What's the best response to stupid things said from non-musicians?

[Bob]

I imagine it would be smiling and politely correcting them, carefully complimenting them for their reply and pulling out anything correct in it so they don't feel bad and you don't appear condescending.  Compliment, correct, educate.

When that's too much work, just smile and nod and politely laugh.  "That's interesting," you can say, "I haven't heard it put quite that way before."

Laughing AT them or saying, "What?!!!" in disbelief probably won't get you too many fans.  (Humorous replies encouraged -- What would you like to say when they say those things?)

[chopiabin]

Sometimes you just gotta slap 'em around a little

[alzado]

After playing two short pieces for a few dinner guests, one woman chastized me, saying, "can't you play something we are familiar with?"

I told her,  "Sorry, I don't know the Beer Barrel Polka."

[da jake]

Not "I don't know [requested piece]"...but "I'm not able to play it for you off the top of my head at this time". Sounds kinda lame? I'm  actually serious.

I'm convinced that truly well-rounded pianists are able to at least fake most pieces that they have heard.

If you are not able to fake twinkle-twinkle, you won't really impress anyone with a Mozart Sonata.

I'm not able to 'fake' pieces yet...but I won't consider myself a true musician unless I have a certain command over the instrument which allows me to do such things.

[spirithorn]

In response to (which was actually said to me), "I don't like Chopin.  I don't like Polonaises and things like that", you can try, "Have you hear his second String Quartet?"

[spirithorn]

Or, to sound even more literate, you can try, "Have you heard his second String Quartet?".

[ted]

As I said in my response on a similar thread, I usually take comments of non-musicians very seriously provided they relate to the actual sound experience. Obviously, a non-musician (it is doubtful whether I am a musician anyway, incidentally - I would fail most of the usual criteria for it) is not likely to know much in regard to the technical aspects of playing the piano. He is therefore likely to say silly things - these may be funny but they don't really matter. However, the primitive, personal response to sound alone does not require any prior knowledge whatsoever, either of the act of playing or of the music itself.

Therefore when an untutored person says something after this latter fashion, that is to say about how he is affected by the sound and the sound alone, then I pay very careful attention.

[pianistimo]

very good point.  maybe it's a good idea (as they tend to do at most concerts) to warm up the audience by telling in the program (or speaking) about the performer, the music, the composers, and a little bit about what to listen for.  when an audience is given a specific thing to listen for, they might enjoy it more.

when i first started piano, i looked at the handscript under my chopin and asked "who is leo?"  it ended up being "Ped" or pedal, but it looked like "leo" to me.  just as when you have embarrassing stories from parents, so you also have them with your old piano teachers.  they probably all have had a good laugh from something or other. 

[Tash]

being the musical snob i am, i tend to just stick my nose up a bit, and don't outright tell them what they're saying is rubbish, but start rambling on some technical bullshit that they won't understand just to emphasise that i know what i'm talking about and they don't. that's when i'm feeling rude, sometimes i'll be nicer and say it in a less snobbish way...or i'll vaguely agree with them with some 'what the hell are you talking about' tone.
ha how rude am i! but that's only when they're annoying me and think they know what they're talking about, if they know they don't have a clue then i'll be nice and give them a quick lecture on the blah

[piazzo23]

"You´re nice, my partner musicians don´t really like music, they´re interested in people that get the most notes of their instruments in  fraction of a second"

[BoliverAllmon]

Or, to sound even more literate, you can try, "Have you heard his second String Quartet?".

bwahahahahaha