Help.

[the_ill_made_knight]

This issue has most likely been addressed several times before, but here it is again...

I've been playing piano for about 5-6 years, and I'm currently a piano major at university.
When I first began to perform/compete, I would get nervous but everything  always turned out fine in the end. 
However, recently, the past year or so, my nerves have been absolutely HORRIBLE  that they result in dreadful memory lapses. Even when I thinkthat I'm not nervous, I still have memory lapses.
I've forced myself to perform at every available opportunity in hopes that this would work itself out, but that hasn't seemed to work so far. It's awful - I swear, I would screw up a one octave scale if I had to play it for an audience.
I had my first jury last month where I was supposed to play a Mozart sonata and a Bach fugue. I stumbled through the fugue, and the last movement of the sonata. I totally forgot the first two movements of the sonata - I played the first few bars and then... nothing. I made an A (I think largely because my teacher is extremely nice) but I'm still kicking myself mentally. I cried for about  a day and  half straight. This was not the first time: My first year of college felt like a string of bad performances, and in truth, it was. I had similar traumatic experiences last year as well, but I thought I was over those.

I just don't have any confidence anymore. It really, REALLY sucks. I'm trying to lessen my memory lapses by 'singing' the music in my head. It does seem to keep me from wandering mentally away from the music, but even with that I still ended up skipping like, 4 pages of the first movement when I had to play it in recital this past week. Thankfully, it was a very informal audience and and no one noticed, other than my former teacher.


This makes me so angry and depressed. I want to perform and compete. I just want to be able to play without any of this crap happening. My studies started off very promising; I always got good grades in piano achievement auditions and I've won several regional competitions. Nothing tremendous, but all very encouraging considering I hadn't studied that long.  It's like I've gone to seed or something.

I'm spending this summer working on technique and expanding my repertoire by learning new pieces and reviving old ones (my repertoire has shriveled into a pitiful few pieces since college started  : (    ) I want to be prepared and confident again for my sophomore year.
If anyone has similar experiences to relate and/or advice, please let me know.
After my jury incident I told my teacher that I was going to change my major and she told me not even think of it, but I'm seriously considering quitting piano if things don't improve by spring semester next year. I would really hate to but ... maybe the universe is trying to tell me something?

P.S.
Sorry for the somewhat psychotic rant.

[elevateme_returns]

sorry im too tired to read all of that, is the problem that you get too nervous?

to help with nerves, make sure of one thing - you know the piece(s) youre gona play inside out.

once you know them, the aim of the game is to then show the audience what a great piece it is! voila nerves disappear

[nightingale11]

First study the music in all aspects. Then practice correctly:

https://pianoforum.net/smf/index.php/topic,5767.msg56133.html#msg56133
(huge collection of links)

https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,9159.msg92755.html#msg92755
(m1469s index of the forum)

then learn how to concentrate:

https://pianoforum.net/smf/index.php/topic,2082.msg17230.html#msg17230
(how to concentrate).

.

[amanfang]

I just a got a book that I'm a couple chapters into.  You may want to take a look:

Stewart Gordon - Mastering The Art of Performance

https://www.amazon.com/Mastering-Art-Performance-Primer-Musicians/dp/0195177436/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-9053640-4870562?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180404446&sr=8-1

Or, talk to your doctor/teacher about beta blockers.

[nightingale11]

 

[astroboy]

get hold of a book called 'the inner game of music' by barry green / w. timothy gallwey. it sounds to me that your performance problems are psychological, and you have to change your way of thinking.. so read this book and hopefully it will be a big help. good luck!

and why not just play with the score? theres no rules against it is there?

[ramseytheii]

I'm guessing you need to study music theory harder.  I've seen a lot of students who can physically absorb music when they are young, get confronted with new things, become confused, and can't sort it out.  Their memorization was not based on a firm foundation.  Memorization has to be based on firm, identifiable knowledge.

Someone may say, "Yes, but many pianists don't analyze, and even Richter said he was opposed to analysis."  Richter, in his older (and middle) age, could no longer confirm the knowledge that his ear gave him, and played with the score.  You are obviously lost at sea and I would guess you are not able to make a hierarchy of all the elements.  Perhaps you are also undergoing a technical change, which makes physical memory difficult and rare?

