forget my advice.  try it on your wife and see what happens.  you might be surprised.  also, try washing the dishes with very little on.  maybe an apron on backwards.