The Early Arriver

[m1469]

Okay, I am trying to not be fuming mad right now, but I am not doing a very good job maintaining. 

I got a call (in the middle of another lesson) from a mom of the student I have next (this is all happening RIGHT NOW!) asking if she could bring her daughter over early.  Since I was in the middle of the lesson, I did not answer the phone, so the mom just left a message saying they would just drop by to see if I was here.  Well, in walks the student (mom left like a bat out of H*LL) a HALF AN HOUR EARLY. 

Mom is scheduled to pick up her daughter at the normal time, so I am not starting her lesson until it would normally start.  In the meantime, I am furious at the situation, as this little half an hour time is supposed be practice time (or whatever else time) for ME.

Anyway, I have the student practising, and I am in here typing to you.  But, this cannot happen again.  I am not a babysitter... but I will admit that, if I had another student right now, I would not mind this other one sitting in as much, but even that is bothersome.  It is more that this mother assumes that if I am here, I will watch her child (and knows that this half an hour is not filled with another student).

Anyway, what do I say to mom when I see her ?

Suggestions are appreciated, thanks,

m1469

[gilad]

i'd slip in the question of why she had to bring her early. i think you're entitled to know that
if it's a reason that is likely to recur you can possibly reschedule the students appointment to a more suitable time for the parent.
i wouldn't come across as angry or irritated but rather concerned and willing to help out.
BUT help out still means lessons being between designated times, and not in your time.
you should also consider how long she has been with you and if it has happened before. if she's been with you for a while, then maybe you dont need to say much at all because it may have been a once off.

[wenat]

CALM DOWN!!!  After teaching for over 20 years like me you will come across many more types of problems!!  Talk to mum, rearrange the lesson time, or have a corner in your studio with some books or activities for the child to occupy themselves with, and make it clear to them that they can wait, but cannot bother you during that time.  I have a little corner for early comers where they can occupy themselves with various books, colouring sheets, music games (great way to help theory too!) and even theory worksheets!

[keyofc]

Well, I wouldn't be that happy about it - but I don't think it would set me emailing a piano hotline  Maybe you're just having a bad day - and the last thing you needed was someone to barge in on a little private time?

I have a student that routinely comes early, so what I do then since I have two students at once - I do rythym exercizes with them and keep some flashcards nearby.  Although I had one adult student that came early and make the child nervous that I was teaching - so I had to put him in another room.

I've never had it happen when I was alone.  If it happened only once or twice, I love teaching enough so that I would probably give them an extra long lesson, but that is just me. (Or you could just give them an hour lesson and skip next week's lesson, if you wanted) If it happened all of the time, I would give them a place to sit and wait until their time slot occurs.  I have music comic books that I keep for that too.

In fact, as I'm writing and thinking about this - I think I might come up with a list of questions for them to answer as they read the book.
I hope this helps....

If it happened all the time - I would have to deal with it differently if it was messing up my own plans.   You could even use this as a way to show them the proper way to practice by demonstrating for a half hour.  This could help them, or make them come on time next week.  Have them take notes...
just some ideas.
   If it really bothered me that much - I would tell the parent straight out that my time is usally booked at this time.  Because it is - we book our time whether we are teaching or doing something else.
key of c

[m1469]

yeah... he he    I have calmed down now.  You're all correct and I over-reacted internally.  I know exactly why, and it's a lot of things that I bottled up (plus not having eaten very much ). 

Well, I didn't say much of anything about it to the mom, because before I saw her I realized I was being stupid.  Anyway, if it happens a lot, I will say something.  Otherwise, I appreciate the suggestions in this thread.

he he... sorry    but thanks for your help.

m1469

[pianistimo]

i've had those days too.  once mine (two kids - bro and sis) came early to eat lunch.  they brought the bags of food into the kitchen, so that was ok - but i hear what you are saying about quiet time and private time before the next lesson because it helps you prepare what you are going to say.  maybe, tell the mother just that!  that you need that 1/2 hour inbetween the lessons to take a break - to prepare for the next student - and that you will need her to bring her children at the time of the lesson and not before.  might seem blunt, but she's been kinda blunt, too.  babysitting isn't paid time - and if something happens to her children at your house - you might be responsible even though you hadn't agreed to watch them.

[Bob]

I would give them the benefit of the doubt if it's the first time.  Maybe there was an emergency.

Even so, I wouldn't teach or entertain the student.  That wasn't the agreement.  I'd give them a spot to sit or a table or something and go on with whatever I was going to do.  If it was my practice time, I would go on with my practice.

What they did was rude.  Maybe even rude if it was an emergency.  I wouldn't think you are obligated to do anything.  You didn't agree to it in advance.   You could have been planning to go out during that time or eat or lie down.  Who knows?

I don't think you overracted at all.  I wouldn't necessarily have even let that student practice -- esp if I had planned on practicing during that time.

I wouldn't say anything unless it happens again.  They stepped on your time.  How would they know you hadn't just picked up a new student starting that day?  Maybe they'll be nice about it and pay extra.

