Student moving to new teacher because of mother

[surendipity]

I have been teaching a student for 2 years.  She is now 5.5 yrs old.  She is a very good pianist and I have told her mother so.  She has the ability and the drive and the love of music to become an excellent preformer in her growing years.  However, her mother is always demanding more music to be learned and that she should be excelling at a greater rate.  She is also very demanding towards her child.  Always present durring lessons and correcting or scolding her child.  Making the actual lesson difficult for myself. She also sets up her learning schedule often going against my better judgement of how, what and when she will learn.

Now I am told that I am too close and easy with this student and she has prused a new teacher who is more disciplined.  I didn't react but simply said, I will miss her as a student and I hope that all will go well with the new teacher.

My question is this.  How much discipline does a student require.  Should I be more dirrect, more demanding.
It really goes against my self to scold or berate a student into practicing and learning.  I am very patient and easy going with my students.   My students learn at their own pace and all do very well.

She is only 5.5 and taking grade one Royal Conservatory Exam in June.    Her grade I am assured will be well in the 90's

Maybe I am just hurt to find out she is leaving for another teacher with a huge resume of preformance and education.

Maybe I feel personaly threatened.  I don't know,  but I refuse to carry a whip, more whip cream...

Surendipity

[Hmoll]

I have been teaching a student for 2 years.  She is now 5.5 yrs old.  She is a very good pianist and I have told her mother so.  She has the ability and the drive and the love of music to become an excellent preformer in her growing years.  However, her mother is always demanding more music to be learned and that she should be excelling at a greater rate.  She is also very demanding towards her child.  Always present durring lessons and correcting or scolding her child.  Making the actual lesson difficult for myself. She also sets up her learning schedule often going against my better judgement of how, what and when she will learn.

Now I am told that I am too close and easy with this student and she has prused a new teacher who is more disciplined.  I didn't react but simply said, I will miss her as a student and I hope that all will go well with the new teacher.

My question is this.  How much discipline does a student require.  Should I be more dirrect, more demanding.
It really goes against my self to scold or berate a student into practicing and learning.  I am very patient and easy going with my students.   My students learn at their own pace and all do very well.

She is only 5.5 and taking grade one Royal Conservatory Exam in June.    Her grade I am assured will be well in the 90's

Maybe I am just hurt to find out she is leaving for another teacher with a huge resume of preformance and education.

Maybe I feel personaly threatened.  I don't know,  but I refuse to carry a whip, more whip cream...

Surendipity

It sounds like you might need to be more strict with the parents than with the students.  If a parent wants to sit in on their kid's lessons, they should do so in silence. If they can't be silent, and let you do the teaching - and the student do the playing - they shouldn't be allowed to sit in.

I don't believe in scolding or berrating students, but I do believe in pushing them to achieve their potential in a positive way.

You might have more sucess if you explain to parents why you are not piling up repertoire or demanding long hours of practice for a very young child - for example, you want a smaller amount of work done correctly rather than a lot of pieces learned poorly, etc.

Take this as a learning experience.

[surendipity]

Thank you for your reply and I will apply your suggestions.

[Greg_Fodrea]

I've had a few like experiences, and it's always frustrating.  Sounds like your parent is either pushing the child into a "prodigy" role, or living vicariously through their child.

In any case, I like surendipity's suggestion that you explain quality vs. quantity to the parent, and it might also help to compare and contrast what most 5 year olds are doing at this stage.  You've obviously done a quality job, and should stand your ground on your method.

I've had to be stern with parents in the past.  Parents should support the learning process with positive reinforcement, and should participate only to that end.  If there are measurable results, (which it sounds like there are), then it's OK to remind the parents that you're the professional.  You may not salvage the student in the short-run, but I believe they'll be hard-pressed to find another teacher who will get the results that you've gotten.  They'll probably be back.

Finally, one observation:  Children who are "forced" to learn in a negatively-reinforced environment are prone to resentment, and (later in life) rebellion.  It is infinitely more likely that this child will give up on music as a teenager unless the parents find a way to turn pressure into encouragement and positive reinforcement.

[surendipity]

I like surendipity's suggestion that you explain quality vs. quantity

You'll have to give credit to Hmoll, his thought on the subject and a good thought it was.

[Greg_Fodrea]

Oops.  I feel silly.  

[minsmusic]

I actually have written in my policy that parents who chose to 'wait' must sit in the delegated 'waiting room' where there is tea and coffee and reading material, and they must refrain from commenting or discipling their child during lessons.  Since I've included this clause, I've had no problems.
It's funny, isn't it, we try to encourage some parents to take MORE of an interest in their child's musical education, and then for others, we need a whip and chair!
Keeps the job interesting! :-/

[rlefebvr]

"I actually have written in my policy that parents who chose to 'wait' must sit in the delegated 'waiting room' where there is tea and coffee and reading material"

Although I understand the reasoning behind this, I do not think this is a good approach unless the parent refuses to abide by the teachers rule.

I was in for my Childs first year of piano playing with the teachers consent and sat in the back with no comment or suggestions.
However, I was able to keep my child on the right path during the week, correcting her mistakes and reminding her what the teacher was asking from her. She made great progress during that first year as she was learning everyday and not only on a weekly basis.
So, although I quite understand your stance, I truly believe parents can be a positive force, especially in the early stages and hope you reconsider your policy and at least give the parents a chance.

[minsmusic]

Thank you relfbvr for your concern.  I must have sounded like a tyrant - 'no interaction for you!'

It's not quite like this.  On the contrary, for very young students in particular, I invite the parent over, show them what I have just done,  show them what I have written in the child's 'homework' book and explain how they can help their child develop the 'goal' they are working on for the week.  

The reason why I included this clause was because parents were either talking to me (some are lonely single women who don't get a lot of interaction with adults) about all sorts of subjects that are not only inappropriate for a piano lesson, but in my opinion shouldn't even be discussed in front of the child.  I also had to deal with mothers forever correcting their child - don't swing on that chair, Veronica - how many times have I told you to stand up straight!

I give progress reports often, am available for discussion over the phone and also have my own Min's Music Studio forum where both the kids and their parents can interact with others and me.

So thank you for your advice and insight rlefebvre but ever since I have included this clause, my teaching is so much more productive, the kids respond better.  

Oh, and by the way, my studio is a large open plan area, the 'waiting' room is directly beside the teaching area.  Both the student and I are in full view and ear shot of the 'waiting' parents.  I call it a 'room' because I have a rug under the arm chairs and lounge, which defines the area.    

And I agree with you, parents MUST be a positive force.  Kids care far more about what their parents have to say about them then what I do!  And that's the way it should be.