Practice vs Personality

[cziffra]

Every so often i feel like there's a proportionate relationship between my practice time and my personailty.  The more i practice, the less i'm me.

Is it just me who does this?  is there anyone else who feels like the piano can act as both an energy boost and then a spiritual drain, like the high's and lows of a drug?  I give the piano all i've got, so i don't have anything afterwards.  and if i'm not giving it all i've got, i'm feeling guilty about it, and that guilt then makes me unhappy about not practicing.  

What does everyone else have to say about this?

[allchopin]

Wow, sounds like a viscous psychological circle-  perhaps you need a slight tweak of lifestyle... maybe when you play, you feel like you owe it to yourself to play, and so it is not as much fun.  Or perhaps (a stretch) the ambience/atmosphere of your working conditions are creating a depression in your ego.
It's odd, I have th opposite reaction to piano playing, which makes me love it so much.  When I'm done, I feel as if I've accmoplished something, and it's great.  But there are times when I get off p***ed, because I wasn't playing as well as I usually do.  Is it frustration you're feeling?

[The Tempest]

Perhaps the time you spend on the piano is detracting time away from your normal life. If it's casing a problem I'd say you need to make a balance between the two.

[jennbo]

sometimes i mentally practice.  that doesn't take as much, because i only do it for 5 minute
but then i sound so much better than when i actually practice so you might want to try if you're psycho like me  

[BoliverAllmon]

I spend probably half my time mental practicing and the rest playing. Mental practice can be done anywhere and that helps me to still have a life.

boliver

[cziffra]

maybe when you play, you feel like you owe it to yourself to play, and so it is not as much fun

that sounds about right- i think it all stems from a perfectionist streak- if i haven't done everything, to me i haven't done anything.  

so how do you get rid of excessive perfectionism?  has anyone else learnt how to do that and can give me some pointers?

[BoliverAllmon]

I personally never want to get rid of my perfectionist attitude. I know that through that attitude I can achieve great things. It drives me. I would say that 99% of all great pianists in the world are huge perfectionists. I just deal with the frustrations.

boliver

[meiting]

Cziffra, I've gone through that period in my life. I guess it depends on what your personality is in the first place. I have a personality that is very adaptable, so basically when I practice I feel as if my personality is infiltrating the music, and usually by the end it's all me:) (well... not all me.. mostly all the composer, but through my head). Also, I suppose if a person always practices, then the more they practice, the more they are themselves.

I don't find playing to be an energy boost or a spiritual drain. When I practice I think of it more as finding something within myself. Often after I practice I'm in a very pissy mood, and it takes a lot of mental energy to respond to somebody in any kind of a pleasant manner, but for me, that's just another side of my personality. It's all me baby! hehe

anyway, what I'm trying to say (rather unsuccessfully I might add) is that don't think of it as a spiritual drain. it's another side of yourself, and another side of a musician. I'm glad that you feel the way you do, because it means you're actually making music. Enjoy it. It's rare for someone to actually make music in this world.

mt

[cziffra]

thankyou, meiting.  i didn't think of it like that- that really helps.