Parents and their children who quit

[tac-tics]

I was wondering the other day, why do so many students quit their instrument after playing?

I remember when I was in grade school, I took clarinette and saxophone. I ended up quitting band entering junior high school, though, and I remember giving my mom an enourmous amount of static about continuing it. The weird thing is, I can't think of a single reason why other than the obvious reasons (that I didn't practice enough and that it was frustrating).

It seems like the most common scenario I hear on this board and among my friends who have taken lessons. No one ever practices or enjoys music as a child and many (or is it most?) quit after a year or two. From a parent's point of view, is this a preventable fate?

I was also curious how children regard music if their parents are musically active. I imagine someday ifl, God-willing, I have kids, what would my kids think about the piano if I spent every day playing music for them and for myself? Does anyone on this board have such stories to tell?

[mer]

Hi,

perhaps some of it is teaching methods that are not fun enough, but I believe most of it is that for many, music is simply not very important.  While for me and many others music is an important part of a fulfilled life, the vast majority of people live fulfilled lives without making music.  The fact that many quit after just a couple of years means they or their parents gave it a go, and those are the ones for whom creating music is just not important.

Some instruments are just plain difficult to learn too, and many are not solo instruments.  I also took clarinet - 6 years until 10'th grade and boy, was I a lousy clarinet player!

But after college I really missed playing the organ - wanted to play the piano.   It took a number of years before I could afford to own a digital piano.  To this day I get a little annoyed at the numbers of people who have pianos just sitting in their homes that are never touched.  For those people, music is just not that important.  An acquaintance in that same set told me her dream was to learn to play Fur Elise (she had had no music instruction at all, but had a spinet just occupying space at home), but couldn't afford to take lessons.  This is the same person that spent money redoing her flooring twice and replacing her couple-year old tile countertops with granite tiles.  This clearly shows where her priorities are.

[timothy42b]

I was also curious how children regard music if their parents are musically active. I imagine someday ifl, God-willing, I have kids, what would my kids think about the piano if I spent every day playing music for them and for myself? Does anyone on this board have such stories to tell?

I think my story is cool.  My child was heard on the playground humming the theme from the Overture to the fairly obscure opera Nabucco.  I guess she'd been dragged to too many of Daddy's concerts, I think going to a concert is now punishment on a level with losing gameboy priviliges.  

When I was a kid everybody did band or choir in highschool and pretty much never again.  And now there are far more demands on their time.  I don't think this is solvable.  

[debussy symbolism]

When I was a kid everybody did band or choir in highschool and pretty much never again.  And now there are far more demands on their time.  I don't think this is solvable.  

Exactly. No one really appreciates choir. I am in choir at school and of course see how others react when asked to sing. I think that most of them could infact enjoy the music is just exposed more. I don't enjoy singing pop songs in there, but then again that is why most of them don't just completely give up. It's better to sing something than to not sing at all. The schools put very little attention to the music programs in my opinion....a very big shame. Does anyone else know about their schools arts status, if so share.

[pianistimo]

pennsylvania has a great arts program in the public schools - and the teachers seem really knowledgeable about music and making it appealing.  my daughter has been in a choir for several years and has taken some music appreciation.  she's in sixth grade - but knows the fundamentals of music.

i taught piano a lot when my first child was born - so i thought 'naturally, he'll become interested.'  but, what happened is he wanted my attention more than the lessons and he hated when i practiced.  my plans were to have the children doing duets by age 10.  that kind of went by the wayside.  unless you are really strict (as my parents were with me - go practice for 1/2 hr) - your kids probably won't have the discpline to get through the first three years.  now, i'd just start them younger and make it fun.  don't wait too long - telling them - you're not quite old enough.  i thought they had to be interested in reading first.  now they have different interests - except the youngest - who begs for lessons and likes piano.

[alwaystheangel]

I think first of all and I think most will agree that some people are predisposed towards music and some aren't.  I grew up with my mother playing piano since I was in the womb.  I had a cradle beside hte piano and I would move my legs to the beat as an infant!  Music was always an important part, particularly the piano.  There were times that I wanted to quit because it was hard, certainly frusterating and there were many times that I hated the music I was learning.  My mom would just ask me?  Will I regret not knowing how to play the piano?  Is this just another hump that I need to get over?  What can we do to make piano fun again?  I would reflect on it and every time I decided to keep with it.  My brother on the other hand quit piano in 7th grade.  He would have been and excellent pianist but he just wasn't interested,  My mom tried to get him through that point, letting him play things like Simpsons and James Bond theme songs but it just wasn't his thing.  So he quit but my mother didn't blow up on him and sometimes he still sits down somedays and plays the piano  so I'm hoping that he takes it up again one day.  I am planning on leaving piano during University and then starting up again.  When I say quitting I just mean I'm going to stop taking lessons because I know I won't practice like I should (even though I don't want to stop taking lessons).  I will never stop playing though because it is such a rewarding hobby and passion of mine. 

[cjp_piano]

Like you said, the main reasons they quit I think are because they can't really do it.  Kids like to do what they are able to do.  I think lots of teachers just want to get them through some method book, and don't really pay attention to see if the student is REALLY getting it, and able to play and learn pieces on their own at home. 

As far as parents who play/listen to music and how that influences their children:  I think it definetely does.  My parents both loved music and sang all the time, and my mom played piano.  It was just normal for me to also sing and hum and bang at the piano everytime I walked by it!  I can't think of a time that I DECIDED I liked music, to me it's just part of being human, just as much as the fact that we eat and sleep and talk and work and play. 

