home from hell

[joyfulmusic]

Help,
I have endured dogs barking, a bird flying around the room, children (6 of them) running around playing games chasing and screaming, filthy nails, such chaos that the kids can't even hear themselves play.  A ten decibel tv in the background that's as big as Kansas.  So I wrote a letter to the mom and said due to changes in my schedule I would no longer be able to teach her student.  Wel... I got a scathing message on my machine.  I was unprofessional.  and she was going to spread it around.  Did I forget to mention that last week no one was there and she said (after I called her a week later)  she was sorry but she forgot that it was piano lesson day, but she would pay me.

I go to the student's homes and believe me i have lots of experience.  I have a current load of 45 students.  I would appreciate hearing about other's hellish homes.  T'would make me feel less alone.  The rest of my families are wonderful.  Man, just one bad apple is a drag.

[rimv2]

Help,
I have endured dogs barking, a bird flying around the room, children (6 of them) running around playing games chasing and screaming, filthy nails, such chaos that the kids can't even hear themselves play.  A ten decibel tv in the background that's as big as Kansas.  So I wrote a letter to the mom and said due to changes in my schedule I would no longer be able to teach her student.  Wel... I got a scathing message on my machine.  I was unprofessional.  and she was going to spread it around.  Did I forget to mention that last week no one was there and she said (after I called her a week later)  she was sorry but she forgot that it was piano lesson day, but she would pay me.

I go to the student's homes and believe me i have lots of experience.  I have a current load of 45 students.  I would appreciate hearing about other's hellish homes.  T'would make me feel less alone.  The rest of my families are wonderful.  Man, just one bad apple is a drag.

Really sounds like hell

[ingagroznaya]

I believe you. I used to do that - no more. Now I make all of my students come to mine home. Just read my thread below " another sticky situation" and you'll feel instantly better. The thing is - once you're out of their home, the nightmare is no longer yours. It's a such a sense of relief - "ouff, it's over!". Once you're teaching in your home all of that madness comes to you.

My own highlight of teaching in someone else's home was a nude 9 years old throughout the lesson. It was a hot day and girls ( my students ) were outside, spraying them selfs with water. Both nude - one is 6, another 9. The older girl often acted on the same maturity level as the younger one, she found it to be enjoyable. So when I arrived, 9 years old wanted to take her lesson first.
She came into the house from the garden absolutely nude. No panties. Nothing. She jumped on the chair and start playing. Mom is right next to us and not saying a word. After a few minutes of this... I feel uncomfortable. 5 minutes later - coma. Mind you, she is not 4 or 5 or 6. 9 is a reasonable age to know the difference. At first I've made some comments:
 " Perhaps you'd like to get dressed?". She totally ignores it and so is her mom.

In coma, speechless I raise my brows staring at the mom. She brush it off as a complement to her child " Oh, it's french in her ( laughing )". Mom is American born woman, whose father happened to be french.

I lived through the "french" piano lesson. Why did I stay? Don't ask.

Another mom. Another lesson. I was not feeling well that day. In front of her 16 years old son during the lesson she asks " Do you have menses?" I did not know what on earth to say...
On another occasion :" Are you drunk?".
It was a house with birds flying over my head, yelling kids and parents, 10 decibels tv.

Same mom got into a habbit of parading her new outfits during the lesson. To be polite I'd always say:" You look lovely. You look pretty". It has gotten to a point where the moment I'd arrive, she pull the chair to the piano and asks, directly looking in my eyes:" Do you think I am beautiful?". Nothing else. I would respond with my usual:" Yes".
"Do you think I am pretty?". " Do you think I am pretty?" At some point I felt the answer was not needed. It just felt too ridiculous to answer.

It really hit the point of absurd.  I'll never forget how her 5 years old embarrassed said:"Mom..."

Dogs are not as weird as people. No, you are not alone.

[ingagroznaya]

Few weeks ago I was recommended to a new student by a mom who I've actually fired ( I've lost her three wonderful kids, but it was the mom who was unmanageable ). I do not know when such a heartfelt recommendation did take place originally...before or after. I've let go of those three students several months ago.
Speaking to a mom of a potential new student over the phone, I had to admit that those kids are no longer with me. All of the praise words felt very odd after a furious ending with recommending family.

Most people do not behave much differently with others. If she were to badmouth you, you have 45 other to good mouth on your side. One has to be creditable to discredit another. The mom who I was recommended to said it is simply " She is a very difficult person to deal with".

Don't sweat over it. I've fired 7 students so far this year. Letting some people go - it is not bad. In all this firing I have only one regret - Pretty Mom quit because she no longer could afford me. If she were to badmouth me, it would be better then any ad.

