How do you deal with rejection?

[pianowolfi]

Let's say you've had an audition and they rejected you. How do you deal with that? Or you were applicating at a competition and they filtered you out after the first round. Or you played in public and people would boo you. Or or or...rejections- a hard thing to manage. I'd like to read your stories

[kempff1234]

Well, you need to be strong and understand that people all have different tastes and ideas. If it helps, Michelangeli participated in a competition which saw Gilels finishing first and him finishing seventh.

You need to understand that true victory comes from failure.

[pianistimo]

well.  so far this has never happened to me.  ahahahh.  but, of course, you have the opposite problem that if you win a competition - you must truly prove your worth.  once in highschool i made it to the honors recital and then flubbed up there.  much easier just to lose in the first round and not make a spectacle of yourself.  i was only in one piano competition in fairbanks, alaska.  who's going to remember that i played a fantastic rendition of prokofievs first?  why isn't anyone around when you play really well?

persistence!  i've been teased a lot - so i understand the 'hitting one's head against the wall' feeling.  even though i made it into west chester uni for grad classes - i was told to 'remind' the jury that i was a grad student (after 20 years - it's a miracle i made it in at the time anyways).  i think it was because i acted really positive and like it was normal for me to be there.  when i started doing a comedy routine on stage (saying 'oh NO' really loud to the sightreading portion - a concerto of rachmaninov or something) they probably figured out that they might have let the wrong person in.  but, by then it was too late.

the worst thing for me is to hear someone 50% better go right before me - at recital or jury or whatever.  i hate that!  i'd rather go first and get it over with and then enjoy the rest of  my day.  but, there's something in me that LOVES to perform and finally when i get on stage and FORGET what went before - i can really get into my piece.  i think playing something easier than someone else is OK because if you love the piece - it's not always about 'who's playing the hardest piece.'  of course, you have to have technique - but if the audience enjoys what you played - that's the point, right?

*i have one more thing to say.  one hearty round of applause = 100 rejections.  i remember a particular recital at the museam of art in anchorage where i played three spanish dances by granados and one lady stood up and was clapping (and she wasn't my mother).  do you think that is where i got my overinflated idea that i am now going to be a concert pianist?  never encourage pianists!  also, if you want to just have fun - do it for that.  the excellence comes later anyways for most people.  senior recitals are great fun - but now i kinda wish i could have relaxed more.  i was so wound up at the beginning that the first pieces weren't as relaxed as at the end. 

[zheer]

. I'd like to read your stories

  Hmmmm where shall i start, well when i was 19 i was rejected from Uni i wonted to study music, that felt like a knife in my stomach, when i was 17 i was expeled from college thats rejection is'nt it. Not too long ago my piano teacher rejected from her piano lessons, also recently i was rejected from Uni again when i auditioned. To be honest the first time i was rejected by Uni, it made me wake up, i asked myself early on, now what,where do i go from here, and since then i've used my brain a lot more, not just sleep walking my way throgh education. However my recent rejection from Uni was a shame, i had plans to do many things, life goes on.
  LOL this does'nt include failing, i've failed in many many things,  . Why do you ask?

[pianistimo]

work your way in again.  get a job through the uni that you want to study with.  i've talked with adults who did that and had very small jobs (bookstore, library, music library, etc) and got their foot in the door again.  also, with online degrees- there's not so much pressure anymore!  one friend i know decided to do an online degree and found it much better for her scheduling of work and family. 

and, as you have noted and others too, you don't HAVe to have a degree.  maybe just keep your interest up - and keep frequenting the bookstore at the uni for more textbooks.  basically, you read a lot and learn about subjects by discussion.  the periodicals is where a lot of new information is brought into focus.

and, it sounded that you might have an opportunity to play at a master class.  keep it up!  don't feel badly that you can't have it all at once.  it gives you something to work towards.  there's a certain amount of blessing to just being a healthy person.  some people work so hard at getting a degree they lose their health and can't use it afterwards for awhile.  if you are able to keep the schedule you have and take a class here and there - it might be more like 'adult continuation' - but you are learning the SAME classes as a degreed person.  just not at the faster speed - taking 12 units or more.  personally, i learn more if i limit the number of credits.  and, there's more time to practice.  if you talk to any students - their #1 complaint is probably having practice time.  of which, you have enough to get some momentum going!

