Sometimes it seems to me that, how I feel about the instrument and everything that has been my journey and the aspects of it all which have been and are my desires, would be either very difficult or perhaps even impossible for most individuals to truly relate to, let alone actually understand. And, it is one thing to have individuals not understand, who just don't know what it means to have a deep desire about most anything in life. But then it seems that for somebody who has a network of musician and pianistic friends, who has studied with the best pedagogues in the world, who has direct ties with a profound tradition and seemingly so much already within grasp, it is difficult for me to imagine somebody like that understanding, too -- and, I mean, not just to be capable of recognizing some characteristic within another individual such as myself, but to actually know what it
feels like to have that desire yet the quest be seemingly so entirely different.
Of course, it is nearly impossible for me to comprehend your path, as well, and when I am faced with an individual who seems to currently be and for a long time has been surrounded by such artistic wealth, I feel as though I am peering at and observing some creature from an entirely different world than my own. I don't know the nature of that world, but I know that I will just never actually be within it ... at least not in the same ways. For whatever reason, that is a jagged little pill to swallow. However, I do know -- at least in part -- the nature of a journey, and I believe I know enough about life now to know that it is seemingly full of ups and downs and twists and turns, and there must be some element to the artistic path that you have traveled which requires some form of soul searching, of turning yourself inside out, of re-evaluating everything you have ever known and experienced. I believe that probably nobody fully escapes this if they are to truly find gold, but perhaps the seeming source(s) of that kind of push for growth is different ... I don't really know, but many things would tell me it is just probably so.
It is currently out of my realm to fathom a path of 23 years (on and off
) spent on something like this, and probably even more years than that if you count any preparation work that occurred before you first touched this etude. I suspect that the reason it has been "on and off" wasn't in whims and fancies, but rather conscious decision after conscious decision, with a particular goal always in mind. How does that work ? I know, that can't be answered most likely, at least not exactly. But, I assume that we are talking micro adjustments over years, which perhaps sometimes brought about large results, or maybe brought about only small ones. Is that what it's like ? And, I am curious, how many times does a piece like this get set down out of a need to just
personally grow ?
I know, I am talking into some form of an abyss now, but for personal reasons, I am willing to do so. Though I already very much enjoy this recording and your playing as has been recorded, I look forward to somehow growing further so as to better appreciate it for everything it represents.
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