[luvslive]

m1469,
I probably would have reacted the same way you did.  Simply assuming you can have a student in your home a half hour early is not correct and should not be treated as such.  I have a student who fairly regularly arrives  10-15 minutes early and I just teach her that extra time...then another adult student who likes to linger an extra 5-10 minutes...if I added up these extra times I can imagine that I would not be happy with what I discover.  But like someone said, if you enjoy teaching its not as big a deal.  BUT..there's also the fact that if I let a student go 10 minutes early I would probably not be teaching that student too much longer.  Parents want to get their moneys worth; well I want to get my money too!
So I think we get angry because all that being "used" adds up.  Just being expected to go with whatever everyones schedule happens to be each day.   And what if you had company over!  We do have personal, private lives to tend to as well.  What if you would have had to run an emergency last minute errand!  Then what!   So what I'm saying is, I feel your pain...sorry you had this happen.

[timothy42b]

What do you do when several children show up together, or the mother waits, etc.?

My daughter and I have back to back lessons.  Other families with my teacher have three or four kids.  They can't wait outside in cold weather. 

You may not have the luxury of this setup, but here is what my teacher does.  She has a basement room with a couch, a table and jigsaw puzzle, and some magazines.  Everybody waits there for their lesson time.  That way the child getting the lesson has the teacher's full attention with no sibling or parent interruptions.  So if one of us shows up early (sometimes I or my daughter do) we wait.  Or if necessary she tells us she'll be ready at "x" o'clock.  Once the room has been designated, no extra effort is required of the teacher. 

[luvslive]

having a room for waiting parents and kids would be ideal.  right now i'm living in an apartment and if people show up early they either wait in the hall or knock and i let them sit in the same room i'm teaching in.  it's uncomfortable and not the most professional setup.  but i hope people are understanding of the situation.  when i do move to a house i would love to have a "waiting room" and a seperate teaching room used ONLY for this purpose..no more tv, dining room table and other personal items to distract.  just the piano and some chairs.

[pianowelsh]

Ideally you want to nip this in the bud.  Its all very well having a corner for them to sit and do stuff etc or practice but the parents have to understand you are a professional and that they need to treat you like one! If they routinely drop the kid off early then suggest perhaps what needs to be changed is the lesson time and that way you could fit in  your practice time when she goes - or you could say well if i am o be expected to keep her occupied for half hr extra - FINE but i will incorporate the activities i do with her into lesson time and the lesson will be extra half hour with subsiquent increase in fee!! - They will either stop coming early or suddenly become more dedicated!! I know ideally this is not what you =want because your loosing your time! which I know is necessary - trying to maintain skill on little practice can be tough.  I would be stright with mom and say on the ODD emergency occassion whereby this situation may arise OK but otherwise it is totally unacceptable.  I usually require min 4 hrs notice of cancelled/altered lesson now.  Its in my contract. That way I have time to reschedule my day if need be and they know about dentists appointments and shopping trips and potential picking up suzie from ballet etc more than 4 hrs in advance if they are honest about it.

[ada]

Why don't you charge for the extra half hour? It's your time.

Or at least politely tell the mother you'll have to charge for the extra time if it happens again. I'm not a piano teacher but if I were I would be quite tough and say anything over the hour/half hour means you're charged for an extra lesson.

Plumbers and computer techs do it, so why should you under-value your time?

You're not a charity.

[timothy42b]

Why don't you charge for the extra half hour? It's your time.


You're not a charity.

That's fair.  But you're not teaching piano, you're babysitting, and you have to charge at that rate.

Most of you make $30 to $75 an hour teaching piano.  But standard rates for babysitting are lower.  My daughter charges $5 an hour for 1 to 2 children, an additional $2.50 per hour for each additional kid.  Seems reasonable. 

[m1469]

Well, that's the point, I DO NOT babysit.  I started doing that when I was 11years old, and have no desire to do it again.  Another point is, whether I am babysitting or not, it's my time and I make substantially more than that teaching (of course), so why would I spend time babysitting for peanuts ?  I would charge for my time (as I theoretically could put another student in that spot and will not reserve it for "babysitting"), as though I am teaching.

And, I semi-like the idea of having something set up for early arrivers, but not that much as I am not running a daycare and my space is not very big (big enough for what I do, not really big enough to accomodate "childcare" on top of it).

So, I am finding myself ridiculously angry again.  Something for me to learn here, I guess.  I am realizing that I will need to put something in my policies, and exactly what that is, is becoming a little more clear for me.


Thanks for your inputs,

m1469

[timothy42b]

Well, that's the point, I DO NOT babysit. 

<snip>
And, I semi-like the idea of having something set up for early arrivers, but not that much as I am not running a daycare and my space is not very big (big enough for what I do, not really big enough to accomodate "childcare" on top of it).

So, I am finding myself ridiculously angry again. 


Thanks for your inputs,

m1469

Well, I explained badly I guess, and while I will try not to be critical I'm not sure I agree with your stance.

Some kind of waiting area is a requirement for you to run your operation.  It is part of your overhead like having your piano tuned regularly.  You had not previously considered or planned for it, but now it has come up and bitten you.  Would a dentist not have a waiting area?  You are a professional providing services to a customer just like he/she does. 

