As parents ... how should we ???

[emill]

My son will be turning eleven soon and on our laps as parents
is the responsibility of "proper" guidance.  He seems to be exceptionally
good with the piano, having just started early in 2005 at age 9; that year
being more of the fun side of piano playing more than anything else.

By the advice of his 1st teacher,  we enrolled him last february/06 in a music
extension program in a leading university here. So aside from his usual elementary
studies (he is in grade 5), he has weekly lessons lasting for an hour.  But because
of assignments, he has to practise about an hour or two, almost daily in preparation
for the next session.  Now, this is on top of other assignments from his regular class.
In short, his day is quite hectic for a 10-year old.

He was asked to give up basketball and other contact sports as he may injure
himself.  He grudgingly complied and is now limited to swimming and the usual
computer games.

Is it handled this way?  I mean, growing up should be a lot of fun and some mischief?
He is growing up in a "serious" manner; too serious in my opinion, as if he is on
a career path to music. He seems not to mind or miss anything.  His teachers say
he is "gifted" and as such the skills should be developed properly.  Are we
as parents missing anything or allowing things that should not ??

Just to give you an idea:   

   
Thanks for any advice.

Note:  I also posted this in the Students forum just to seek the opinion of "the other side" .... i hope i am not violating any rules.

[debussy symbolism]

Greetings.

Don't worry about violating rules; rules get violated here all the time. Talk to the child and the teacher. If the child persists on something, let him have it. He is only 11 and is only a kid, with kid's desires and thinking, so he isn't yet capable of knowing what is really benefitial for him. The happier he is, the happier his studies would be.

[pianistimo]

christopher o'reilly might be the one to ask, too.  he interviews a lot of kids who end up being homeschooled because the demands of a regular school day are too much for talented musicians sometimes who need several hours of regular practice.  this switches the focus of the education around slightly.  i say slightly, because the other courses are by no means neglected.

some of the students i've heard about had parents that basically decided the course of education and pursued it in unorthodox ways.  some travel a lot.  they move to where good teachers are.  study for a while - perform in a lot of places and move.  most very artistic students seem to have travelled quite a bit.  also, their parents seem open to making academics less of a chore - and the practice interspersed between real-life applications to education. 

not all parents have the time/money/or inclination for all of this.  and, some find very good teachers and schools nearby and work out their own schedules.  but, from my limited perspective here in pa - the homework demands outweigh extracurricular activities if you want to keep a certain gradepoint average.  but, with homeschool - you can take courses online sometimes - and there are public online schools - and with saving time driving here and there - you have more hours to practice.  thus completing the school day by 3 pm or earlier and allowing time for students to have some relaxation and making music part of the school day.

another point about this is diet and exercise.  for a student who is attempting to excel at sports or music - going outside and getting some kind of exercise is really nice.  i see some families here that go out together for bike rides.  some families really connect over helping their kids get through the maze of educational possibilities with the least amount of 'trauma' if you want to call it that.

[lagin]

My favorite line from my teacher in the case of very young musical proteges, is "It's just not necessary."  He'll have his whole life to play.  By all means, keep him learning, but let him have some say in how seriously he wants to pursue it.  Ask him if he wants to be a concert pianist one day, and if so, explain to him the work involved (btw, one, or even a couple hours a day is not much compared to what most people need to practice to attain his level so quickly - in fact, I haven't heard of his level being attained that quickly except in 2 other cases, one who played very musically like your son, and one who could just hit the notes correctly).   If he has those dreams, then go for it.  If he doesn't have those dreams and just wishes to quote on quote "play around and have fun" and pursue another career, then I would say "it's just not necessary."   I don't know how I feel about him reluctantly having to give up sports.  That flew red warning flags all over for me, when a teacher starts to put a child's progress ahead of the child, regardless of whether the child is a genious or not.  But that's just me and my experience.  Remember, too, he's only 10 and already at university level.  If he had to take off a couple months due to a sprain or something, I doubt it would wreck his career.  But, then again, I'm more of one to let the kids enjoy their childhood because they are only going to be kids once, and will spend the rest of their 70 years or whatever it might be, working, practicing, or whatever else their career entails. 