[alwaystheangel]

I totally know what you mean.  It's like the music is always a part of you and you feel depraved when you aren't around it, right?  Music is me.  I think that is the best way to describe how I feel about it at any rate.

[nanabush]

I find a link between everything and music... when I was younger, I never considered quitting piano... I guess I'm one of the lucky ones 

[quasimodo]

Environment plays a big role. The teacher first, must be someone concerned in really helping the student advancing, especially whe the student is a kid. Then the parents as well obviously play a great role. In general, non-musician parents will not have the right clues to keep the kid positive in his/her musical tuition.
Everybody loves to be feeling succesful. A student that really feels s/he is getting better and better will not quit, maybe have some breaks, but not quit definitely. When the kid gets aware that practicing makes her/him better, then s/he probably won't take the lessons and practice as a punishment. It means that sometimes it's very important to give praises for the student's progress and achievements.

[debussy symbolism]

Well said. An amiable environment plays a cricial part in the development of a child, and not just musical. Support from family is of course a very big push to the child in terms of motivation, and without it the child will probably quit. All in all, it is up to the child if the child wants to practice or not, but that decision will be based on previous experience in the matter. If the experience was positive it is more likely that the child might persevere.

[cora]

Some people have pointed out things like the teacher's approach, the parent's knowledge of music or insistence on practice, and the student's changing interests.

But as a piano teacher, I see other reasons for quitting students. Our society is raising some very flaky kids in general. Last week, a well-off parent introduced me to her 6 and 4 yr old children; they were wearing their pyjamas to their first meeting with me at 4:30 p.m.. Any mother worth her salt would insist on nice clothes for such a meeting. I've had parents allow their children to bring their Harry Potter books into the first meeting! And the behavior of so many beginners is just terrible before I meet them.

Another problem is our society is saturated with music. Everywhere it spills! But so little attention is given to actually listening.

Another problem is too many activities after school. Parents don't trust their kids to stay out of trouble so they overbook them.

It's a bit of a miracle if any kid gets to grade 8 piano right now!

[lostinidlewonder]

I think choice of what music students study is so important to keep their interest. I really disagree with how most musical institutions around the world conduct practical examinations, forcing students to select from only a select few pieces. I have many students who expressed interested in formal music examinationbut when they saw what they where restricted to play the simply didn't want to anymore!

Some students simply need to be inspired with interesting music to keep them at their instrument. They also have to have a sense for constant improvement every lesson you have with them. If a student senses improvement usually this keeps them interested in their music.

Sometimes students simply lose interest in the creation of sound altogether, in that case you can do nothing, perhaps invite them to some piano solo concert, give them piano media, anything to inspire them albeit probably in vain (for now but maybe in 10 years time they will look back at the stuff you gave them and it might inspire them again.). It isn't your duty to motivate a student to enjoy producing sound though! That has to be a given that both a musical student and teacher have together, if that doesn't exist then you shouldn't worry about losing the student, if they remained it would simply waste time.

Teaching scale for instance for my students who do examinations is always a chore and I can always feel a sort of tension within the student, where the musical mind shuts off and things become all physical and procedure. I think we can sense when a student starts playing/practicing pieces in this same way, always promote the musical side of learning music and try to take away the physical procedure. I can only explain this in general terms because when you actually teach music you just on your feet constantly, every situtation is different, different parts of the music will make students think mechanically instead of musically, they will forget to listen to themselves play sound and totally focus on their fingers and notes.

Personally I've lost very few students from disinterest of playing the piano but have had many which express they are losing the time to commit to it. Sometimes, no matter what you do for your student, other commitments in their life simply outweight piano practice. It is hard as a musician to see someone give up music for other things in life but if everyone sacrificed as much as musicians do for their music the world would be full of musicians! What a horrible place.... 

[meli]

I guess as a child, music is not viewed as something 'fun' but another school subject that has to be learned well. Back in my school days, there wasn't any composing or improvising. My teacher told me, now its compulsory! I wish I learn't how to 'make' my own music.  Parents are also motivating factor, and I'm lucky that both my parents would compliment my playing if it sounded good. (My mother also played organ)  My teacher also inspired me with all kinds of repertiore, so I felt that I was progressing, slowly but surely. She also radiated a kind of enthusiasm,  I always sensed a feeling of accomplishment when I was with her, and we had a good relationship. However, I wasn't fond of my first teacher - she didn't smile much and was strict  But she gave me a solid technical foundation and made me a great sight-reader - thanks   I guess, as a child, if it weren't for my parents and this later teacher, I would have felt that music 'isn't for me' and decided not to continue.

[penguinlover]

I came from a family that wan't musical.  My parents did provide a piano and teacher for me.  I just took to it, rather naturally.  I never had to be forced to practice, in fact, my parents would take away practice from me as a punishment when I did wrong.  I loved piano, and all music.  My interest went to other instruments in Jr. High and High School, and I joined the choirs.  I think the sense of accomplishment was a big thing.  I could do things others couldn't, and I got lots of compliments.  That's very rewarding.

Today, in our school districts, there just isn't enough money to put on an adequate, exciting music program.  I have dreamed of opening a community piano class for free, just for the love of music, but that hasn't happened yet.

I do think love for music is a gift.  I have five children, who I dreamed would all play the piano.  They are grown now, and in actuality, only one plays.  Two sing.  They were all raised in the same environment, but as individuals.

Also, today there are so many things competing with music.  I lose students as they enter High School due to sports, cheer leading, etc.  Kids today don't really have to make their own music due to all the electronic devices we have.  And it is a bit disheartening to get a CD that's "perfect" because the artist played on a digital piano and corrected all the mistakes.  Where's the real music?

Sorry for the long post.  I guess this hits close to my passion.