Fast forward to college...definitely a different atmosphere, being surrounded by people who have been playing since they were 5.
It is very scary going to university to study for many people because you realise that you are on the bottom of the ladder again. We go through highschool, finally reach our last year, then bang back to the bottom of the ladder, we have to climb up again. Mind you when you leave university again you will be right at the bottom of the ladder trying to make a career for yourself, when you get on top of your career then you are at the bottom again, trying to work out how on earth you live in retirement. So we are always trying to achieve something in our life, it never ends.
At Univeristy you see so many talented people working for their degree, their achievements can blind you, discourage you or make you doubt your chances. I know I felt like this when I studied engineering/computer science, there was this handful of students who knew already how to program and make circuts etc, this was all new for me! I felt inferior, and in univeristies no one is there to help you, you are all on your own, its not like a school with a teacher on yor back making sure you hand this in or that, in the universities they don't care, they will just fail you and take your money if you don't do work.
So you are in university not to compete as you might have done during your school years with your friends. You don't even care what the other students % mark at university, you simply study for yourself, do your best so you can get out of here and start working in the real world armed with a degree.
I have absolutely no interest in learning any of the music I am playing for piano lessons other than the fact that I have to learn them. The pieces I am playing were picked by my teacher. My lessons consist entirely of classical music.
Most of the time you are required to play something set by the teachers when studying music at a school. I hate playing pieces I dont want to learn too, I think everyone does, but thats how you have to play the game at university, to get a piece of paper saying you are a musician who can pass tests. It's stupid I know, but the working world considers this piece of paper important, even though it means nothing musically really, it does mean a lot in other ways since it shows that you have the disipline to work hard for someone. If that is what you think about when you study music you don't like then this is a real goal and a good way to focus your inspirational energy to prove yourself.
I have taught a few univeristy piano student drop outs and to tell you the truth all of these guys/gals play the piano fantastically. But their disipline and speed of work? They find it tough to do things which they don't like doing or they take a extra time to get through their work. This is another sad thing about most music universities around the world, there is a particular learning rate set, deadlines to submit work. But the way in which different people learn especially with music is never taken into account. This really penalises people who learn slowly and they fail at the universities even though they are capable of producing top quality work.
If you took away college and gave me a piano, the music I most enjoy playing is pop and broadway musical. I could sit for hours playing this type of music and would be enjoying every minute of it. But put me back in college and I am told that in order to earn this degree I must play classical music.
It would be easy to say, play what you like next to what you need to study, but usually what you need to study occupies all of your time. You really have to get your priorities right in situations like this and since you are enrolled in a univeristy your number one priority must be to prove yourself as a student who can complete tasks set by the school. It has NOTHING to do with your own enjoyment of music, but you can find enjoyment in all playing I guess, even if the sound has nothing you like, your hands are moving at the keyboard playing patterns that exist in music you do like.
What do I want to do with my life? I'm not sure.....
So I am sitting here wondering why I am unhappy about college. I knew that my lessons would be classical. I don't have a problem with it, only that I like specific things. On a more personal note, I really enjoy playing piano. I have been battling depression since middle school and have found piano to be one of the few things that have helped. I am a very reserved person with basically a few close friends. I have social anxiety which sometimes makes it very hard for me to function. Piano and music revolve around my life and without them there probably wouldn't be much worth living for. That is why I take it so personally.
To the sensitive musician (and I am sure you are one) it can be very troubling to sacrifice music you would like to play to instead play music set by a school. We play the piano because we enjoy to play it, it heals us, it takes us away from the world and we can dream away with the instrument. But now we have to attach playing piano, something we love with some strict form of study. We now must do things with the piano which someone else asks of us, someone else who makes the decisions to what we play. It can feel invasive and very uncomfortable.
But we learn to grow in character by stepping over boundaries and letting ourselves suffer. With depression if we ignore it and try to hide it we get no where. We must admit it is there and it lives with us. You don't cure depression you live with it and learn to control it. Same with music, same with everything in life, you must do things that is out of your comfort zones and you must exist in that plane and learn and grow in it. If we are always comfortable and have nothing that challenges us we learn nothing, we never learn to face problems and solve it, we never accept that we can fail.
Topic: College student with frustration, doubt, etc...