You should check out the site of Ariel.  I'm sure he would love to speak with your son, since he's the other protege I could think of.  I'm sure their about the same age now, though Ariel has been playing an extra year or 2.  They're at the same level anyways. 
https://www.arielpiano.com/

The biggest victories in life are seldom posted on score boards.  Yes, your child is a musical genious, but remember, life is more than piano, so keep it nice and balanced to develope who he is as a person as well.  Also remember that to get to the top, you might have to compete in alot of competitions which regardless of how us teachers might justify them, are really unhealthy.  I mean what is so great about "ranking" kids or people from best to worst, but that's how our society does things sadly.  I have noticed, too, that the winners of those competitions are the ones whose character is hurt the most. 

Anyway to make a long story short, your son definately has more than what it takes to make it (with the exception of connections, which will come in time), but it's a long, hard road, that sometimes is down right unfair, and also dangerous, in that teachers will capitalize on your boys tremendous talent to the exclusion of the boy at times.  Proceed, if that is what he wants, but do so with caution, and it is now your responsibility as parents to make sure that he remembers that his worth comes from WHO HE IS, not what he can do, or what the judges think - win or lose - or what people say.  That was a hard lesson for me to learn when I was at the age of 20, so I imagine it would be even harder for a kid to remember all that at the age of 11, but maybe it might even be easier, who knows?   This is so important.  We have way to many amazing pianist proteges that forget that they are worth something apart from piano - hense my hesitation at removing sports and such. 

Glenn Gould was amazing, but he also had no life.  (Yes, I know he was autistic, but it's the same principle).  I like people to know me as Laura who happens to play piano, not as that piano player whose name is Laura.   Yes, the second one appeals to my ego in a large way, but it's important to always remember that I am first and formost, a person!

[emill]

Thank you for taking some time to write sensitive and practical replies; it is most appreciated.  I must say for those who have been into music or has music intimately entwined in their lives, you look at things much more clearly from a different perspective than us, regular guys.  I am glad I posted my "problem" here.

Our problem as parents mainly revolved on how we should "guide" our young son who seems to have a gift of exceptional piano skills.  How to strike a balance for a "normal" childhood but at the same time nuturing his gift in a manner that he will enjoy.
It is not an easy task especially for parents who are "ignoramuses" in the field of music.
As they say, childhood only happens once in your life and parents may just mess it up a lot with the best intentions in their minds.

I guess the bottom line is - is he happy?  Does he enjoy what he is doing? 
Does it complement or bolster his other activities.  Is he at home and enjoy regular activities and "mischief" with other kids.  And as objectively as I can, it would seem that the answer is positive to all these questions and with the least interference or pressure from parents and other authority figures. 

Although he had to give up basketball which he really liked, but this was not forced on him. His teacher discussed the possibilities of injury, but it was left to him to decide.  He just came up to me one day and informed me of his decision.  I discussed it with him and it seems he has decided to give the piano a much higher priority. 

When he plays the piano you can sense his enjoyment similar to when he plays computer games and is about to slay the final villian !   To him it is not a chore but something he likes.  Nobody tells him to practise, he just does it on his own,everyday, 1-2 hours as if it were as important as taking a meal.  Well, when it comes to his academic subjects, sometimes we have to threaten him before he will do his homework.

I guess the problem was with us.  We found it "abnormal" that a kid would be much more interested with "banging the keys"  than running and hanging around with other 10-12 year olds.  I was beginning to "panic"  and become paranoid about the road to depression and rebelliousness.  Some of my close friends say he is an "artist" and should be nurtured and allowed to express himself and that I am a fool for not seeing it.
Thanks to his mother who has in almost 2 years now given 110% support.



 

[dnephi]

He is awesome.  congratulations to your son, and good luck.

Daniel