Keeping your cool

[pizno]

I have to count to ten, bite my tongue, sit on my hands, go get a drink of water today.  My NON PRACTING student had continued to not practice last week.  So she's unprepared, regularly, and then........she starts making little digs at me like ' I showed her that wrong, that's why she's confused', or 'I should demonstrate perfectly so she can learn' (this is the 30th time, over 6 weeks, I had demonstrated this particular measure - and this time I slowed it down to show something specifically).  Then we get to practice her part of the duet, and she clearly has not looked at it, and that's when the lecture came forth from my lips.  GO HOME AND LEARN IT!
It's been that kind of week - students ignoring pieces i have assigned them.  What's up with that?
I'm being Mrs Crabby teacher.  Grmph.

Pizno

[pianowolfi]

Don't give them too much from you. Don't roll the red carpet out for them. If you have demonstrated one measure 30 times over six weeks that is definitely too much. You are sacrificing yourself - for nothing. They get used to taking more and more from you and doing less and less themselves. They need to learn that they have to contribute their part to the lesson and to the whole thing. You don't have to GIVE them all. Make sure that you keep them active, especially active in their brain and creative thinking. "Go home and learn it" can be the right answer. But if you have given them the feeling that you support them endlessly for six weeks without requesting something from them that might not seem very consistent to them. They sense a contradiction in your behaviour and perhaps just get confused and more demotivated. Just my two cents, it's not easy to judge from the distance.

[counterpoint]

It's been that kind of week - students ignoring pieces i have assigned them.  What's up with that?

Oh, how I am familiar with this situation   

There are students that will not make the smallest move until you explained every little thing for weeks and months. It's desperating.

And the worst of all: I can't tell you any trick that works 

The only thing you can do is keep as friendly as possible (that could be hard!) and explain the things best you can. If it doesn't help - it doesn't help. Then it's not your fault.

[timothy42b]

And the worst of all: I can't tell you any trick that works 

There aren't any tricks that work 100% on the student, they are not within your control.

None of it works if you lose your cool, and that is within your control.  You have to be careful not to give that control away, especially to an 8 year old.  It can be done, you are the adult.

There actually are some tricks that work for that, if you need them.  A good bit is just deciding though. 

[amanfang]

Why not pull out the "Since you didn't practice this week, you can practice during your lesson; just pretend I'm not here."  Ignore her if she asks questions. 

Or you can do straight technical work.  Maybe 5 finger patterns or scales depending on age and level.  Tell them that after they have practiced at home, then maybe you will listen to their pieces.  That has worked with a couple of my students. 

Can you afford to drop the student?  I find that with non-practicers, it is not worth the frustration to me.

[Bob]

I would give them less to work on.

And then when they don't practice, I'm never sure quite what to do.  When that happens a lot I mean.  I end up doing more of a guided practice session.  When they walk out of the lesson, hopefully they understand more about how to practice on their own and they have actually achieved something solid during the lesson then.

And if they complain about your demos, I would do less of them -- making sure the demo's are perfect if that's what they want.  But then, also making sure to keep the focus on them -- "Here's an example of what I mean...., but you need to be able to do that."  If you make a mistakes, "Oops, yes I messed up there... I guess I would need to practice that one more."  It's hard to argue with someone who's agreeing with you.

[keyofc]

Bob, you're too nice!
And believe me, if I say so - it's true - because that's
what everyone accuses me of being

I'm sure Pizno's demos were accurate - and it is very easy to argue with someone when you agree.  (At least for some students)  They just change their mind - or lie and say they never agree with you in the first place.

When someone's teaching is being undermined - it's not the greatest time to
say, "I need to practice more" to make the student feel good.

And so if the student starts twisting her thumb in a grotesque manner to play middle c with her thumb - and plays a stacatto like a legato - and plays a legato disconnected.
do you really think she needs less demos?

[Bob]

Yeah, I've heard that before.  Too nice.  Sometimes I wonder if that's a good quality for a teacher or not.

Other ideas...
You could explain to the student that they're being rude.  If they haven't practiced, that's their business, but they shouldn't attack you.  The teacher's performance level during a lesson could be an issue, whether it's fair or not.  If the teacher sounds bad, people may take that as their level of playing in general.

You could be more offensive -- "Did you practice this week?... Well, what did you do as practicing?" 


The real issue might then be why the student isn't practicing -- motivation, a piece they like, all that.


