About pianists and being social

[nicco]

Well, pianists are a strange kind. We stay in practice rooms all by ourselves for hours and hours, thinking about playing the music to perfection, and how to reach that goal. Do you think this changes our social behavior? I cant help but think that one becomes so much more self-aware, to the point where interacting with others doesent have the same effect as it used to. Its as if i think and work so much with music and what it gives me, that nothing else has the same value or interest. And relationships feel different as well.

Or maybe its just me.

[amelialw]

haha, i'm like that too! Well don't worry about it.We pianists are just different from other people cauz we like in our own world.

[ramseytheii]

Well, pianists are a strange kind. We stay in practice rooms all by ourselves for hours and hours, thinking about playing the music to perfection, and how to reach that goal. Do you think this changes our social behavior? I cant help but think that one becomes so much more self-aware, to the point where interacting with others doesent have the same effect as it used to. Its as if i think and work so much with music and what it gives me, that nothing else has the same value or interest. And relationships feel different as well.

Or maybe its just me.

I think this has to do with accomplishing goals, and being able to call it a day.  If you are always practicing aimlessly, hours on end, it will hurt your social life because you won't know when to show off your personality, and when to invest all your energy in obsessing over music.  There is a time to reap and a time to sow.  Many pianists cannot "turn off" so to speak, and many choose not to, but those tend to make unpleasant or even nonexistant impressions in social settings.

Also, those that can't "turn off" and spend their whole lives, either physically or mentally, in the practice room, often have a sense of entitlement, that they deserve accolades, performances, attention, and respect.  In the practice room, they inspire themselves by imagining themselves to be on a grand stage, in front of a large, cheering audience.  They don't realize how much of that comes not just from having skill and talent, but from being able to give of oneself and inspire others.  As a result you see bitterness and pessimism rather than optimism and generosity.  I don't mean generosity of the purse, but generosity of the emotions.

So many great pianists have also been, and are, great raconteurs - Rubinstein, Gould, Gavrilov, Richter, Busoni, Hofmann, Cortot, Fischer, and so many others were known for their power of conversation.  They knew how to say, enough work for the day, now we can enjoy the company of others (or, "they can enjoy the company of me."

Recently the young (28) head of the organ department at Juilliard, Paul Jacobs, gave an interview in the Times in which he described the almost total lack of human relationships in his life.  This cannot be good for the soul, or for music-making.  Anything which becomes isolated, also becomes suffocated and stultified.  Bartok discovered this when he researched the music of North Africa - it had been out of touch with other civilizations for generations, and never changed, never developed, and, compared to the other folk musics he studied (with similar origins), was not interesting.  It's of vital importance for a musician to develop social skills.

Walter Ramsey

[pianistimo]

perhaps it's all our parents fault.  i think my parents thought, 'aha, put her in piano lessons.  that will keep her out of trouble.'  but, now with my own children - i don't force the issue because they like social things.  volleyball, drama, etc.  at first - i was sad.  thinking 'well, i should have taught the first two to play piano.'  now, i'm thinking -maybe it's ok. maybe the last one will be social enough to be anti-social at times.  although, i think  it is a matter of catching them within the first three years instead of around first grade.  by then, they're thinking - social all the way.

it is tempting to start living in one's own world.  although - for some it is a cathartic way to end the day.  for instance, if i've had a lot going on during the day - it is my 'quiet time.'  i don't care if people like what i'm playing or not - i just enjoy the process of playing.  it's not really for accolades - although - if you practice many years - you don't want to just play for yourself forever.

i think, you should practice when you feel motivated and not when you are tired.  obviously - there's no joy there.  and, you won't remember anything the next day.  frankly, i don't get much out of socializing.  (maybe that's what's wrong with me?)  always had the philosophy 'just get it done.'  i find people to be a great hinderance during the day.  for instance, if the phone rings and i don't feel like talking...i don't pick it up.  is this bad? 

my ideal day.  get the work done.  have time to practice.

