Problem student with good siblings.

[andric_s]

I teach 4 siblings:  6 year-old boy, 6yo girl (twins), 9yo boy, and 11 yo boy. 

The oldest is a fine student with enthusiasm for the piano and natural aptitude.

The 9 year-old and the 6 year-old girl are somewhat ambivalent, sometimes even resistant, but they obviously gain enjoyment from the pieces that they learn.  They are pleasant and respectful and I believe their lives will be enriched by continuing lessons.

The 6 year old boy is a real monster.  I know that's inappropriate, but he's really unpleasant.  He might be learning a little bit that he can use later, but mostly lessons are a waste of time.  They are certainly a drain on my energy.

I'd really like to drop this kid, but his mother worries that the 2 ambivalent siblings will insist on quitting, too, if we "let him off the hook".

I don't relish the idea of losing 3 students, but it wouldn't be that bad... I've turned away that many in the last couple of months.   It does seem like a nice big check that i get from their mother, though.

Mostly I'm concerned about keeping the other ones interested in music.

any thoughts?

[debussy symbolism]

Greetings.

As he is only 6, he may have a hard time concentrating during the lesson. With him, perhaps tone down on the technical regime and focus more on the music. Play for him, let him explore the keyboard, etc. People are different and girls tend to be more focused and more mature than boys, especially at that age. This might explain the behavioral issues. If he just simply doesn't enjoy the lessons and no matter what will be amonster, than talk to the mother so that she can convince him to behave and study diligently, or at least just bahave during the lessons. If all fails, then don't be afraid to drop him.

[gruffalo]

how long are the lessons for each of them? just out of interest, maybe i can help. the first thing i would recommend is either reduce the lesson time for the 6 year old, or tell the parent that it would be best if the 6 year old kid took a couple of months break from the lessons and that way the other siblings wont think that he has just been allowed to quit.

[keyofc]

How long has he been hard to teach?
If he is really a monster, <well, you know what I mean, disrespectful)
I think you'd be doing yourself a huge favor by letting him go if he does not change.

If you just turned away three other students - think of how much energy you will have to teach these other ones when you stop letting someone drain your  energy.

I've been there - and I know it's not easy
but what a relief to lose the one that doesn't want to be there anyway

[andric_s]

I teach half-hour lessons for these kids.  I don't thinks its a matter of an inability to focus for this one-- but rather his general resistance to everything I tell him to do.

Yeah, I've tried making lessons easy and playful ( I do for all my very young students), but it doesn't help, here.  And I suspect he's had enough talking-to, that any more would turn the lessons into punishment.

It seems pretty clear that I need to let him go.  But I feel a responsibility to teach the others, even if they're only half-interested.  Well, I guess the mother can sort it out... I guess that kind of trouble goes along with having 4 kids.

Thanks for the input, folks.  It's helpful to bounce this off others.

[kriskicksass]

My first piano teacher didn't take boys under a certain age (12 maybe?) because she said they often had behavioral issues. Rarely she took one who she thought was exceptional (I was one of those  ). I'm not saying that that was right or wrong, I'm just throwing it out there.

[stevehopwood]

My first piano teacher didn't take boys under a certain age (12 maybe?) because she said they often had behavioral issues. Rarely she took one who she thought was exceptional (I was one of those  ). I'm not saying that that was right or wrong, I'm just throwing it out there.

I am on your former teacher's side here, apart from my lower age limit for boys being 8;  7 at a push if they are bright. I will only take on a pre-7 year old boy if a parent already plays and understands that they will need to help with their child's practise.

As a rule of thumb, girls' development is 2-3 years ahead of boys. Taking on a 7 year old girl is roughly the same as taking on a 9-10 year old boy.

6 year old boys can be absolute horrors 

Steve 

[andric_s]

Yeah, very young kids can be hard to deal with, one needs to use a different approach.  I definitly prefer older students, but I believe that everyone deserves music.  (that sounds self-righteous, but really it's just a quote from a song by Michael Franti).
I also think that kids can really benefit from lessons at a very early age, and that the challenge is to adjust the methods used, not to adjust the kid's behaviour. 

[bartolomeo_]

Have a parent attend the lessons and make them accountable for behavior and practicing.

[gruffalo]

a suspension would be better than writing him off for good. remember, the kid is only six.

[stevehopwood]

................. and that the challenge is to adjust the methods used, not to adjust the kid's behaviour. 

There are people who are very good at teaching very young children, but this is a skill beyond the understanding of most of us.

Anybody interested could do worse than visit https://forums.abrsm.org/index.php?s=9940307e4f813d184e12de8737d362d0&showforum=2

This is a website hosted by the UK's leading exam provider. Register, and post a 'any advice for teaching very young children' thread, and advice\help will come charging out of the woodwork.

Steve 

[keyofc]

Grufolla has a good point - he is only six - when he gets a little older he may be more prepared and ready to come back.

A suspension can be given in a nice way - you could just say you can tell he needs a temporary break from piano.  If in a few months he wants to come back, his behaviour would hopefully warrant a change.

It's worth a try.  Unless you are absolutely sure you don't want him again, and don't want to run the risk of suspending him more than once.
 
You could even give specific criteria for proving readiness to return.