joke

[jpianoflorida]

who's got a good joke for today?   

A minister wants to know what will become of his teenage son.   He puts three items on the boys dresser and watches from the closet.   One item is a bible, one is a gold coin, one is a bottle of rum.     HE say's if the boy picks up the bible, he'll be  a preacher. If he picks up the gold coin, he'll be a business man or banker, and if he picks up the bottle of rum, he'll be a drunk.          The boy comes in, picks up the bible and places it under his arm, picks up the coin and puts it in his pocket, then picks up the rum and takes a drink...the man shouts out "OH NO! HE'S GOING TO BE A POLITICIAN!"


disclaimer: this joke is intended for laughter only...please do not take offense!

[gorbee natcase]

I know none that would'nt merrit a banning

[jpianoflorida]

I know none that would'nt merrit a banning

aah..come on ....clean it up a little and give us a joke !

[maestoso]

a nurse is giving someone a rectal exam after the exam is finished the patient goes away. later on a doctor comes in and says i need you to sign some forms. so she gets out her pen and starts writing only to find that her writing utensil is a thermometer, disgusted she says, "OH great some butthole  has got my pen!

[pianohenry]

"my wife had an awful accident on a volcano"

"krakatoa?"

"no, she broke her leg"

...

...

*tumbleweed*....

im not actually married im 16

[pianowolfi]

A louse has been visiting a classical concert.. "How was it?" asks her friend when she comes out. "First it was very nice. I had a place in the hair of the Soprano soloist. I could see the whole orchestra and the acoustic was tremendous!" "And what happened then?" "Well the Soprano moved very much during her performance. So i lost my balance and fell down, first into her bra and then lower-and lower -and lower... and then i passed out." "And where did you wake up again??" asks the other louse. "Well" said the first louse bashfully "after the break i found myself in the beard of the conductor"

[jpianoflorida]

good....heard that one before pianowolfi! lol

[pianolist]

This one is quite true - it was told me by the man to whom it happened.

A musician who, amongst other activities, reviewed pianola rolls for his local magazine in the 1920s, was visiting a lady friend in Devon, England. During the course of a pleasant evening, he felt the need to go to "the little room", as he told it to me.

"Ah, Geoffrey," said the lady, "it's outside in the garden." These places were often to be found in outbuildings at that time.

Geoffrey Higgins (a pupil of John Ireland) went out and found the hut, complete with moon-shaped cut-out in the door, entered it, sat down, and "committed himself", as he tactfully put it. As his eyes slowly got used to the moonlight, he discovered that there was no paper to be seen anywhere, but eventually he noticed the remains of an old pianola roll, hanging on a nail rather high up.

He did what he could in the circumstances, and then went back inside the house. "Oh, Geoffrey," said the lady, "I didn't realise that you were going to be a little while. I quite forgot to put any tissues out. I do hope you weren't inconvenienced."

"No, not at all," said the musician. "I'm just sorry that I took rather a long time; I was looking for a few bars' rest."

[pianistimo]

terribly funny, that one!  good to see that you can joke about these things.

[pianolist]

I bless Geoffrey Higgins. I went to see him to talk about John Ireland, and he gave me the funniest pianola story I'm ever likely to hear. I always introduce my concerts, and I've told this one in many countries!

[ahinton]

I bless Geoffrey Higgins. I went to see him to talk about John Ireland, and he gave me the funniest pianola story I'm ever likely to hear. I always introduce my concerts, and I've told this one in many countries!

John Ireland was a great friend of Sorabji (they first met in the early 1920s) and he also taught my teacher Humphrey Searle. I did not meet him personally (abit before my time, to be honest), although I have a few small items of correspondence from him to Sorabji in The Sorabji Archive.

Best,

Alistair

[beethoven2]

There was a brunette on the railroad tracks jumping up and down saying 22,22,22,22,22. So then a blonde walks by and thinks to herself that looks like fun. So she gets on the track and starts jumping. After 5 minutes the brunette jumps of but the blonde is still jumpig and saying 22,22,22,22. Then a train comes and kills the blonde. So the brunette looks around and gets on the tracks and say 23,23,23,23

no offense to any blonds

[pies]

Pro and con are opposites. What is the opposite of progress?

[ahinton]

Pro and con are opposites. What is the opposite of progress?

Regress - as in Stravinsky's The Rake's Regress (not). Sorry to spoil your fun (and your joke)...

Best,

Alistair