How do you return to the edge?

[Bob]

I can't get back to the "edge" of my playing.  I don't have enough time to practice to push myself back to that level, but I need to get back there.  How do I do that?

[m1469]

Bob, unfortunately, I don't have much words of wisdom to add here.  I am just posting in to say that I feel I am in a similar situation.  I look back to a certain point in my life, and I think that I had a clearer idea in mind then of what I was doing and wanting.  That my chops were crisper, my memory better, my passion stronger, and my courage greater. 

How do we get there again ?  I don't think we do.  The truth is, it wasn't good enough for me then either, and it would not be good enough for me now.  Life has changed for me since then, I need and want an entirely new edge.  And an entirely better one.  Maybe it is similar for you ? 

How do we get there then ?  I just feel like I really don't know.  But lately, I have been thinking that the things I want do not lay exactly within what I play, nor in where I play, whom I play for, exactly how I practice, how much I perform, and not even truly in my teachers (not that they do not hold a very important place in the matter for which I am extremely grateful), not in schools and so on... but, you know, somewhere or something else, or all of them together, or something mystical that I can't seem to define at this point in my life (maybe our edges have something to do simply with who we already are and are willing to let ouselves be... ).  All as Sir Bernhard indicated in a quote within a post awhile back.

How do we find it and bring it out ?  That's what I am wondering in my life right now.



your sister in arms,
m1469

[ted]

Edge ? Edge of what ? I have never felt as if I were on the edge of anything in particular so as I don't fully understand the question I cannot help with an answer. Are your problems physical or mental ? Do you really want to play exactly as you played many years ago ? Is it that simple ? I don't think I do. I actually posted examples in the audition room of how I played thirty to forty years ago but I can't say I want to go back to it. It was musically genuine and full of a natural, if odd virtuosity but it has become a very small part of the musical landscape I enjoy today. I can sit down, play and create like that any time I choose but if that is what you mean by an "edge" - a retrospective wish to play and think precisely as I did in my teens and twenties - good heavens no, I've come too far and the way ahead is much more interesting.

Are you sure you are not just viewing the past through inappropriately rosy spectacles ?

But I am just guessing; perhaps you mean something entirely different.

[m1469]

Edge ? Edge of what ? I have never felt as if I were on the edge of anything in particular so as I don't fully understand the question I cannot help with an answer. Are your problems physical or mental ? Do you really want to play exactly as you played many years ago ? Is it that simple ? I don't think I do. I actually posted examples in the audition room of how I played thirty to forty years ago but I can't say I want to go back to it. It was musically genuine and full of a natural, if odd virtuosity but it has become a very small part of the musical landscape I enjoy today. I can sit down, play and create like that any time I choose but if that is what you mean by an "edge" - a retrospective wish to play and think precisely as I did in my teens and twenties - good heavens no, I've come too far and the way ahead is much more interesting.

Are you sure you are not just viewing the past through inappropriately rosy spectacles ?

But I am just guessing; perhaps you mean something entirely different.

Well, for the most part Ted, I a agree with you.  I personally do not wish to play like I did in the past, but I do feel like while I was in University my focus was a little different.    I probably have more balance now in my life, and that is probably good, but I used to feel like I was eating, sleeping, and drinking my piano studies.  I often felt like I was growing during every practice session.  I did feel more fervor, and I did feel more hope.  I was not willing to just accept limitations (probably I was a naive). 

I don't know if that would be any kind of edge (maybe the edge of my sanity... he he) but .... it's just different now, even though I am probably doing much of the same.  But I am probably seeing through rose-colored glasses as you say, because I do feel as though I generally (probably) play "better" these days.  At least I have matured a little more, though these days I feel more inclined to ponder the possibility of 'limitations' on what I may be able (and willing) to do.

Well, okay.  I don't want to go backward, I appreciate your post Ted, and I am simply piggy-backing on Bob's thread. 



m1469