out of control kids

[monluu]

i have some students from the same family who at the end of their lesson when they are waiting for their parent to finish chatting with me about their progress....get bored and run around the inside of my house yelling and screaming at each other.  they attempt to go into the bedrooms and sometimes open my cabinet drawers and cupboards.  the parent just ignores this and so I stop the conversation to scold the students and remind them of the rules of staying in the waiting area and that the rest of the home is off limits.  the kids stop for maybe 1 minute and they continue on again.  the parent just softly tells them to stop but the kids don't listen and i don't know if they even hear her.  the parent has no control of the kids and I feel uncomfortable scolding them if the parent doesn't even recognize what the are doing.

[m1469]

I don't think there are many options in this scenario if you don't want these kids running around your house like this and if mom is not getting the hint from you requesting what you want in front of her.

One solution could be to step outside with this family to have your post-lesson conversations -- act as though you are walking them out -- this could be a very quick and painless fix. 

You could also try talking with the kids, one-on-one, before mom comes to pick them up (though, this will have perhaps varied impact and I am assuming you have already done this to *some* extent).  "You know, Sally, when mom comes to pick you up I need to be able to talk with her about your lesson.  It's very distracting for me when you are running around the house like you do.  And, just because mom is here does not mean that my rules don't matter anymore -- I know that you know what I expect from you while you are here, because you have already shown me that you can do as I ask of you.  I appreciate it when you listen to me and respect my requests of you." -- some kids will respond to that, some won't.  Which one of them is the instigator ?  Try to get him/her on your "side" first.

But, if these are not an option/not working you will need to talk with mom.

Kids are interesting people  .  No matter what, they will fall back on the rules of the person's whom they think is in charge of a situation.  Obviously this behavior is what they are used to when mom is around.  It sounds like when they are alone with you, they behave differently; that's because they don't feel like there is anybody else there to give them permission to do otherwise -- they *do* know what your expectations are.  It is *very* common for kids to be different people with somebody like you vs how they are with mom or dad. 

You are going to need to talk with mom one-on-one because she is the one whom needs to know, exactly, what it is that you need from this situation, and what you need from her in order to have it come about -- directness, coupled with tactfulness  . 

Honestly, I think sometimes parents are so overwhelmed with their lives and the job of parenting (which is a HUGE job), that they get to a point where they "don't notice" things like this -- this situation becomes a "battle" they choose not to pick.  Mom needs to realize that this "battle" is indeed important, and you need to help her realize this.  She also may just have different expectations of her kids' behavior than you do (in other words, perhaps it's not just a "battle" that she is choosing not to pick, but a whole different philosophy about behavior altogether).

If it doesn't seem worth it to you to have this conversation with mom, then you are going to need to grin and bear it unless you find another solution.

You can also just plain bribe them without involving mom at all .

[a-sharp]

Geesh ... I would just probalby say, "Hey - kids - please have a seat on the sofa" ... I might put up with asking a second time - "Um... sit down please..." - you know - just say it with authority - no explanations, just a clear, definate request - as a teacher would do in a classroom.

If they still wouldn't stop - I would just turn to the parent and excuse myself - I'm sorry, I have to get ready for my next lesson [or whatever - make something up] and say something like 'why don't you give me a call tomorow [at such 'n' such time] when you've got some uninterrupted time [HINT] & we'll talk then."

If the parent isn't respecting your rules in your studio, I think that's the time to politely excuse yourself and them. I mean - at that point, it is she that needs to learn to respect your rules - or her children never will - right?

Good luck - these situations can be awkward sometimes!

Personally - I don't get it. I have a 4.5 YO - I don't let him act like this inside & especially when people are trying to have a conversation, or I'm on the phone or whatever. In fact - I have a rule - no running in the house! You know - time & place for everything. Call me and old fuddy-dud, but that's the way I am, LOL.

[pianowolfi]

Is this a solution, perhaps?







































NOOOOOO they will take revenge on you

[a-sharp]

ROFL! 

[counterpoint]

The poor guitar... 

[pianistimo]

cute. 

very many years ago i taught some twins.  IN THEIR OWN HOUSE.

[Bob]

You can tell by the eyes of that girl that Pianowolfi had no chance.

[thalberg]

As the children are running around, trip them.

[pianowolfi]

You can tell by the eyes of that girl that Pianowolfi had no chance.

Well she wasn't easy to teach, a mixture between strong personality and easily discouraged girl, but we had often fun together and I of course had a chance .

Here you can get some more impression of her

Lol . I will miss her, it was her last lesson before the family moves.

[pianistimo]

you're very brave, pianowolfi.  and, obviously - she still has the love of learning and enthusiasm.  perhaps you are a very very good teacher.  and perhaps she is going to miss you very much.  it's hard to find teachers who will take some students - because of one thing or another.  personality. etc.  but, when there is a comradre - it's kind of nice.  they become like another idiosyncratic household pet.

[keyofc]

Great ideas - I think the easiest idea was m1469's taking them outside and talking.
It's really the mother - not respecting your time, in my opinion. 

I keep saying "oh my gosh - I can't believe what time it is - time goes by so fast!"
It implies that I enjoyed my time with them - and also that I need to say goodbye!

Then again, there's always Thalberg's idea.

I had one student that did all kind of wierd things when I was talking to the mom.  He would slither around like a snake on the floor - and I was relieved when he quit.

Or you could give them free practice time - while you are talking.......

crazy things to have to deal with!

[thalberg]

Great ideas - I think the easiest idea was m1469's taking them outside and talking.
It's really the mother - not respecting your time, in my opinion. 

I keep saying "oh my gosh - I can't believe what time it is - time goes by so fast!"
It implies that I enjoyed my time with them - and also that I need to say goodbye!

Then again, there's always Thalberg's idea.

Oh, I have more!!  Like purchasing some really cheap glass stuff at a garage sale, and then putting it in precarious places.  When they brake it, start crying and saying it was your grandmother's and it was priceless.  That'll teach 'em.

I had one student that did all kind of wierd things when I was talking to the mom.  He would slither around like a snake on the floor - and I was relieved when he quit.
!

   What a messed up kid!! 

[pianowolfi]

  but, when there is a comradre - it's kind of nice. 

It may seem so, but of course, I was the teacher after all. You surely once have watched the animal tamer who puts his head into the mouth of a lion? If this relation would have not been to some extent based on mutual trust, I would never have been able to take such vids and pics and mind you, we did that only in the last lesson, plus it was very spontaneous and after all the mom had the idea with the guitar, lol

But there have been cases of actually out of control kids in my teaching career, oh yes In most of these cases the reason was no motivation for piano and nobody could change that. Relatively rare, but very sad, because sometimes it's not easy to find the true reason for this being out of control, and you try and try and try...Experience will shorten this time and after a while you might be able come to a decision earlier.

[Bob]

You could have some fun.  Put out some type of vase that you have but really don't like (ie trash).  Let them break it.  Put the guilt on that mom. 

[a-sharp]

Good one - or, I was going to say, just schedule a lesson right after, so there is no time to talk & you'll have to talk later...

but the guilt thing - tha't s a great idea LOL - a little evil, but hey. 

[Bob]

(sprouts horns)

Takes care of two problems, doesn't it?  The kids disrupting and what to do with that ugly, ugly vase.