[ramseytheii]

i think, you should practice when you feel motivated and not when you are tired.  obviously - there's no joy there.  and, you won't remember anything the next day.  frankly, i don't get much out of socializing.  (maybe that's what's wrong with me?)  always had the philosophy 'just get it done.'  i find people to be a great hinderance during the day.  for instance, if the phone rings and i don't feel like talking...i don't pick it up.  is this bad? 

my ideal day.  get the work done.  have time to practice.

Well, it's only bad if you think it's bad.  But think of it this way - friendships are like long-term investments, with big returns.  There may come a day when you can no longer play the piano, or maybe cannot get the things done that you wish you could.  What will you do then?  Sit in silence?  maybe so.  There's nothing wrong with that.  But not enough piano students look to this day, the day outside the practice room, the day when they may no longer have the piano to rely on.  What will they do then?  If they never invested enough in personal relationships, they will be lost, alone, with noone to trust, confide in, or listen to. 

Walter Ramsey

[rc]

This comes up from time to time, it's pretty common.

From time to time I slip into hermitude, eventually I start to feel my mind warping and I have to get out and be around people.  I've gotten better at balancing these conflicting drives.  What really helped me was finding out that I don't have to have anything outward in common with someone to be able to socialize and relate to them.  Also to be patient with myself, after being a hermit for a while, it takes a bit for me to change gears and become comfortable around people.

Social skills are something you can practice just like piano.

[zheer]

  There is a difference between being anti - social, and just not wonting to ineract with others. What is more important is that one interacts in a civil way.

[amelialw]

well, I have a social life and lots of friends . It's just that when you actually go into music especially piano performance you have to be willing to give up some of that to spend more time practising. For me, i always end up making friends with others who respect me because of what I do or people who are just like me 

[oscarr111111]

It can be cause or effect.

I moved house a lot when I was younger and have had to leave a lot of friends behind, I started playing music (not piano, thats more recent) after one move when I didn't really know many people in the new place.  Music also helped me meet more people (as a bassist its probably easier than as a classical  pianist I guess) and you have to play with other people to truly develop and mature as a musician anyway, at least in most genres.

[alzado]

Your posting puts me in mind of a thread I started on the Teaching board.  Has to do with a piano teacher with what I would interpret as a lack of social skills.

The teacher says almost nothing, has a blank expressionless face, eats carrots sticks when I play my material, and in about 8 weekly lessons has never made one positive comment about my playing.  In fairness, she has made a number of helpful comments and suggestions to improve my playing.  She definitely has the musical ability and knowledge to be a good teacher -- so that's not a problem.

She has great talent, and graduated with a piano performance major.  She plays beautifully.

I may be unfair.  My impression is that she is very talented musically, but lacks social skills.   That's fine if you are a computer programmer, but a piano teacher needs to be able to interact with people. 

Just my $.02. 

[amelialw]

well, it is hard to have a teacher like that, considering that if my teacher was like that I already wouldn't know what to do and probably find a new teacher. My teacher is on the other side, she is extremely strict and she pushes me alot but she makes an effort to communicate with me and try to help and understand me because she really wants to sincerely help me not just teach.

And not all concert pianists make good teachers

[thalberg]

Well, it's only bad if you think it's bad.  But think of it this way - friendships are like long-term investments, with big returns.  There may come a day when you can no longer play the piano, or maybe cannot get the things done that you wish you could.  What will you do then?  Sit in silence?  maybe so.  There's nothing wrong with that.  But not enough piano students look to this day, the day outside the practice room, the day when they may no longer have the piano to rely on.  What will they do then?  If they never invested enough in personal relationships, they will be lost, alone, with noone to trust, confide in, or listen to. 

Walter Ramsey

He's right.  Make lots of friends. 

Besides, all your practicing won't get you anywhere after the 4 hour mark.

[gerry]

Ha Ha - just think how luck we are today, we can stay in our practice rooms for hours on end and emerge, go online, and start chatting on forums like this!! - who needs the real world?  (just kidding of course)

[amelialw]

one thing though, it has definately made me really shy...cauz unless someone else starts the conversation, I just won't know what to say...