I will be commenting on the first version you put up - I'm not sure what you're trying to do with the second version, since you can't play it accurately at all that quickly plus it really turns "music" into "noise" at that tempo.
The duration of this piece should be between 6:00 and 6:30, if one follows what Ravel writes in the score. Ravel and Debussy tend to be very precise and demanded precision from performers in the performance of thier music. So, your tempo on the first version is also too fast (but not by much. Just slow it down a little bit.) This would help with your accuracy a lot too.
Try to make the opening chords sound a bit more hushed and blended together, they are marked 'ppp' (that's on top of the soft pedal as well). This could be in part do blame on the piano you are using though.
Ms 3 - Don't accent the first two notes of the melody more than the rest of the melody. You do want to phrase it of course, but remember is is marked 'very sweet' there.
Ms 5 - The new phrase begins on the high G#, not the B# - you phrased it as though the the G# and E# are included with the D# and C#.
Don't rush ms 11-14, also the excitement is building in the music, use phrasing and not tempo to achieve this. It is also marked 'always pp' here, don't accent any of the melody notes more than the others.
Ms 15-16 - work your note accuracy here. Again, a slower tempo might help. Also, you should be using a comfortable fingering for the right hand - if you're not sure about one I have one that works smoothly, because this is an awkward spot with the wrong fingering.
Ms 17 - good job with the accompaniment here, it flows rather smoothly like it should.
Ms 18 - Work on evenness and smoothness on these arpeggios - also, don't accent the D# so much, it should be more like a push than a shove.
Ms 19 - Work the arpeggio on beat 3 of this measure, if possible take the top B natural of the arpeggio with the RH, this should make it less awkward.
Ms 21 - The arpeggio on beat 3 wasn't there - don't rush this measure and it will be easier to play.
Ms 22 - The high point of the phrase is on beat 2, not beat 1. The accuracy of the left hand needs work here.
Ms 23 - Nice idea, however I couldn't hear all of the notes in the left hand.
Ms 24-26 - Look over these again and try and work them from scratch - make sure you are playing the chord patterns correctly, and also try and make the arpeggiated chord on beat one of each measure more "graceful", so to speak.
Ms 27 - to get the E# under the F# in that RH chord, play both notes with your thumb. Also, work on the LH arpeggio notes here.
Ms 28-29 - Don't rush these measures. Work for accuracy in the Lh in measure 29.
Ms 30 - It is imperative you don't rush here, the music says to "Hold back a little". There should be a slight ritard.
Ms 31 - Make beat one of the RH sound more connected with beat two of the RH.
Ms 32 - It's hard to hear what kind of pattern you're playing in the RH. You want it blurred, yes, but also you need to hear the 1+2+2 feel of the thing.
Ms 33-36 - Good job here. You have the right idea with this little phrase.
Ms 38-41 - Work accuracy and smoothless in these measures. You have a good sense of direction with the melody though - it just needs a proper foundation.
Ms 43-44 - the last beat in both measures in the RH need work, esp the first three notes of those beats.
Ms 45 - the arpeggios in this measure are marked "very sweet" - you might check your fingerings here.
Ms 46-47 - Good job here. These measures are for the most part solid.
Ms 48-49 - You sound as though you are struggling with the last beat in the RH in both of these measures - it should sound graceful and easy. I know that's hard and asking a lot, but it will come with hard work on these arpeggios.
Ms 50 - Again, its marked 'very sweet' - no offense, but it sounded more like a shriek.
Ms 53-55 - It sounds very choppy here - work this slowly and try and connect one beat to the next, it sounds like you're putting a tiny pause in between each beat. Good job sustaining the melody.
Ms 56- Work the notes in the LH.
Ms 58-62 - It sounds very messy here - work from scratch, carefully, on the RH and then once you've mastered it, put it with the LH (which is an nearly impossible task, I know, but worth it in the end). These are some of the hardest measures of music in all of the piano literature, so I feel for you.
Ms 66- Good job building up to this point, but remember to 'Hold back' here. It needs to open up and flower like brilliant rose before it crashes into despair again.
Ms 67-68 - Some of the hardest measures of music ever written. You have the right idea, but the notes just aren't there yet. Remember, in Ravel, every single note is important and must be treated accordingly. If you leave out or skip over notes, it damages the texture of the music - it's like having a brand new Firebird, but having it covered in dents and scratches.
Ms 69-70- Don't double the tempo in these measures! You have, and it ruins one of the sweetest and most vulnerable of moments in music. This is a common error however - just remember there are four beats in each measure, not two here.
Ms 71-72 - It sounds quite muddy here. Work on accuracy and smoothness.
Ms 73 - Don't speed up the end of the glissando in this measure.
Ms 77 - F natural, not F# in the melody.
Ms 80 - Good here, it is quite smooth.
Ms 81-83 - Play all of the notes in the RH, you're skipping over a few here and there.
Ms 84 - You really shouldn't clear the pedal at the end of this measure. Indeed, the orginal Durand edition does have this marking, however later research into the area shows that Ravel told his friend Perlemuter that he regarded this as an error - it makes more musical sense to hold the pedal and let the haze blend into the next measure, otherwise it sounds quite stark and is not consistent with the rest of the piece. Modern editions have corrected this error.
Ms 85-88- I could not discern a beat here - also it is marked Very Slow, there is no marking for rubato or any tempo deviations, pick a slow tempo, but stay to it on the dot. This will make it seem more like a melody, rather than a wandering fragment.
The accent on the G# in ms 88 was far too obvious - it should be a subtle effect.
Ms 89 - Start softer, at pp, then crescendo to FF at the top of the first arpeggio. You were about 85% accurate with the notes here, you're almost there just work it some more.
Ms 92 - Good job not ritard-ing here, but try and make the release of the pedal (and thus the haze of overtones) more subtle. You could try gradually releasing the pedal from the previous measure.
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Overall, you've shown that you have obviously put a lot of work into this. You also are very talented. However, I question whether or not you are really ready for this. This is one of the most difficult pieces of music in all of the piano literature, and every moment of it is difficult and time consuming to practice. It also happens to be one of the most beautiful pieces of music. Those two factors combined are no doubt the reason you were to tempted to learn it in the first place. I too attempted this a few years ago, when I was in high school. My performance of it was quite similar to yours - covering the main points, but in serious lack of detail. I have only recently begun to relearn it, from scratch, paying my undivided attention to every detail and nuance of the music. It will take me a long time to truly play it well, but it will be worth it.
I don't think this was ready for a recording and certainly not ready to share with other pianists - I only hope some of the other meaner members here won't tear it to shreds. I have tried to provide you with some starting ground, but you have a whole lot of work ahead of you before this will be palatable to a trained ear. And unlike kelly_kelly, as sweet as she may be, I don't think the second version was technically astounding - any pianist can play something so fast it becomes unrecognizable. Surely someone of your obvious talent and intelligence knows that Ondine is not meant to be played at such a tempo, I can only imagine your reason for posting it was to satisfy your pianistic vanity. Regardless, it shows immaturity. Stick to making music, and try and avoid shallow displays of virtuosity.
Topic: Ravel: Ondine