Releasing a student

[Shagdac]

I feel terrible  
Last week I released a student for the first time. I have only been teaching her since last August, she was 5, now is 6 years old. For the 5th week in a row she had not practiced "at all", and told me immediately. I had discussed with both her (the student) and the mother before we began lessons exactly what I expect as a teacher, with practicing at the top! Not only expected but entirely necessary. I thought at first maybe I had given her too much, so I decreased the amount of work I was giving her until we were down to 2-3 measures a week out of 1 book, instead of 3 or 4, with theory every other week instead off every week. I really tried to find out why she wasn't practicing. I tried to make if fun for her and an enjoyable experience. She kept telling me that she didn't want to stop, and that she liked taking lessons. Her Mother would always run in when I questioned the daughter about practicing and nod her head and say something like..."oh yes, we definately have to start practicing, don't we honey"...and then tell me later to "go easy on her because she had had a hard week". I found out that she also has taken up horseback riding, soccer, tap, ballet and jazz. She was only in gymnastics when I started with her. I feel like she was taking more for her parents so they could brag about what all "their" daughter was doing to the other Mothers. They are extremely wealthy. At any rate, I told them I thought it was best if we took time off, so she (the student) could really think about it and decide if this is something that she wanted to do, and was going to be able to make time to practice and make a committment. Her Mother has already left me 2 voicemessages saying that this coming August she wants her daughter to start back up and would I please come back and teach. I'm torn.......I've never had a student who didn't practice EVER....but stated that they loved taking lessons. I don't want to waste this little girls time, her parents $$$, or my time for that matter. Should I give it another go? Did I do the right thing? By the way, I did discuss the practicing issue with the student and Mother many, many, many times before releasing her, I didn't just up and quit one day. Minsmusic and Bernard I am particularily interested in what advise you have to offer, as I know you have much experience and wisdom.

Please let me know. I feel terrible about this.

Shag

[bernhard]

Do not worry about wasting their parents $$$. As you said they have plenty of it.

Instead do what I do in such a case:

1. Explain that clearly it is unfair to expect the child to practise and know how to do it efficiently (it is true: it is unfair to expect this from a 6 year-old).

2. Then say that you are prepared to take the child on board again on the condition that she comes everyday to you for 20 minutes (or whatever time you think is appropriate) so that she can practise under your supervision.

3. Charge a colossal amount for your services as a teacher / personal trainer. People only value what they pay dearly for, and they can afford. And it will use a huge chunk of your time, so you must cost it accordingly.

4. Her progress in a very short time will astound everyone, even you, since correct practice done in a consistent basis has miraculous effects.

5. Only accept her back on these terms.

6. Don't feel bad, there are plenty of teachers out there prepared to give a façade of piano lessons rather than true musical education.

7. I know this works. I have been teaching this way now (short lessons everyday) for more years than I can remember with spectacular results.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[Shagdac]

Thank you so much Bernard for your advise, I appreciate it greatly. I think that's an excellent idea and will suggest it to her parents (as well as explain it to the student) and see if they want to go that route. I've never expected a younger child to have the self-discipline to make themselves practice X amount of time a day. I feel it's critical for the parents to take an interest too, and help by reminding them and encouraging them to practice and learn, and offer positive reinforcement when their child shows progress.
At 5 or 6 a child can't be expected to do it all on their own. I am anxious to try your suggestion, and might call her today. If they are truly serious about helping their daughter acheive success as a pianist, I should think they will be excited about this as well. If not, then I guess they are just paying me to babysit!

Thanks again, I'll let you know how it turns out!

shag

[minsmusic]

I'm curious, Shag, when you ask why she doesn't practise, what are you told? (either by her or her mother)

I have a 'just turned six' year old beginner at the moment.  She's delightful!  Has only had five lessons so far.  But I set homework for her on the very first lesson.  They need to know this will be expected.  The homework on the first day was a worksheet with a line diagram of a keyboard (only one octave).  She had to colour the two 'black' notes, BLACK (funny that), but the three 'black notes' brown.  Then she had to find the note C, colour it (I can't remember, say pink), then D green, then E yellow.
That was her theory work.  Her practical work was to make up a song with the words "My name is ....." using notes CDE.  I didn't care what fingers she used.  I didn't care how MUCH she practised, just as long as she could remember it to 'teach' me how to play her song by the next lesson.  (which she did very happily - sometimes I get it wrong on purpose so they can correct me... they LOVE doing this!)
Anyway, I spent a good five minutes going over WHAT she had to do.  Told her, showed her, then asked her to describe WHAT she had to do.  THen I asked her HOW was she going to do it.  SHe thought, and came up with a pretty good plan. THEN, I asked her mother to come over to the piano (she was in full ear and eye sight of the lesson), showed the mother what the girl had learnt that day, showed her the worksheet, told the mum what the little girl had to do, then gave the mum some suggestions on how she could help her daughter fulfill the task (without having to resort to nagging).  Yes, this takes a big piece of the lesson (but I do half hour lessons with kids even at that age, so that I can ensure good study/practise/behaviour habits for the child AND the parent.  (They both need to be taught what's expected and how they can happily and successfully achieve it).
Every lesson I go through a similar process for young beginning students ... until they are no longer 'beginning' students!    
I have a three strikes and they're out policy.  The strikes can be given for a number of reasons (even rudeness), but practising is one. lol - or rather a lack of practising.  