I only went with doing their practicing during the lesson when I couldn't think of what else to do.  There's more to it.  At least that way, it's productive though.

[nightingale11]

It's been that kind of week - students ignoring pieces i have assigned them.  What's up with that?
I'm being Mrs Crabby teacher.  Grmph.

Maybe the student is not interested in playing the piano? talk with him/her.
   Do you assign them pieces? do you not let them choose their own pieces?

[Bob]

It's spring.  Spring fever.

[pizno]

Yes, Spring fever is right, I think! 
About the demonstrating - just to defend myself.  I was demonstrating traveling from one place on the keyboard to another, and had taken a pause to say 'and now, look with your eyes where you are going and zoom down there' or something incredible insightful and fun.  Mind you, this girl also accused me of confusing her by showing her half steps and whole steps wrong.  That was just a little crazy making, not to mention insulting.  I guess my approach is to disagree, briefly (though I will admit it if I make a mistake, readily!) and move on. 
Maybe, what it is, now that I think about this more, is that she clearly has no musical talent, and is frustrated by the music I have given her, and it took me a while to realize the depth of her musical issues. What she mostly doesn't have is any sense of rhythm.  Though I am very, very, very patient with her,  perhaps her snapping at me is out of her own frustration. 

I dont' remember who said this - but one of you talked the student needing to make an effort on their own.  I found myself with another student today- who only practices what he wants - spoonfeeding him a piece, note by note.  It has been assigned for weeks and is not over his head.  I certainly have given him the tools to figure it out on his own, but he wasn't doing it.  I think its laziness and lack of motivation. 

We live and learn, and learn, and learn.
Pizno

[timothy42b]

I only went with doing their practicing during the lesson when I couldn't think of what else to do.  There's more to it.  At least that way, it's productive though.

I think you're on the right track, and pretty far down it.

By far the most common complaint on this forum is students who don't practice.  (A close second is parents who won't pay on time or for missed lessons.)  Students not practicing seems to lead to teacher emotional reactions ranging from frustration to anger to rage.  Bob seems to have avoided overreaction and come up with something positive.

So here's another wacko theory.

Everybody wants the supertalented student who practices like crazy, goes on to conservatory, and sells a million CDs all dedicated to "beloved teacher."

But realistically the number of your students who go on to a musical career is what, 1%?  At best?

And most teachers have a large percentage of students who don't practice, maybe a majority?

Perhaps it is time to accept that what is, is.  You have two types of students, those who will practice enough to become good and those who won't. 

Either you refuse to teach anyone from the second category, or you accept that you must approach the two types differently without getting angry about it.  Then you use that one hour a week for the nonpracticer in such a way to benefit him/her the most.  It won't be pure technique and it won't be the classical repertoire.  It might be whatever learning can stick:  some theory, some history, some appreciation, and lots of fun.  Who knows, if you do that well enough, they might get motivated enough on their own to do more.  Or not, but you've touched their lives for the better without adding any frustration to your own. 

[kaelcol]

Something else to consider - how old is your student? Does she have lots of pressure from school work at the moment? Is she preparing for SATs, for example? With the best will in the world, it might be difficult for her to live up to all of her teachers' expectations each week.

Practically, too - what's her home life like? Does she have lots of siblings? Is her practice time restricted by early bedtimes, by not annoying the neighbours, by not waking up Dad who's on night shifts this week, etc?

Do you know what the word 'Practice' means to her? (and this is something you'd have to ask her about, even if you've told her countless times what the word *should* mean to her ;-) ).  Does she believe that she *is* practising? Perhaps she genuinely believes she is, which would be enough to make her snappy at you when you tell her something she knows isn't true (for her, if you see what I mean).

If you believe she's being rude to you, then you'll probably treat her as though she's being rude to you. Hence the frustration and stress on all sides.  Is it *really true* that's she's being rude to you, however? Can you be sure that's what she's intending? Are there any other explanations for her behaviour? Working through these could bring a fresh perspective to the situation and you'll automatically find it easier to keep your cool, even if you ultimately decide not to continue teaching this student.

[a-sharp]

LOL - Spring fever! Must be going around!

My student today FORGOT the music for the one and only piece that we are really working on for a recital in a couple of weeks. PLUS, the new book I just gave her. Aaargh! I'm like, you're joking right? Bad, bad, bad student!  She says, "but I memorized it" ROFL ... Ok, well, I haven't! I can't really help you if we don't have the music. Geesh. (I say all of this smiling, but serious) She's really really sweet but - sometimes it's like - "hello in there.......... Anybody home???"