[zheer]

work your way in again.  get a job through the uni that you want to study with.  i've talked with adults who did that and had very small jobs (bookstore, library, music library, etc) and got their foot in the door again. 

  Your kidding right, i've contacted the guy and told where he can stick his degree, infact i would stick his head up his ass faster than a rabit gets f**k't if i see him. Sheesh good thing you don't know me.

[pianistimo]

zheer, if you want to get somewhere in life - you have to pray.  God opens doors that we think are impossible.  and, to change people's attitudes towards us - despite possible biases.  for me, i'm a conservative and a woman.  that's two counts against me at liberal college.  but, i do not go on campus and crusade for anything - so that's one count for me.  i have had to do a lot of 'run around' stuff the first two years.  sometimes just getting an appointment with the dean is tricky.  but, once your program is worked out and your are in your second to third year - all smooths out a bit more.  they want to see how badly you want what they have.  if you really want it - you'll just 'bite the bullet' and do everything they say as they want it done. 

it was hard for me at first to be technologically adapted enough to even take tests.  they required one test on computer and i hadn't taken the computer part to know how to run them.  so i get to the end of my essay (written entirely on computer) and it wouldn't transfer the essay properly and i was getting terribly frustrated.  there have been times when i wondered 'why try so hard,' too.  the thing is - if you totally opt out - you become even more 'behind the times.' 

take some computer classes somewhere...and just work your way into wherever you really want to be.

[zheer]

zheer, if you want to get somewhere in life - you have to pray. 

  No offence pianistimo, you know nothing about my life, and no piano is'nt my life.

[pianistimo]

yes it is.  i know more about you than you realize.  piano is your sanity.  just as it is mine.

[pianowolfi]

Why do you ask?

Ok I've had a chat with another forum member who said that this subject would be worth to be posted as a topic. This member didn't want to post it so I decided to do so. And of course I'm interested in that and like to share experiences. I think when you do music as a profession, you are confronted inevitably earlier or later with some rejections. For me it happened first when I was rejected after an audition for a conservatory. I found other ways to study music, but this specific conservatory was my first choice. And at that time I wasn't able to deal with it. So i was hanging around for several months. Until I did my next audition and passed successfully. Then after many years i was fired by one of my teachers. Her severest criticism was that she told me I played "like a dead man". She had prepared me for an examination, another audition which i passed successfully too. But as soon as i had passed it, she sent me a letter: She would not teach me anymore, I should search for someone else to teach me. I felt very depressed after that because I had the feeling she had given up on me as if I was a hopeless case.

Self consciousness turns back very slowly after such situations. Knowing that I'm not very good in managing these things I avoid them whenever possible.

[m1469]

How to deal with it ?

Get back up from off the ground and play the carp outta the piece next time  .

[zheer]

. I felt very depressed after that because I had the feeling she had given up on me as if I was a hopeless case.

Self consciousness turns back very slowly after such situations. Knowing that I'm not very good in managing these things I avoid them whenever possible.

  Hmmm well we have something in-common, but you did succed eventually. Now don't take this the wrong way but you can look for some counselling, you might need someone to talk too, cuz things like that can make you depressed. You play like a dead man is'nt something a nice person would say, people like that are hurt themselves.
    My experience of counselling has been good, they realy did listen it was serious issues not music related, but since you were young things from the past may re-surface like fire that has been exposed to air. Good luck.

[ihatepop]

It is not possible to be accepted all the time.
You learn from your rejections.

ihatepop

[kempff1234]

true victory only comes when you believe in it.

