Idle Chatter?

[Ruro]

"what is the point?" is the question I'm asking.

Maybe I'm bad at socialising, infact, why am I saying that, I realise I'm bad, because I just can't converse with people, unless it's a complete stranger... cause... you have something IMPORTANT to learn, which is them. You can learn there name, there hobbies, there background...

Why? I finished work today, even if I wasn't tired, I still would have said nothing to like usual. My dad just sits there talking about what he did at the Temple and stuff... what? Why am I hearing what you did? I'm not gonna learn anything important, sure, I learnt something, but nothing useful.

There isn't a single friend I have I can just talk to, I see my friends chat among themselves for friggin... well, endlessly... having a laugh, just talking, on and on. If I'm sit next to someone, no sh*t flies. What am I doing wrong? Is it my view on idle chatter that's failing me?

What did I learn from my dad today? That planting certain Japanese Seeds straight in the ground will get you nowhere, they won't sprout, and they need to start from a greenhouse or something. Just.. pisses me off, what am I gonna did with that information? Load of BS I don't wanna hear, and people keep throwing crap at me. Do I throw crap at them? Hell no!

Well... that rant... explains something. I don't wanna talk to people because I would just be throwing crap at them... why do they want me to talk back with my sh*t? This is floating on-to the question about my Blog. Why are people reading it? Why do people wanna read about me ranting on about absolute *** all?

It just seems so pointless, and unnecessary if you will. The contrary is to back it up, that for me, personally, there have been lot's of occasions in college, that when I pull myself away and put BOTH ear phones in, listen to some Classical.... I can write sh*t loads of work without questioning my action doing so, like becoming bored... I just becoming absorbed in it.

Without the music, people talk around me, distractions... distractions... and OMFG< will owen ever please! ***, telling me the most crap-ass supposed-to-be-funny-things but fails, and just... god...

Anyway... what's the point? Infact, last week I found myself saying for the first time, "Vocal Music Is Distracting", seriously. Choral isn't that bad, since the voice is used differently. But the Vocalists in Pop music and... well, any music makes a Beotch of it, no peace I tell you. Sometimes I find it fine, others like now, I would *** pulverise my speakers.

AND NO, this thread isn't Ironic, because I said Important things are worth while to hear, and this is an important question to me personally.

DON'T START, look, this isn't just a personal question (*** are we going down the road of Japanese Seeds being a Personal Subject to my dad or something giving "Important" reason to it's discussion). I think it's a reasonable question, rather then discussion of a subject to cover a personal interest, subject... or... ROFL BBQ a CURIOSITY about bluddy Japanese Seeds.

Well alright, let me correct myself, this is a question in regards to a personal thing, but the question is also bigger then myself, and JUST seems reasonable alright. Look, when I work out why it's like that, I'll tell you. I mean, I can't tell you why the world isn't a *** Oval, or a Cube, or a Cuboid, or a Dodecahedron, it's just that way, as far as I know, and I know I'm right.

Don't start dissing my analogies, I'm not counting, but that's perhaps my first one, give me time to make more, then judge me using a Ratio, seems smarter. That's off-hand btw, I dunno what the most efficient route is tbh, but I have an idea, which is why I'm addressing that issue now.

Right! (Left). Okay I think I explained enough, answer please, cause it would really help me understand. Of course, you don't have to, no obligation, not mandatory, hell, I probably sound like a really rude idiot, fine, be that way, I'm in a mood. Lock this, Delete this, Ban me, don't care, just wanna know why people ARE TALKING TO ME!

I sound insane, I'm not. Check my old posts, my later ones are a bit perculiar, but dig further back and I used to have alot more nicer moments.

[pianistimo]

you're helping me understand my son.  i talk a lot when he doesn't and (like you treat your dad) he listens politely until i realize that he's got his music earphone in one ear and just nodding to the music.  so, i just appreciate the times we do talk - and try to think of jokes and stuff that are 'younger thinking.'  unfortunately my jokes and his jokes are very different.  for instance, we went to the movie 'larry the cable guy' and he laughed his head off.  i was putting my head in my hand on the left seat and then the right and walked out all serious.  he was still laughing.  i said, 'that's a seventh grade movie'  and he says 'yes, it probably is, but it's still funny.  i'd see it again if i had the chance.'

now, you are probably more mature than that, but you see - there's a generation gap there between you and your dad - so you have to take a step his direction once in a while. you know, ask a question you really don't care a whit about the answer to, but just to keep your dad in form.  otherwise he might lose his conversational skills as well. 

this pretty much goes for everyone.  you have to put up with the stuff you don't like and act like it doesn't bother u.  (like piano teachers do with students sometimes that don't practice).  chill.  i've learned that i can talk to my mom on the phone while researching musical things on the internet or a book.  i still pay attention to what she is saying and completely reassure her that i side completely with whatever it is she is saying.  uh huh.  that's so right.  (usually i do agree) - and then after the 1/2 hour she feels better, and i've researched something about piano concertos.  this only works on the phone, btw.

