I like most of this, especially the consistent sound you get with the ostinato. Though the recording seems a little subpar, what did you use to record this?
I think my main complaint is with the triste et tendre regret part near the end. In my ear, that should sound totally different than the rest of the piece, as if we are entering another world. in fact we are, the world of memory. The falling third prevalent through so much, becomes a warm, colorful thought, outside of the immediate environment; something sad, but not sad because of what it is, but because it is lost. The music should strive to enter another plane there, and I don't feel it in this recording. Much more magic.
Then, after the ostinato returns in the upper octave, the memory - expressed by the falling third motif - turns to ice. Reality takes over, and the endless path through the frozen present conquers all. The last chord especially should feel more desolate; work on the voicing to find a more interesting way to play it.
So in sum, the triste et tendre regret should have a sound quality that is reserved for those bars alone; there should be a melodic connection between that and the following bars (when ostinato is in upper octave); and the voicing for the last chord could be much more suggestive.
Overall nice job.
Walter Ramsey