Enforcing rules verses grace as a teacher

[lagin]

When you started out teaching, how did you get parents to take you seriously?  For example, arriving on time, getting new books or supplementary books when necessary, paying on time, ect.  It's especially hard when you're just starting out. 

On the flip side, when do you show a little grace, but still be fair to other students.  For example, student arrives late, but student after them just cancelled.  Do you mention that you normally wouldn't, but since so-and-so just cancelled, they can have their full half hour. 

It's a tight line to walk.  I suppose each situation in and of itself would have a different answer at different times with different people.

But if you have any thoughts, I think it would be an interesting thread.

[jeremyjchilds]

No...

I made the mistake of setting a relaxed precedent at the beginning of my professional career. It took me over a year to get the "respect" level back where it needs to be..

It's a funny thing, people can handle things being strict right from the start, but when you try to make it stricter, then the complaining begins...

Have your policy, and make no exceptions ever...ever

Even if it is your favorite student and it is the day before his exam...

[bernhard]

No...

I made the mistake of setting a relaxed precedent at the beginning of my professional career. It took me over a year to get the "respect" level back where it needs to be..

It's a funny thing, people can handle things being strict right from the start, but when you try to make it stricter, then the complaining begins...

Have your policy, and make no exceptions ever...ever

Even if it is your favorite student and it is the day before his exam...

I agree (having made the same mistake ).   

I send my prospective students my policy (which is pretty comprehensive), and usually I do not hear from them again if they do not agree. The ones who do proceed follow the rules.

If they start “relaxing the rules”, I prefer to write them a letter, which usually avoids any direct confrontation. But this is rare. I guess the troublemakers look for another teacher when they see my policy.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[Bob]

I haven't had a problem of private students taking me seriously so much as taking music seriously. 

Give them the policies in advance.  I do relax the rules (I'm young and stupid I suppose).  I do resent those that break them a little.  And when it comes time to do favors or bend the rules, I give more to ones that follow them then to the ones that break them and don't mention it.

I bend the rules just to be nice and because I want to keep the student and I do want the money.  And it's good for the student -- It might be an irresponsible parent that doesn't get their kid to lessons on time.

With the policies in place, you can be sure to tell them you're bending the rules this one time just because it happens to work out.  If anyone complains, I would tell them it's a unique situation and I'm doing my best for all my students.  That one time things happened to work out in favor of that one student.  When they reschedule like that, I usually don't give them the full time -- I take off 5-10 minutes because they messed with my time and I find it annoying to reschedule like that.

Those people that don't follow the rules do make an impression though.  I don't bend over backwards for them.  I can still remember parents that their child was sick and forgot to tell me they wouldn't make the lesson. 

I also think that at some point the wheel of fortune will work against me and I will mess up.  Then I will appreciate an understanding parent.

[timothy42b]

I believe that the rules are there to serve a purpose and have no inherent value themselves.

Hence, you are free to deviate with a good enough reason.

I suggest a "rule" of thumb:  when deviating the rule serves the same purpose better than following it, it should be a nobrainer.  When the purposes are different, you weigh the cost/benefit. 

If your rules are reasonable and make sense, deviation should be rare.  But if your rules are absolute and allow no deviation, then by definition they are unreasonable, and you are hiding behind rules when sometimes you should use judgement. 

[jeremyjchilds]

I believe that the rules are there to serve a purpose and have no inherent value themselves.

Hence, you are free to deviate with a good enough reason.

I suggest a "rule" of thumb:  when deviating the rule serves the same purpose better than following it, it should be a nobrainer.  When the purposes are different, you weigh the cost/benefit. 

If your rules are reasonable and make sense, deviation should be rare.  But if your rules are absolute and allow no deviation, then by definition they are unreasonable, and you are hiding behind rules when sometimes you should use judgement. 

You know I used to agree with this, and if you are smart enough, you can pull it off....

But it is so much easier being a "hard ass" and being a slave to your policy regardless. It takes all of the mental and emotional energy that was wasted and you can focus on other things (like your continued mission to memoricze the 48)

[eastcountypiano]

For example, arriving on time,   One time I ignore it, especially if the parent comes running in with a haggered look on their face.  I give the 30 minutes...if.....it doesn't interfer with my next lesson. The second time I end the lesson at the usual time.  When a parent sees they are getting only 10-15 minutes of their 30 minutes they are not late after that.

getting new books or supplementary books when necessary

I have a stock of books on hand and when my student needs one I give it to them and then tell the parent how much it is....I also give them the option of paying me now or I bill them on the following months invoice.

paying on time,

All my students pay for their lessons ahead of time at the first of the month.  I ask for it when they come in the door at the first of the month.  No payment, no lesson. 

[lagin]

Okay, question....  Have you had to turn away a student, and resume the following week because their parents forgot to pay?  I find it hard because it affects the innocent student, but I have done this once.  And what do you do when you get the, "Can I bring it by tomorrow?"

[jeremyjchilds]

Okay, question....  Have you had to turn away a student, and resume the following week because their parents forgot to pay?  I find it hard because it affects the innocent student, but I have done this once.  And what do you do when you get the, "Can I bring it by tomorrow?"

haven't lately, because I require post-dated cheques