*mom, hope you're not spying on me on piano forum. 

in person, it's harder because you might get distracted momentarily by your studies and say yes when you mean no.  usually it's when you're a parent that you find this out and your kids exploit it.  for instance, my son only shows me his grades when i'm on pianoforum.  you see, it really works.  i just say 'ok give it to me quick. and i sign it.'  then, in the morning i vaguely remember something but never really bother going back to check the details.  of course, i find them out sooner or later - but i get really distracted by musical things, too.

hope this helps! 

[pianistimo]

this may be idle chatter, but does anyone notice their messages get spellings and words occasionally changed?

[Ruro]

Too your first paragraph... omg... let me compose myself, HAHA ROFL BBQ, what a stupid unintentional pun

Despite I carry my Mp3 Player most places I go... often or not I'm not listening to it when I'm in the car, JUST so I don't appear to be ignoring my dad. Sometimes... I do recall on some occasions, asking questions anyway despite I don't give a *** about the answer. I see what you mean about the age gap thing too, makes me wonder if my dad considers me... more maturer then I am in regards to socialising or something, because if you are mature and kind, you will pay attention at least... usually half the stuff he says goes right over me.

Regarding conversations in person... on several occasions my mind just wanders, and I completely miss what other people are saying at all... thinking about utter crap probably. I just swear I don't have the... no, I just don't see any point... going back to the question, in discussing it... god.... makes me a very selfish person really.... I'm such a bad person....

God... I really dunno, just thinking about the question now, I'm just getting tired of it. I noticed something very disturbing today, and it's gonna bug me now, and everything is just getting *** stupid. Endless *** crap.

Thanks anyway Pianistimo, I guess this is something I just have to *learn to live with*, ain't we gotta learn to live with alot of ***! GOD, pisses me off...

Edit: I'm going to bed, getting so bluddy late, and I have work tomorow, and my *** manager is back to make my life a *** hell, the bastard...

[lilypiano]

One sided conversations are always very annoying.  If the person isn't taking any hints that you are not interested in what they are saying to you, they could either be unaware of what they're doing or just being rude. Myabe your dad is talking to you about seeds because he doesn't  know what else to talk to you about.  Maybe you could think of ways to bounce ideas off of what people are saying so idle chatter could become an interesting conversation.  That can't happen unless the other person is willing to do the same, though.  I don't know what to tell you if you have a bunch of motormouths that don't listen to you.  maybe just be honest with them and tell them what they're doing.

[steve jones]

I think its just a personality thing, pure and simple.

My father will chatter like an old granny for hours on end. You cant shut the man up! Yet my mother is mirror opposite, she hates having to put the effort into sustaining conversation for such long periods of time and to no end.

I sit in the middle. Usually Im happy to chat for a while, but beyond a certain point it just gets annoying! Especially if I have something to do and I really dont have the time.

So, repeat after me, 'Nice weather we're having today, isnt it?' 

SJ

[prometheus]

I cannot small talk at all. It is a weakness, a flaw.

I once read a little book written by a psychologist aimed at gifted people trying to help them understand things like small talk.

It had a polar bear on the cover.

[pianistimo]

that's the latest issue of national geographic.  and, yes, it is not good for small talk.  the percentages of this and that - and actual facts.  i got a hilarious kick out of my son (who is careful in what he says and doesn't talk a lot usually) when he came out of general anesthesia. 

the good thing about you and ruro and people who don't talk so much is that they can't get themselves into any trouble.  i mean - usually if you talk a lot - you paint yourself into a corner somewhere along the line.  my hubby is very talkative at work, but sometimes i really appreciate that he never embarasses me by what he says and he's really careful in his answers.  if he is unsure if something is true or not - he checks the facts first.  so, generally, people rely on him A LOT. they know that he's not just talking. 

when i grew up, my mom would go on for hours about gardening or health related subjects.  so, at first, i resisted the temptation to get into any sort of conversation that would lead to either of those subjects (because i knew how long that would take).  then, when i became obsessed with music - i became similar to her but on a different topic.  so, if i want to get even with her, i listen for the 1/2 hour about how to make roses bloom better or what varieties work in what weather and then change the subject to something intersting about music or something that's happened (i can pedal the piano with my leg now, mom - waits for clapping - she's already tuned out and working on accounting at her computer - nodding her head and saying 'yes.')