[arensky]

How to deal with it ?

Get back up from off the ground and play the carp outta the piece next time  .

Datz rite...

[prometheus]

Whenever I see this topic title I always think I am reading: "Erections" or "Ejaculations".

This isn't quite my usual me, that's wrong?

[pianowolfi]

Perhaps that has something to do with your ORGANISM?

[m1469]

Datz rite...

 

[leucippus]

I simply refuse to perform, that way I don't need to worry about making mistakes or being rejected.

When people ask me to play I just tell them that I'm not a performer.  I play the piano for my own personal enjoyment only and that's the end of it. 

[pianowolfi]

I simply refuse to perform, that way I don't need to worry about making mistakes or being rejected.

When people ask me to play I just tell them that I'm not a performer.  I play the piano for my own personal enjoyment only and that's the end of it. 

That might be a new thread in the teacher's section: how do you deal with students who refuse to perform?

[m1469]

Then after many years i was fired by one of my teachers. Her severest criticism was that she told me I played "like a dead man". She had prepared me for an examination, another audition which i passed successfully too. But as soon as i had passed it, she sent me a letter: She would not teach me anymore, I should search for someone else to teach me. I felt very depressed after that because I had the feeling she had given up on me as if I was a hopeless case.

Self consciousness turns back very slowly after such situations. Knowing that I'm not very good in managing these things I avoid them whenever possible.

Okay.  I have it all figured out for you and no therapy is needed.  She was in love with you and she was either somehow offended by you and reacted, or she couldn't handle her feelings and had to distance herself emotionally and physically. 

The only thing that you are at fault for is your charisma and charm    .


m1469

[ted]

I cannot comment about rejection to do with competitions, auditions, performance and the like because I have never attempted those things. The rejections I have had are on the personal, one musician to another level; rejections of musical friendship and exchange of ideas. There is a curious fact associated with this, in that I have never experienced this type of rejection from players and composers, some very prominent, in other countries. Those in my own country invariably reject me by totally ignoring me and my music.

It isn't a matter of life and death obviously, but I remain baffled by why overseas musicians seem to think I'm all right and local ones do not. Handling rejection doesn't present me with any bother at all; probably either because I am so dense I don't even register insults until long after the event, or because I am such a puffed up cream cake of arrogance that it's water off a duck's back.

Hang on a minute, yes, I had forgotten, I was tossed out for performance at a musical society because I refused to stop playing ragtime. I was nearly as heartbroken as when Dad told me there was no Santa; as on that occasion I had to have a few brandies at the pub to get over it.

[zheer]

The only thing that you are at fault for is your charisma and charm    .


m1469

  Unlikly, do you know how ugly he is.






                                 ( only kidding )

[pianowolfi]

Okay.  I have it all figured out for you and no therapy is needed.  She was in love with you and she was either somehow offended by you and reacted, or she couldn't handle her feelings and had to distance herself emotionally and physically. 

The only thing that you are at fault for is your charisma and charm    .


m1469

You're actually very friendly! Well this story happened a while back and it is no current problem. A few months afterwards I've heard that was an attidude of this teacher. She did that with a few of her other students too. So I was not the only one who was fired. The mother of a fellow student said actually that she found the behaviour of this teacher very strange. But nonetheless I have learned a lot from her.

[nicco]

I feel a little rejected by mayla. She wont play minesweeper with me anymore

is this the reason perhaps

she couldn't handle her feelings and had to distance herself emotionally and physically.

 

[m1469]

The rejections I have had are on the personal, one musician to another level; rejections of musical friendship and exchange of ideas. There is a curious fact associated with this, in that I have never experienced this type of rejection from players and composers, some very prominent, in other countries. Those in my own country invariably reject me by totally ignoring me and my music.

They feel threatened.

[poltergeist]

A winner is a loser that got back up and tried yet again.