Don't feel bad you dismissed her.  Five weeks with the same result was more than patient.  And like Bernhard said, let them spend their money.  What's more important is you.  
You know burn out is a very real issue with teachers in general (I was a high school teacher to begin with, my husband is still one).  Private music teachers are even more at a risk.  THe problem is, our hearts are involved.  We love music, and generally speaking, we tend to love or at least have a general liking towards people.  That sets us at risk for burn out.  Sometimes, our emphasis can be too much on what is best for the student.  But students come and go; we have to live with ourselves for a life time!  Therefore we HAVE to make OURSELVES the first pirority, so that we are ABLE to give 100% to our deserving students.  Frustration and  disillusionment are something we want to avoid, and we can help to.
My advice Shag, is to create a studio policy.  Ask the parent to read it in your presence, then ONLY if they agree to the terms, sign it, date it, then you sign it.  Also sign a copy so that they get to take one home, and you put one in your files. This is a legal contract.  If they are ever in breach of this contract (eg third time student hasn't practised) then you show them that clause in your contract, and dismiss them.  They should not be surprised because you have reminded them with the strikes that dismissal is what the strikes are leading to. Of course, you don't have to have the three stike - you may decide ONE offense is enough for dismissal.  Whatever you decide, state it in your policy.  Then, see how well your policy is going.  Change it every year - either adding or subtracting or changing it - every year the same student/parent will need to sign.  
My student's/parents are used to this.  I just say, "And here's this year's policy."  
I've only ever had one person say to me, "this is isn't fair , what if ... - it was about cancellations."  I said quite calmly and very helpful; "If you find this too difficult, I could recommend another teacher for you."  Well, she didn't like that idea, signed the contract and have had no problems since!

So yes, by all means, take her back if it's going to be of benefit in some way to you - we can use students to practise patience while teaching, practice communicating with a different age group we have little experience with, and of course, an income.  But if it becomes a stress that you find difficult to cope with, don't do it. Arrange another teacher.  
The trick is, know what you want, how you're going to do it, and then NEVER feel guilty that you HAVE done it.  

[minsmusic]

6. Don't feel bad, there are plenty of teachers out there prepared to give a façade of piano lessons rather than true musical education.

.

How 'bout we all start assuming piano teachers are trying their best to give students the best musical education they know how?  Yes, I have met  teachers who in my opinion are not very good, however, I credit them with at least the desire for WANTING to give qualitiy lessons, and not just settling, pretending. getting by, or deceiving unknowing individuals with a facade. If it's true that you personally know 'plenty' of peope who are deliberately doing this, then they do not deserve to be called 'teachers'.  A teacher is one who 'teaches', with this brings the implication of having 'learnt' otherwise, it they didn't 'teach', they merely 'told'.

Anyway, I realise I'm getting preachy here.  Just my plea to other posters.

Other teachers, what has been your experience with dismissing students?

[faulty_damper]

"I found out that she also has taken up horseback riding, soccer, tap, ballet and jazz."

I know these type of parents.  Rich and want to show off their children...  Somewhat disgusting.  They put so much pressure on their kids just so they will look good amongst their peers (other rich families).  To quote Bernhard, they want a "facade".  They say it's the best for their child/children but what they really want is to make their children seem more sophisticated.

Lets count up the hours from these other activities and consider school:

Horseback riding - weekends, 2-3 hours.
Soccer - weekdays, afterschool, 6-10 hours/week
Tap - weekdays, afterschool, 3-6 hours/week
Ballet - weekdays, afterschool, 3-6 hours/week.
Jazz - throughou the week, 5-8 hours/week.
School - five days a week, 7-8 hours/day, 35-40 hours/week.
Sleep - 9-10 hours a night, everyday of the week = 70 hours.

Time left for piano practice: 24hours/day X 7 days = 168 hours week minus 140 hours of activities = 28 hours.

28 hours left for eating, hygeine, homework...
Time for piano practice:  ... She has no time to practice at all.

[Shagdac]

Thanks Minsmusic and Faulty...I really appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice and help. Yes, I have decided I probably will take the student back, but will have a complete understanding of what is expected prior to beginning. this first time, before we began, I sat down w/ the Mother and  little girl and spoke w/ them both about what I promised to deliver, and what I expected from them in return. I THOUGHT they understood. I have asked the little girl many times, why she couldn't practice and she always said TOO busy w/ other things. Her Mother would even agree w/ this. That sort of let me know that learning the piano was not her top priority. After the first time of not practicing I spoke w/ both of them again....obviously it did not work. I told them I would not be able to continue teaching if she could not find time to practice. The next time, I actually went out and bought a special book for her with a pencil (that played piano music when you wrote)...and set it up for her so she and her Mother could keep a record for me, of when and how much she practiced. they never even filled the first page out! i don't mind spending 5 weeks on the same thing if a student is having difficulty, I've always said that I'd rather have a student w/ a good attitude who tries hard to do their best, than a student who even plays better, but w/ a bad attitude who never practices. I feel this little girl has so much to do, she probably does not have time to practice....I wouldn't if I was doing all those things.

I also have to be honest and ask myself....Do I expect too much from a child her age, and just because "I" have an absolute passion for the piano, am I expecting the students to be as crazy about it as I am, and enjoy it as much? I don't think so, but I try to keep that in mind as well.

I don't consider myself "firm and rigid" as a teacher, but I do expect a committment from both the student and parent(s) if applicable. I sincerely hope that I can nurture a students abilities and natural talent and they will learn to love music as much as I do, although I realize I am being paid to teach them how to play, not necessarily to LOVE it......But I guess it's important to me that the student enjoy the piano, and desire to play.

I will hopefully be talking w/ the Mother soon (and student) and will let you know how it goes. Again, thanks for your help. Will keep you posted.

shag  

[Xelles]

Don't stress yourself over one student. Piano teaching is a hard job both ways. For the teacher and student, it's equally difficult to learn as it is to teach.