i'm best able to just 'chat' if it's a musical topic.  usually, other topics i mostly listen to and wonder.  like at the bus stop.  mom's say the typical stuff - but i just can't get into it anymore.  'oh, joey looks so cute in those overalls.'   (i don't care what the kid's wearing anymore).  i used to dress my kids up to the tee.  do you know the results of that?  they want designer tennis shoes at 8 to 10 yrs.  go for the thrift store while you have the chance.  (just kidding). 

seriously, the topics that i like i tend to try to find people for.  to match the people i hang out with with the topics.  i'd rather have one really good (but sort of difficult) piano or a concert.  it's probably bad to 'weed' people out of your conversational life - but i'm sort of a recluse too.  say you have a really inspirational thought and then you can't talk about it.  i think you have to have a connection with good friends that puts meaning into your friendship.

[steve jones]

I cannot small talk at all. It is a weakness, a flaw.

I once read a little book written by a psychologist aimed at gifted people trying to help them understand things like small talk.

It had a polar bear on the cover.

Well you just have to love polar bears, dont you? I could sit and engage in small talk with one for hours on end, provide he made a good cuppa.

SJ

[Ruro]

So, my "condition" is normal, but I'm probably expected to do something about it though.

What else is there to say... besides I think Polar Bears are cool too.

Thanks for your input everyone... I guess... it's just me, nothing to rant or worry about it seems. Apologies for the swearing btw, I wasn't tip-top last night.

The Moral Perhaps: "People involved in a conversation should 'share' the interests among the chatter"

[jas]

I think its just a personality thing, pure and simple.

I agree. I'm not a big talker but most of my family can go on and on... Having said that, when I'm really knackered I get the tired babbles, you know where you just talk crap with reckless disregard for the sanity of those nearby.

So, repeat after me, 'Nice weather we're having today, isnt it?' 

Are you British? Is it really just a British thing where the weather invariably comes up during lulls in a conversation, or does it happen everywhere?

Pip pip! (If anyone can tell me what that means I'll give you ... a smiley)

Jas

[rc]

Yeah, some people just like to talk more than others.

...But you can't say that small-talk is a purposeless weakness. How are two people to discover a similar interest to have deeper conversation if they don't fleet across a multitude of topics with small-talk?

Conversation is give and take, and just as bad as the person who wants to dominate the conversation is the person who won't contribute anything. The silent witness. If I want to talk and the other person is being the silent witness, giving one word answers as I try to draw them out, I'll go find something else to do... Sometimes people just don't want to talk, which is cool. But if you want to be spending time with people, be willing to invest a little energy in the interaction, else just do your own thing.

I can say for sure, social skills are things you can learn and develop as you go. Ever try talking to a little kid (>10) on the phone? phew, you gotta BE the conversation 'cause they don't know how. From being a shy kid silent-witness, I now find myself able to take more control of conversations, having opinions and enjoying a good debate (good for testing ideas and learning, if the opposition isn't a wimp).

So, talking serves a purpose. Even the stranger who comes to chat you up, might be able to share some knowledge with you or you for them, or maybe become a willing player in a game of basketball. You have to talk to find out. It's all about meeting people, enriching your life. Have passion.

[steve jones]

I agree. I'm not a big talker but most of my family can go on and on... Having said that, when I'm really knackered I get the tired babbles, you know where you just talk crap with reckless disregard for the sanity of those nearby.
Are you British? Is it really just a British thing where the weather invariably comes up during lulls in a conversation, or does it happen everywhere?

Pip pip! (If anyone can tell me what that means I'll give you ... a smiley)

Jas

Yeah, I am from England. We constantly moan about the weather, but with good reason I might add!

As for 'Pip Pip', Iv no clue. Its like 'Chop Chop' - doesnt appear to have an literal meaning other than hurry up.

SJ

[jas]

Yeah, I am from England. We constantly moan about the weather, but with good reason I might add!

I'm from Scotland, actually (sorry, didn't make that clear). But believe me, you think your weather's bad?

Well, look at that. Two Brits, talking about the weather...

[steve jones]

...

[steve jones]

I'm from Scotland, actually (sorry, didn't make that clear). But believe me, you think your weather's bad?

Well, look at that. Two Brits, talking about the weather...

If that case I concede - you Scots certain know where to set up camp!

As Billy Connelly says,  "Head for the black cloud!!!"

