They just want attention. Give them what they want, and smile. Eventually people like that back off and will actually appreciate you more for putting up with them. You can win anyone over with a little patience, and a good attitude. Remember, the same way their negativity is making your life harder, you can turn around and take an offensive opproach and use your own positive attitude to make their lives easier. Show up 10 minutes early, every lesson for a few months. Play games with their brat, and give her prizes like little music toys or a cheap piece of sheet music that's fun and easy. Write out lesson plans that highlight your strengths as a teacher, including playing example pieces that will show them why you are a teacher to begin with. And above all else, just keep being their friend. If they do decide to quit, which I know would be a relief, at least they won't be able to sabatoge your reputation by calling you a flake, and still may even recommend you to their much nicer, and more accomidating, friends. Even the a-holes are clients, and people. Good luck! I'm sure you can handle it Now there you go being all mature and professional and everything. You're absolutely right of course. However I do not have to worry about my reputation. I've got a slew of students and their parents who adore me. But it is myself i must please and your words are very helpful.
They just want attention. Give them what they want, and smile. Eventually people like that back off and will actually appreciate you more for putting up with them. You can win anyone over with a little patience, and a good attitude.
Show up 10 minutes early, every lesson for a few months.
If they do decide to quit, which I know would be a relief, at least they won't be able to sabatoge your reputation by calling you a flake, and still may even recommend you to their much nicer, and more accomidating, friends.
Even the a-holes are clients, and people.
Not always, I'm afraid... . Uh, the poster already has 43 other students AND DRIVES to all of them. Don't think that's an option...People like this will always call the opposing party all sorts of things, usually not complimentary.MOM: Oh that joyfulmusic, she was always late, and ran over when I had to take lambkins to soccer practice (so much more imporatnt you know, builds competitive spirit so she can be a corporate tron team player and make mindless $$$, must subjugate the desire to be an individual. Music's only good for a hobby anyway) and interfered with her snack time. So disorganized...But they are people who are a-holes. Life is short. Steve is right, they're not worth it. Yeah the girl practices but she's already a lip smacking (I HATE THAT!!! ) little sourpuss, just like her mom, no doubt. Joyfulmusic seems to be doing just fine, except for this stress from these clients. 43 out of 44 is pretty darn good. I say dump 'em, just tell the mom that "I'm so busy AS YOU KNOW and the traffic from point A to your house just isn't manageable, and little lambkins is so wonderful, she deserves her full lesson time LIKE YOU'VE POINTED OUT, andhere's the phone # of someone who's ALSO very good and ISN'T as busy as me. I'm sure it will work out". Joyfulmusic, if this is really bothering you, get away from it. It's not a shallow reason, if it's affecting your sanity that's not shallow. These people will manage just fine without you, and you better without them. There is another student out there who does his/her lessons and practices, and is pleasent and her/his parents are too! Juliax, you have a great positive attitude and that's wonderful, but there comes a time where the line must be drawn with parents like this. You can't save everyone, I'm afraid. I had a similar problem about a year and a half ago, with one of my favorite students, but the parents were intolerable, traffic and soccer were issues (HAH! There is no real traffic here!!! ) . I miss the student she was an extraordinary talent and a really nice kid but she is with a very good teacher now, so it all works out in the end, in this case happily for all, with no hard feelings
Arensky,You made my day. went there yesterday. Rush hour traffic held me up 15 minutes because of the 4th of July. Didn't Mom have to pick brother up from soccer during the lesson. They can't put 30 minutes together without needing to dash here or there. I have a tendency to think i need to save everyone and you know what, I think I'm going to save me with this one.
Not only will you not be sorry, but you will quickly wonder why you tolerated it for so long.Here is another thought to bolster your decision. At some point, this insufferable woman will manufacture a row with you. She will have decided your services are not good enough, or you are not punctual enough, or not flexible enough. She will lambast you and leave you feeling thoroughly miserable. No idea how long you have been teaching, but I have been doing so for a looooooong time and have met them all; what I describe will happen, sooner or later.Steve
arensky: It's her choice, but don't you think giving up a student for something as superficial as personality differences is bad business in general? Liking someone is an action that comes from within oneself, not a reaction from a person who acts in accordance to how we prefer. Things like smacking lips and being late are rather petty when you compare that to a life long love of music, which I believe enriches peoples lives and helps them lead a fuller and happier life over all. This is what I share with my 55 students, and I would not give a single one of them up for anything, even the brats. Patience is a virtue. I know one day they will grow up and hopefully have a little more appreciation for the world because of me. Sorry if that lumps me into the "good attitude" catagory, but I really don't see that as a bad thing. In fact, maybe you need to rethink why you became a teacher, being so quick to tell a complete stranger to reject a child you have never met.
Life is too short to put up with obnoxious people. I became a teacher for the same reasons as you. There is nothing to rethink. There is nothing wrong with your good attitude, or with mine. Along with my good attitude I have a very low BS threshhold. Why should I or any of us tolerate bad behavior, from students OR parents, when you and others are there to tolerate and help them ? There's a teacher for everyone. Someday you will encounter your satan and his/her parents! You are very headstrong; it will be interesting to know how that goes, do let us know...I am not advising joyfulmusic to reject the child. I am advising her to reject a situation that is causing her emotional stress. The child is a hapless pawn in this situation, unfortunately. It's part of being a kid, and learning to deal with and understand that situation is part of growing up. If this situation is causing joyfulmusic stress and upset, someone else should enrich and fulfill the little girl's life. Maybe it's you!Yeah..... What he said!
I'm getting all neurotic about this. I did it again today.
I wish I had come upon this thread earlier. This is so interesting to this student of psychology (my MA was in that field). Joyfulmusic, from the snippet I quoted above, I think you actually know what's happening. But first, I was puzzled by your subject line: You didn't make clear what you meant by it. Were you implying that you actually forgot that you had an appointment at a certain time, hence you were late? If so, and it happens only with this particular student, we are talking about subconcious processes. Moreover, the fact that you blame it only on the traffic, instead of your forgetting, needs to be questioned. Instead of dealing with the fact that you dislike these people and would like to end the relationship, you are letting your passive aggressive behavior (being late and generally pissing them off, at least from their point of view) bring about the same result, only without having to face uncomfortable issues. I suspect something of the same thing is happening on the other side. Since they could be more pleasant if they really valued the lessons, I don't think you need to feel guilty about rejecting them. It isn't so much rejection as being honest about the fact that this relationship is not working out to either party's satisfaction. Good luck. Oh, this session was free.
Topic: Forgetting a student 