She likes to get up in between comments and pieces and walk around the room - it's so odd. Today I finally said - Hey - I'm not done with you yet ... get back here!

She likes to then try to sort of show off - so I just respond by stopping her every measure and pointing out all the things she's doing wrong - HEE HEE. No more miss nicey teacher!....

She actually practises sometimes, but I have another that I teach through my pedagogy class, she is HORRIBLE at practising [not what you want for showing off for the end of class recital!].  SO, we just do what we can do during lesson - I TRY to connect with her on *something* ... getting just one rhythm right or something - just to boost her encouragement because sometimes I feel like if she felt more encouraged, and less overwhelmed, she'd go home and work harder [I know - whishful thinking]. She is a total beginner not even reading on staff yet - and so far, the best moments are when we are playing together [with the teacher duet parts] - that's when she seems most able to count and essentially 'get it.' So - I just do that so she's at least getting something out of it. What esle can I do?

Totally not trying to hijack your post - - just to say that I empathize.

OTOH - I have nother student I'm so pround of ... so I guess take what you can get.... Good luck!

[urbanspice]

With this kind of student it is better to lower your expectations so that you will not stress out and get upset.
Depending on the age of the student, some "tough love" might be needed. For teens this is great. Sarcasm does well too.
For younger students, you may need to use your "serious voice".

This student of yours seems intelligent. Let her use her intelligence. Guide the student when she asks a question about something you've gone over repeatedly, don't tell her. No matter how long it takes her to get to the answer.
"I don't know you tell me"
"What do you think it is\should do"
Try to engage the student in using problem solving skills and then telling her, when she gets the answer, that she did a good job and is able to do this by herself.
Also, encourage the student to contact you over the week. That way there won't be an excuse for not practicing because she didn't understand.

I use a variety of options for my non-practicers. (The top one being no expectations. Your stress levels will go done.)

TIP #1:
I use a little miracle known as A Dozen A Day. Each group has twelve exercises and you can work this one of two ways.

1. Start with exercise No. 1. Have the student practice over the week. When she comes in for her next lesson, do No. 1 and 2. Next lesson No. 1,2,3 and so on. The student may not be practicing at home but by going over these exercises each week and learning them each week, the student will eventually learn them. Once they've finished group one, go on to group two, but keep reviewing group one using a metronome to speed up playing and keep the tempo consistent. (When I do group 1 I only concentrate on the notes, not too much on the rhythm.)
2. The other way is to go over an entire group at a time. Week 1 = Group 1. Then use the metronome and everything.

TIP #2:
Group or partner lessons. I'm begining these with two of my non-practicers. I have the lessons set-up like this:
- both students meet for an hour
- lessons are broken up with one student having a 15 min private session and the other student working for 15 minutes with Notable (computer notation software). Then the students switch. The next fifteen minutes focus on technique. And the last on musicianship - theory, composition, ear training, ect. . Each week the private session concentrates on something different. Week 1 = Technique, Week 2 = Solo Repertoire, Week 3 = Duet (private session) Week 4 = Combined thirty minute performance-oriented session. Students play pieces they have been working on as well as listening to special guests play (my other students.)
TIP #3
Find a song she really, really, really, really wants to learn. Try Martha Miers, Pink Panther, EZ Fur Elise, Heart and Soul, Chopsticks, or a jazz\blues piece. Have her listen to tons of music.

TIP #4
Practice Incentive

TIP #5
Help the student organize and schedule practice time

TIP #6
Involve the parents

TIP #7
Don't do piano. Work on theory, analyzing pieces, chords, composition, ect.


Always have note spelling or theory pages available. That way when you're feeling you're going to blow, hand the student few and tell her to get to work. You won't explode. Her note reading can improve.

Also, realize that this student will not be a musical prodigy. She will not be a college musician. She'll just be someone whose life has been enhanced by the study of music. Shockingly, that's okay with a lot of people.

[Bob]

She likes to get up in between comments and pieces and walk around the room - it's so odd. Today I finally said - Hey - I'm not done with you yet ... get back here!

You have them too?  I've had a few.  I thought it was really odd when the first student did that.  And kind of insulting -- Am I that boring that the student has to wander to find something interesting?  Always female students too, around junior high age.