SJ

[6ft 4]

sure idle chatter sux, just dont make it so "idle" and more "fun"

[gorbee natcase]

Don't worry /take a deap breath/be cool like it though

                                          stress is a killer





                                                          harmonise

                                                                                            Bliss

[pianistimo]

gorbee, i think you are right.  for some people it's a learned thing.  not to run away from conversation or become hardened and cynical against certain people for thinking differently or for not having a very 'deep' way of thinking.  not that i always do, but sometimes it was hard to get into 'kid' talk when i first moved to pa.  now i realize, it's sort of a custom at the bus stop to have 'idle chatter.'  it IS harmonizing with others and not becoming a recluse.

what can i do, anyway.  i can't wave a magic wand and suddenly have 10 moms talking about piano (though it might be more interesting).  in my hubby's church they are having a seminar where people learn more about people skills and harmonizing to someone else.  the way they put it is that there are a list of things that draw you close to another person:
security
comfort
attention
acceptance
appreciation
support
encouragement
affection
respect
approval

we can give all of these or one or two selective ones at a time to people that we want to start getting to know.  this seminar compares it to cultivating or breaking up hard soil to prepare it for a friendship. 

i notice the mom's around here are really friendly which took me by surprise because in california people are mostly friendly if they know you.  here, people take more chances and go out on a limb to help you or get to know you better.  it's sort of rubbed off on me because i see the annual neighborhood picnics and how people really look forward to just spending time and getting to know their neighbors.  this was sort of unheard of in california.  partly because people move so frequently.

they do little nice things, too.  like sharing gardening stuff - or making a little present.  last winter a mom dropped off some packets of hot chocolate and marshmallows with a little poem about how to make 'snowman soup.'  it was crazy friendly and thekids loved it.  wasn't expensive, but it was the thought that counted.  i think friendship Is contageous and you feel more like smiling and being friendly if you do participate in a few 'idle chatter' things.

[gorbee natcase]

I suppose one of the hardes things in life is leaving yourself open to rididcule/upsetting people's beliefs; and having to not play it safe.

I personaly have no opinion which is set in concrete, and because I accept this I am open to other peoples ideas. (sometimes its hard work)

Its like saying there isn't a God, you may upset someone but in some context the person asking that question is maybe looking at some abstract scenario: superinterpreting it on a paticular situation, where questioning a belief, due to some personal sercumstances like the death of a family member (to be drastic.) So language isn't the perfect vessle to convey ideas as it is not 100% perfect in conveying thought. Think about it

Trying to understand and accept peoples oppinions other than ones own can be hard.

Going off subject slightly Why do catholics kill, protestants and vice versa when one of the commandments is do not kill.?  (Using words to fuel ones pollitical beliefs perhaps) Tone of voice/ weather emmotive or not. To me pollititians speak emmotivly through words while not trying to sound emmotive/ Making emmotive logical.

Are humans better off being nicely nicely never questioning anything and accepting the status quo/ Well that would be alright if we were all the same nice buch of folks.

You are not going to please all of the people all of the time. So I think that you should approach anything with the best of intentions. then you can always know you tried to do the right thing.

As It feels good to be nice and understanding / being nasty is hard work,Its easyer to be nice and always looking for the possitive. Saying things like It would go well like this...... and not That was  rubbish.

If you say something someone says is rubbish then they usualy switch off before you can explain yourself/  But if you say have you taken this into considderation then they are open to the suggestion without being patronised

[gorbee natcase]

I finnished that post there so I wouldn't get timed out

Everyone questions this kind of sheeeet at some point. you should come out with me sometime and realise how crazy my friends are/ you would be in histerics all night, and it would be nice to talk to someone about "mundane" things like music when you have an educated grown man who represents the former ENRON chatting up a mannican and doing certain actions with a plastic doll with it in a liverpuddlian accent.

I once went to marks & spencer and he turned the window display in to an orgy 

[ada]

Ruro, you are not alone and you're not the first person in history to feel this way.

Try reading J D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, or The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus, if you haven't already.

Hang in there. Keep moving and keep busy. Avoid indecision. In fact, avoid choices. Do lots of exercise. Play the piano. Write stuff. Become an existentialist. Don't make small talk if you don't want to. You'll either get over it or learn to live with it.

You may want to consider seeing your GP if the world is really getting you down, it can be a brain chemistry thing.

good luck

[musik_man]

https://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

I read that article a few months back.  You might find it interesting.

I'd have to say that I'm a chameleon.  I like being around people, and I like being alone.  Makes little difference to me.  As far as conversation goes, it is entirely dependent on the other person.  If the other person is talkative, I'll talk as often as they do.  If they are quiet, I'll be quiet.  The only way I dislike a conversation is if it is boring.  It doesn't have to be important.  It could be something as little as riffing on inside jokes or talking about recent events.  It's almost a game.  A game doesn't have to have a point.  It only has to be fun.