And of course in an ideal world you'd have two concert grands so you could do duets, you'd charge $1,000 per half hour and have a ten year waiting list, etc.  So you probably don't have the resources to do an ideal waiting room now, but you still have to plan some kind of work around.  Sometimes you'll run late.  Sometimes they'll be early.  Things happen. 

I'm not sure who you are angry with.  If they come early, they wait.  You should have some kind of reasonable setup for them to wait, not comfortable with a recliner and cable TV, but not hazardous either.  It might just be a chair in the hall with a lamp to read by - they are expected to bring their own reading material!  Then they aren't angry and you aren't angry. 

[m1469]

Well, thanks for your advice and for not being too critical of me 

I do have a "couch" for somebody to sit on, I do have a dining room table for them to sit at, and I do have a couple of rooms I can send them to if I wanted them to do that (which in this case, I certainly did not want that).

Not having somewhere for an early arriver to go is not really the issue, although yes, I did mention that I don't really have the space for a "special" situation, there's not much I can do about that, end of story.  I do often have some kind of overlap, but in most cases, I am still teaching and I involve the other student in some way. 

What bit me in the behind is that I have not addressed this other issue in my policies, and this mother dropped off her child, assuming I would be there and able to have this child, without actually asking me.  And she left before I could have sent the child back to the car.  It was not an emergency, it was merely more convenient for mom and not at all for me.  She treated me like I was her child's babysitter, because that's what she needed.  That is disrespectful, and that is what I was angry about.  A mother would never (or not very many) just drop off a child at a doctor's or dentist's office half an hour early, and just leave without checking in and having some kind of understanding with the people who work there, no matter how big or interesting the waiting room is.

On another note, I have no problem with something previously arranged.  If a child needs to arrive that early in order to have lessons work, fine.  I will accomodate that as best I can, but I always need to do what also works for me (not just them) and be included in the decision, end of story. 


m1469

[pianoannie]

Some kind of waiting area is a requirement for you to run your operation.  It is part of your overhead like having your piano tuned regularly. 

I would disagree with this.  A waiting area is not a "requirement."  A teacher I had a few years ago kept her door locked, opening it only to let one student out and the next one in.  My car in her driveway was the "waiting area."     In this day and age, for safety reasons, it would be a good idea to keep the door locked (although I don't do it yet).

m1469, maybe that's a way you could approach your situation.  When I write up my policy for the next school year, I may include something about keeping my door locked for safety reasons.  Plus it would have the additional benefit of students not being distracted by others coming in early. (so I guess I'll need to include something about not ringing the doorbell, but to wait until they see the previous student come out).

[oksanapianist]

Hey m1469-

I have several families that were doing this- but they were coming only 15 minutes early- I can imagine how 30 minutes would feel! I have a 2 bedroom apt. and I made the 2nd bedroom the "waiting room". So- although- I have a place for them- it still meant that I had no privacy for phone calls or what have you- because they were the first ones there and 15 minutes early. The way I handled it was by sending them an email that said starting the next week- I would not be ready to see them until 5 minutes before their starting time and asked that they do not buzz to come up until that time. I didn't explain why or apologize for any "inconvenience" on their end- just that I could not see them 15 minutes early. So far so good. If I were you- I would nip this in the butt as others suggested.....................she will probably pull this on you again. 

[mike_lang]

.

[celticqt]

OK, profound thought here . . . . m1469, I think you're a nice person, and people tend to take advantage of nice people.  My husband always says that you have to teach people what you expect from them - and don't let them get away with anything else.  Grown-ups are just big kids sometimes.  Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile.  Human nature, I guess.

[m1469]

Actually, I am not really all that nice.

[timothy42b]

Actually, I am not really all that nice.

You fooled me.

But then, I guess that makes you deceitful.  <g> 

[m1469]

You fooled me.

But then, I guess that makes you deceitful.  <g> 

Not on purpose  .  But anyway, sometimes I am nice.

[cora]

The fact that you are writing this tells me that you need to communicate with this parent much better, and you don't want to because you think you might possibly blow up at them. You simply cannot avoid communicating with this parent. It must be done. Ask in a pleasant voice, "Why did you drop off your child x minutes too early?" Then be dead silent until they talk themselves into a corner.

You can also discuss this with the student who will likely be feeling funny about it all too.

Under no circumstances should you teach longer than the allotted time. When you start the lesson, explain that you started 14 minutes early, and therefore will end 14 minutes earlier. This will avoid any dispute about time.

To avoid this in future, you can state in your policy that parents must be sure you are in before they drop off their child to avoid winter emergencies such as a stranded student. Then you don't answer the door if they're too early.

[m1469]

Well, that day I would have indeed blown up at them, which is precisely why I didn't say anything at all to them.  I am not in danger of that at this point.  Anyway, I do indeed plan to put something in my policies, and I am not going to bring it up with this student's mom unless the situation is about to arise again.  Then I will address it when it is freshly pertinent.  It has been too long by this time.

Thanks for your input,

m1469