Lonely at new job

[thalberg]

Hi all.

I just took a college teaching position that is really nice.  But it meant moving away from everyone I've ever known--I'm not within a thousand miles of a single friend or family member.  Why do we move all the time in this country?

[Bob]

You just do one thing.  One thing that seems doable to you for today.  And that's it.  It doesn't matter how small it may seem to anyone.  You can tell if it's a small thing or if it's really a challenge.  Just get up and do that and then go back to bed.

[pianistimo]

at least you're not dealing with unemployment.  sounds like you're just needing something to do on the weekends. 

we moved to pa about 2 1/2 years ago and i found it difficult too.  so i signed up for some of those community college hikes on the weekend.  they have canoeing, etc. too.  i went out on the first hike and it was so fun, that i signed up again.  this time it rained.  i got to the parking lot, and figured everyone would just go home.  surprise!  everyone wanted to hike (that's how desperate people get on the weekend).  so, we went hiking in the rain. it wasn't that bad.  (except for the falling rocks - jsut kidding).

there's no pressure with stuff like that, and there was a pretty even number of guys to girls.

also, there's the neighborhood dance studio or karate class.  if that doesn't sound good, how about just doing some home cooking and see who comes to your door.  'ohh, what smell so good here?'

[Siberian Husky]

hit me up...we'll go to the runs on wednesday nights n race whatever car u drive..i'll tune it for you and we'll hopefully keep up with whatever run down integra we come up against..or..we can just get coffee..my number is

1-800-nils-johan

[bernhard]

also, there's the neighborhood dance studio or karate class. 

Karate classes! Yeah! Meet new friends! Beat them up (or more likely, get beaten up by your new friends).

Come more often to pianostreet. Soon you will have no time (or interest) for friends (or family – boy, do they complain! ).

On a more serious note, voluntary work of some kind may also help filling up the void.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[Bob]

Sounds like an opportunity to get some extra practicing in.

[rimv2]

You just do one thing.  One thing that seems doable to you for today.  And that's it.  It doesn't matter how small it may seem to anyone.  You can tell if it's a small thing or if it's really a challenge.  Just get up and do that and then go back to bed.

Dat's right.

Listen to this person here.

[pianistimo]

he wants to meet people.   men are insufferable.

[Bob]

Or you can just stay in bed.  If you're tired, you're tired.

If you do your best, that's all you can do.  If they want more from you out of the job, then you can give a little more, but it will hurt and you won't be able to do that forever.  And if they don't like that, then hey, you did your best and that's honorable and they should have picked someone else who was what they were looking for.     That's if you're tired from doing the job.  And from a new job, who wouldn't be?

[abell88]

I agree that volunteer work could help you feel better -- especially if it involves contact with other people (i.e. not just sitting alone in a charity's office doing their filing).

How about inviting some of your colleagues for dinner? Of course, you're the new guy and they should be inviting you, but sometimes you have to get the ball rolling yourself.

[pianistimo]

yes!  that's what i found when i moved here.  you could take a cooking class?  there's some kind of attraction people have to food and socializing.  and, whatever extra you have, you can donate to some older person who lives in the area.  often, they eat terribly.  need someone to do occasional shopping.  and, are great friends (often home to watch on your house) and can call you at work should anything look suspicious.  friendship seems to always work both ways!

ps  going to church on the weekend isn't a bad idea either.  or, as previously said, volunteer work.  sometimes church ends up being the place to FIND volunteer opportunities.  often there are hook ups through churches and workplaces that get donations flowing.