What is music?
I don't know really. Music just touches me, it comes through and it activates my feelings. I sense it, with my ears, then like sex, it can go deeper, it can reach my heart and really move me.
I always search for deeper meanings in music, while sometimes there is none.
Sometimes a song is just a song, a piece of piano music means nothing more than just a simply melody that sounds nice.
What I really want from music, when I CREATE music, is to bring out feelings that move around on my deepest inner planes.
As far as I can tell. It must come out, and it can come out in many ways. Very deep sounds, I think of deep dark lakes in mysty settings in which many dynamic shapes take form and are in direct connection with my senses.
But I feel light as well. Sometimes I think there is not enough potential in a piano to bring all of this stuff out. Maybe I should find a violin to define my own tone?
But none of that matters, as bascily there is so much to explore.
I don't question myself enough what a piece means to me? What is real and not?
Surely, a difficult piece becomes rewarding because of the sheer amount of energy put into it, and the succes aftwards after all those hours of practice. But why did I learn it in the first place? Because it sounded awesome and I wanted to be able to play it.
Ofcourse.. but when my technique would be perfect, and no one would be listening then What would I play. After how many years would I get bored by those pieces?
When does music become critical, when does it demonstrate the deep sense of being alive, of being part of something bigger? Something that lacks in my understanding most of the time? When does it become real in the sense of real true experience that really stir my feelings and my being on a very deep and real level ?
Scriabin said "In love's godlike breathing, is the inner most aspect of the universe"
Did he bring out this understanding, this experience, this feeling in his music? Was he able to? Am I able to?
I think so. I think we all are. But yet I have to find my way into the depths of the piano itself and also dive in the depths of my own soul to become one with the piano.. and create music together. From the core of who I am? If I even know, who that might be