If you had to place a personal ad...

[mcgillcomposer]

how would it go?

[pianistimo]

46 year old almost menopausal woman wants to meet ? 

wait - my anniversary was today.  i cannot do this to my husband.  although, last night after the allentown band concert (which was fun) he directed me to type in the letters of the restaurant we were going to -into the gps system.  and then, berated me for hitting the return or something accidentally about three times in a row.  finally, in desperation - i told him that he wasn't romantic enough for me - and our fourth child most certainly would not be his own.  to that - he merely laughed.  so then, i had to make it really plain that he was in trouble.  so i said - and when you are gone on that business vacation i'm going to have an affair.  it's the only thing that will get us through the next 20 years.  (yes. women are very mean).  then i think 'what did i just say.  our anniversary is tommorrow.'  well, that's just the way it is.  if you don't behave - women just up and leave.

ps he said he wanted to have an affair with me so i wouldn't have to find someone else. the secret to keeping your mate is not to take everything really seriously.  excepting of course, them putting a personal ad in the paper without telling you to respond to it.  that would be kinda fun to get a detective to think he was catching a cheating spouse - and taking pics of them with their spouse. 

pss my husband told me a joke today (yes - always bad taste -poor jokes - but it was our anniversary so i laughed).  a couple of priests who had gotten tired of their daily routine - traded their frocks for a couple of hawiian shirts and went off to a quiet beach to spend a day or two just incognito.  after getting comfy in their beach chairs with a drink - they noticed a woman coming towards them with a bikini on.  a topless bikini.  but, as she passed - she said 'hello, fathers.'  they turned red with embarrassment that she knew they were priests.  so they quickly went shopping again to try to figure out how to change their 'look.'  after finding another outfit they thought was less stuffy - they went back out on the beach again.  the lady happened to pass again and this time they asked her - how did you know we were priests?  she said - because i'm sister anne. 

[lichristine]

mine would have to involve music, spontaneity, and a warning label.

[Bob]

Tall, dark, and handsome guy seeking large German, the bigger the better, should weigh a ton or so.  I am willing to buy a cart to push you around on and am willing to have a contractor open a wall to get you in the house.  Preferably  slightly used and broken in.  Needed for several hours daily.  Outer appearance is not necessarily a great concern since this would only be for practice.  Considering the amount I'll pay, should be in good shape though.  Willing to put to money in upgrading features.  Willing to pay to ship you in a truck across the country.  Willing to insure you for about $50,000 or so.  Must be in decent shape and have no unslightly cracks.  Willing to pay for maintaince a few times a year.  You will have your own room, a big room.  I insist on trying you out a few times before taking you home.  I will probably have someone come inspect you too inside and out, make sure all your parts are working right.  Make me an offer.   

[pianistimo]

?what's gotten into bob?  bob, i thought you were already married.  you know, to the square dancing lady.  what would she think of this two-timing?  imagine you'll be doing this german on the bench.

[Bob]

Me?  Married?  (checks ground)  Not that I'm aware of. 

Square dancing lady?

But yes.  Two-timing?  Definitely.     


(thinks of several additions that I can't even hint at.  Dang...)

[Bob]

Addition to ad:   Willing to marry.