[a-sharp]

Funny - with her, I don't take it personally - I haven't quite figured it out yet - she is interested in the other things in the room - I left out a note written for me and she was reading it to me [like i hadn't already read it - !] ... maybe it's just a way to divert the attention away from her - or some way that she uses to control the situation instead of her being the subject - not sure. She's only 8 though - geesh - what if she were 12! yikes. She's very sweet - but I"m thinking she uses it to her advatage - like being coy - don't know if that makes any sense or not. So weird!

Goodness knows though - if I ever get enough time to focus on her [they have gone on vacations and we keep having to backtrack], she needs to practice more too. She has a LOT to work on - it's not like she's some prodigy who can afford to be like that, LOL. Who knows. maybe someday it'll kick in.... I do find myself getting a little less 'nicey-nicey' with her - otherwise we won't ever get anywhere! This is a student who has cried twice - some how I think she is developing these ways about her like manipulative skills - eek!

Last week, she said ... "my mom said not to use the metronome...." Aaargh! I said - "Oh... Have her call me.' 

sorry - off on my tangent again.

[Bob]

Have some fun.  Leave a note that says something like "If you are reading this, you need to get your butt back on the piano bench and practice!"

[a-sharp]

Haha! That's funny - I should totally do that. Thanks for the idea!

[stevehopwood]

or 'I should demonstrate perfectly so she can learn' (this is the 30th time, over 6 weeks, I had demonstrated this particular measure - and this time I slowed it down to show something specifically).

Hmmmm. Why have you spent 6 weeks over this measure?

Have you nothing better to do? It is no wonder this child is digging her heals in and being awkward.

Assuming she is not an advanced pianist, then spending more than a couple of weeks on a piece is counter-productive. Boredom sets in and it does not matter what the teacher wants to achieve; the child will be too bored with the piece to respond.

Pizno, given time and patience on the teachers' part, even the most obtuse pupil will advance, eventually. Many will not learn much, granted, but they will all learn something. When something you are trying to teach does not take root quickly, then move on. The opportunity to teach it will arise again soon, in a different context.

All you achieve by battering away at the same point week after week, is frustration on your part and upset on your pupil's part.

I suggest that upsetting pupils is not a good basis for a productive teaching relationship.

 

[Bob]

Maybe break it down and make exercises out of it.

After six weeks, I would think the practicing during the lesson would have some impact on the student.  Teaching by rote that way.  I would think something would have to stick.

[pizno]

Six weeks may have been a bit of an exaggeration, and we have also been working on lots of things, rhythm drills, sightreading, and other pieces.  Our time has also been interrupted a lot by vacations and illness, and weeks of not practicing it.   But that's besides the point, as that was the comment I was tempted to make but didn't.    This girl is a transfer student, a 3rd grader, who has studied for 2.5 years and came to me with very poor skills.   I have definitely challenged her and explained to her and her mother how I teach - so there would be no surprises.  In retrospect, I think I should have started her lower than I did.   I did move on from that piece, and accepted that she just didn't like it - at the same time am award that she did learn some valuable things from it and she's now doing better on a different type of music.  So we live and learn.  Thank you for all your helpful comments.

Pizno

[stevehopwood]

Six weeks may have been a bit of an exaggeration,

We all do this, from time to time 

and we have also been working on lots of things, rhythm drills, sightreading, and other pieces.  Our time has also been interrupted a lot by vacations and illness, and weeks of not practicing it.   But that's besides the point, as that was the comment I was tempted to make but didn't.    This girl is a transfer student, a 3rd grader, who has studied for 2.5 years and came to me with very poor skills.   

You will find this happens repeatedly throughout your career. The wonderful thing is that children so badly taught originally, often become your most devoted pupils. They really appreciate what you can do for them.

I have definitely challenged her and explained to her and her mother how I teach - so there would be no surprises.

Just because you have explained this does not mean that her mother really understood it. You may be describing concepts beyond her understanding.

  In retrospect, I think I should have started her lower than I did.   

This is usually necessary under these circumstances. The art lies in going backwards whilst appearing to move forward.

I did move on from that piece, and accepted that she just didn't like it - at the same time am award that she did learn some valuable things from it and she's now doing better on a different type of music.  So we live and learn.  Thank you for all your helpful comments.

Pizno

Good for you Pizno. Enjoy the affection and respect you will attract from this child and her mother as a result of your approach. This is something special.