[pianowolfi]

Help,
I have endured dogs barking, a bird flying around the room, children (6 of them) running around playing games chasing and screaming, filthy nails, such chaos that the kids can't even hear themselves play.  A ten decibel tv in the background that's as big as Kansas.  So I wrote a letter to the mom and said due to changes in my schedule I would no longer be able to teach her student.

I would have been honest and writing her that under this conditions you can't teach. Better to clear such things right from the beginning. I've spent years of bearing things I shouldn't have accepted just out of "diplomacy" and it is not good at all. Now when I start to teach someone I tell them all my conditions already before the first lesson. If there's something that might bother me I tell them. Honestly and directly, but friendly. And if they don't agree I don't teach them. Period.

@Inga: Your stories are very entertaining though they surely have been hell to go through.

[joyfulmusic]

Thank you so much!  Yes, I have learned my lesson about being up front in the beginning.  Actually 90% of the time I prefer going to their homes, because I can guarantee being on time, I don't have people wandering around my home.  I live in a rural area and my cottage on the lake invites parents to ask me if the rest of the family can "play " while the lesson is given.  RIGHT!  Like I want to worry about someone's kid drowning.   An affluent rural area produces a certain percentage of parents who have never practiced the word NO to their children.   Some parents are self conscious and apoligize about everything.  This is the thrid family I've fired this year.  I have a waiting list so I don't have to put up with such nastiness.  I quess I was sucked in because I feel sorry for the little kids.  The noise level is so bad that the 9 year old is oblivious when one hand is on the wrong notes sometimes.

Your stories have made me feel better.  Who'd of thunk that piano teaching can be hazardous.  One thing I'm thinking is that being left alone with these kids puts me at risk.

[quantum]

I highly recommend reading this article.  It provides good info on avoiding students and families such as these.

https://www.serve.com/marbeth/query.html

[joyfulmusic]

Wow,
That article couldn't possibly be more thorough.  Thanks.  Would any of you bother to respond to the hysterical phone message?  I'm thinking leave it alone. 

[ingagroznaya]

Nope. I would not respond to her hysterical message.

I've done it in the past one time, when I just could not help my self. I wrote a hysterical letter back ( I actually wrote 50 over a time period of about two weeks. The final version went to a lucky parent.)
I was so pissed off, I also wrote on refund check - "no need for drama". She took it to her bank. Looking back I would do it all over again. That felt GOOD. The situation was out of the ordinary. Drama Mama came from New York. I guess that's how they do things over there... I don't know.

I would not respond to your madam. Stay cool and professional. If she will call again, I doubt she will, say you are busy and do not call back. Over is over. Your line is: " I can't accomodate you as a student", if you will bump into her at a concert or in a store.

My New York mom not only left two phone messages, but also sent me 25 page e-mail accounting for all of my wrong deeds. Incidentally, she happened to be the person who recommended me ( see post above ). So maybe acting more hysterical back works? Who knows. People are strange...

[lostinidlewonder]

10 decibel? That's like a pin dropping.

I would seriously ask for respect to the lessons in this mad house. I would tell the parents that their children will have a much better lesson if there was quiet. Of course they can let the noise keep going but in the long run it could equate to a lot of wasted time and money. Hey you shouldn't care you are getting paid and the kids would have this environment no matter which teacher comes to them so deal with it.

The worst house I had to deal with was a home that had a tin roof, no insulation, fans or airconditioning. In summers here in Australia we can ge up to 45C/113F heat. In those lessons with one hand I am fanning myself to stay awake! I am really amazed that the family living there doesn't feel it.

[eastcountypiano]

When I first started teaching, I took a lot of "stuff" from students.  I've shown up a the door and had a parent say they forgot it was lesson day and there child was over at a friends house, and said sorry and closed the door.

Anyway, what I have learned is when I feel out of control then it is time to stop teaching that student.  You should feel as though you are the one in control "most" of the time, I say most because there is times, when a baby will cry or the doorbell rings, etc., and those things you can't control but most of the time you should feel in control. 

When you start feeling out of control through the whole lesson and every lesson, then it's time to plan your exit.  I never blame the household, their life style, etc., I just blame it on my situation, "my husbands schedule has changed, my childs schedule has changed, etc., and at the end of the month will be my last lesson." 

Move on.  Money's not everything. 

[Bob]

Definitely drop her.  You were professional.  You sent a letter.  You had a reason.  If anyone every asks, just give the reason again -- a schedule change.  Who knows what she says?  Who cares really?  But what might she have been saying about you had you kept her?