I don't deny that it may be a psychological problem.  But often times, problems like this which have roots elsewhere manifest psychologically - not the other way around.  That's very important: my guess is the problem is not in your psychology, but in your method.  Please consider this when you go back to the piano.

Walter Ramsey

[ramseytheii]

get hold of a book called 'the inner game of music' by barry green / w. timothy gallwey. it sounds to me that your performance problems are psychological, and you have to change your way of thinking.. so read this book and hopefully it will be a big help. good luck!

and why not just play with the score? theres no rules against it is there?

Established artists like Richter and Hess can play with the score, but actually many college teachers do have studio rules against playing with the score.  I think this problem is severe enough that it shouldn't be abandoned, but the root should be exposed.  Just giving up trying to memorize is the worst this person can do at this point.

Walter Ramsey

[ramseytheii]

First study the music in all aspects. Then practice correctly:


then learn how to concentrate:


.

You certainly are ambitious aren't you?

Walter Ramsey

[nightingale11]

To add from above, you might also want to try dissociated visualisation. This means that you visualise yourself from the outside. A way to do this is to imagine yourself sitting at a cinema watching yourself on the screen. This disengages the emotional function which means that you become detached, your internal feelings are not interfered by outer experiences. This is what surgeons and aircontrollers do to keep calm. Practice until you become good at it, but you do only want to do this at the right circumstances, it's no good to be emotionally disengaged when you make love or something else .

for more short information(on associated visualisation, the opposite) look at this thread:

https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,3396.msg30084.html#msg30084

[nightingale11]

 

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[richard black]

Do you do any sport? Take up some really vigorous physical activity - running, cycling, competitive swimming, football something like that. Wear yourself out properly now and then. It's hard to feel nervous when you're physically tired, but once you get used to it you'll still be able to play the piano. As animals, we are designed to get physically tired, daily. If we don't, we just get mentally tired and it's hopeless. And being a monomaniacal musician is no way to become a human being anyway. Get proper stuck into something else. Have a mad affair with someone, even. I'm serious - music is part of life but it's not life. The fact the there have throughout history been successful musicians for whom music apparently was life doesn't change that! Most of them have/had a real life too.

[nightingale11]

If you are going to do physical activity(which you should) you should to aerobics 30-45 minutes each day, i.e having you heartbeat at about 140-180(depending on your age). I suggest you to skip rope for 30 minutes and then climb stairs or something(be sure to run in a proper way) for 10 minutes. Then I suggest you also to do strengthing excersises 3 times each week and also stretching every day. On stretching, look up dynamic flexibility and passive flexibility.

This is your goal though, start with 7 minutes each day(5min skipping rope and 2min doing something else or just 7min skipping rope if you prefer) then increase with one minute each week until you reach 30-45 minutes.

[amelialw]

hey don't worry about it, others have this problem too, you are not the only one. When i 1st moved to canada and carried on with lessons under another teacher things were so stressful that i forgot what i was supposed to play sometimes but things are much better now. Try listening to Mozart's Concertos, it really helps ! Cheers

[pla635]

I have the opposite problem...I am terrible at playing from score (accomapnying duos...I lose my spot all the time because i look down) and love to work from memory...
Rather than focus on calming yourself down and worrying yourself silly about MEMORY...the dreaded word, I would take the lapses as a sign that your intentions are not specific enough.  You need to know every twist and turn of the musical phrase.  Consider every musical detail and forge your intentions into a kind of road map through the piece.   

When I have to play a really important concert or play with orchestra...I not only memorize the notes, but every intention, every curve and turn of the phrase.  I spend two hours a day practicing in my brain.  I conduct only the l.h. from memory.  I sing the l.h. from memory slowly...in tempo...I even did this for a scriabin 5th piano sonata...not an easy thing to do--it took me days to struggle with this.  Then I would conduct the score VERY slowly from beginning to end, and practice doing this OVer and over and over untill it becomes easy to do this AWAY from the piano and away from the music. 

Good luck...you need to conquer your nerves with over preparation....

[the_ill_made_knight]

Thank you everyone for your responses. You've given me a lot to consider.